Thank You For Making a Big Mistake


April 26th

Oh, it was such a wonderful wedding. Seeing Lali and her betrothed standing there together, sharing those well-chosen words to one another, as they pledged to be man and wife for life was one of the most beautiful things that I have seen for a very long time. It was very moving. I will admit that it did bring a tear to my eye and I held Fnor’s hand and finally gazed at his eyes when I kissed it. He was very happy for Raleth and Lali and was actually smiling that big smile of his when he gazed back at me and whispered “Times are changing, my dearest one, times are changing.”

We have always hidden ourselves away from public view with our relationship for fear of arrest or even being executed if we were found out. The children made the task more difficult, however, we’re both still alive and our children are safe. They know they are different from my brethren and probably won’t be accepted by some of my people, however, they know they are very much loved by my Sindorei and me.

I know that watching Lali and Raleth getting married in this elaborate ceremony made Fnor and I remember the hand fasting that pledge that we made to Elune by the moonwell in Ashenvale. I know that I haven’t seen that kind of love in Fnor’s eyes staring at me as we listened to those words for a very long time outside the confines of my bedroom.

Oh, this was a much more elaborate ceremony than I had ever seen before. I had never been to an actual Sindorei wedding and I can see why it is so much trouble – it builds a memory for a lifetime. Fnor and I have those memories that we can share; however, we don’t have the memories of the event that we shared with our families and friends.

Even Lali’s crazy grandfather showed up and he seemed to be on his best behavior although I could see all of the rangers tensing up and ready to spring into action at a moment’s notice if he made any wrong overtures to Raleth of Lali, even my man was ready to spring into action with his daggers snuggly secured in his boots.

Fnor and I were so young when we decided to become mates. I don’t think that we understood the long-term ramification of such an event. Yes, we’ve fought and we’ve separated for months and even years, yet, we seem to be drawn back to one another. It’s as if Elune has given her blessing and wants us to be together. I talked to a priestess about this one time and she told me that if my mate left me, I was free to do as I wanted, take another mate, live my life the way that I wanted. I did do this, as did Fnor. We both took other mates, he married a Sindorei huntress and I mated with a Kaldorei hunter that I loved dearly. I still miss that man; he was calm and very kind, not like my fiery little Sindorei Ranger.

Fnor and I both drank a bit more than we probably should have at the wedding but we both felt very relaxed with these people. They were friends and they were here to celebrate the union of two very lovely people. It didn’t’ matter to any of us that one was a Kaldorei and one was a Sindorei – they loved each other and wanted to make their pledge as public with their family and friends as they possibly could. It was wonderful. We actually got to talk to Lali and Raleth for a while at the ceremony and since we live so close to one another, I’m sure that we will become fast friends.

I know that Fnor and I were both exhausted before the wedding. The parties the night before were fun and we enjoyed ourselves much more than we should have. However, I did get to bed and get some sleep. Fnor indicated that he hadn’t gotten any sleep yet and felt completely exhausted. I didn’t ask any questions, I know how Rangers and Sentinels can be when there is time to party.

We both decided, almost as if we could read one another’s thoughts, that we needed to head back to Dalaran to make sure that our children hadn’t burned half of Dalaran down while we were gone. The two oldest I wasn’t terribly worried about but the two youngest have discovered a new pastime involving some explosives being dropped into the water in the sewer to see how many fish they can catch with one bomb. I caught them in this activity when Fnor and I returned to Dalaran after searching for Poetica’s sister and had forbidden them the practice. You never know what boys are going to do; I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a little girl in the house.

Fnor sent me on ahead to Dalaran while he stopped by Under City to collect the monies from several of the contracts that his company had recently completed. It’s very unusual for him to do that sort of thing, however, since we were in the area, he definitely felt like it was a good time to take care of it. I wish I could have gone with him because I just had a feeling that something was not right, just call it woman’s intuition or whatever you would like, I just didn’t feel good about him going. I even tried to talk him out of it considering how many drinks he had had, however, he assured me that he would only be there a brief time and then would be back in Dalaran.

He never came home last night. He came home this morning just before dawn. I recognized his knock on the door and went to answer it. When I opened the door, I was shocked, frightened and appalled by what I saw. My Sindorei stood at the door looking as if he had aged 100 years in just those few hours, his eyes were red and he smelled of water, fish, cigarette smoke and bloodthisle. This was not the smiling and happy man that had parted from me after the wedding reception. This man was one that had been through some kind of torment.

He came in and sat down at the table without saying a word after giving me the briefest of kisses. He just sat in the chair, his face ashen and looking as if he were going to pass out at any moment. I poured him a glass of water and he started to drink that a little and still gave me this dull-eyed look that told me that his body was here with me and his mind was shutting down. I’ve seen him like this before and I had prayed to Elune never to have to witness it again nor did I want to deal with it again.

The first words out of his mouth were “Amyn, I think you and the boys need to go back to your parents for a while, I have some things to deal with and get sorted out in my mind.” I know that I stood there next to him as if I were rooted in place like some tree and started shaking my head. My response was “No, I will not leave you here in this place, not this time, we can make whatever it is right, beloved. I will not leave you and I will not tear my sons away from their Father again, not ever.”

He was so very exhausted and emotionally drained that he didn’t even fire up in temper like he usually would do. He just sat there with those dull dead looking eyes and nodded his head. “I need you to go, please Amyn. I need time to put my life back together and to get my mind cleared. “ I am sorry to say, I have heard this speech before and before I could even stop myself, I slapped him in the face as hard as I could, which caused him to fall out of the chair. He didn’t even look surprised as the tears started in his eyes; he just tried to get up from the floor and couldn’t seem to control his body enough to rise.

I rushed to his side and helped him stand up, he was swaying on his feet and I could hear his breathe coming in ragged gasps.

“What happened, beloved, did someone attack you?” At this he started to laugh almost hysterically and shoulders were shaking with that insane laughter. So, I grabbed a bottle of his favorite brandy and gave him a glass which he looked at dully before he took a sip and seemed to settle down as the alcohol coursed through his veins.

He started telling me what happened in short, clipped sentences. He had run into Poetica in Under City. She had been there to visit her sister that was going to school there. He had been happy to see her and they had adjourned to one of the benches in the courtyard to talk. She wanted to know about the wedding, which she had been invited too as well as us and chosen not to attend. He said that he told her about the wedding. She then asked him about some of the Kaldorei traditions; such as how becoming mates was done. He told her how we did ours and she told him that he was already married. He tried to explain to her that it was not in the legal sense such as the traditions upheld in Silvermoon. She apparently started to unravel and went off the deep end, crying.

He said he was trying to ask her about how “she” wanted to deal with this uncomfortable relationship all three of us have going at the moment. He asked her to understand the position that he was in at the moment as a man, he didn’t want to bed one of us for fear of hurting the other. I could understand that, a man has needs as do women. He said that he was having trouble trying to deal with the situation and wanted some understanding from her, some kind of advice. Why he didn’t come to me with this is a mystery, I think it was a combination of the feelings from the wedding, the booze and the fact that he happened to bump into her in Under City. He said he also confessed that he hadn’t slept since the day of the bachelor party and had stopped at one of the local houses on his way back to the house in Dalaran – I was not pleased with this at all and I told him so, I understood his reasoning in his drunken state at the time.

Apparently, Poetica is much more volatile than I am most of the time, which is part of her magic, I suppose. He said that she erupted and became quite abusive verbally. I can well imagine how that could have happened. To make a long story short, he was still drunk enough at the time that he told her that he might as well be dead. Why dead? Because he couldn’t make the decision because he loved her and he loved me. He couldn’t make the choice.

Apparently, Poetica got hysterical and thought that he was saying that he was going to commit suicide and got on the guild hearthstone and summoned this Elder Onatam to the Under City. This is an open line – the broadcast went out to the whole guild. Naturally, this Elder person showed up in Under City and apparently several others did as well.

It seems as if it became a public discussion. My Sindorei was told repeatedly that he was already married and how dare he treat Poetica in this manner. He said he tried to defend his understanding of our mating and their idea of a “marriage” to no avail. He was attacked for his beliefs, what he stood for, what kind of man he was by this group of people. He was publicly chastised and humiliated to the point that he wished that this one Forsaken thing would have taken his soul and put it in a soul shard. He was deeply hurt at a time when he lacked the confidence that he normally has, he was drunk, and he was not himself. Apparently, Poetica told him she was leaving and he had to make a decision with me as to -how he was going to handle things.

Well, what little did this little Death Knight know at the time is that she was driving him away from both of us. She was also driving him right back into my arms. I know my Sindorei, I know how he thinks, how he can be hurt – she had publicly humiliated him by involving all of these people in what should have remained a private conversation. She hurt him deeply and the humiliation he went through with his so-called friends was almost enough to break him emotionally at this point.

He had ridden most of the night and went to Uldum to try to think. I guess he had himself a good cry down there and tried to fish a little bit – it’s what he does when he wants to think. One of his employees, a Sollonne, had tracked him down for some reason and he told her what happened. I will have to thank this Sollonne when I see her because she is the one that told him to come back to me.

I stood there listening to his story, my heart breaking for his hurt with each word. I wrapped my arms around him even as he stood there shaking with unspent emotion and fatigue. He told me wanted to get some sleep, it had been forty eight hours and his mind wasn’t working any more.

I sniffed him as we stood there and he not only smelled like the water of Uldum, the fish, the sweat of pent up emotions, he also smelled like death from lingering in that Forsaken city. He needed a bath in the worse kind of way.

I lead him into the bedroom and he followed like a docile child, this was not my proud Sindorei, this was some kind of damaged man. I undressed him, taking his armor off a piece at a time as he stood there swaying on his feet. I led him into the bathroom, his body moving along like some kind of automaton and I could feel my anger rising in my belly.

I got him in the tub and started bathing him as I would have one of my children, murmuring words to him the whole time – I didn’t want to lose his mind and just have his body here with me. Naturally as I was bathing him, his body started to react to my caresses as I washed. I did what any woman that loves a man would do at the time, I took him. He started to whimper and to sob and I told him to be quiet and let me take him – right there in the tub. I ran my hands over his body, the dark hair of his chest to the darker triangle that surrounded his manhood and he responded as I knew he would. My hands were moving gently and my mouth and tongue moved very gently against him. His arousal was intense and as he moaned and begged me to stop, I didn’t stop.

I looked into his face when I had finished and I could see the Sindorei that I knew and loved starting to surface again. We both got out of the tub and I lead him into my bedroom to dry us both off. I brushed that long hair of his until it shone as he sat on the edge of the bed. I crawled behind him on the bed and started massaging his neck and shoulders and I could feel him finally relaxing under my skilled hands. I know this man’s body better than anyone else could know. He let out a sigh and leaned into my hands.

I leaned over and felt my breasts against his back as I started nuzzling his neck and finally nipped his ear. I heard that small chuckle deep in his chest and I knew my Sindorei was back. He had laughed a little that meant he was getting back to his mind and his body. Yes, we made love again, even if he was half asleep, his body is a wonderful machine and responds to each touch and caress that I have used with him over the years. We held one another when we were finished and I could feel the muscles in his body starting their ritual shuddering as he relaxed on a deeper level. His last whispered words to me before he fell into a deep sleep were “I love you, Amyn…don’t leave me.”

I know that when I got out of bed and headed into the kitchen and started making some tea to drink and to try to calm down my anger, I just felt my whole body feel like it was exploding and we now have a broken teapot. I guess I threw the teapot across the room.

These people hurt my man, Poetica hurt him very deeply. Hurt me anytime you wish, world, don’t hurt my man and don’t ever hurt my children.

I’m sorry that this happened to my Sindorei, that these people almost broke him as only people that are close to you can do. However, I am not sorry that it happened on one level – they drove him back to me with a vengeance that is still burning in my heart as I write this down.

Fnor is sleeping soundly in my bed; his face is starting to regain some of its natural color. Poetica delivered an ultimatum to him, he has taken that to heart, I think. Yes, if they all said we are married in their society, so be it. I will hold my head high and be a wife to him. I won’t fit into his society; however, I don’t think I want them in mine.

I will talk to Poetica in the next few days to let her know that Fnor is okay and to also let her know that things have changed dramatically. I am the wife and she is the mistress. We were becoming friends and I will continue to be her friend on some levels as long as she keeps herself away from my man. No more sharing, no more trying to avoid hurt feelings because that is all at an end. He’s mine.

My first thought was to grab my bow and walk across this yard and into the house and to shoot her. No, I will kill her with kindness and understanding because she is a thing to be pitied. She has almost destroyed a wonderful man with her hysterics; her friends almost destroyed a very proud man with their judgment. No, I’ll keep my guard and I will protect him.

I do hope she has her bags packed and out of the house. It is Fnor’s home, not hers, she was his guest.

 

 

 

 

 

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