I know that when my Sindorei comes back into my life that things will be changing rapidly from one moment to the next – or day to day. Life is never dull or truly comfortable when he comes back to me. I don’t mind, this is how it has always been between the two of us. We need one another as surely as the sun rises to bring light into the world.
My heart truly aches with the feelings that I have for him and we both know that what we have is wrong, however, we have always survived together. This time is no different than any other time that we have been parted, we always seem to gravitate back again. It’s as if there is no time passing with our absences.
I knew as surely as the sun rises that when he left my bed that he was going to see that Death Knight again. Yes, he’s asked her to marry him and I assume that she accepted, what a fool if she didn’t. This time my feelings are stronger than they have been before, maybe because I am older and I am feeling the loss of my husband. We had both agreed that we wouldn’t fall back into this trap, for surely it is, and that we would keep our relationship a secret.
Now, I have uprooted my family and we have traveled to Dalaran to live. I miss the noise and the smells of Shattrath, it felt more comfortable to me, nearer the forests and the animals that live there. Now, I see nothing except for more humanity dressed in their finery walking the cobblestones with their sense of false security. I know what can lurk in the shadows, I’ve seen what has happened. I have only been here a few days and I am alone again, my Sindorei is away on business.
My boys are marveling at the sights and sounds of the city, each one noticing all of the different people passing through the streets. It’s no different to me than it was in Shattrath, other than the fact that these people are dressed in more finery than I have seen in many years. All four of the boys are just being young as they marvel at the night skies here in Dalaran – the way the stars shine with their chilled light and the way the magic contrails dance through the clouds. It is a city of mages, why shouldn’t they be enthralled with all of the magic literally saturating the very air that we inhale.
As I sit here at my writing desk, I can glance out the window and look down the street to see where my Sindorei lives with that dead woman. I catch myself just staring and wondering what he could possibly see or feel with that. Her body must be cold, while my body is warm and willing to comfort him, her heart must be a block of ice because I know that she has hurt my Sindorei with her lack of attention, that’s why he has turned to me again.
He and I both know that his business is a dangerous one. We have worked together quite a few times and I have even helped him get his business established in areas that he would not normally be welcomed to do so. When he and I were together in Shattrath, I had heard rumors of things that were happening with the people that he associates with – good things. I also heard that some evil had befallen his friends and they were being stalked by some insane group of other fools.
I never dreamed that the foul winds would follow him back to my home. That is why my children and I have retreated to the city of Dalaran, to be safe and to be near him. My two oldest sons are his children, born by what was thought of as love in those days. Yes, we were both very daring in our youth and maybe not as careful as we should have been. However, the boys are here, they are very much loved by my Sindorei and myself. They would probably be shunned or possibly even killed if they were discovered in Darnassus, that is my fear. They would not be accepted in his homeland and would most likely not be accepted in mine either. Yet, because of our indiscretion, they are a part of this world and we will protect them, love them and cherish them as parents are wont to do with their offspring.
My two youngest sons are all Kaldorei. The way they move, their voices changing as they are nearing manhood – the laughter fills my heart with joy. They remind me so much of my husband that it almost breaks my heart at times. I miss him so much, his kindness, his tenderness and his thoughts that he would share with me in the stillness of the night. The feelings that I had for him were very deep and there will always be an emptiness in my heart from his death, sometimes the loss is more than I can bear. There was a calmness about him that made me feel safe, I knew all of my children would be safe when he was around. Now, that security is gone and a lot of my feelings have been buried with him.
Yet, I love my Sindorei. He is so different from what I have known in the years of growing up. His flamboyance, his pride, the way that he walks with almost a strut sometimes would be offensive to some of my Sisters with the Sentinels. Each day with him is an adventure and yet, I cannot seem to tell myself that I should pack up my belongings and go back to Shattrath where my memories can be brought back to life.
I don’t even know why I write this other than it soothes me and helps me try to reason out the things in my life. I’m a grown woman, I should be able to pull my head out of these lofty pinnacles here in Dalaran and be myself, however, I can’t seem to get this ache out of my heart.
Why don’t I just write his name down, I’m not ashamed of the life we have had together all of these years. We’ve tried to guard it and keep it secret as much as any other couple in our position would have. He has had his life and I have had mine, however, we are drawn back to one another each time as if a moth to a flame. I know that he has hurt me when he has taken other lovers and I have hurt him in the same manner – I have never told him the two oldest boys are his. I think that deep in his heart, he already knows the truth but he has never heard the words from my lips.
His name is…Fnor Morningstar and my name is Amynlarae Shadowmoon.
Now that I have written it down, it doesn’t seem all that bad. He is Sindorei and I am Kaldorei – that is our sin and we will live with it.
However, the old Amyn would sit patiently and wait for him to come back to her or she would go to him. No, now things are going to be different. We are mates in every sense of the word and I know that it is time for me to take a stand. My first order of business will be to win him back from that dead woman and take what is rightfully mine.
When he told me what worries were with him these days and showed me the severed head in the box, I think that I knew in my heart of hearts that it was time for me to take my rightful place by his side – for him, myself and our children. No, I won’t be sitting back and waiting for him to chance into my life again. I will not allow him to continue to treat me this way any longer. I am his woman and he is my man – I don’t care what society may think at this point in my life. I’m done with complacency. He fell in love with a Kaldorei Sentinel, that Sentinel still lives and she is going to come back with a vengeance.
I think that the Ranger and the Sentinel need to get a few guidelines set and put in their proper perspective. It’s time, it’s past time.