Human Resources – Oh Hell No I’m Not

March 20th

Hello Journal,

Freaking damned bloody neighbors!! Disturbing a man’s sleep as well as what might have been a decent roll in the hay with the young priestess that I have been pursuing for weeks, not to mention, she’s living with me at the moment.

It’s been busy times for the old boy of late. Fnor and I had been on the road for the better part of the month, chasing down or leading away these supposed Bloodsworn cultists and we finally get to take a bit of a respite. You know the assholes that kept sending Kaldorei heads in a box to Fnor by courier, in the mail or however in the hell they happened to show up. Oh yeah, the new warrior, Sollonne always seemed to deliver them directly to Fnor – talk about getting brownie points.

Of course, with those things arriving the way that they did and with the frequency and our heavy involvement with the Mistreavers at this point, it was truly taking a toll on Fnor’s mind. If you’re going to get a piece of ass man, don’t be shagging something that is going to get you killed, I keep telling him that and he never listens. No, I don’t care that he’s sleeping with a Kaldorei woman, that’s his business, she’s nice to look at and I wouldn’t mind hitting that a few times myself but she’s Fnor’s mate. Those hips and breasts are enough to drive a man insane if you happen to sneak a peek when she’s bathing. I do respect her, damn it and even though she’s had four kids, she has a body that just calls to a man’s soul and the compass always seems to point North when she’s bending over the fire cooking.

We had told the employees that the office in Dalaran wasn’t exactly a safe place to go these days, so, Fnor and I were on the road, checking on employees, reminding them to keep their Morningstar badges in their pockets so as not to draw any attention to themselves due to their employment. Our company seems to have been a target for these assholes because we don’t discriminate in our hiring practices, we hire anyone that can hold a bow, gun, knife and knows how to put their armor on frontwards. Of course, they are doing everything from hunting, skinning, picking a few pockets now and again, escorting the dilettantes from Silvermoon on their little ego trips out into the wild “Why yes, I’ve seen a live kodo…and here’s my trophy horn,” to some mercenary work, body guards as well as some of the low-end bounty hunting for those that having the training and ability.

Anyway, on these adventures of leading whomever it was that was tracking us away from the Mistreavers in Dalaran and Fnor’s woman and her children not too far behind us, I might add, I would slip away and head back to Thunderbluff. You know, to check on things and to see if the little priestess was still staying in my tent and spend some time with her if she happened to be there.

Well, she’s always been there and I know that it makes me feel good to lay my eyes on her and talk awhile, although, my mind and my body are wanting to do more than just talk. Her name is Nerinna and she has the softest touch a man could ask for and her voice is gentle and kind. Oh, don’t let that kid you, she can be as blunt as can be. She’s an orphan, just like me and she calls me Dawnglory most of the time when we’re talking, like it’s a special pet name of hers.

We haven’t slept together or anything like that. We have separate blankets that we sleep in, although I will have to admit that each time I’ve gotten back to Thunderbluff, I have been scooting my blanket closer to hers each time I get ready for bed, almost fully clothed I might add. She’s kind of special to me and I don’t want to rush into something and scare her off. I think I might be sick too, I haven’t really looked at another woman the way I normally do and definitely haven’t been running rampant through the brothels like I did a month ago.

Last night was kind of special, we were sitting and talking in the tent, the fire was burning low and it was getting rather late. To be exact, she caught me taking a snooze when she walked in last night, I am exhausted from this constant camping, breaking camp every two days or less and moving on so that the people following us won’t catch up.

Anyway, we talked and hugged, kissed and did a little touching. I had my shirt off when she came in initially and quickly put it back on. After all, I’m trying to be a gentleman, you know. Well, she reaches over and starts taking my shirt off again, which I finally relented and just took the damned thing off. Her hands brushed the hair on my chest and her voice was so soothing, my poor body was just rising to the occasion and I had to get my mind on something else real fast. She showed me some of the drawings she had made while I was gone – they were all pictures of me, some of them were quite beautiful, I didn’t think I looked that good sleeping but I guess I do in her eyes. I shared some of my drawings with her too and yes, I had some of her in there plus some of the wildlife we had encountered in Stranglethorn.

The more we talked and the more we held one another, we decided that it was okay if we moved our blankets and furs together and slept close to one another. It was wonderful to feel her body against my partially clothed body and I was really starting to enjoy the fact that here was a woman in my arms, I’ve never slept with, lying next to me. She’s very special to me and I don’t want to just jump her bones and scare her half to death either, I don’t want her to run off although my body was giving me signals that I should just do it, I didn’t. I behaved myself. I was just dozing off when I heard this wailing and carrying on outside the tent. Naturally, being me, I had to go investigate.

Several of the Morningstar employees share a tent close to mine and wouldn’t you know, it was the Tauren in my employee that were making the noise.

The biggest one, a Tauren Death Knight was outside the tent stamping his hooves and snorting, talking about killing someone named Sparky. Hell if I know who this Sparky fellow is but I sure wouldn’t want him chasing my ass down for anything nor do I have that kind of death wish. When I found out that someone had been trifling with his Mama’s affections, I was really blown away.

Poor old Mooma is getting up there in years and has her good days and bad. She’s good herbalist and an excellent scribe for the company. She sometimes can’t see the herbs quite as well as she used too, she’s even grabbed up a critter now and again and stuffed it in her herb bag – the skunk smell was noticeable on some of the herbs that she had turned in at the warehouse in Orgrimmar but Fnor and I both just kind of shrugged our shoulders and had them cleaned up a bit.

Mahamura, the daughter , Nahai, the druid son and Tahfal, the little Light Walker were all in the tent with Mooma. I could hear her sobbing uncontrollably inside and the kids were just trying to calm her down.

Sadheart and I walked into the tent and I politely asked Mooma what had happened and started kind of chuckling to myself when she started telling me in between sobs and Sadheart’s snorting plus, his shouts of “I’m gonna kill this Sparky bastard that hurt my Mama, no body hurts my Mama!”

Apparently, a week ago, she had gotten a jury summons to appear in Court. She thought the court was in Orgrimmar and made her way over there via Zeppelin. When she got to see the clerk in the Hold, she was told to take the zeppelin to Northrend. Now, you have to understand, this is one old lady and she’s never been to Northrend in her life. So, she did as she was instructed and took the zeppelin to Warsong Hold and flew on to Dalaran. She thought it was kind of strange that they would go to all of the trouble of having traffic court in Dalaran but she was determined to do her civic duty to the Horde. She had never been to Dalaran either.

She sobbed out that she thought it was a nice place and all but she’d never seen such large rats and that one had chased her and she fell in the water in the sewer. I didn’t even want to ask her why she was in the Sewer area, I didn’t want to know. Knowing her like we do, she was probably curious and wanted to see the sightstes or had to use the facilities.

She apparently ran into our little attorney from the office, Zippie Prattfall, a little goblin that is still going to law school but she helps us with some of the minor things we have crop up from time to time for a few coins to pay for her schooling. It appears that this was Zippie’s first court case and yes, Mooma had found someone that could help her out. She even met one of the people involved in the Trial, another goblin by the name Shadowtwist – Mooma thought it was terrible that the little goblin only had one eye but maybe that was why she seemed a little “touched” – you know, not quite right in the head.

Mooma had followed Zippie and this Shadowtwist to the park because she didn’t think there was a courthouse in Dalaran, just some rather strange fellows walking around in their pajamas in the daylight but she found out those were mages later on. She listened as she waited with the two goblins and apparently, this wasn’t traffic court, this was civil court – which made it even more important that she do her due diligence to the Horde. This was a big deal!!

Apparently, transportation was obtained to go where the trial was to be held. It appeared to be a court case involving two goblins squabbling over control of a Syndicate. I should have known right then and there where this was leading and I know these people. Yep, Mistreavers, wouldn’t you just fuckin’ know it.

Apparently, the fellow named Weedie, Weedin or Weedling and this Shadowtwist were fighting about the control of the Syndicate and which one of them would be the better choice, I guess. Something about Weedie shagging this Shadowtwists sisters or something – the sister kept disappearing and would only come back now and again for a shag.

Anyway, Mooma took her place in the jury box and sat next to this rather large Tauren male that had a shield or a rather large piece of siding tacked to his back. Mooma thought he was rather handsome and was really enamored of him. She really paid more attention to this fellow she nicknamed Sparky than she did the trial, apparently. So, she sat there and did some knitting and trying to ignore this Sparky fellow as much as she could and pay attention to the proceedings, even if his tail kept bumping hers.

Sadheart showed me the socks that she made him – well, we think they were socks, it had one really long ankle piece and a place for two hooves, all in the same sock. Well, Mooma was distracted to say the least.

Anyway, the trial was drawing to a close and the jury was sequestered for deliberation. This is where it got exciting because the jury moved faster than Mooma could keep up and this Sparky fellow gave Mooma a ride on his rocket. Oh, she was so thrilled with that rocket ride and just knew that this fellow probably matched his rocket with his own physical attributes. Mooma knew that this Bull was a much younger fellow but she said she always wanted a Bull that still had lead in his pencil and would know how to write with it.

That comment alone almost had me rolling on the floor and laughing uncontrollably but I was able to retain as much of my dignity as I possibly could. She’s an old lady, she shouldn’t be having these thoughts. Ewww, old people sex!!

Anyway, the deliberations went on for quite a while and I guess Mooma kind of dozed with her knitting in her lap when this Sparky fellow nudged her and had her get back on his rocket again to return to the courtroom. I guess that Mooma’s heart was just pounding and her imagination really kicked in – she really was smitten with this Sparky fellow. She thought she had found her soul mate, since her mate had been dead so long, it was time for her to be looking for someone to spend her old age with rather than just her children.

I guess the trial wrapped up, poor little Zippy lost her first and only civil case she had tried. Mooma thought it was a shame that the win went to the little shady goblin named Weedie or whatever and that Shadowtwist lost even if she was a bit touched in the head. The next thing Mooma heard at the trial was that this Weedie fellow and Shadowtwist, the one-eyed nutcase were supposed to get married sometime if the other sister would quit popping up and shagging Weedie.

Mooma was feeling a bit friendly and changed into her cat form, she thinks she’s much more handsome being a cat, the gray hair doesn’t show as much and licked Sparky on the leg. Well, apparently this Sparky dude doesn’t like kitties. He said something that hurt her feelings but she was determined to win him over. I guess the thoughts of having a live Bull in her bed was just a little too much for the old lady.

When she got back to Thunderbluff, all she could think about was Sparky. She even wrote him a love letter and bought him a very expensive robe, she said she made it but she can’t sew any better than she can knit, we know she bought it. Sent that off to Sparky, which apparently he received and sent it back with a rebuke. This just about broke poor Mooma’s heart.

She had told her children about all of this a few days later and Sadheart was in a snit, trying to find out whom this asshole was that had hurt his little Mama.

Well, the more I listened and the more I heard, I was almost crazed and in severe pain to keep from laughing. I started asking Mooma what this Sparky fellow looked like and she told me.

Oh, he was huge, beautiful and so very strong. His fur was shiny and his eyes were the most exquisite things that she had ever seen. She knew his body was fighting trim even under all of that armor that he had on. She was curious though because he didn’t look like any of the Chiefs that she knew. The Mistreavers on the jury had kept calling him War Chief.

Holy shit!! This poor old woman was enamored of the head Pooh-Bah of the Mistreavers and now Sadheart wanted to kill him for messing with his Mama’s affections. Oh Dear Light! This had to be that Korouk fellow, Fnor’s boss’s Boss. The Big Cheese, the Head Honcho.

I quickly pulled Sadheart out of the room and explained to him whom I thought Sparky might be and you could just see his anger wilt like air going out of a balloon. He knew whom this fellow was because he was a Mistreaver as well as working for Morningstar Enterprises.

Now, I have to go tell Fnor what’s happened and to watch him bust his ass falling out of his chair laughing before the diplomat in him takes over.

All I wanted was one night with Neri, even if we didn’t do anything, just one night snuggling under the furs with her, that’s all I wanted.

Well, fuck it, I guess I have to get off my ass and head back to Dalaran, I’m not using the comlink for this one either. I want to see Fnor’s calm demeanor just slip on this one, just this once. He is going to want to crawl under his desk when he has to tell Korouk that the crazy old cow works for us. Poor old lady, we do love her dearly though.

Fnar Dawnglory




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