Do Not Go Out Drinking With Dwarves…EVER

June 7th

Dear Journal,

I woke up in Dolonaar with one heck of a hangover. I guess I did go out drinking with the dwarves last night in Iron Forge and I should have known better than to do that, they started getting booze when they were babes in arms and I’m just a lowly night elf.

I’ll admit that I was feeling a bit depressed about things and my lack of a social life at the moment. We were all sitting in the apartment because I didn’t feel like going out and wandering around Stormwind some more. I half way wanted to go to Dalaran to see my parents, however, they are still doing their “we just got married and we’re going to have so much sex because we can” thing. So, I would definitely be intruding and feeling more alone than I already do.

Vashlan wasn’t even in the apartment because he had decided to go hang out with his friends at the Blue Recluse and talk about mage stuff. He seems to have found his way around the city fairly well and has been able to fit into things much better than I have. Maybe wearing a dress, reading a book and waving your hands around is the way to go for him.

So, there I sat with the dwarves, getting my clock cleaned playing cards because I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Of course, Hammon and Andrew were getting a bit homesick too and they thought it would be a wonderful idea if we all went to Iron Forge to visit with their family. So we did.

When we got to Iron Forge, the dwarves were anxious to go talk to Ma and see how the rest of the clan was getting on, so, I tagged along. I will admit that they are a rowdy lot and the first thing they do is to hand you a mug of beer – some kind of family tradition, I suppose. I met the whole family, the brothers, and the sisters except for the bartender brother that was off doing his job on a weekend night. So, naturally, they didn’t want him to feel left out and we wandered over to the Pub where he was working.

Going to Iron Forge was my first mistake of the night, however, not the last. I was introduced to the brother and nothing would do that we all have a round of drinks, proper dwarven stout, it was too. Naturally Andrew and Hammon weren’t to be outdone in the drinking that was going on and many rounds were bought. I knew I was getting over my limit in the drinking but kept going. The jokes were flying the women were flirting and the “boys” were in their element it seems. There I sat, the lone Night Elf in a bar full of dwarves and gnomes.

I finally just had to find a chair and sit down because it was hard enough that I towered all over everyone in there but they insisted on coming up close so that I was forced to keep my head down to look them in the face when we were talking. I was getting a bit dizzy from that or from the drinking, I don’t know which.

Naturally, the “boys” took it upon themselves to advertise the fact that I was a very “lonely” Night Elf and that my personal life was in the furthest outhouse in Stormwind. Oh, if that was humiliating enough, I had a little female gnome jump up in my lap and started playing with my hair and telling me how tall I was – you know the drill. Well, the gnome kept saying she hadn’t had any good Night Elf in while when a rather stout little dwarf female came up and told her that she probably hadn’t ever had any Night Elf or she wouldn’t be wanting to get so familiar with such a big fellow as myself. Well, now, I had a gnome on one thigh and a dwarf on the other that were intent on doing something and I wasn’t so sure how that would work out at all, not to mention, I was really drunk. The two of them started squabbling on which one of them was going to get the honor and all I could do was laugh and shake my head “no”.

I eventually stood up and summarily dumped the two little ladies on the ground by accident and staggered out the door. I don’t know what I was doing really, I just needed to get out of the noise and the smoke and the pawing little hands on my person. Andrew yelled out at me not to puke in the tram rails, which caused me to want to do exactly that.

I told him I just needed to get away from the noise and he suggested that I go to the Wailing Cavern, which I have been too a few times before. So, I staggered down the walk, running into walls, tripping over a gnome or two before I got to the mage quarter and saw the pool in the middle. Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time, I went over and sat by the fountain, pool, whatever they are trying to call it these days. A whole crowd of dwarves came waltzing out of the mage headquarters, my head was pounding and my stomach was none too strong. The next thing I know, I have another beer in my hands and was told to drink…a bit of the hair of the dog to cure my ills. I wasn’t sick, I was drunk.

I wandered away from that rowdy group after having had two more mugs of beer forced into my hands and headed to where I thought the Cavern was. I had guess right and proceeded to flop down staring at the water. It was dark in there and the only sound was the lapping of the water and that eerie wind sound that is always in there. Somehow it was peaceful though. I remember sitting down there and putting my face against the cool stone of the cavern and closed my eyes. I must have dozed off or passed out because the next thing I know, there’s yelling and screaming, people running hither and yon and the occasional bellow of Lok’tar – great, the Horde was paying Iron Forge a visit.

I was still drunk and I knew that I couldn’t do anything to help defend the capital other than shoot one of the defenders by accident. All these little people running around that were about waist high were really making me dizzy and the noise…the noise was deafening.

I know that I must have looked a sight because some little healer ran up and gave me a potion and told me to drink it, which I did. Another mistake, the next thing I hear is someone saying that I was critical condition and needed to be put on the tram to Stormwind. So, off to Stormwind my body went, I don’t know if my brain has caught up with my body yet.

I wasn’t hurt, I was drunk.

I can vaguely remember getting to Stormwind and summarily dumped out in the dwarven district by another little healer that said I needed to go sleep it off somewhere else, they had injured people to deal with and who knew if the Horde were going to try to visit Stormwind next.

I think I went to the Faire. I don’t remember. I do remember the canon ride, so, I must have gone. I think I puked on some people as I few over and have no clue if I hit the target in the water or not.

I woke up this morning in my Grandparents front yard with my Grandmother tsk-tsking over me as my two little hellions of brothers stood there giggling. Why do little kids have to be so damned loud? I know I really must have looked terrible because my Grandmother insisted that I get in the house before the neighbors saw me and eat some food. Food cures everything!

Not this food. I swear she must have emptied a pot of salt on the eggs she cooked and then the meat was just as salty. More salt and then she hands me another potion which, still being a bit inebriated, I dutifully drank down and proceeded to unload the contents of my stomach all over the dining room floor. I did help clean that up and was just rising back to my feet when my Grandfather strode in and he didn’t have a happy look on his face.

He and I went outside and had one of those long discussions that parents like to give their children when the child has been misbehaving. I don’t think that I heard half of what he said other than “your Mother is not going to be happy about this” part.

So, here I sit, my head pounding like a blacksmith pounding on an anvil and waiting to see if my Mother shows up in a fury. Of course, I’ve been told to keep an eye on the little guys while my Grandparents went to the temple to pray for my soul. I wish they had left some rope out where I could find because I would love to tie these two up and put them in a closet somewhere. All they can do is laugh at me and tell me that they had never seen me colored green before.

That’s how I spent my night. I don’t think I will ever drink any more alcohol again because I am almost sure that I’m dying or my head is going to fall off.

Kaldor

 

 

 

 

 

 

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