Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author
I’m sitting here in the middle of the night and I can’t sleep. I may as well take care of some of this paperwork that I have on my desk and maybe I’ll be able to get my mind tired enough to where it will shut down and I can get some sleep.
I think I have totally screwed things up with Dawnglory at this point. Yes, I know all of the things that I should have done and didn’t do. Amyn and I have had several verbal spats about this since I got back to Dalaran. I know what I did was wrong. I should have told these girls about Angel the minute that I was aware of what she was and I didn’t do it. I’m still sitting here and admonishing myself for not doing that, it would have been the right thing to do and would have gotten them out of the danger that I had knowledge of and failed to communicate to them. In my panic and my own arrogance, I thought that Felestrien and I could take care of the matter and not have to worry about even letting them know about the problem. I was wrong, so very wrong.
If anything happens to his sister, I will never forgive myself and will probably end up getting killed by my best friend or I will kill him defending myself. I was the biggest kind of fool that there ever was and I am willing to admit that. If I had made errors in judgment like this when I was in the Rangers, I doubt that I would be sitting here writing in this journal tonight. I would have been dead a long time ago. This whole thing was total mistake from the onset and perhaps, if I hadn’t of allowed my emotions to take control of things; I would have acted as I should have.
In my defense, I will have to say that I have never been as frightened by anything in my life as I am of this demonic being that has forced its way into this reality. I don’t care how it came into being, I just care that it is here now and for some reason, it has set its designs on destroying me and my family. It has been a living nightmare for me since this all started and why did it have to start now, is a question that I will be asking myself for years to come, if I live that long.
I can’t believe how I conducted myself when I went to Silvermoon. To say that I am ashamed of myself is putting it very mildly. If there was a rock that I could hide under for the rest of my days, I would probably be there now. I’m more than ashamed; I’m so disappointed in myself that it’s a hard thing to even look in the mirror without wanting to punch my own reflection in the mirror. I was a very stupid man and probably played right into Angel’s hands without even realizing it.
My plan had been to go to Silvermoon and tell Fnar and Faendra about Angel, not realizing that she had already taken off with Felessa. I didn’t even stop to think about that and that was my mistake, again. When I walked into the house and shouted out for Dawnglory, my sister was standing next to me in a very revealing gown and I saw him coming out of his room fastening his trousers. I just lost it at that point. Stupid, stupid man.
I am going to have to get myself up from here and head back to Silvermoon to help with the search and to try and makeup with Dawnglory. I also have to talk to Faendra and tell her that I don’t know what was going on in my head, that I’m not really that much of an ass. I love both of these people as much as my wife and children and I can’t afford to let that go. My behavior was inexcusable and I hope that it hasn’t cost me the best friend I’ve ever had. I’ve never questioned his loyalty or what he does, he was just there.
He was there when I was his Commander in the Rangers. He was there to hold me in his arms when I got wounded and everyone thought I was dying except for him – he refused to listen to the healers and he was right. He has been there with me through most of the ups and downs in my life, even told me a few times what a dumbass I was and meant it in all kindness. He has been there to witness my stupidity with my relationships with other women when I had Amyn hidden away in Shattrath and told me repeatedly that I was going to have to make up my mind one of these days because someone was going to kill me. He was there when I needed to talk to another man that has been through a lot of the things that I have .. he listened and gave me his opinion, regardless, if it hurt or not.
No, I’m not going to let this thing destroy that relationship even if I have to grovel.