Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author
I will have to admit that it feels wonderful to be able to sit at my desk this morning and just lounging around in my robes instead of having something stressing me completely out of my mind. The coffee tastes better than it ever has. Yes, I’m still smoking but not nearly like I was for a while. At least I can sit here and just look at the mountain of paperwork and know that I will get it caught up one of these days.
After the debacle in Silvermoon, it just feels wonderful to be able to sit here in Dalaran and let the rest of the world run by for a while. I didn’t realize how exhausted I was until Amyn and I got back to Dalaran last night.
I had hoped that we would have been able to take a few days off and spend some time in Nagrand like we had planned after the wedding, however, under the circumstances; it doesn’t seem feasible at this juncture. Normally I would have gotten in touch with Dawnglory and had him take over the reins of the company while I took some time off, however, at this point; he has his hands full with his sister.
The healers seem to think that Felessa will recover from this kidnapping, possession and emotional trauma in time. She’s been able to eat and drink some fluids which were something that she had been missing the entire time that she was gone. She was tiny before; however, she is mere shadow of her former self due to the abuse from Angel. She has started talking again, apparently, which was something that I was happy to hear about. Her memory of the events seems to be rather sketchy and she doesn’t remember leaving Silvermoon with Angel at all. She actually doesn’t remember much of anything until just after the wedding she performed for Amyn and me. It’s as if Angel never existed in her mind, which is probably a good thing for all parties concerned. Dawnglory seems to think that she may remember it eventually; however, he isn’t going to try to make her remember all of the horrible things that happened. He will be staying in Silvermoon with her until she is able to travel and will be bringing her to Dalaran to live for a while until she is fully recovered because we can keep her sheltered from things here more readily.
If I have learned one thing from this whole experience is that I can’t do everything alone, nor can I depend on myself to be objective about things when it comes to my family. Another thing that I have learned is that your past, no matter how many years ago, will always find a way to come back and haunt you. This thing with Angel was totally unexpected and nothing that I would have ever dreamed of happening. It was a nightmare from the past that came back into my reality that could have very easily destroyed my family, myself and cut me off from those that I love. Karma can be a bitch and I am here to testify to that fact.
I have learned how to respect my wonderful wife in another way. I never thought that she would be as capable as she was with the situation that we just went through. To say that I am proud of her is to say something that can’t be put into words appropriately. Her group of Kaldorei and Humans from Stormwind moved together like a group of well trained Rangers when the time came for them to go into action. I couldn’t believe how coordinated the whole operation went with her group. I think I am just amazed. Of course, I’m a bit biased when it comes to the Rangers because that is what I know the best, however, I’ve found a whole new respect for the Sentinel in my house.
As we lay in our bed last night, just holding each other, I know that there was a sense of finality to everything and we both smiled at each other as if to say “Well, we survived another one.” I know we just lay there and talked for a while before we both fell asleep. We both have agreed that unless something comes through the door and stirs up the bee’s nest, we’re just going to let it pass us by because we’re just normal folk and we’re not here to save the world. Neither one of us had any idea that something like this would or could happen, never in a million years nor do I think Amyn will eventually forgive me for all of my transgressions in the past if they don’t come up and bites us in the backside like this one did.
Yes, we’re going to be busy with the children that we already have for many years to come. Life will never be dull with four boys running around. My little stepsons are quite the handful and we will be bringing them back to Dalaran in the very near future because they need to be with their parents. I think Amyn’s parents probably need the break too. They have been visiting with them since before the wedding and we were planning on bringing them back after our honeymoon that got interrupted.
I kind of miss them because they definitely have taught me a few things like always be patient and to expect the unexpected when it comes to them. Who’d have thought that being a parent is almost a full time job? I don’t know how Amyn does it but I think I’ll be learning a lot more. Kaldor and Vashlan seem to be taking things in stride and I am very happy that they missed out on all of this crap in Silvermoon because they were safely in Stormwind. Amyn did the right thing in keeping them isolated from this particular ordeal, they didn’t need to get involved in a mess that their Father inadvertently created before they even knew about him.
Oh, I could sit here for days and write about the things that I have done wrong in my life. However, I think that I have learned from my mistakes and will not be repeating them in the future. I’ll admit that when I make an error, it’s usually not a small one by any means.
I am going to have to sit here and think about the fact that my sister and my best friend may become more involved than I had wanted them to be. It was almost inevitable because of the fact that Dawnglory has known Faendra for most of her life and his sister has been Fae’s best friend for years. Who knows how this will all turn out? They may just have a fling or they may get serious about one another. I just don’t want either one of them to get hurt if things go amiss.
Yes, I was selfish and I did want more for Fae, I wanted her to have the things that I never had the opportunity to have in Silvermoon, however, I’ve finally realized that Silvermoon isn’t the world and it isn’t the way that Azeroth operates. She needs to make her own choices and her own mistakes because I can sit here and tell her about my mistakes – she may take heed to my sage advice and experiences, however, she has to make her own way.
As for Dawnglory and the problems that came up with this mess. It is going to take some time to repair the damage in our friendship because I made some very serious mistakes that could have cost him his sister and his life. I had no right to keep the information from him to start with. We have always had a close relationship and I think, in my mind, maybe I was trying to protect them all. Instead of protecting them, my sister included, I exposed them to some very serious dangers. It’s just going to take some time and a real big hope that Felessa is going to be okay and back to normal soon.
I also have some concerns about the animated body that I would have thought would have disintegrated immediately when the power source was killed. I know that I just stood there and looked at the body and wondered if we should burn it, destroy it or what we should do with it. It still had a pulse, she was just unconscious and possibly in a coma. Brain functions? Who knows for certain what may happen if she ever wakes up. I have left the body in Silvermoon with the healers and if they can ascertain what we can do. Is this body going to function as a normal person or will it just suddenly stop existing? No one seems to know at this point and I will just have to wait and see with them. Part of me wanted to destroy it and a part of me is just curious enough to want to see what happens. I’m sure that there are ways that the healers can ease someone into death if it continues to “live” like it is now. I know that it’s not my responsibility to take care of this being, it’s not the woman I loved many years ago, and it just resembles her in a fashion. However, I do have to think about the fact that there could still be some residual evil lurking within that body too. Does it still have a soul? So many unanswered questions and there may never be any answers now or in the future. Just another thing that I have to add to my list to think about as time goes on.
I will have to admit that it felt great to be able to stretch out in bed last night with my wife in my arms and know that I didn’t have some kind of lingering threat hanging over my head like I have had for the past few weeks. It was a relief and I was able to feel relaxed and so very contented. Yes, I still have concerns about Felessa making a full recovery and I have to work at repairing my friendship with Dawnglory as much as I can.
Amyn was laughing last night as we lay there, thinking that it was time for me to don my disguise again and pay a surprise visit on my sons in Stormwind to make sure that they are keeping their guard up against strange old dirty elves wandering near the warehouse. I know I’m a fairly large Sindorei in height and weight; however, I do make a marvelous wizened old Kaldorei when I have to go that route. We shall see what happens.
I do need to spend some more time with the boys before they completely outgrow their Father. I know that I am amazed at the fact that I have to look up at my eldest son because he’s grown so much in the last few months. Kal has to be at least a foot taller than I am at this point, if not more. Vashlan is going to be a small fellow I’m afraid, although that wouldn’t be too bad for a mage, I suppose. I don’t think that they are having too much trouble in Stormwind due to their mixed heritage or Amyn hasn’t mentioned it to me for some reason. She gets quiet sometimes when we talk about the fact that the boys have several strikes against them with their mixed heritage. They definitely look more Kaldorei than Sindorei though.
Oh yes, we’re going to keep working on increasing the size of the family. I hope that if we are successful that we have a daughter this time. I think that it would be a decided difference in raising a girl than all the boys. At least I will be with Amyn the whole time because I won’t be traipsing off on some adventure or chasing down some female when she is pregnant this time. It was always something that drew me away, making money or trying to improve my station in life through other means. A daughter would be a welcomed addition to the family, just maybe this time the Sindorei blood will be a deciding factor in her appearance, not that I don’t find the Kaldorei women exceptionally beautiful though.
Amyn did tell me that Raleth and Lali are going to be having a baby. I was very excited to hear about that and pleased to know that if we hurry up on our side of things, our children could become friends here in Dalaran. I’m sure that raising children here in Dalaran will be a far cry from what we went through in Shattrath, things are so much better here.
I think that I may even go back and join Amyn in bed for a while this morning, she looks so inviting and I’ll admit that I am feeling a bit amorous. Pan and Lumina seem to have Pan Junior corralled between them in front of the fireplace for them moment which means that I won’t have to be dodging little kitten claws in the bedroom for a while.