With The Family

November 13th

Dear Journal,

I will have to admit that I am happy to be in Dalaran at the moment.  It’s been weeks since I’ve seen my brothers and my Mother.  I’ve caught glimpses of my Dad in Panderia, now and again.  It’s a bit awkward for me to acknowledge – “Oh Look!! There’s my Dad!” – well, it could be deadly for the both of us considering that he’s a Sindorei  and my heritage is mixed.  The only way that people even notice that I’m nor of “pure” blood” is if they catch the green in my eyes showing.  I do have to laugh a bit to myself because of the fact that everything is so green in Panderia that everyone has a bit of green glinting off their eyes.  No big deal.

I will have to admit that it was kind of hard to come back to Dalaran except for the fact that I was getting homesick for the family.  I’ve got a great farm going in Halfhill that takes up a lot of my free time but I’m finding out that these Panderian people definitely have the right idea.  Can’t say that I’ll turn into a real farmer but I sure am enjoying the fruits of my labor.   I don’t think that I would mind settling down in the area either.  Maybe one of these days I’ll do that when my parents don’t need me to help with the business after this war thing is over.   Naturally, me settling down anywhere would have to depend on my surviving this conflict.  I really had a terrible time tearing myself away from the farm for a few days, however, I also had to see how the family was doing.  Kae has decided to spend some time at the farm while I’m away – I already miss her.

Yes, I have started calling Fnor my Dad because I think I can understand where he is coming from now.  I always thought that he was a bit of a flake and would run off and leave Mom at the drop of a hat to find his fortune and success in life.  Now, I think I understand that mindset of his a bit better than I did.  Yes, I resented the way that he would pop in and out of our lives as if time had stood still while he was off “finding himself” for months at a time.  I know that it caused Mom a lot of emotional pain in the past and there were times when I wondered why she didn’t just kill him when she had the chance.  I think I understand a bit more about their relationship – they love one another and it may not be perfect in a lot of ways, however, they keep coming back together.

Maybe someday I will find a woman that will make me feel the things that I should feel.  I have been with a few women and have fallen for a coupl, however, I don’t have that permanent feeling.  You know that feeling you get when this is the “one” person that you want to spend all of the days of your life with them?    I had feelings for Josie and we know how that turned out, still don’t know if she feels anything for me or not at this point.  Now, Kae is a different situation, we’re partners and work well together and we’re friends.  I guess being friends should be how it starts out if it’s going to last but we’ve both been burned in the past, therefore, we have no desire to go down that pathway again at the moment. 

I know that some of my comrades think that Kae and I have a thing going because we’re always together and we even share a bed when there is one available.  No, I haven’t had sex with her , even though she is extremely attractive and has that female way about her.  I just know that we’re protecting each other and she can accept me for what I am, mixed heritage and all.  I’ll admit that I’m tempted to go to bed with  her but I’m almost afraid that it would change things for us both.  I can’t allow myself to make a commitment until this “war” is over or at least to where I can see where it’s going…I’ve already lost too many friends in Panderia and I don’t know that I’ll ever get over the losses.

It was nice to be able to talk with Dad last night.  Naturally, he had to make a comment at the dinner table about my beard and how it makes me look a lot older, which set the little guys off on a giggle tangent.  Mom just smiled and nodded her head and winked at me. 

No, Dad and I actually went outside and sat in the garden for a while and talked about the war a bit.  He wanted to make sure that I was okay and that I hadn’t gotten too cynical yet.  He did comment on how the Kaldorei seem to be bigger, faster and meaner than when he was in the last war, which made me laugh a little bit.  No, he’s just as mean and as fast as the rest of us if the truth were to be known, there’s something to be said about an experienced Ranger.  I noticed him limping a bit and had to tease him about the fact that he always seems to get shot in the ass for some reason, which he corrected me on that by telling me that he had taken an arrow in the thigh because he was hesitating on taking his own bow shot at a Kaldorei Sentinel.   I guess only Mom can shoot him in the rump, yes?  I know that he gave me that one alert out in the field that probably saved quite a few Kaldorei lives, even while he was risking himself if he were caught by either side.

I feel closer to him now.  I feel like there is a bond there other than the one feels between a Father and Son.  It’s a kinship of comrades in arms.  He commands a large group of Rangers and carries himself with that authority like a mantle, while I am just one of many soldiers, I think he recognized the fact that I am good at what I do.  I know that I have a deeper respect for him as a man now than I did in the past and I will have to say that I even admire him for his tenacity with his duties.   We may be serving different factions but I think we both have a better understanding of this war than what we did when we set off on our adventures.

My grandparents were thrilled when I brought some of the vegetable back from Panderia that I had grown.  Oh, my Grandmother clicked her tongue and sniffed the cabbages before she started grinning from ear to ear.  Of course, she gave the opinion that the veggies were bigger, however, they didn’t have the same flavor as the ones she used to grow in Kalimdor.  Poor thing misses her home and my Grandfather just pats her on the back and tells her that they are better off with their little postage stamp garden here in Dalaran. 

I’m not the only one that has grown a beard either.  Vash has grown one too because he thinks it makes him look more distinguished than some of his fellow classmates here in Dalaran.  I mean a mage has to look all distinguished and stuff while they go flouncing around in their robes and waving their hands.  I think he was glad to see me again though.  Now, if only I could get him to stop sheeping the little guys when they annoy him, it just upsets Mother.   At least he hasn’t’ set the curtains on fire in the great room when he was aiming at the fireplace to light the fire since that last time. 

I’m sitting here in my room and wondering if I should write to Josie or not, just to let her know that I am in Panderia most of the time these days.  Should  I send her flowers or should I slip down to Stormwind and hang outside the shop for a while, you know, just to see if she’s there or not?  Do I want to start that up again?  I still care about her but I’m not sure if she feels the same way, not with the way that Harrier fellow was hanging around her the last time I was in town.  I know I haven’t gotten any letters from her since she visited and met the family.  I wonder what went wrong?  I won’t ever know unless I talk with her, I suppose and I’m almost afraid to do it. 

Well, seems Dad and Mom want to take the little guys to the tourney grounds and they are insisting that I join them. I guess I’ve written enough today, however, it does feel good to be able to sit here and just relax in my home for a while, no one shooting at me and not having to keep myself on-guard all of the time.




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