He’s Just Dreaming…Really

December 19th


What the hell happened when I decided to go off fishing for a few hours on my own?  You guessed it, my best friend decided to get himself  fucked up and in trouble!  That’s what happened!

I had just decided that since we had done the thing, got the duty rosters out, the briefings done, that it would be okay if I took off and did something that I enjoyed for a while…alone.  Noooo!  How was I to know that some rookie would get his ass in a sling, cause a major uproar that wasn’t necessary and cause a bunch of people to die?

It’s not my fucking fault.

Fnor is in his tent, the wound on his neck wasn’t really properly cleaned and it’s infected.  The healers have been here a few times and they keep feeding him potions and changing the dressing on the wound, however, it appears that it is indeed a minor wound in the realm of injuries.  It’s still infected and he’s running a fever.  He doesn’t even know where he is half the time and it’s hard as hell to get him hydrated enough to help with the fever. He pushes the water away and starts thrashing around under the furs.

By the Light!  I know that a lot was going on that day, however, I think that things could have been dealt with differently.  Now, I’m sitting here worried that my friend could end up dying because of some mass hysteria about the fact that he killed an already wounded idiot.  Well, sounds like it was justifiable to me.  Oh well, I just have to go on what I was told and the hearsay that I have been able to garner since Fnor isn’t able to tell me exactly what happened in his own words.

Of course, he’s been delirious for part of the time and it’s been a bit chancy when he starts rattling off in Kaldorei like it was his second language (it is, but it sure doesn’t need to be spoken in a Horde camp)  and the last healer that came here left with some extra gold in her pocket.

It always creeps me out when they send out a Forsaken healer anyway.  If their patient dies, Light help us all, there is one way they can get rid of the corpse that always crosses my mind and it sure isn’t pleasant.

Anyway, the healer calls me into the tent to ask me why he’s talking in a language that isn’t really welcomed in our camp and I lied.  I told her that he had spent a great deal of time in the Barrens when he was younger and I was sure that he picked the language up there.  If that wasn’t bad enough, he’s lying there, mumbling away to Amyn and is sporting a good strong boner.  The healer cackled manically and asked me “Is that a new weapon we’ve not heard about yet?  Looks like a good strong polearm to me!! Doesn’t look like he’s thinking about war with that!”

I don’t usually blush but she sure had me going there for a few minutes.  I lied again and told her that I knew he had had a Kaldorei lover a long time ago and maybe with the fever that he was reliving that again.   A few people know that he has a Kaldorei mistress, however, they don’t know that he’s married to her now. They sure as hell don’t know that he has children either, although some know that he spends an inordinate amount of time away from camp sometimes. 

Yeah, I’ve heard the gossip here in camp since all of this shit came down.  I know that the two of us will probably be watched for a while until something else happens to draw the attention away from us.  It’s probably a bad thought to have, however, a new offensive attack would probably make things go away faster.  We just need to watch our step and make damned sure that no asinine fuckwad is watching if Fnor happens to talk to Kal at the farm.  I know we’re both treading on dangerous ground.

Of course, everyone here knows that we have a civilian business that we have to monitor from time to time which requires one of us to make a few trips to Orgrimmar to make sure that it is still going the way that it should.  I’m wondering if there is any way that Fnor could gracefully resign or something so that the heat would be off the two of us.  Hell, I wish both of us could resign but it’s doubtful that Hellscream would accept the resignations in a time of war.

Speaking of business!! It’s booming and I wish I had the time to spend with Faendra and some of the new employees that she’s hired.  Wartime has always been a profit time for us on a whole lot of levels, however, it’s just crazy right now.  I even have some contracts stashed away in my bags that I plan on filling in my spare time because we don’t have enough people up here in a civilian capacity right now.  Damn, the contracts for leather alone is enough to make you want to throw your hands in the air and celebrate the windfall.

Ah, good!! Seems like the fever is breaking again and he’s asking for more water and some food.  Maybe that last round was the end of it.  Maybe that Forsaken had better skills than I had suspected and the infection is finally subsiding. Damn it!  It sure does seem like he’s more fragile the older he gets sometimes.  I shouldn’t say that either because there isn’t that much of a difference in our ages and I seem to get through things pretty much unscathed.

How the fuck is it that I end up being a nursemaid sometimes?

Fnar Dawnglory




Back In Shattrath – Settling In

December 18th

Dear Journal,

Well, I still have more boxes to unpack and put more things away.  One would have never thought that I would have accumulated so much in the short time that I lived in Dalaran, however, a lot of the things that I have here are from the main house, things that Fnor has gotten over the years.  He told me not to leave anything behind, which I didn’t, however, I think we will need a place to store some of it since we don’t have the room in the house for all of it.  Maybe once the construction is done on the house in Nagrand, I can move them over there.

No, my parents didn’t come with us to Shattrath, I knew they wouldn’t the moment that I mentioned it and my Mother started to tear up.  They decided to go back to Dolonaar and their little house there rather than make the change to Shattrath.  They weren’t happy with having to move again, however, after I told them about some of the things that my Sindorei had told me, they were understanding of it at least.  I’m sure that Mother will be happier once she has the time to putter around in her own little garden and my Dad will be able to get away and do some of the things he enjoys, some light hunting and fishing.  I know that I already miss them more than words can say, it was nice having them near us, even if it was only for a short time.

Of course, Vashlan was the one that caused the more uproar about moving than any of the rest.  He was upset that he would have to leave his instructor and his friends there in Dalaran.  Now, he’ll have to go in search of another apprenticeship in Stormwind, which I know won’t be easy for him.  I’ve already sent out several letters to the various mages that I have knowledge of in order to find placement for him.  In the meantime, he can get settled back in at the apartment over the warehouse and try to connect with the friends that he had before he left for Dalaran.  If he truly isn’t happy in Stormwind in a few months, I’ll have to do it all over again in Darnassus. He could even stay with my parents, if he wanted too.  I know when I mentioned that he gave me that wrinkled nose look and told me that he’d like to live in Darnassus if it came to that because his Grandparents wouldn’t understand what he was doing because he was the odd one in the family.  I guess he has some feelings there that may have been hurt because he is the only mage in the family and we’re not exactly sure where that came from.

I guess the Bitterbeers went back to Ironforge for a while.  I did go to check on things in Stormwind and had hoped to run into Kal while I was there, however, Romey hadn’t seen him.  I sent word to the dwarves that their services were going to be required even more than ever since a few of the employees have decided to go off adventuring in Panderia as well as my son. I am kind of surprised that they didn’t follow Kal to Panderia for two reasons, they liked him a lot and enjoyed his company and I’ve heard talk that the beer is so much better in Panderia.  Of course, with them brewing their own, I’m sure that they would want to investigate the breweries, at least, in Panderia.

Luckily for us, the house isn’t that far from the Scryers Terrace and that is where the little guys will be attending school.  I certainly hope that they don’t start blowing things up like they did in Dalaran.  I don’t think that the people here would turn a blind eye to those antics.  I’ve heard talk that some of our old friends from Dalaran are already here although I haven’t seen them just yet, I’ve been too busy getting things put in order here at the house.

I know that I miss my Sindorei more than ever right now.  It seems like old times in a lot of good ways and bad ways too.  I can remember the months and even years that I have spent here in Shattrath with the children while he was off in search of something that he already had.  The way the rumors would fly and I would find out that he had taken up with some Sindorei girl, those were hurtful times for me.  If I didn’t truly love the man with all of my heart, I would have left a long time ago.

I can’t help but think about my Kaldorei mate while I sit here at the table writing.  If he were still alive, he’d have been here with me, helping me to put things away and telling me that everything would be okay.  He was totally different from Fnor in a lot of ways, he didn’t mind doing household chores and he definitely didn’t mind taking the children with him, to give me a few hours peace, when he would go out hunting.

The two little guys are having some trouble adjusting to being back in Shattrath.  The first thing they wanted to do was to go visit their Father’s grave, which we did.  Of course, we went there and they looked so surprised when we got there that I asked them what they expected.  The gravesite was in order and as it should be, however, I didn’t even think about this until they said it.   They were in hopes that he had somehow come back to life and the grave would have been empty – children wish for the strangest things.  So, we had to have a long discussion about that, how when a person dies that they are rejoined with Elune and, no, they don’t come back.  A few tears were shed and the first day in Shattrath was rather sorrowful for them.

Yes, they love my Sindorei as their “new” Father, however, they still have that love for their real Father that I will never try to dampen down.  He was the only Father that they had known for most of their lives and they are still trying to accept Fnor as their Father.  it will all come in good time but it almost breaks my heart when I still see them kind of jump and look at each Kaldorei male hunter they see walking around the city.  I suppose if they don’t settle down soon, I’ll have to go talk to someone to see what I can do to help them get past this.  At least they have found some of their old friends and have been playing with them a lot.

I think that my Sindorei will understand the changes and the way the young ones are acting because he told me that it was going to be hard for them to step back into a life that we had left behind when we moved to Dalaran.

I really miss my parents.  My Dad would know how to handle what I am going through with the boys, he always seems to understand and knows instinctively how to deal with things.  He truly has been a constant throughout the boys lives and I know they love him and respect him.  Maybe I can get them to come to Shattrath in a few weeks for a visit.  Well, they will be coming down for a visit to spend some of the Winter Veil with us.

Oh well, these boxes aren’t getting unpacked with me sitting here writing and I think I’m almost done with the things that I can unpack here.  I do wish that the construction on the house in Nagrand will be finished soon so that we can have some room in this house. 

I miss my husband. 




Thoughts – Visiting Stormwind

December 18th

Dear Journal,

You ever had one of those nights where you don’t really feel like sleeping and the harder you try, the more frustrated you get to the point that you just get up?  I’m having one of those nights now.  It doesn’t happen all that frequently, however, it does happen more here in Panderia these days.  I guess part of it is the fact that I am homesick for a place that the family doesn’t even live anymore.  I know we had only been there for a few months, however, it was such a huge change from Shattrath that I instantly fell in love with the place.  Crap, the new hadn’t even had a chance to wear off of my bed there yet before we had to move again.

I did manage to slip into Stormwind for a while yesterday to just check things out.  I wanted to see if anyone would make it a point to be insulting to me or even try to attack me there.  Nothing happened and I deliberately went to places that I knew would be more filled with people than just walking down the streets.  I even hung out in the Cathedral Square as well as the Trade District – nothing happened.  Of course, I’ll willingly admit that there did seem to be more guards around than what I remember from before but they didn’t even seem to glance at me or do anything out of the ordinary.  I even wandered over by the shop where Josie works in hopes of catching a glimpse of her, however, the place was packed and if Josie was even in there, I couldn’t have seen her anyway. I wonder if Harrier is still giving her a hard time of it?  I hope not because she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly.

I even took the time to go to the warehouse and the apartment there.  Of course, Vashlan has already moved all of this stuff back in from Dalaran ant there were books everywhere.  He wasn’t home because he must have been at his studies or over reconnecting with his friends at the Blue Recluse.  I doubt that he even realizes that there is a new kind of danger lurking around in some of the alleys of this fair city – those people that have a grudge against anything remotely close to Horde. I’m sure that Mother made arrangements for some of the employees here to keep an eye on him and make sure that he doesn’t come to harm.

I’ll admit that it was nice to see my old room hadn’t been invaded by anyone yet, everything was left just the way it was when I decided to go off to war.  It also meant that Josie hadn’t felt the need to come in and use the room either.  I did make that offer in all sincerity because no one needs to feel uncomfortable about the place they live and it sounded like Harrier was making her uncomfortable in the worst possible way.  Poor girl really does need to be careful with that fellow, he’s kind of different for an elf.

I would have liked to have stayed in Stormwind a little bit longer but I had to head back to Panderia for the obvious reason.  My time is not my own these days since I enlisted – I just had a few hours that I could slip away.

I wish I had had a chance to talk to Mother but she hadn’t been in the warehouse all day and Romey, our trusted Draeni accountant and attorney,  said that Mother was getting things settled in Shattrath and really didn’t expect her in for a couple more days.  Oh well, maybe I will get to talk to her in the next few days because I do plan to come back to Stormwind for a little while.  Maybe I’ll even go to the shop and act like a customer by purchasing a watch and maybe a couple of those little mechanical figurines that are in the window for the little guys for Winter Veil.  I know that it would shock Josie silly but at least I would be able to see her, even if would only be for a few minutes.

I think that I may have caught a cold while I was in Stormwind.  The differences between the temperature there and where I live in Panderia is totally different.  You could feel the chill in the air and the winter winds were very prevalent and I noticed them because of the fact that I hadn’t warn a warmer cloak and hadn’t brought any scarves or gloves with me.  Here in Panderia, there are times when I just sit around in a loin cloth when no one else is here at the house.  I have that stuffy nose and head feeling that you always get when you feel a cold first coming on.  Damn it, I can’t afford to get sick right now either because there is so much to do.

I think I’ll go brew some tea to see if that will make me feel better.  I do have a couple of hours before I have to get dressed and report back in for my next patrol.  If things go as planned, it will be a quick patrol and I’ll be back at the camp in a few hours and be able to head back to the farm where I can count on being able to get to bed early there.

Kae did act a little bit funny when I got back tonight though.  She knew that I was going to Stormwind for a while and she even asked me when I got back if I had seen Josie.  Of course, I told her that I hadn’t seen Jose and she kind of said two different things.  She told me she was sorry that I hadn’t seen her but was smiling – women are strange creatures.

If Josie does come to visit, I’ll definitely have to ask Kae to make some other arrangements for a few days or maybe we can put up a few screens so that there will be some more privacy, just in case.  I mean, I’m not planning on taking Josie to bed or anything but if the opportunity presents itself, I want to feel like it’s okay.  You know what I mean?  Who knows, they may meet and like each other.




War Can Be Hell

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

December 16th

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here in these pre-dawn hours, enjoying the solitude, the coolness of the air as well as just sitting here staring out across the landscape.  I know that with the dawn will come more work, more people and more horrors of war.  There are days when I wonder how this could have been any different from any other war or conflict that I have been involved in.  I know that I do my duty every day and if I make it through the day without being injured or just surviving, it’s been a good day.

Yes, yes, I usually try to keep my journals a bit on the lighthearted side of things by discussing my family most often and occasionally there are times when I just let my mind wander ad hoc and never really think about what I’m actually writing down.  Oh, I’m sure that one of these days, if these journals were ever read by another person, they will probably think that I was just one those arrogant men that felt that he had control over anything in his life.  Unfortunately, that has not been the case in the true sense.

I try not to write about the deaths I’ve seen, the letters of condolence that I have written to so many families in the past.  I know that I try to keep those letters as formal and as uninformative as I possibly can to the families, as policy dictates. Your son or daughter died in battle upholding the honor of the Horde – you should be proud that they gave their lives in this service;etc.

I don’t write about the fact that I watched their loved one screaming in pain or lying there holding their intestines inside with their hands and knowing that there was nothing the healers could do for them other than ease the pain for them until their souls cross over into the next life, if there really is such a thing anymore. I don’t write about the fact that I have seen men or boys close to the ages of my sons, lying there and sobbing for their Mothers, to ease the pain for them as they did when they were younger.  Each time I see these young men lying there and dying, I can feel my heart break a little bit more for their families and can’t help but compare those feelings to what Amyn and I would feel if anything happened liked that to our children.

Yesterday started out as a good day, I was going to take some time away from the command post and just go work at the little farm that I have started, not that far from Kal’s place, if the truth were to be known.  I probably spent a bit more gold getting the area that I did, for that reason.  I may not get to spend time with my son like I would like, however, I can tell by the way his fields are appearing, that he is still alive and able to work there. My little plot of land isn’t anywhere near in comparison to Kal’s place, however, he’s been at it a bit longer and I would assume that he has had more time to deal with things than I have because of our different levels of responsibility in our service.

I had just started to settle in to a day of being the farmer instead of a Ranger when I got a message to report back to the command post because an emergency situation had arisen that no one else could handle at the moment.  I have no idea where Dawnglory had taken off, however, the junior officer left in command knew where I was, if I was needed.

I got back to the command post to discover that I had had one patrol go out that had run into quite an ambush.  Instead of falling back and regrouping the young officer had decided that he would have his men spread out and still try to muscle their way through a group of Kaldorei.  Spread out?  What kind of moronic reasoning was this fellow using?  Fall back, regroup and assess the situation before you try a full on frontal attack, for Light’s Sake!  We’re Rangers, we don’t wear full plate armor and we sure as hell don’t have the fire power for that kind of attack anyway – it’s hit and run, hit and run, that’s how you survive when you run into a group like they did.  I lost 15 men and the young officer was amongst the dying when I got back.  Apparently, one of the more experienced men made the decision to get back to where a message could be sent for reinforcements without the officer’s knowledge.  I’m glad that he did break the protocol because if he hadn’t, I could have easily lost the entire unit of 25.  These men were supposed to be on patrol, assessing the enemy lines, they were not given a directive to fall into a full scale battle and they weren’t equipped for it.

A second patrol had been in the area and dispatched to assist this newer group of men and at least they were more successful in their assault than the first group had been.  We only lost two men from that group and that was due to possible friendly fire, which will be investigated.

I could feel the gorge rising in my throat when I entered the field hospital, the number of injured from this skirmish was inexcusable because it was unnecessary to begin with. I don’t know if I was more heartsick from seeing all of the injuries or if my temper was kicking in.  I know that the healers were doing the best that they could under the circumstances.  They were triaging the men as best they could under the conditions in the field.

The young officer that had led this debacle was lying in a bed close to the entrance, his condition might have been survivable, however, I’ll never know that for certain.  He only looked at me and told me it wasn’t his fault, I had lied to him.  How the hell had I lied to him?  He had been given his orders that morning just like the rest of the other officers were given – these were to be light patrols, nothing more.

 Over and over, we tell these kids that they have to send out scouts ahead of the patrols and then they have the points following behind at some distance – come to find out, he had ordered his  three scouts to stay within eyesight of the group and not rove as far afield as is their normal protocol.  As the ranking officer in the field, he had that right to make that call and it was wrong, so very wrong.  He lay there with those accusing eyes glaring at me as the bubble frothed from his mouth, grasping my hand as if I had the power to pull him back from death’s doorway. 

I didn’t realize that he had the strength or the arms to do what he did next. He had a knife in his hand damned near succeeded in taking me with him to his next destination point, which was going to be a black abyss of death if the bleeding didn’t stop.  I felt the blade as it weakly connected with my throat and I didn’t even feel my reflex reaction when I pulled my own blade out of my boot and buried it in his chest.  Yes, I killed him and it’s something that I will always feel guilty about, however, it was a choice of him or me…I wasn’t planning on making my wife a widow anytime soon.

I heard the screams in the tent from a healer that had been attending to the next man, lying a pace away from the man I had just killed.  I felt the pressure of a cloth being jammed against my neck to stop the bleeding from my wound, which is going to leave an interesting scar, as two others grabbed my arms and ejected me from the tent.  My wound was minor, however, what I had done was not.

To say that I feel horrible about what happened is a total understatement.  I’ve never lost control of myself like that in my life.  There could have been another way that I could have stopped the attack from an already wounded man, I didn’t have to take his life like that. 

The only thing that stopped me from actually turning and running away was the fact that a healer kept talking to me and asking me if I was “okay” and I know I responded that I was fine.  My body and my mind didn’t feel like they were connected, it was like I was standing outside of myself and watching what was going on. 

I know that the gossip of the event will spread like wildfire and I will have to face a tribunal of some sort, however, I feel that I will be exonerated from any charges.  I’m a Commander of a battalion of Rangers and this is a time of war where orders and directives are given.  If those are not followed, my actions alone should be upheld. The man attacked me and I defended myself.  Yes, I feel guilty for taking his life in the manner that I did and the only defense that I have is that when he attacked, my own training took over and I reacted without giving it a thought.

As for me telling him a lie about his orders for the duty, that’s not even remotely possible.  I’ve already found that he was outside of his patrol parameters and apparently had exceeded his orders enough to where he cost men their lives without a thought.  I can only think that he was one of my officers that liked to go out and “glory” hunt or something of that nature.  He was totally off the grid that he had been assigned for patrol by several miles. This was possibly someone’s ego outflanking any kind of strategy that he had been trained for.

The one thing that I can say about this war is that the men that are being sent to us these days are not trained in the manner that we have had in the past.  They seem to think that they are invincible just because they have the title of Ranger.  Some of these people are just barely out of their childhoods, is the shortage of manpower that great that we’re sending out green recruits to face the enemy?  I know that the Senior Officers in my command have all had problems with some of our more recent arrivals than we have in the years past.  This is something that we need to take up with the High Command before we have any more instances like this happening. I have also heard the rumor that commissions are being sold to certain families and young men.

Of course, I’ve already heard some of the gossip floating around and it isn’t pleasant, even if it may have some truth to it.  I do have certain leanings towards the Kaldorei due to my family, however, I don’t think that it has clouded my judgment.  Not many people here know that the young Kaldorei that I have been seen talking with is my son.  Of course, if this was common knowledge, I would be stripped of my command and probably end up being hanged for being a traitor – this is something that I have had to face for all of the years that Amyn and I have been together.

Yes, one of the letters that I wrote last night was to this young man’s family with the usual automatic lines about honor and duty.  Part of my mind wanted to write that he had died of stupidity in his search for glory, which would have been cruel on my part and totally unnecessary.  I know that due to his family in Silvermoon, there will probably be some repercussions if the gossip here in the camp reaches that far, which I am almost sure that it will, it usually does.

Now, I’m sitting here, the sun is starting to rise and I think I may have slept for about an hour last night.  The coffee tastes as delicious as it usually does and yes, I’ve probably smoked more cigarettes than normal.  My neck is aching a little bit this morning and I’ll probably go have it checked out in a little while before I do anything else.  Oh yes, it’s almost time for me to get back in my armor and head out to give out the orders for the day.  I hope that things go better today.

Pan is making me smile this morning because he has found a butterfly and is chasing it around in circles and acting like a kitten.  To him, everything in his world is acting as intended.  What little does he realize is that his master is feeling very old today and wishes that he could go home to his wife and kids.

Fnor Morningstar




Back To Living AGain

December 15th

Yeah Book!!

It’s me again!! Who else would be writing in here besides me is totally beyond any mindboggling thoughts at this time.  This is my journal and if anyone else wants to read this drivel, well, okay – go for it!

Well, seems like everything is closed up in Dalaran as far as Morningstar Enterprises goes and it’s all back in Orgrimmar for the Horde side of the business.  Fuck! I’m not sure that Fnor hasn’t gone off the deep end a little bit, however, I guess he would much rather be safe than sorry about things if they go the way he thinks they will.  I’ll admit that when I went to pick up my sister and our stuff, people didn’t act the same – kind of skittish.  I bet whatever is going to happen will happen in the next few days.

I know my sister was none too happy to leave Dalaran and was even less pleased when I suggested that she start her studies again in Silvermoon.  I mean, she still can’t remember everything that happened with Angelese, however, I think that she remembers more than she’s talking about.  It was a horrible time for her and it damned near cost her life.  At least I know that she will be somewhat safe there with Agatha taking care of things.  She just wasn’t too happy with the thoughts of going back to Silvermoon where she remembers so many bad things happened to her.

I just dumped my crap in Orgrimmar for the time being.  It’s not all bad in Orgrimmar, just dusty, dirty and noisy, twenty-four seven.  We won’t even talk about the crowds of people that seem to be coming into the city now.  It has been a huge overload of people and to be honest, I’m not sure how much Faendra is going to like living there most of the time now.  My duties keep me in Panderia and I make it a point to come back and check on things every few days – well, maybe we can spend some time together when I’m in town.

This fucking situation is crazy.  Not all Blood Elves sanctioned what happened at Theramore and we sure as hell didn’t all take a vote with that pea brain Warchief to declare an all-out war against the Alliance in this way.  We were honor-bound by an oath that we had taken years ago to follow our allegiance with the Horde.  This was back in the day when we were fighting for our lives against the Scourge and the Lich King.  Now, there comes the rub; rumor has it that the High King or whatever he’s called these days was working out some kind of deal for the Blood Elves to come to the Alliance and that’s all gotten blown to Hell and grown with some of the recent events. Politics, that’s all it is and they will ook you in the dooker every time you bend down to pick something up off of the ground.  I know that it is just crazy to be fighting people that you used to sit in the Lounge in Dalaran and have a drink with now and again, you know, talking about old times.

Yeah, I’m back in Panderia and sitting at Fnor’s little farm that Fnor has decided to give it a go.  I almost think that he’s doing that so he can build up another place to where his family can join him here, which isn’t such a bad idea.  I might start one of my own sometime in the future, but right now, I’m just trying to stay alive and keep these raw recruits we just got sent living long enough to see the other side of this bloody island.

I’m still not happy about leaving Dalaran either; however, I don’t think that we, Blood Elves, were going to be given much choice in the matter.  It was a great place to live and I enjoyed the fact that it wasn’t big enough for half the world to move up there with us.  Now, it’s going to be trips to Orgrimmar with all of the dust and dirt.

You’d think that Garrosh would have had the damned place finished with the remodeling and all of the extras being added since the demise of Deathwing, but, no, it’s hammering and yelling all of the time and the dirt gets into everything, food, clothes and let’s not forget that you need to dust yourself off before you even walk into your own apartment.  Just a fine layer of dust that seems to reappear no matter how many times you wipe it off in just a matter of minutes, which is terrible to think that you’re breathing that shit too.  Almost makes me wish that I hadn’t given up my spot in Thunder Bluff – it smelled like cows but it was clean.

Well, at least I’m over my sad moments from the other night.  I was damned lonely that the Panderian women were starting to look inviting; however, I don’t know that I’d ever get that desperate.  I guess I should just try to start mingling a bit more with some of the other people up here sometime because it sure would beat the hell out of sitting here writing and talking to myself.  One thing though, if I say something that I don’t like, I can at least tell myself to shut the fuck up.

I guess Fnor is opening his old place back up in Shattrath for Amyn and the little guys to live, that mage kid has gone back to Stormwind to study and I hope he can stay safe there. So, I suppose that Fnor and I will have to take turns in being away from the command post instead of both of us taking off.  I know that I kind of want to avoid moving back to Shattrath for a while because it’s where I grew up and picked up a lot of bad habits too.  I know that my sister sure made an ugly face when I told her that she could have a choice of going back to Shattrath or going to Silvermoon – I think she chose wisely.

This whole war situation is probably tearing a lot of families and future plans all up because none of us thought that the Theramore incident would have the long range affects that it had.  Not to mention, Garrosh getting a hair up his backside to take Panderia before the Alliance could get a good strong foothold in there.  That’s why we’re here – go make sure that those guys in Blue don’t get that piece of grass that rightfully belongs to the Horde.

I still spend a lot of time off alone here in Panderia.  I think sometimes it’s a good thing because I can be myself and no one expects anything of me.  I can go off and hunt for game, getting some great leather and fish when I want too.  This is some of the shit that Fnor and I like to do, when we’re not on duty and it’s something that some of the younger Rangers can’t seem to fathom.  It’s not like we have to be “balls to the wall” and going crazy with this war shit.  A man has to have the time to have some time for his own private thoughts and we’re not here to impress anyone. 

I know that I like being able to take the time to just think things through on my own.

Yeah, I’m still lonely most of the time and one would think that I would have gotten used to it by now.  Being lonely is a hunter’s lot in life because you’re never really anywhere to put roots down for long because that’s not where the game is.  I think I came close to having a real home in Dalaran, even if I didn’t own the building, it was where I was the most comfortable.





Farewell Dalaran

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.


December 13th

Dear Journal,

I did make it back to Dalaran before Amyn and the rest of the family had left and I saw them all off, Agatha is staying behind and is cleaning the “now” empty house.  I know that I am really having a hard time balancing this journal while I’m sitting on the floor of what was once my office and I can feel the tears welling in my eyes every few minutes.

I’ve walked through the house several times, checking closets and things to make sure that we haven’t left anything behind and each time I would cross the threshold of the different rooms, I feel that catch in my throat that tells me I’m on the verge of tears.

This was a happy place for years and the only place I ever thought of as “home” through all of that time.  Now, to leave it all behind is almost more than I can bear.  There are so many memories linked to this house, both good and bad, however, mostly good happy times. I’ll miss walking in that slate foyer and smelling the wood of the paneling that never seemed to dissipate over the years.

I remember when I first bought the place, it had been abused by the previous owner and I had a lot of free time, so, a lot of my sweat went into the first remodeling of the place.  I know that Pan and I had never had so much room at our disposal before and sometimes I think that we both got kind of spooked with the way the noises would sometimes echo through the halls.

I was still a pretty financially soft hunter back in those days.  It took a long time to put everything together for the kitchen and have it the way that I wanted it back then.  Oh, by the Light, the stables were huge and a mess – I actually left most of my mounts and pets in Shattrath with Amyn when I first came up here.  It took me days, weeks even, to get things put in order so that I had a place for the animals that would be suitable and to hire my first employee, the stableman.

Oh sure, I slept on the floor for a long time in the master suite and promised myself that I would have a huge bed in here with black satin sheets and a soft black velvet comforter for it, the canopy over the bed came much later.  Everything came to pass in due time, even remodeling the fireplaces with black marble to make them look even bigger.  Oh, those were the days when I was still very single and still out in the field a lot – I probably would make it back to Dalaran twice a month if I was lucky. 

Now, the echoes are back in the house, the emptiness is almost overwhelming this time.  No laughing children running through, no friends sitting in the great room talking over drinks.  No, the only three things left in the house now are Pan, myself and Agatha.

Agatha is actually going to take care of the big house in Silvermoon and see what she can do to get the staff trained on the other one.  At least she’s not leaving my employment and yes, she cried when she started cleaning the house for the last time – we both loved it here for a very long time.

So, it’s time for me to get off my backside and head out, lock the front door for the last time and make sure that the wards are still set.  So, it’s good-bye Dalaran, thanks for the happiest years of my life and I wish you well.  Something tells me that we’ll be back some day.

Fnor Morningstar

War Changes Families

December 12th

Dear Journal,

I was sitting on the porch at the farm in Halfhill last night, just listening to the crickets chirping in the night air, staring at the moon, you know, just having some quiet peaceful time.  A fellow needs that sort of thing when he’s been busting his backside and just wants to be alone.  Kae is back and acting like she normally does, which is nice.  She seems to smile more at me these days and likes to give me hugs a lot of the time for no reason.  I don’t understand that either because I think that she was angry with me about seeing Josie and knowing that I will see her again.

I wanted some time to think about things because I had gotten a letter from my Mom yesterday that really upset me more than it should have.  It appears that we’re all moving again, out of Dalaran because it’s not safe there anymore for my Dad to even come home. What in the hell is going on?  Dad has lived in Dalaran for years and has always loved the place from what I can gather and now the poor man can’t even go home to run his business and be with his family anymore.  It made me sad, not only for myself but for the rest of the family.

I could tell that Mom was upset with the way that she wrote things because she didn’t sound like herself at all.  It seems that she is going to reopen the house in Shattrath again as well as meet with Dad to discuss the property that he has in Nagrand.  She even told me to be careful when I went to Stormwind because people are not real receptive to the Horde right now and that I have to wear those contacts to cover my eyes so the green won’t show.  I hate those things, they make my eyes feel lumpy and itch. It’s not like I can keep my head down and not meet anyone eye-to-eye even with a hat on these days because I’ve gotten so much taller since I’ve been here in Panderia.

It’s all because of Theramore and I’ve heard that Jaina Proudmore has gone off the deep end a bit since she set foot in Dalaran.  She’s trying to start up trouble even with the Kirin Tor being neutral, she’s really causing a stir – the news has even reached us here in Panderia.  It seems like the Blood Elves are being blamed for everything even if a lot of them didn’t condone what happened, they are all going to be punished for being of that race.  My Dad was more than a little heartsick with the bombing of Theramore and I even heard him make some rather traitorous remarks in regard to the Warchief, yet, he’s up here doing his duty because that’s the kind of man that he is. All of this political crap is just stupid, why can’t we just stop and think about what’s going on before we all go crazy.

I guess I’m not old enough to understand a lot of this political stuff, it just seems so idiotic and people act like what happened was the end of the world.  It wasn’t the end of the world but it sure did open things up even more when we went to Panderia and the Horde followed us in.  Yes, there’s a war going on with the Horde and the Alliance, that’s why I’m here, however, the Panderian are keeping things fairly well tempered with the aggressions between both factions. 

I was sitting on the porch and trying to mull things over in my head to see what I could figure out with it.  I did notice that the crickets stopped singing in the night and I saw a black shadow moving out in the field, which is not a normal thing.  I thought initially that it was some Hozen coming in the pilfer from my crops that were almost ready to harvest and decided that I ought to wander out that way and do some investigating. 

Well, I was a little surprised to see my Dad in the field, dressed like he normally does when he’s out scouting.  He smiled when he saw me and I think we both let out a sigh of relief because we weren’t going to have to battle it out.  He had come to tell me about what my Mom had already written me and he didn’t look too happy about it.  Yes, it must be hard for him to lose his home in Dalaran and have to move the businesses back to their respective capitals – Orgrimmar for the Horde and Stormwind for the Alliance. He was more torn up about having to uproot the family and have them go to Shattrath too, even though it was a home to us for a lot of years before he and Mother decided to get married in the Sindorei fashion. 

I’ll admit that when I first starting reading the letter from Mom, I thought that Dad had gone back to his philandering ways again and had dumped her for another Sindorei woman.  I was angry with him all of those times that he’d come back and then he’d leave us again to go off in search of whatever it was that he thought he needed.  We were like a temporary haven for him until the wanderlust would hit him again.  As I’ve gotten older and they got married, I’ve come to understand some of his reasoning for some of this and have grown to love and respect him for the man that he is.  He did what he thought was the right thing at the time even though it was wrong for his mate and his children.  I honestly don’t know how Mom put up with it, however, I guess she loved him no matter what he did.

Anyway, getting back to my conversation with my Dad.  It was pretty intense because he told me that he felt like there was a real danger coming in Dalaran and that any Blood Elf would be in danger and that included their families and their children, especially those of mixed heritage.  Well, that kind of opened my eyes a little bit too because that would have meant that Mom, my brother, my half-brothers and my grandparents would have all been in harm’s way because of the relationship with my Dad. I know that I’ve never seen him show his emotions but I could see the sadness in his face and he actually had tears in his eyes when we were talking.  He all but apologized to me for having messed up my life. 

I told Dad that it didn’t matter, that I have lived on the edge of society all of life because of my heritage and that it didn’t matter to me.  I still had him and Mom and the rest of the family – it was hard to see this proud man just kind of wilting in front of me. 

We even sat down in the dirt and he pulled a flask out of his tunic and offered me some of his special blend, which is really telling me that he has finally accepted me as a grown-man.  I even had one of those nasty cigarettes that he likes to smoke, which I can’t seem to develop a taste for, they just made my head reel and made my throat hurt.  I guess this was my first real man-to-man discussion with my Father and I have to admit that it made me feel good. I felt like I was on equal footing with him finally.

When we finally finished talking, we gave each other a hug and wished one another well.  I know I almost felt like it might be the last time that I see him for a while which definitely tore at my heart.  I don’t want the relationship to end now, not when it’s just really begun after all of these years.  I’ll keep an eye out for him in the field when I’m on patrol, as he does for me, and we’ll meet again at the market, I’m sure of it.

When I got back to the house, Kae was still sitting at the table working on some armor that she was bound, bent and determined to make and she politely told me that if I am going to Inn, to let her know so that she didn’t have to worry.  Then she told me that I smelled bad because of the cigarette smoke and the alcohol I had had with Dad.  So, there I had to go off and get a bath before we went to bed.

Now, I have to write to Josie and tell her the plans have changed for Winter Veil and that we will have to get together in Stormwind or Shattrath since we will no longer be living in Dalaran.  I hope she will still come to visit me here in Panderia too. This time I won’t be stupid and I’ll mail my own letter instead of asking Kae to do it for me.  I think that’s what pissed her off the last time.