Letter To Amyn

January 30th

My Dearest One,

Let me start this letter off by saying that I am sorry that I haven’t written to you before now.  Yes, I was angry and it took me a few days to get over my anger and hurt about your decision to go back with the Sentinels and do your duty to your faction.  I understand your reasons for doing so and I have reconciled myself to the fact that this is how it was meant to be.

I think that your leaving home and sending the little fellows to their grandparents to live for a while shook me to the core.  It isn’t as if I had spent all of the time trying to make things as comfortable for you and the children in Shattrath and Nagrand for naught.  I know that you weren’t truly happy living that domestic life that I had envisioned and I should have realized it, however, I was being a fool.

I wish we had had a discussion about the fact that you were thinking of doing this before you left.  Yes, I would have tried to talk you out of it and we probably would have had one of our famous battles, however, it would have given us both a chance to discuss our feelings on the matter.  You and I talked about things before I left for Panderia the first time, I had to go, I was ordered to go and there was nothing that I could do to prevent that – there was no choice for me. 

However, you had the choice for your decision.  You’ve made your choice and we will adapt to the situation just like we always have in the past – it breaks my heart a little to think that you might be in harm’s way and I won’t be able to come to you in Mount Hyjal. No, that’s wrong, I can come there, I can go anywhere in Azeroth as long as it doesn’t break the orders that I have been given to follow.

I just want you to realize that I love you with every part of my being – the children are secondary to that love.  You will always be the only woman in my life now.  It should have been that way all along and I shouldn’t have strayed – I will regret those dalliances for all the days of my life because I know how much they hurt you and the boys. 

Yes, it has taken me years to realize that you were the primary reason that I felt driven to find better things, more money and a better way of life. I was building a life for the two of us and didn’t even realize what I had until I almost lost you through my trial and error method of finding what I already had in my life. I love you, dear Heart.

My visions of you staying at home with my step-sons was just that.  A vision, it wasn’t what you were meant to be and I should have realized that that Sentinel blood in you must have been simmering for months while I was off doing what I had to do.  No, I don’t blame you for anything, sweetheart, you are doing what will make you happy and what will be good for us as a couple in the long term.  I knew that it was bound to happen, however, I didn’t realize that it would happen now.

Please take care of yourself, sweetheart.  I don’t want to lose you because my life would have no meaning to it without you.  As for the businesses, we both have people that can operate those without our constant “hands on” approach that we were trying to endeavor.  Oh my love, things will be fine and we will be together soon.

Please let me know when you can get a leave and I will join you wherever you are so that we can be together.  I miss you and I am looking forward to having you join me in Panderia in the very near future.  You are truly my love and my life.

Your Loving Husband,

Fnor

I Was Wrong…

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

 

January 30th

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here this morning, at the farm, with one heck of a hangover.  I guess that’s why I don’t usually listen to Dawnglory too often because when he starts throwing his pitches about life in general and the liquor is flowing quite liberally, things just happen and they aren’t usually good for me.

I guess what I do remember was that he was pretty much on the mark with what we were discussing and I have to agree with him.  I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with Amyn about her wanting to go back to a life that she was born to live regardless of our marriage status.  I was definitely in the wrong about wanting her to stay at home with the boys while I went out and had “all of the fun” of going off to see new places – even if it did mean that I would probably get shot at and possibly killed. 

She is a Kaldorei from the bottom of her lovely feet to the tips of those lovely ears.  She has been extremely patient with me when I would “wander” off and do my own thing for a number of years, I don’t know why I thought it was going to be okay this time just because it seemed it was historically.  No, she’s her own woman and a Sentinel again, in spite of the fact that her husband is a Ranger.  She has the right to do what she wants to do.

I’ll admit that I was angry that she did all of this without talking to me, however, I have to remember that there were times that I would go out on a hunt and then send her a letter saying that I was at such-and-such a place with x,y,z and that I wouldn’t be coming home for quite a while – I needed to find myself and to make a better life.  I even did this to her when she had Kal bouncing on her hip and Vash was in her belly – I was not a good man.  A lot of women would have told me to go to blazes and would have left me to my own devices  I did make it back to her in time to deliver Vashlan, that was an experience that I will never forget.

The long and short of it is that I need to sit down and write her a letter to let her know that I do understand where she is coming from with these changes that she has made in our lives.  I may not like or agree with it, however, she has to do what she feels is the right thing for her to do.  I don’t agree with the little guys being sent to live with her parents for a while because I was really enjoying them when I got a chance to go home.  I got to do a lot of things with them that I didn’t get to do with Kal or Vash because I was selfishly doing my own thing and didn’t realize what I was searching for, I already had.

If she understood that I loved her and all I ever wanted was for her to be happy and for our family to be together.  When she came to live in Dalaran, that was probably the happiest time in my life because we could both enjoy the city that I loved, my children were with me.  She was with me which was something that should have been all along.   I never realized what I had with her until things just started getting crazy at that point and I was forced to take a good long look at my life.  What I had been searching for all of these years was right there in front of me.  A woman that loved me with all of her heart and the children that we had created together were right there.  I felt like such a fool for having wasted so many years of my life looking for something that I already had in my hand.  We even went through the process of getting married in the Sindorei fashion so that it would be more acceptable to both of us.  Oh, the vows we took at the Moonwell were just as binding as the vows we had at our wedding, I was just too foolish to realize it at the time. A life without Amyn and the children would be as barren as any desert  – I don’t think that I would want to live.

I know why she wants to come to Panderia.  She wants to be here with me and with Kal.  I know that it would make things a bit awkward for me but I also think that she would be happier being a part of something that is a lot bigger than either of us even realizes.  She wants to fight for people as much as I am being pressured into fighting for mine – War is war, however, that’s how it all began for us in the past and it is only fitting that it be going on with us now.  Her heart will always be with her people, which I accepted many years ago as she did mine.

Oh well, it’s time for me to try to make amends and write to her to letter know that I respect her decision and that I will abide by this new course that our lives have taken.   It won’t hurt the little guys to learn more of the Kaldorei traditions and to grow up with her people.  My sons are a mixture of the two races and they are still learning the Sindorei way of life although they will always be more Kaldorei than Sindorei because Amyn is the one that raised them along with the physical attributes being the dominant thing except for the green flecked eyes. 

I almost let my temper just throw everything away and I know that by not responding to her letter was probably causing her more pain than it should have.  My stupid pride was hurt because my brain was telling me that this is not how a “wife” should act, however, my brain already knew that this is how a Kaldorei woman would act.  Throw in the part of her that is  a Sentinel and I’m surprised that she didn’t catch the first available transport to Panderia just to shoot me in the backside for being stupid.

I just want her to be safe.

 

Fnor Morningstar

 

We Moved – Orgrimmar

January 29th

Dear Journal,

Well, I haven’t written in a while because Bri and I have been kind of busy of late. The last couple of months and we’ve moved to Orgrimmar.  Guess things didn’t work out so well for the Blood Elves in Dalaran, so, they moved their offices to Orgrimmar – glad it wasn’t Silvermoon because sometimes those Elves aren’t real hospitable to the Forsaken.  No, I don’t think we smell funny at all, no matter what they say, snobbish buffoons.

Anyway, we have a little house here in Orgrimmar and we’re happy I guess.  Oh yeah, we’ve made enough money to actually buy some beds, although we still have our coffins in the closet just in case we have to move to another place in the future.  Can’t get good mahogany coffins just anywhere, you know.

I guess the Blood Elves teamed up with goblins because that big green guy is the Warchief and they made a bomb and dropped it on a Fort south of Orgrimmar.  I’ve made the trek down there to see the damage, Bri didn’t want to go, big ninny.  Anyway, they made a fine mess of things and I guess we’re at war with the Alliance full-blown now.  Oh, that made me giggle – yeah, guess the goblins didn’t start things off with a bang. There wasn’t even enough left at that Theramore place to grab a quick snack while I was down there, just a big hole in the ground and the buildings are all wrecked.  Not a place for a vacation in the future, I’d suspect.

I wish I could get Brianca a bit more inspired to get off her tail bones and get busy doing something other than fishing these days.  Yeah, sure, they sell for some good gold because these people in Orgrimmar sure don’t like to do that sort of thing very often.  Killing boars ain’t half bad if you get away from the city.   I suppose her wanting to go back to Undercity to visit with old friends isn’t all bad but it sure isn’t making us any money.

I don’t know that I like this new boss that we have in Orgrimmar very much.  Some silly little chit of a girl that takes her position as a boss too seriously.  I don’t mind getting contracts from her and she pays me but I think that those Sindorei girls are just too prissy and she should have stayed in Silvermoon.  The goblins are fun to talk with when I’m in the office because they are constantly cracking jokes and they let me know how to make some extra money now and again, if they get a cut of it.

Pandas, I think that half that new continent has moved to Orgrimmar.  At least they don’t stand around and scratch their butts like the Tauren, but still, they seem to be taking over the place.  No, I don’t think I like bamboo to nibble on – throw some meat on it and it might make a good salad or something.

Well, I guess Bri has decided that she wants to tag along with me today when I go back to the Swamp of Sorrows – lots of contracts for those skins over there and the pay is good.  Maybe we’ll run across a gnome or two to punt around and hope like hell we don’t lose a toe in the process.  They just look so cute flying through the air and they get so pissed off about it too.  It’s not like we’re gonna kill them, just like to see them airborne.

Hazey Smythe

It Was The Right Decision

January 29th

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here in my tent and asking myself if I made the right decision to come back now.  What I am doing at the moment is just cleanup in Mount Hyjal.  I know that I am getting used to the routine, the patrols and building up my camaraderie with the other Sentinels, yet, my heart is still torn about my decision to return.

I know that my Sindorei is very angry with me because I have heard absolutely nothing from him.  He is usually very prompt in his responses to any letters or messages that I have sent him in the past.  This makes me wonder if he has even received the message yet. He has to know that this was not an easy decision for me to make and, yes, maybe I should have discussed it with him before I took any action on it.  However, it would have made me feel that I was looking for his approval or even permission to do anything with my life other than just take care of the children, the business and our homes.  No, that definitely went against the grain of my thoughts.  I’ve never had to “ask” his permission for anything and he has done the same to me.  I just want to hear from him, I miss him.  This is all because I want to join him in Panderia, not sit on my backside and wait in Shattrath for six months to a year before he decides to send for me.

I’ve spent a lot of time in my life just sitting and waiting for him to come back to me.  No, that isn’t going to be happening any longer.  I have a spine and I’m tired of just being used for a homemaker – that’s not what I took all of the training as a Sentinel for back when I was younger.   No, I’m not going to be one to be sitting at home and waiting, I don’t know why I allowed that to happen in the first place. Yes, I allowed it to happen and by Elune, I’m done with that.  No more will this woman be sitting at home.

I will be heading back to Dolonaar to check on my two youngest boys in the next couple of days.  Yes, I do miss them, however, I don’t miss the supposed domestic bliss that went along with it – there was no bliss, I was there with children, cleaning house, cooking, doing the laundry and trying to make them feel like they had a home of sorts. 

Oh, the memories that it brings back to me in the days when their Father was still alive and he would be there with me – not like my Sindorei that seems to be completely capable of packing up his belongings and heading out the door to something new.  Yes, the war, there is always going to be a war somewhere, that doesn’t mean that he has to be there.  He had a choice of not going this time, no, that’s unfair, he didn’t have a choice, however, I think that he could have handled it differently.  He was ordered to go back into service and he went – no questions asked, he had to go.

I had a choice.  I could have stayed hidden in Shattrath with all of the new refugees that have filtered in during the last few weeks or I could go out and take an active role in what was going on in the world.  I chose the latter.

None of the other women up here are not mated.  I guess I’m a bit older than some of them and I am one of the few that has children.  It’s not unusual to do what I have done in so far as having children, however, only the youngest boys are Kaldorei.  Of course, I’m not going to tell anyone here that I am married to a Sindorei, that would be sheer stupidity on my part and I could end up getting killed for being a traitor for just that reason.  I know that Kal does it, he keeps his hereditary a secret for the most part because he physically has the appearance of a Kaldorei except for his eyes have green flecks in them.  He’s survived all of these years and so has Vashlan.  It wasn’t easy for either one of them and it never will be, however, I love them as much or even more because of whom their Father is.

I miss my husband and my mind keeps wandering back to him.  Why hasn’t he written?  Why hasn’t he tried to get in touch with me?  Is he just that angry that I decided to do something on my own so that I didn’t have to sit on my butt and just worry about him and Kal?  I just hope that I haven’t shocked his Sindorei pride too much by taking things back into my control.

Oh well, it’s time for me to get out of my tent and go do what I am being paid for.  I also need to go see my two little boys and stop off in Stormwind to make sure that Maggie is keeping things in order for the business there since it may be my only source of income for the future if my Sindorei has decided that “this” decision was too much for his masculinity to bear.  I know in my heart that I made the right decision for me, however, I don’t know if it was the right decision for my marriage.

Amyn

 

OOC Thoughts – Scared To Death of Dungeons and Scenarios

January 27th

Well,  just as a side note, I’m finally getting over my stage fright about scenarios and dungeons I think.  Since I have an Alliance main and a Horde main, one would think that I might be able to get it into my somewhat thick head that I “know” how to play my characters – not super by any means, however, I do know what I can and can’t do with them.  So, I ran a couple of dungeons day before yesterday and no one called me rude names or “booted” me out of the instance and today I ran a scenario – these things are still stressful to me but I’ll take it one day at a time.

I can honestly say that with my experiences with the dungeons in Cataclysm when they first came out, there was some reasoning to my fear of running the new ones in Panderia.  Being an older player in the game can be a bonus at times and a hindrance at others because “changes” do make one a bit skittish.  Of course, being an older player with several health issues, there are times when I don’t want to take on the challenges and sometimes will not even bother to log in due to that.  It’s a part of life that everyone will face eventually. With some of the medications that I take, you kind of have your own “world” going as it is – a tad bit loopy.

When Mist of Panderia dropped, I was very excited and was looking forward to having many adventures in the new content.  So far, the questing has been unbelievably awesome which is where I have been spending most of my time.  The reputation grinds have been rather tedious when you are trying to level multiple characters at once in both factions – being an altoholic can be a detriment sometimes.

Anyway, to make a long story short, I am running behind everyone in the guilds that I belong too due to the fact that I was letting what I read on the Blizzard forums to heart and was scaring myself to death. 

I fell behind initially when my dog got sick for a month before we had to have the poor little thing put down to put her out of her misery.  She lived a good long life of 14 years and we still miss her dreadfully, however, we do have two rather frisky cats that keep everything under control so that we know that they are the bosses of the domain. Of course, all of this had to happen right before the holidays which can be stressful at the very least – Thanksgiving was especially hard because our little dog’s birthday was Thanksgiving Day.  Oh yes, add Christmas shopping after that, two elderly people trying to fight the crowds to get gifts for the grandbabies and grown children is an adventure – we move a bit slow.   Definitely didn’t have the stamina for much in the way of “game playing” at that time.

I definitely still love the game and enjoy the friends that I have made while I have been a part of these wonderful pixellated adventures.  World of Warcraft is my first real MMO that I have played and I have played it with a vengeance for almost eight years now.  Hell, I even have my kids playing the game now, which is the reason that I started – they left and now they are back when their schedules allow.  It’s a great game for building teams.

Most of my characters are located on an RP (role play) realm known as Wrymrest Accord and it’s where I have been for the last almost three years.  It’s one of the reasons that I have stayed in the game as long as I have, I suppose.  To be able to not only play a game that you love but you get to “play” out the roles of your characters and live that life that would be awesome if it were “real”.   As of late, due to my many absences and having the dependability of a gnat I have lost some of the contact with the RP community and will continue to try to get back in-step with the people.  It’s not an easy task, trying to rebuild bridges or even keep up with all of the storylines. I miss being a part of that community and will continue to strive to get back into it.

Why did I write this?  Well, part of me wanted to just put it down on paper so that I could say some of the things that I wanted to say and to see if it was just me.

One thing I will have to tell everyone is that RL (real life) comes first and foremost.  When you have grandchildren that are clamoring for attention, you just have to shelve your writing and game playing for a while. 

As for my writing, I’m still trying to get back into the swing of things with that and learning all of the new things on WordPress that will enable me to make my website look a tad bit more professional.  Never have had a domain of my own before and there are so many things that you can do that are just mind-boggling to one of my years and inexperience with PCs.  I’m one of those old mainframe geeks with primarily business and military applications to my name.

Oh don’t worry, I’ll be introducing some of my many characters to the website overtime – too many alts.  One day I may want to be a dwarf and one day a Night Elf or even a Worgen.  You just never know which one of those characters has something to say when you log into the game.  I hope that they aren’t too boring for some of you there.  I write to entertain myself and the people who seem to be following this effort along.

Well, time to get back to the game and see which one of my characters wants to run their mouth today – they are a bossy lot.   Thanks for reading the blogs and thank you so much for the support, it makes a senior citizen feel like they haven’t lost their touch at some things.

 

Life in Panderia…It’s Not All War

January 26th,

Dear Journal,

I am really enjoying my time in Panderia, the longer I am here the more I hate going back to the rest of the world.  Sure there is a war going on, that’s why we’re here, however, I can actually have time to do other things than to just go on patrols, fight and try to make sure that I don’t get hurt while I’m at it. 

My biggest thing here in Panderia is my farm.  I’ve never had something of my own like this before and I am finding that I love it.  I can grow my own crops, tend to the sheep and the yak that makes some pretty strange noises sometimes.  Oh yeah, Dog – don’t know why he just sits around as much as Farmer Yoon sometimes and really doesn’t do much of anything other than to oversee the place. At least on the farm, I feel like it’s mine and I can do as little as I want or work myself into a good kind of fatigue and know that it’s all worthwhile.

Kae and I both spend a lot of time just sitting around the farm sometimes and we’ve actually become closer over the last few weeks.  She laughs at my jokes and tells me what a dolt I am when I start getting into one of my moods.  At least she doesn’t seem to think that there is anything wrong with our living arrangement at this point.  I kind of like having a woman as my best friend anyway, there’s nothing that I have to prove to her that she doesn’t already know about me.

I just got a letter from Mother and I will have to admit that I am shocked and surprised that she decided to take the little guys from Shattrath and they are staying in Dolonaar so she can rejoin the Sentinels.  I know that Dad is probably fit to be tied, however, he’s been attending to his duties here in Panderia and I know that Mom really wasn’t cut out to be the domestic goddess that he wanted her to be. I just hope that she will be careful, I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to her. She’s the one that has made everything feel like a family, even when she was just considered Dad’s mistress for all of those years even though they were mated.

I have made a few friends with the other fellows in our group and most of them haven’t really figured out how different I really am than they are or they just aren’t mentioning it.  I do know that sometimes when they all decide to go out drinking and chasing women, I kind of beg off and head back to the farm because I just don’t think that I need to get involved in that sort of thing right now.  Oh we joke and we have fun when we’re out on patrols, even though it is dangerous that doesn’t mean that we can’t have fun at the same time.

I don’t know about all of the political crap that is going on right now, I just try to keep my head down, do my job and just try to avoid any kind of discussion of it.   Okay, we got ordered to Panderia, that’s all well and good – I think it’s good.  I’ll be here a good long time unless some Horde decides that they need to plant my body in the ground somewhere – which I plan on avoiding for as long as possible.

Who said that life can’t be good in wartime?  I don’t have any idea what they thought it was going to be like.  I know that as long as I do what I am supposed to do, life is pretty awesome for me.  Of course, I don’t get to go out on some of the assignments because my commander still doesn’t trust me completely because of my heritage, no big deal, I’m fine with it.

Another thing that I have found in Panderia that I never even was real interested in before is the archeology.  What beautiful artifacts are up here and if I play my cards right, I can turn a good price for them with the collectors.  All kinds of stuff and I’m seeing a lot more of Panderia than what my “duty” calls for me to see.  I know that Kae gives me all kinds of grief sometimes because I’m not what they would call real sociable.  If I’m not farming, I’m out digging around trying to find artifacts, doesn’t leave much time to get friendly with some of the people.  I think I do better when I can get off to myself anyway, I can let my mind wander and just enjoy the beauty of this country.

I guess things didn’t work out with Josie because we never did see one another during Winter Veil and I haven’t even heard from her either.  I still have her gift here at the farm stashed under the bed and if she ever gets in touch with me, I’ll give it to her.  Somehow, things just weren’t meant to work out between us, I suppose.  Maybe I was just too different and maybe there was something there that wasn’t quite right or even meant to be.  Yes, I did care about her and I still do, however, if I can’t see her or hear from her, I guess that means she doesn’t want anything to happen.  We can still be friends and the invitation that I gave her to come to visit up here is still open.

There are times that I think that relationships are just over-rated.  I look at what my parents went through for all of the years that they have been together and from a child’s standpoint, it wasn’t all that great. 

A lot of things weren’t right for them either, however, they seemed to be very happy after they got married. Things seemed to working as they should be until this war broke out. Dad’s a Sindorei and they look at things differently and Mom has her own way of thinking about things because of her duties and life with the Kaldorei.  How they have ever been able to stay together for this long is always a shock to me when I think about it.  I’m a product of their union and I hope they realize that it isn’t easy, not fitting into either race.  I am a person of my own race – a half-breed. I am making my own way in this world because there really isn’t any other choice.

Oh, Vashlan would be wringing his hands and lifting his robes up all of the time if he was up here in Panderia.  Poor little bookworm would be beside himself with the way that things are.  No, he probably wouldn’t last all that long because he would be thinking about something else and a tiger would have taken a huge bite out of his butt before he realized it.  I do miss him though, he has his own way of looking at things and with the magic that he is learning, he’s really got a twisted sense of humor. Oh I know he really does make Mother angry when he “sheeps” our brothers but it makes me laugh a lot.

I miss being at home sometimes but I like the freedom that I have in Panderia.  I feel like I have learned so much about everything that it really makes my head spin.

I know that Dad is still very upset about losing everything up in Dalaran, however, I think that he was smart in getting us all out of there before the fertilizer hit the wind machine.  I enjoyed living up there, it was beautiful and it did make you feel like you were just a little bit special and you could walk away from everything going on in the world when you got there. I miss the constant source of hot water and the bathtubs that we had in the house – now, that kind of Sindorei luxury I can deal with.  I don’t think I’ve felt clean since we left there although the house in Nagrand is supposed to have the same stuff in it. I hope that Vash was able to find a spell to put on the bathtubs to make the water hot all of the time like it was in Dalaran, I’ll have to ask him the next time I go to Stormwind.

I looked back at my journal and I haven’t really written much since Winter Veil.  Well, if the truth were to be known, I was too busy and I didn’t feel like writing anything down.  I need to get back into the habit of writing in it again.  I know Kae is looking at me grinning like a jackal because she says I look like a school boy doing his studies.  She’s weird that way, she says I’m definitely all man, however, she likes it when the “little boy” shows up when we’re having fun.  She keeps a journal too, however, I don’t think she writes in it very much.

One thing I have noticed about her that I find a bit odd.  She doesn’t talk about her family a whole lot and doesn’t ever take leave to go home.  I guess there is something there that she isn’t ready to talk about yet.  One day she will and I won’t pry because I’ve mentioned it a couple of times and she gets this really sad look in her eyes and tells me that I’m lucky to have the family that I have.  When she’s ready to talk about it, she will tell me, I’ll just have to wait and not drive her away with questions that seem to just make her sad.

Kal

 

DAMN HER!!

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

January 25th

Dear Journal,

I don’t think that I have ever been this furious in my life with Amyn.  How could she even think that this would be in any way alright with me?  I wanted her to stay in Shattrath with the boys and be “safe” – that’s why I have been literally killing myself here in Panderia, trying to make it safe so that one day I would be able to bring them here.

Her letter was just very brief.  Yes, she told me she loved me and that was part of the reason that she was going back with her Sentinels and now she’s been shipped off to Mt Hyjal.  That’s not even remotely close to where she wanted to be – she wanted to be here in Panderia with Kal and I.  I know that she has to prove herself again to the Sentinels that she is still worthy to carry the bow and can still do what she has always been capable of in the past.  She doesn’t have to prove a damned thing to me…she knows that.

Now, I have a house in Shattrath that is sitting vacant and the house in Nagrand is also vacant.  Why in the name of the Light did I even go through all of that exercise if she wasn’t going to stay where I thought she would.  I wanted to keep the family together and wanted her to be able to spend time with the little guys like she never really had the time to spend with our two sons.  I don’t know why she couldn’t have just stayed there, however, I know how stubborn she can be about things.  I don’t like it that she’s shipped the kids to her parents in Dolonaar, however, they are my stepsons and she has always had the control of what goes on with any of the kids.  I wish that she had gotten pregnant when I was home for the holidays, that would have put a stop to all of this nonsense and she would have had to have stayed home where I think she should be.

We had talked about Panderia when I was home for the holidays and we both agreed, or I thought we had agreed, that she and the boys should be able to join me at Halfhill in six months to a year, depending on how things were progressing with this moronic war. I don’t think that she was just giving me lip service, I thought that she really meant that she would stay home with the boys.

She had talked or kind of hinted at the fact that she didn’t like being stuck behind and not being able to join me like she always has in the past.  This is the first conflict that she hasn’t been able to cross the barriers at some point and we would be together.  Panderia is different, it’s not like anything that she has seen before.  Damn her!

She has to know that I am not up here philandering around and I sure as hell haven’t had time to even look at anything that might interest me.  It’s not easy having to be on your toes all of the time and always be aware of making the correct decisions to protect your men and to make sure that I can get as many of them through here so that they might be able to go home one of these days. Damn Her!  Now, I have to worry about whether she is going to be okay and worry about Kal being up here in Panderia.

I mean, what right  reason did she give for going?  She said she was no longer happy just sitting at home and taking care of the children and that she missed me.  Well, that’s not a good enough reason to go out into harm’s way, making me worry more about her than anything else in the world. Does she even care that I love her and want her safe or is she just being selfish?

I showed the letter to Dawnglory after he heard me roaring around inside my tent at the command post.  His thoughts were that all women have gone crazy and it must be some kind of Sha thing.  I think I just gave him one of those looks where I think he may have lost what little bit of a mind he had left in his head.

I guess I took some of my frustration out on him by telling him that this was my wife we were talking about and not some doxie that he had been banging once in a while. He gave me a few retorts that hit too close to home, some being – how many times did you leave her when you just had to go off on your adventures to find yourself?  Hmmm, how many times?  You always thought that she would stay home and take care of the kids while you were chasing some skirts?  Why can’t she have a life of her own away from the control of Commander Morningstar?

Yeah, he hit home and I have to admit that I may be over-reacting to her doing this.  She’s always been independent and for some reason I thought that after we got married she would do what other Sindorei wives do – they would stay at home with the kids and wait for their man to come home.  I know that not all Sindorei women are that way but the ones that I have known would have done that.  I have to remind myself that she’s not Sindorei, she’s Kaldorei and a Sentinel – she will do as she damned well pleases regardless of our marital status.

I hope that she doesn’t get hurt or killed because that would be the end of me.  I hope she hasn’t left me forever by doing this very foolish thing.  She’s sacrificing everything that we have been working for to have this adventure and possibly make it to Panderia on her own.  She could have waited a few months or at least let me know before she did this.

I don’t know whether to be just totally angry or to just sit down and cry because I may have lost everything that I have been fighting for.

Fnor Morningstar