Traumatized and Lovesick


January 10th

Dear Journal,

I think I’m better now.  I don’t think that I have ever been so frightened in my life as I was during the riots.  The screaming was enough to make me join in with them because it was like the hysteria was just taking over everything in the city.  I know I tried to hide my fears, however, I’m not so sure that I was really all that successful in doing that.

I know that I was so relieved to see Fnar slip in the side door, which in my infinite wisdom, I had forgotten to lock.  I’m happy it was him that stepped through that door instead of some blood-crazed Orc or even some poor frightened person that was participating in the riots. 

I kept thinking the whole time, please Light, don’t let anyone know about Fnor’s wife being Kaldorei because they will kill us all – just because. I know that a few select people are aware of his marriage and his children, however, it could be a death sentence for all of us – does he even think about that?  I think that we would be all considered traitors to the Horde if this information was discovered and that we all condoned it.  I’m not ready to die yet.  I can’t let this drive me away from the only family that I have left in the world either because I can’t bear the thoughts of being alone…and poor.

I had hoped that Fnar would have shown up here in Orgrimmar in the last few days.  I have been absolutely heartsick because he hasn’t shown up yet.  Yes, I was already a bit upset with him because I thought for sure that he would propose during the holidays in Shattrath and he didn’t.  Doesn’t he love me?  Am I not good enough or pretty enough to make him love me?  I know that other men find me attractive but I have been in love with him most of my life – that long flowing blonde hair, the way he gets that crooked little smile when he’s thinking some of his more evil thoughts, the way his green eyes dance with laughter when he thinks I’m saying something funny.  His kisses seem to melt my knees and all I want to do is to be in his arms.

I’m being silly and I know, he does care in his own way.  Maybe I am expecting too much from him right now.  It’s wartime, there is a chance that he might even get killed in Panderia – wouldn’t he want a woman waiting for him somewhere, a wife…maybe a baby.  I just know that I miss him and I want him here in Orgrimmar with me.  Of course, Fnor thinks I’m being foolish.  While he’s telling me that I am being foolish about Dawnglory, he’s telling me that he’s sure that his friend loves me in his own way but maybe he isn’t ready to settle down just yet.  What kind of brother would tell his sister that?

Maybe I am being foolish, I don’t know.  I’ve never seen people slaughtered the way that they were here in the city.  So many dead, so many corpses lying around.  I know that I would stumble over someone’s arm and proceed to throw up.  Oh, the smell, I’ve never smelt anything like that in my life – the screams still echo through my mind.

My brother wants to know if I want to stay here or go back to Silvermoon?  I can’t go back to Silvermoon right now, the company needs me to do the books and keep the employees in-line.   Besides, if I stay here in Orgrimmar, Fnar will know where to find me when he makes his trips back from Panderia – that was my whole point of taking over here in Orgrimmar.  I know that if I am patient, I will make him love me enough.

I know when I was in Shattrath, Fnar spent all of his time with the family and we would slip off together to be alone.  No, even as much as I wanted him to take me in a more intimate fashion, all we did was touch one another.  I could tell that he wanted me and my body was almost screaming for him to take me.  I know my body would ache for hours after we would kiss like that and run our hands over one another.  Was that ache the same for him?  I don’t know that much about men and how they can feel about passion – I just know that it left me feeling empty and very alone.

I guess my brother thinks I need to spend some time in bed so I can recover from the trauma of the riots.  That’s not what I need!! I need to get back to work so that I can feel like I am in charge of my life again.  I wish my brother would go back to Amyn in Shattrath, that’s where he belongs, not here playing the mother hen to me.  I have the employees here that can help me, they don’t need the Boss to be sitting in the office managing things.  I need to be in that chair and doing the job that I am being paid for.

Of course, Zippie and Dooddah are being very attentive, however, their cooking is a bit strange and I want something else.  I want Fnar to be here to comfort me and to take care of me, not the two little goblins.

Faendra Morningstar

 

 

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