Now What?

January 14th

Dear Journal,

Well, I will have to admit that I did have a good time with the family and everyone seemed to enjoy the gifts that I brought back to Panderia.  However, I still have one gift in my possession that is still wrapped and will remain so until the person it was intended for comes to claim it.

It was truly with a heavy heart that I came back to Panderia because there seemed to be so much unfinished business that I didn’t get a chance to deal with.  I don’t know what happened to Josie, however, I never did hear from her while I was on leave.  Maybe she really didn’t want to see me, after all? I know that I really wanted to see her and talk with her.  Maybe I’m just being stupid by trying to hold onto a relationship that seems to be almost invisible to everyone except for me.

Maybe I should just mail her gift to her and hope that she gets it?  It’s just a pair of boots that I made for her, which took a lot of time and energy.  I’m not even sure that they will fit her because I had to guess at the size. The jade necklace and earrings will be okay for her though, I’m sure that she will like those.

I even left Shattrath a day early so I could hang out in Stormwind and try to see if I could see her and that didn’t even work.  The shop was busy and I didn’t even see her inside.  It made me feel like some kind of weird stalker, just lingering out there on the street and looking in the windows.  I didn’t go in because I didn’t want anyone else to know that I was there other than Josie. 

I don’t know what to do.  Should I just give up on my feelings for her and just get on with my life?  It’s hard to think that my feelings weren’t reciprocated because I felt like they were.  Maybe something happened to her and she’s somewhere where she can’t write or something?

I just know that I have to quit moping around about this because I know that Kae is getting tired of me talking about it all of the time.  She even told me to shut up the other night, which she has never done to me before.  I’m sure that she finds it annoying to constantly hear about my feelings towards another woman, however, she is the only one I have to talk to about it.

I guess Dad is back from Shattrath because I saw the lights on at his little house across the fields.  Maybe one of these days I will get a chance to talk to him about this stuff and he can give me some ideas as to how I should handle it.  It’s not like he lives that far away, however, I am sure that someone would notice us talking together unless we do it in the middle of the night like we did the last time.  I’ll just have to bide m time and see what happens.

It was nice getting back Panderia.  The farm is really flourishing and Kae did a great job in keeping up with things here while I was with my family.  I wonder why she didn’t go back to Darnassus and Dolonaar to see her family for a few days?  I know she had the leave time but she says she just stayed here on the farm. Heck, I wonder why she even stays with me sometimes because I’m no prize.  I’m sure that she gets some flak from some of the other people in our unit because of the fact that I’m not a full blooded Kaldorei, however, if she does, she doesn’t pay attention to it.

Well, it’s time for me to get back to work and go to the briefing and find out what our assignments are for the day.  I hope it’s one of those uneventful patrols where we just go out and see where the Horde is setting up camps again.

I know that I have to get my feelings under control so that I don’t have my mind on other things and get myself killed for being stupid. I’m too old to be moping around like this about a woman, she’s not the only girl that I have been with before, however, she may not have the same feelings that I do and it hurts me more than it is helping.  I need to get focused on my job, that’s why I’m here.

Kal

 

 

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