I Need A Change

January 15th

Dear Journal,

My Sindorei is back in Panderia and I am sitting here in Shattrath while the boys are in school.  The house seems empty after the holidays and even emptier since my husband left.  He has a way of just making  the house a lot more lively.  No, I’m not talking about the bedroom, I’m talking about the fact that he is always doing something – working on his armor, talking a mile a minute to while away the time.

We had so much fun at the Faire even though I knew that he would be heading back to Panderia later on that night.  The children had a wonderful time and Fnor makes a wonderful step-Father to them.  A part of me realizes that the time that he spends with the two youngest boys is almost because he is trying to make up for the time that he missed with the older boys.  I know I can almost see it in his eyes when he’s talking with the little ones that he wished that they were Kal and Vashlan.  Of course, the little guys don’t think anything about it, they just enjoy having with those moments when he’s home.

Now comes the lonely times again.  I know that I am sitting here and hoping that he will be able to come home again in the near future even though there is a war going on.  It seems like each time he comes home that it is harder for me to let him go back and it’s harder for him to go.   I know the last war was the one that we thought would end all of this nonsense, however, it didn’t.  We had a few years there where the world didn’t seem to be in constant turmoil. There had been some semblance of peace and we could lead different lives.

When my Sindorei and I first met, it was a time of war.  When our first child was conceived and born, it was a time of war although it was waning and did not affect the area that we had chosen to live in Outland.  Shattrath seemed like such a larger city back then, not crowded like it is now with the refugees from Dalaran that have flocked here. Now, it is a bit overcrowded and people seem to be in various stages of hysteria of things that they have seen or heard about.  It’s not dull by any means.

One thing that I have noticed in the last few weeks is that there seem to be more people like my Sindorei and myself.  Blood Elves and Kaldorei living together openly, so, there shouldn’t be any danger to the family here.  We thought pretty much the same thing when we were living in Dalaran, however, there isn’t a Jaina Proudmore living here, I don’t think anyone of mental ilk would even be allowed to come here and cause the trouble she did in Dalaran.  Damned insane human!

I wish my parents had moved with us to Shattrath.  I miss them and miss having them near me so that they could keep an eye on the two youngest boys once in a while.  I don’t mind the domestic grind that I have gotten myself into during the last few years, however, I do miss doing the things that I loved.  I loved being a Sentinel and , in my heart and mind, I am still that same person.  I just have more baggage now than I did back then.  I may take the boys to Dolonaar in the very near future and have them stay with my parents so that I can go back to Feathermoon and become something more than what I am at the moment.

If my husband and my eldest son can go off to war and fight for what they believe in, I can do the same.  I don’t want to spend my entire life just staying behind and raising children.  I want to see the things that they have seen, no matter how horrible that could have been, I want to see the world that has changed so much in the last few months.  I want to stand by my son’s side on his farm, I want to visit my husband and not have to wait until he can get leave and slip away to come home.  I don’t like being here away from the things that are happening.

I think that I am just in a bad mood or something today because normally these things don’t bother me. I think I need to start looking at things differently and do something about it instead of sitting here and being frustrated.  Alone again and I miss my husband.

Amyn

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