DAMN HER!!

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

January 25th

Dear Journal,

I don’t think that I have ever been this furious in my life with Amyn.  How could she even think that this would be in any way alright with me?  I wanted her to stay in Shattrath with the boys and be “safe” – that’s why I have been literally killing myself here in Panderia, trying to make it safe so that one day I would be able to bring them here.

Her letter was just very brief.  Yes, she told me she loved me and that was part of the reason that she was going back with her Sentinels and now she’s been shipped off to Mt Hyjal.  That’s not even remotely close to where she wanted to be – she wanted to be here in Panderia with Kal and I.  I know that she has to prove herself again to the Sentinels that she is still worthy to carry the bow and can still do what she has always been capable of in the past.  She doesn’t have to prove a damned thing to me…she knows that.

Now, I have a house in Shattrath that is sitting vacant and the house in Nagrand is also vacant.  Why in the name of the Light did I even go through all of that exercise if she wasn’t going to stay where I thought she would.  I wanted to keep the family together and wanted her to be able to spend time with the little guys like she never really had the time to spend with our two sons.  I don’t know why she couldn’t have just stayed there, however, I know how stubborn she can be about things.  I don’t like it that she’s shipped the kids to her parents in Dolonaar, however, they are my stepsons and she has always had the control of what goes on with any of the kids.  I wish that she had gotten pregnant when I was home for the holidays, that would have put a stop to all of this nonsense and she would have had to have stayed home where I think she should be.

We had talked about Panderia when I was home for the holidays and we both agreed, or I thought we had agreed, that she and the boys should be able to join me at Halfhill in six months to a year, depending on how things were progressing with this moronic war. I don’t think that she was just giving me lip service, I thought that she really meant that she would stay home with the boys.

She had talked or kind of hinted at the fact that she didn’t like being stuck behind and not being able to join me like she always has in the past.  This is the first conflict that she hasn’t been able to cross the barriers at some point and we would be together.  Panderia is different, it’s not like anything that she has seen before.  Damn her!

She has to know that I am not up here philandering around and I sure as hell haven’t had time to even look at anything that might interest me.  It’s not easy having to be on your toes all of the time and always be aware of making the correct decisions to protect your men and to make sure that I can get as many of them through here so that they might be able to go home one of these days. Damn Her!  Now, I have to worry about whether she is going to be okay and worry about Kal being up here in Panderia.

I mean, what right  reason did she give for going?  She said she was no longer happy just sitting at home and taking care of the children and that she missed me.  Well, that’s not a good enough reason to go out into harm’s way, making me worry more about her than anything else in the world. Does she even care that I love her and want her safe or is she just being selfish?

I showed the letter to Dawnglory after he heard me roaring around inside my tent at the command post.  His thoughts were that all women have gone crazy and it must be some kind of Sha thing.  I think I just gave him one of those looks where I think he may have lost what little bit of a mind he had left in his head.

I guess I took some of my frustration out on him by telling him that this was my wife we were talking about and not some doxie that he had been banging once in a while. He gave me a few retorts that hit too close to home, some being – how many times did you leave her when you just had to go off on your adventures to find yourself?  Hmmm, how many times?  You always thought that she would stay home and take care of the kids while you were chasing some skirts?  Why can’t she have a life of her own away from the control of Commander Morningstar?

Yeah, he hit home and I have to admit that I may be over-reacting to her doing this.  She’s always been independent and for some reason I thought that after we got married she would do what other Sindorei wives do – they would stay at home with the kids and wait for their man to come home.  I know that not all Sindorei women are that way but the ones that I have known would have done that.  I have to remind myself that she’s not Sindorei, she’s Kaldorei and a Sentinel – she will do as she damned well pleases regardless of our marital status.

I hope that she doesn’t get hurt or killed because that would be the end of me.  I hope she hasn’t left me forever by doing this very foolish thing.  She’s sacrificing everything that we have been working for to have this adventure and possibly make it to Panderia on her own.  She could have waited a few months or at least let me know before she did this.

I don’t know whether to be just totally angry or to just sit down and cry because I may have lost everything that I have been fighting for.

Fnor Morningstar

 

 

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