I Was Wrong…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

 

January 30th

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here this morning, at the farm, with one heck of a hangover.  I guess that’s why I don’t usually listen to Dawnglory too often because when he starts throwing his pitches about life in general and the liquor is flowing quite liberally, things just happen and they aren’t usually good for me.

I guess what I do remember was that he was pretty much on the mark with what we were discussing and I have to agree with him.  I shouldn’t have gotten so angry with Amyn about her wanting to go back to a life that she was born to live regardless of our marriage status.  I was definitely in the wrong about wanting her to stay at home with the boys while I went out and had “all of the fun” of going off to see new places – even if it did mean that I would probably get shot at and possibly killed. 

She is a Kaldorei from the bottom of her lovely feet to the tips of those lovely ears.  She has been extremely patient with me when I would “wander” off and do my own thing for a number of years, I don’t know why I thought it was going to be okay this time just because it seemed it was historically.  No, she’s her own woman and a Sentinel again, in spite of the fact that her husband is a Ranger.  She has the right to do what she wants to do.

I’ll admit that I was angry that she did all of this without talking to me, however, I have to remember that there were times that I would go out on a hunt and then send her a letter saying that I was at such-and-such a place with x,y,z and that I wouldn’t be coming home for quite a while – I needed to find myself and to make a better life.  I even did this to her when she had Kal bouncing on her hip and Vash was in her belly – I was not a good man.  A lot of women would have told me to go to blazes and would have left me to my own devices  I did make it back to her in time to deliver Vashlan, that was an experience that I will never forget.

The long and short of it is that I need to sit down and write her a letter to let her know that I do understand where she is coming from with these changes that she has made in our lives.  I may not like or agree with it, however, she has to do what she feels is the right thing for her to do.  I don’t agree with the little guys being sent to live with her parents for a while because I was really enjoying them when I got a chance to go home.  I got to do a lot of things with them that I didn’t get to do with Kal or Vash because I was selfishly doing my own thing and didn’t realize what I was searching for, I already had.

If she understood that I loved her and all I ever wanted was for her to be happy and for our family to be together.  When she came to live in Dalaran, that was probably the happiest time in my life because we could both enjoy the city that I loved, my children were with me.  She was with me which was something that should have been all along.   I never realized what I had with her until things just started getting crazy at that point and I was forced to take a good long look at my life.  What I had been searching for all of these years was right there in front of me.  A woman that loved me with all of her heart and the children that we had created together were right there.  I felt like such a fool for having wasted so many years of my life looking for something that I already had in my hand.  We even went through the process of getting married in the Sindorei fashion so that it would be more acceptable to both of us.  Oh, the vows we took at the Moonwell were just as binding as the vows we had at our wedding, I was just too foolish to realize it at the time. A life without Amyn and the children would be as barren as any desert  – I don’t think that I would want to live.

I know why she wants to come to Panderia.  She wants to be here with me and with Kal.  I know that it would make things a bit awkward for me but I also think that she would be happier being a part of something that is a lot bigger than either of us even realizes.  She wants to fight for people as much as I am being pressured into fighting for mine – War is war, however, that’s how it all began for us in the past and it is only fitting that it be going on with us now.  Her heart will always be with her people, which I accepted many years ago as she did mine.

Oh well, it’s time for me to try to make amends and write to her to letter know that I respect her decision and that I will abide by this new course that our lives have taken.   It won’t hurt the little guys to learn more of the Kaldorei traditions and to grow up with her people.  My sons are a mixture of the two races and they are still learning the Sindorei way of life although they will always be more Kaldorei than Sindorei because Amyn is the one that raised them along with the physical attributes being the dominant thing except for the green flecked eyes. 

I almost let my temper just throw everything away and I know that by not responding to her letter was probably causing her more pain than it should have.  My stupid pride was hurt because my brain was telling me that this is not how a “wife” should act, however, my brain already knew that this is how a Kaldorei woman would act.  Throw in the part of her that is  a Sentinel and I’m surprised that she didn’t catch the first available transport to Panderia just to shoot me in the backside for being stupid.

I just want her to be safe.

 

Fnor Morningstar

 

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