Life Can Be Lonely

February 6th

Dear Journal,

I did take some time to take my parents and the boys to the Faire because they enjoyed it so much the last time.  Of course, it was a way for me to see them all and enjoy some time with them that the “war” isn’t intruding into things so much that you have no time to think of anything else.  Oh, the kids were up to their usual antics and my parents were just enjoying everything – the sights and the sounds just seem to add a bit of a spark to their lives for some reason.

Of course, the trip seemed a bit bittersweet to me because my Sindorei was not there with me. How every single thing at the Faire reminded me of him.  I would hear a laugh and whirl around in hopes that it was my love and was always sorely disappointed when it wasn’t. 

This war is different.  I can’t follow my man like I did in the past even when I would have to slip off for a few hours from the other Sentinels to have some time alone with him.  Now, he’s on an entirely different continent than I am and there is no way for me to follow him without the proper credentials and transport there.  So many legal barriers and restrictions that were never in place before and it makes me furious.  How dare these political bigots keep us apart?

I got a letter from Kal and the poor fellow seems sad and I think that I know why.  I don’t think he ever met with the girl in Stormwind and even though he hasn’t come right out and said anything about it, I think he had lost a good part of his heart to her.  First loves are the harshest things to go through when they don’t work out, which, first loves very rarely work out.  Fnor and I were lucky – we made our love work for us regardless of the hurtles we had to face.  I just wrote him back and told him to keep his faith in Elune and his life would find its way to more happiness in the future. As his Mother, there is nothing that I can do for him other than to try to comfort him by telling him that things will get better in the future although it breaks my heart to see him get hurt.  Love lost will lead to another love sometime in the future.  I hope he doesn’t take after his Father in his searching for something that he might just have right there with him.  Men are just silly that way, it seems, they can’t see the forest for the trees before they get knocked off their mounts.

I have a terrible feeling that this loneliness is just going to get worse before it gets better.  It seems like I can be surrounded by people and feel totally alone.  I don’t like this feeling at all and it’s something that has been totally alien in my life for quite a few centuries. I have to get my focus back before I head back to Mount Hyjal to face another round of assignments.  I just wish I could work my way up through the ranks faster so that I could get sent to the “real” front – to Panderia.

I  know that I have found that the areas I have been in are very similar to some of the places that I have been in the past with the exception of the fact that my Sindorei isn’t somewhere close by.   Yes, I am enjoying being amongst my beloved Sentinels and sometime it does take the ache from my heart for a while. 

At least I’m not sitting on my haunches in Shattrath and waiting for the conquering heroes to return when the time is right.  I’m taking part in life which I was bred for – yes, we’re a warrior race when it comes to the protection of the land and damn those Orcs for being so thickheaded in their greed.

Oh, I made a terrible mistake recently.  You know that old saying about you can’t ever go “home” again, back to the memories that you had of it.  I went back to Dalaran out of curiosity, nothing more.  I wish that I had never gone back. 

Our house that Fnor took so much pride in has been turned into offices and barracks. Of course, anything that was remotely Sindorei has been removed or defaced. I actually worked up the courage to walk in the foyer and I almost cried because all of the family crests and all of the symbols that were in the carved black marble of the fireplace in the main room have been crudely removed – it almost broke my heart to see all of that artesian carving mutilated like that. The carpets look like they have been trampled by a herd of kodo and there are tears in the wallpaper wherever there was anything remotely Horde on it.

I made the mistake of actually flying over the backyard so that I could see what else had happened and it made my heart sick.  The garden has been kept up to some level, the guest house has been turned into a daycare center or some kind of orphanage.  Someone had found some of my Sindorei’s old jousting armor in the stables and set it up for target practice – that beautiful armor stuffed with straw and arrows just sticking out of it – I’ll admit that I cried, up there in the sky on my mount. The beautiful gazebo and fountain that Fnor had built for me were so much rubble. 

I didn’t mind the children running and playing in the yard, that’s something that should be, however, they aren’t my children and this was our home.   That’ where my boys should be playing, not these strangers.

I did wander the streets a bit, no one would be there that might have known me in the slightest.  I peeked into some of the shops that I used to go too – most of the shopkeepers have been replaced with new ones.  I hope that some of the Sindorei shopkeepers were exempt from the carnage that was done up there.  I hope they all escaped.  With some of the skeletons that I saw below the city, it doesn’t look like some of them were afforded a decent burial.

I don’t think that I will ever tell Fnor what I’ve seen, I don’t want to see the pain in his eyes and to hear that catch in his voice when he speaks of his “home” that was taken from him by this damned war and that insane woman.   I don’t care what happened in Kalimdor, what was done in Dalaran was a worse as anything that the Horde have done if not more.  These people were trapped up there with no means of escape to be killed or imprisoned.  Yes, I know that Theramore was horrible and my heart goes out to the people that were killed there – however, this … that still doesn’t make what happened in Dalaran right.

Well, it’s time for me to hug the boys one last time and talk with my parents a little before I head back to Mount Hyjal and my duties there.  I hate saying good-bye, even if it is only for a little while – a week, maybe two at most.

Oh, my beloved Sindorei, my heart, my body and my soul ache for you.  If only time would move faster somehow and we could be together again soon. May Elune guide your steps through all dangers and bring you back unharmed.



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