Panderia – Thoughts and Dreams

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.


February 6th

Dear Journal,

I thought that I would just sit here at the farm this morning and enjoy some peace and quiet for a while.  The alone time that I get these days is something to be cherished and savored like a fine wine because it doesn’t happen very often.  Yes, I’m a creature of habit because I’m sitting here in this strange land with my cup of coffee and my cigarettes, almost as good as being in Dalaran but not quite.

I was absolutely floored when Dawnglory gave me the news that he had won a farm in a card game.  The ironic thing is that his farm is right between Kal’s and mine.  I had planned on trying to buy the piece of land from the original owner to enlarge my farm, however, I guess having Fnar as a neighbor won’t be all bad unless he turns the place into a brothel or something.

Poor fellow has his work cut out for him though because his house is already built although it is in disrepair and the land hasn’t been cared for in quite some time.  I guess the original owner really didn’t take to the farm life as much as Kal and I have. At least the  farm will give Dawnglory something to do when he has a few hours to call his own instead of getting drunk and causing issues that I am still trying to make amends with the locals about.

I will admit that I am kind of happy for Dawnglory to get something a bit positive and permanent going in his life.  Maybe, just maybe, with the responsibility of the farm, plus living between Kal and I, it will make him settle down some.  He’s a bit like I was when I was younger, he’s still searching for that one thing that will make him happy – marriage might be it or it might be something totally different for him.

I wish that Faendra would stop writing me and asking me about Dawnglory.  I’ve finally written her back and told her that she needs to make amends for her poor behavior towards him if she even feels like she wants another chance with him.  He’s my friend and she is my sister and I am just going to try to stay out of the middle of that mess if I can.  If they eventually sleep together, that’s between them and I don’t want to know anything about it.

I know I am sitting here with the letter than Amyn had smuggled into me and rereading every line almost as tenderly as one would hold a lover in your arms.  She still loves me and all she seems to want at this point is to get to where Kal and I are “now”, which is nigh impossible at this moment.  Light, if she knew how I lay here in my bed at night and just almost weep for the wanting of her physically, the sound of her voice, the laughter of the little guys.  I am sure that she has these same feelings because I think that this separation is hard on the both of us as well as the children.

Nothing has changed as far as the “war effort” is going except that it is heating up again.  It seems that we have done enough recon that Garrosh has gotten off of his backside and has graced us with his presence out in the field. I see him direct squads of Sindorei to go against the Alliance, the same goes for the other races including his warrior Orcs, however, I have noticed that he will partake of the battle or skirmish unless it brings him some kind of personal glory.  Oh, how I would like to put my boot up his posterior.

I don’t care what race we have in the Horde, I see the same look on the faces of the people going into battle when they run into the Kaldorei.  If there ever was an “oh shit” moment on a battlefield, that has got to be the one that they see the most threatening – oh, throw in a few Worgen, Humans, Dwarves and Gnomes just to make it even more interesting.  I know I have to laugh at myself a few times because I have had a Gnome or several knock me on my butt when I was just not expecting them to be able to hit that hard at close range.  When those little fellows are geared out, they aren’t very puntable like we used to do in the old days. We use Fel to get our blood boiling in battle, however, those little guys must have gotten some kind of hidden strength from being radiated in their city.

Pan seems to be enjoying his new stable mate at least.  Oh they grouse and snarl at each other here at the farm and then go frolicking around like a couple of kittens.  Jaiden is a new addition and is still being trained, however, he’s coming along just fine.  However, Pan does let him know who the “top cat” is on the farm.  He is real beauty though, that’s why I tamed him. Jade green and gold, never saw anything like him before, that’s why I got him.  Of course, Pan has free run of the farm and is the only one that sleeps in the house with me because he’s my primary companion.  I will always keep Pan with me when I’m out in the field or going into a skirmish because he knows the way I operate and I pretty much can tell what or how he is going to react in a certain situation – we’ve been together for a long time, actually longer than the time that I have been with Amyn. He might be a bit slower in his step because of his years, however, once that adrenalin kicks in, the years fade like the dawn from night to day.

I would really love Panderia even more than I already do if it weren’t for the way that Amyn and I are being forced apart and the political crap that seems to always come out when I am at the command post.

I can see why Kal keeps telling me that he is going to probably settle down up here, he has his farm, he loves to be able to go out and do the same things that I like to do – we’re both that much alike, he likes the part of his life as a hunter.   I hope that he will be able to find some happiness with that and maybe one day find a suitable match to where he can enjoy his life to the fullest with a family and children.

I know that I didn’t fully find “myself” and I didn’t realize what true happiness was until I realized what Amyn and I had together.  I wasted quite a few years searching for that and I had it all of the time and never fully recognized it for what it was, stupid me.  I love my wife with my heart and soul, however, the children, my sons and stepsons – they are just the icing on the cake of my life and I cherish every minute that I get to spend with them.

Occasionally I do reminisce about the old days and some of it is good and some bad.  Do I regret some of my past misguided attempts at finding that happiness that most of us want?  Oh, you bet I regret some of it, however, not all of it was bad.  I miss some the people from my past that I no longer see, however, that doesn’t mean that they don’t cross my mind from time to time.  Hindsight is definitely 20/20, however, the future beckons an adventurer like nothing else.  If I am not anything, I’m still a mercenary at heart and the thrill of the battles, the hunting is something that has always been a part of my life regardless of my marital status.

Fnor Morningstar


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