I thought I would try to write a journal, to keep some of my thoughts and memories in. My memories aren’t the best in the world as it is due to circumstances beyond my control. I must have really made someone angry in my past life because I definitely have had the karma to show for it.
Oh, I suppose that I ought to introduce myself first. My name is Allize Alexander. I’m not real sure that it is my real name, I just thought it was a pretty name and it all started with the letter A. Not too bad when your mind goes in a whirl now and again.
I can tell you right away that I am from somewhere in Gilneas, don’t know what city, village or whatever there is left there. I’ve never gone back to look, to be honest – there isn’t much point of it if all of the reports that I have heard are true. It just seems like it was a stupid idea to hold all of the people up behind a closed wall and then they all got trapped with the plague that the Forsaken decided to launch against them. There was really no hope of escape for most of the people that lived through the initial attacks of the worgen.
Even if I did take the trouble to go back there, it would be pointless in some ways. It might jog my memory a little bit or something, however, there isn’t much point of it right now. What family did I have back there? I have no earthly idea. Was I popular or attractive when I was fully human? I have no earthly idea.
Yes, I got the Curse put on me just like so many others, however, I seemed to have wandered from one bad thing to the next. I have no home to speak of, unless you count the Inn in the Trade District as a home. It’s the one that I have right now. Good thing I don’t need to sleep much because it’s usually so noisy with the Bank and the Auction House going full tilt at all hours of the day or night. If I were truly human or worgen, I’d have some definite fatigue issues.
I do remember trying to escape from Gilneas, there was ship that was supposed to take us to safety – I apparently missed the boat. I know there was fighting near the docks and I got separated from the group that I was with. That’s the last thing I remember.
The next thing I remember is waking up in the home of the Death Knights. The things that happened there are burned into my mind like the carvings on a gravestone. The training, the memories that were drained from my mind, the torture and the sadistic things that went on there. Yes, we were all under the control of the Lich King. We were his minions to do his bidding as he wished. I remember the pain and the agony, the inability to be able to control my inner wolf because it would break out and try to strike out at my tormentors. The more my inner creature would howl , they more they tormented me until I learned how to control the beast. The injuries they inflicted on the wolf would always show up on the human form, which made them laugh with glee. When I meet my final end, I won’t worry about going to Hell, I’ve already been there.
Light’s Hope Chapel was the beginning of the end for my tenure with the Death Knights. When the battle was lost there and the Lich King was finally killed. We were released from that bondage of just being mindless killing machines.
I don’t care what anyone says, I can still remember a lot of the killing. I would go on rampages that seemed to last for days on end, I would kill whatever crossed my path to stop the pain and yearning that is held within my Rune Axe. I still get those yearnings and I still feel the pain of that yearning if those needs are not met. I used to think of it as a welcoming to the life of the damned.
I must have been a formidable warrior at Light Chapel because when I awakened there my body was surrounded by corpses, some of my own Death Knight brethren were there lying next to me. Waking up to the smell of death is nothing new to me, then or now. All I know is that I saw the living people moving around and setting the piles of bodies on fire to burn them. I think I felt a lurch in my chest from a heart that had stopped beating long ago – or maybe it was what was left of my brain.
I’m not ashamed to admit it, I ran. I just kept running until there was no other place to go. I kept coming back to Light’s Chapel in hopes that some more of my fellow Death Knights might make an appearance. I always kept my head down, stayed in my human form and wandered amongst the living. That’s how I learned of the pardon being offered in Stormwind.
My trip to Stormwind was almost uneventful until one of the drovers decided that I was a female and he should be able to have his way with me. Much to his horror when he grabbed my arm, it was cold and felt like marble. Well, he was surprised because he thought that I was some pitiful little human creature, which I was at some point. That cold skin was his first surprise, the second surprise was when the wolf made her appearance. I took his head off before he even had a chance to scream to alert the others and hid his body. Oh yeah, we spent a couple of hours searching the surrounding area to try to find him before we all decided that he had deserted the group and had gone on his separate way.
I was able to keep my disguise working for me until we started through Goldshire. I’ll admit that I ran there too, carrying my belongings with me. I knew that I had to openly approach the gates of Stormwind and walk through the streets of the city to the King. It was definitely an unpleasant experience – rotten food, afoul and anything that any of the humans could pick up were thrown in my direction. The names, there are times that I still have dreams about those crowds. I don’t know how I managed to make my way through the city without losing control of the wolf, however, I did.
King Varian welcomed me to the city and gave me my pardon so that I could live amongst the population for as long as I desired. Yes, I suppose I was a “hero” in some ways if you count getting booted out of your own city and getting Cursed – then dying, coming back as what I am today.
I don’t relish the future that much, however, I do have an advantage. I’m already dead, my appearance won’t age or change. I don’t have visible scars and the wolf will never grow old either. I like to hope that it is an advantage in some things. I do keep my human form when I am in the city, keeping a hood on to cover my blue eyes and I don’t socialize much with other people from Gilneas – the ones that have the Curse can smell the smell of death on me and usually make some crass comment and walk away.
I found a job in my human form as a smithy and was able to get some training for mining. I love mining, the wolf loves mining. Normally I travel alone and the wolf is free to kill as long as we bring back the quota of ore that we need to keep the blacksmith happy. The killing while we are out mining keeps my yearnings at bay – I will only kill another human if they attack me first.
Am I happy? In some ways I am. Am I lonely? I’ll admit that sometimes I am. I can’t run with a pack of Worgen when they go out to hunt very often because they definitely show their distaste for running with a female that is already dead. Do I have the angst and hatred that some of the other Death Knights that I have run into have? No, not really. I think that I am luckier than some of these walking dead Knights because I have no real memories to yearn for, my mind is a fairly clean slate. Will I go look for a family that I know I must have had? It’s doubtful. The happiest times for me right now is when I can run free as the wolf – I feel alive.
This is what my life has been so far. Learning to accept the luck of the drawn, being dead and still being a Worgen.