Panderia – Reflections

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.


February 9th

Dear Journal,

Family has always been something that has been important to me, once I realized I really did have a family of my own, it is actually the most precious commodity in life.  Since I have been in Panderia and being around my oldest son more and more, I’m finding that he and I have a lot in common.  Maybe it’s true what they say about genes or whatever they are, Kal is a lot like his Father whether he realizes it or not.  We definitely like to do a lot of the same things, hunting, fishing and we are both people that like to get off alone to give our brains some time to think about the things going on in our lives.

When I was his age, I was already mated to Amyn in the Kaldorei fashion.  Funny thing is, at that time, it didn’t seem to be as important to me then.  I think had I known more about the traditions at that point in my life, I would have realized the permanence of it. I was very much the Sindorei in those days and thought as long as the edict or the laws were addressed by Silvermoon, not much could be done with it, little did I know.

Amyn and I had been together for a while and we were getting used to being together quite a bit even though we were breaking so many laws and social boundaries, it didn’t much seem to matter.  She was with her group of Sentinels, I was with a group of Rangers, however, we always seem to find time to be together as a man and woman.

We did have a child before Kal was born, which we don’t talk about all that much because the pregnancy didn’t go well.  It was a little girl from what we could tell when Amyn had the miscarriage and the baby looked very much the Sindorei.  She was only a few months along, however, it was heartbreaking for the both of us.  We, in our ignorance, thought that it meant that we could probably never have any children, which we have proven very wrong since then.  I sometimes think about the little girl that almost “was” and wonder what it might have been like to raise a daughter instead of sons.  Yes, I would like to have more children sometime, however, not in this world right now with the war escalating the way that it is.  Not to mention, I think that Amyn might do some physical harm to me if I even suggested that since she has just so recently gone back into beloved Sentinels.

We had both slipped away from our camps and headed to Feralas to do some hunting and to have some time alone to do what we seem to do so well to the satisfaction of one another.  I don’t think we had been in Feralas more than a day when Amyn started having pains, she wasn’t even showing her pregnancy at that point and she hadn’t even told me about it.  Naturally, having your mate suddenly start going through such anguish and having no clue what it was all about was very frightening to this young man.  In between her labor pains, she managed to blurt out that she was pregnant and these pains were not a good thing.  The baby never really took a breath of air, yet, we buried those little remains there in Feralas, put up a stone marker to mark the grave.  We still go back there now and again, just to let the little soul know that her parents still think of her. Ah well, that is all in the past and it still tugs at my heartstrings sometimes.

Kal and I talked about his Mother quite a bit the other night when we were able to slip away together unseen by anyone.  I guess he has more of an insight into how his Mother thinks sometimes and he understands that she needed to feel like she was a part of the things going on in the world.  She’s a Sentinel, she was never destined to be some kind of domesticated woman that would sit b the hearth and wait for her man to come home.  She needs to be out there where the action is to feel alive and to see things with her own eyes.  Plus, he knows how much she misses me and how much she misses him.  I guess she writes more to him sometimes than she does me, which is understandable in a way.

We actually talked about the young girl that Kal has staying at his farm with him.  He is keeping that relationship very platonic because they are friends and he doesn’t want that to change because of some sexual interlude.  Being a man, I told him that his Mother and I were friends and we had sex frequently, even long before we were mated. I guess he didn’t want to hear that because he got this look on his face of “Oh, I didn’t need to know my parents “do it” all of the time.”  Anyway, this girl seems to enjoy his company, however, she hasn’t told him much about her past yet.   She’s very secretive about her family and never goes home to see them.  It makes me wonder if they are still living because I know that Amyn has to see her parents every few weeks or she starts feeling lost and gets a bit cranky.  He says that he isn’t going to push Kae for any kind of personal information because it is really none of his business as her friend.  So be it, things will happen for a reason and if the Light or Elune destines these two young people to be together, it will happen.

I know that I am pleased with the fact that Dawnglory is spending his free time on his farm, although I am going to talk to him about hammering on things in the middle of the night when some of the people in the surrounding areas are trying to sleep.  In the crystal clear air of the night here in Panderia, that noise seems to carry for miles.

Naturally, last night everyone was heading to various Inns and taverns to drink and carry on because it is the time we all need to relax every few days.   I didn’t partake of any liquor last night, I know that the Panderian have some wonderful brews, however, after my last drinking bout with Dawnglory, I’ve promised myself that I would drink in moderation if at all.  

I came back to my little farm and walked into my house.  It’s small, however, it is comfortable for Pan and I.  There is enough room to add a few other things in there and possibly have more people living there even though it might be crowded at times.  I walked into the bedroom and looked at that lonely little single bed and decided that I needed to get away for a while. 

I would have taken my bike last night, however, I knew that I would be going for a very long ride and my return would probably wake up everyone in the village.  There aren’t that many motorized vehicles in Halfhill.  I know Pan and I enjoyed just roaming around last night although we’re not worth anything today because we didn’t get home until the dawn was starting to lighten the night skies, erasing the most amazing stars from the sky.

I know that we wandered into some areas last night that I hadn’t even seen in our patrols yet.  I think that I was fortunate that I didn’t run into any Alliance while I was buried deep in thought and just letting my mount pick his path.  This land is so different from any place that I have ever been and I have to admit that I am as enamored of it as my son is at this point.  The sheer size and beauty of the place is almost mind boggling.  Naturally, it is almost intoxicating to have sense of freedom and tranquility in a place that has two factions running amuck and having a war.

Of course, I kept my vigilance up with my roaming around in the moonlight because the beauty of this land does almost make you forget some of the dangers, which could very quickly remove you from the living.  

I just wish Amyn had been out there exploring with me.  I saw so many things last night that reminded me of her.  There are some beautiful flowers that appear to only bloom at night, white flowers with a soft pink center.  I know the perfume was almost intoxicating to me.  I know that Pan probably thought that I had lost my mind when I decided to get off my mount and just flop down on the ground and gaze at all of the stars in the sky.  It was night, it was peaceful and my mind was at ease with the thoughts of my wife. Light, I miss her so much, not just the physical part of our relationship but how we could spend hours together just talking to one another. I miss her and the way that she could make my mind push all of the problems away so that I just enjoy my time with her.

I know that I am going to put in for another leave because I can’t wait until the Summer to see my beloved Kaldorei.  When I get the approval, I will let Amyn know and hopefully she will be able to slip away at the same time from Mount Hyjal, if not, I’ll go there if I have too.  I just can’t be months away from her like this.

I know that I have had a few women flirt with me and make some rather open suggestive statements to me since I’ve been in Panderia, however, I am determined to walk a very narrow path and not get involved with anyone out of respect for my wife and to honor my vows to her.  If I were younger, I’d probably be more than a little bit tempted and sometimes I am surprised that Dawnglory hasn’t gone off the deep end and started chasing a few of them.  I know that because I am not really available for that sort of thing, I seem to be a temptation for some of these women.  Oh well, I just tell them that I am already married and leave it at that, however, that just seems to make them more determined to crack that shell that I have clinging to me with my vows of matrimony.

Oh well, I had so much planned to do here on the farm today, however, I think that it is going to have to wait while Pan and I take a nap.  All that night roaming was wonderful and I feel a bit more at peace with myself, however, I am physically exhausted. Now, I just have to convince Pan that my bed is not his even though he can almost fill the thing by himself, I want to sleep for a few hours.

Fnor Morningstar


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