I haven’t written in a while because I’ve read back through my journal and I think I was wrong to treat Fnar the way that I did and I’m not sure that there is a way to fix it. He avoids me like the plague when he comes to Orgrimmar.
Even the goblins, Zippie, Zednick and Dooddah, think that I overreacted to what had transpired. Oh, for a price, they would be happy to intervene and try to do some “damage control” by telling him that I was distraught from the riots; etc. I don’t think that is going to work but I may get desperate enough to give it a try. Goblins for marriage counselors? Well, I suppose that it’s possible.
I think I was mostly disappointed that his feelings weren’t strong enough for him to make a commitment to our relationship or maybe I just misunderstood his intentions. I know that he cares about me, however, does he care enough to make it more than what it is right now? I don’t know. He’s a hard fellow to figure out and Fnor won’t help me with it at all. He doesn’t want to endanger the friendship and the working relationship that he has with him. I’m just his sister, that’s all.
Maybe I should sit down and write a letter of apology to him? I haven’t written anything to him on a personal level since I went off on him here in the office.
I have heard through the office grapevine and from Fnor that Fnar now has his own farm in Panderia. Maybe he is getting ready to settle down after all. I’ve also heard that he’s started chasing women up there too. That doesn’t mean that things are over between us, I don’t think.
I know that when we were involved after the Angel business, he wasn’t seeing other women that I am aware of. Maybe I can get Fnor to invite me to Panderia to visit sometime, although he is too busy with his Ranger duties and trying to find time to be with Amyn and his kids. It’s worth a shot at asking him about it. Maybe if Fnar sees me away from Orgrimmar, he might be able to forgive me for my behavior and I can get him back.
Yes, I expected a ring for the Holidays instead of all of the jewelry he gave. The stuff was nice and I’m sure that he thought that it was a romantic thing to give a girl a pair of earrings and a necklace from Panderia. I really wish I hadn’t thrown it away in a fit of temper. Now, I haven’t even gotten a card or flowers from him for this holiday.
In my heart, I don’t think that this relationship is over yet…we just hit a bumpy spot. I’m not going to give up just yet. I miss him, his laughter, his crass comments from time to time. I miss his tender kisses, the way that he held me in his arms and would tell me that everything would be okay, no matter what the problem is. I miss that rakish grin when he would see me and that wink. Oh, Light, that wink that seems to drive other women insane made my legs shake because I wanted more from him than that.
Yes, he’s a womanizer but I can change that if we build our relationship back again. I can prove to him that I am the only woman he needs. I’m still a virgin, however, I’ve read books and even though some of the things sounded gross, I’d be willing to do that to him to make him happy and keep him with me. Maybe I can go to Panderia and get him in a bed, maybe at his farm, and then he will know that I am all woman, not just his business partner’s sister. Maybe if I get him in bed and we make a baby, he’ll have to marry me, right?
I know that Fnor doesn’t want to get involved in this, however, I do need his damned invitation for a reason for me being there.