It’s Time To Talk

March 5th

Dear Journal,

Poor Kal!! I don’t think that I have ever felt so bad in my life as I do right now because it’s my fault that he is getting treated the way that he is right now.  He is the kindest and gentlest man that I have ever known and for him to have all of the others in our unit treat him this way is heartbreaking to me. Some of it, if not most of it is my fault.

I knew that some of the other Sentinels were very jealous that I seemed to have captured his attentions all to myself, however, they don’t have the slightest clue what friendship means.  Oh, I’ve said it before, I was supposed to be watching him and reporting back to the command if I thought that he had any kind loyalty at all to the Horde because of his heritage.  I really haven’t had much to report about other than he has a Sindorei Father and that they are both here in Panderia.  I’ve never told anyone that his Father is the black-haired officer that we all see in Halfhill quite a bit sometimes.

Yes, Kal got called into the Sentinel Commander’s tent the day after he got back from his leave, however, the topic of conversation was not one that I had anticipated.  Kal has been with our group for quite a while and I know that he hasn’t been doing his duty to the other women in the command, like most of the males do – that’s what they are here, along with their stronger physical abilities for fighting.  I know that when I was sent for, I could tell that Kal was furious because the green was very noticeable in his eyes and the way he had his jaw clenched, I’m surprised that he hadn’t hit something or someone by then.

When the Commander started asking all kind of personal questions of me, like if we were sleeping together and had we ever slept together.  I had to answer “No” because that is the truth.  We sleep in the same bed sometimes, however, we’ve never had relations like a man and woman would have, even if I do wish that were different.  The Commander was just being nasty and vile as far as I am concerned.  We have more than one man with our group and not all of them sleep with the Sentinels either.  I think that Kal was being singled out because of his heritage and because of the fight that I had with Phaendra.

Oh, she definitely hasn’t stopped talking about it either.  I know that some of the other women have looked at me a bit differently since all of that happened. The Commander kept insinuating that maybe Kaldor liked other men rather than women and I didn’t help matters any by telling her that we hadn’t slept together and that he had a girlfriend already – a Worgen that lived in Stormwind.  I thought that my saying that, it would get some of the other stuff dropped from the conversation, however, it only made matters worse.  Here this big strapping Kaldorei male was consorting with a human being was one thing that would set most Sentinel’s teeth on edge as it was, however, adding that she was a Worgen just added more fuel to the fire.

Now, poor Kal is being treated horribly by some of the other Sentinels and being called nasty names, like eunuch and animal lover.  The men are treating him almost as badly, although, theirs is not as harsh other than the laughter because they all have imaginations of something going on with Kal and an animal.  Kal seems to be able to take all of this in stride, however, it breaks my heart to see him treated badly by anyone.

He has done all that he can to fit in with our group because with his heritage, most of the women are suspicious of his loyalties to the Alliance to start with.  A lot of them just wanted to sample the wares to see if he was any different than the other Kaldorei men in camp.  Kal didn’t feel like obliging them and that’s where a lot of the trouble is.  I don’t think he is one of these men that sleeps with a woman just because they are available, he has to have some kind of feelings for them for it to mean something.  Oh, I’m sure that he’s not a virgin by any means, however, I don’t think he has been with a lot of women.

At least they are letting us go out scouting together now. Right after all of this happened, we would get sent out with other people or alone.  Kal got sent out alone more often than not.  I think that they wanted him “not” to come back because he wasn’t like everyone else.  Of course, I went back to the Commander and told her that I knew she was trying to get him killed and that it wasn’t right.  Now, we’re being sent out together again.

Now, we’re both getting sent out together further afield than any of the other Scouts.  We’re being sent into areas that are already known as being hotbeds for Horde activity with the orders for us to recon the areas and bring back information in regard to the number of Horde in the area and if there seem to be more of them coming in.  I knew that we were going to be traveling further than most of the scouting parties, however, we’re the only ones that have had to go well beyond Binan Village and almost to the Temple of the White Tiger. Normally we have been covering the areas in the Valley of Four Winds and the Jade Forest – now, the only other scouting parties that we have seen are from other units that are stationed in that area.  Why would our Commander need information about an area that far North is beyond me since our base camp is in the Wilds.

We’ve had more than our share of skirmishes with Horde scouting parties and so far we’ve been lucky that neither one of us has been hurt. We get to our “assigned” scouting area by going through the Valley of Four Winds and up through The Veiled Stairs to Binan Village and beyond. We’re restricted from taking any of the flight paths and have to use our ground mounts so that we won’t be noticed by the locals because we’re avoiding the villages.

I keep wanting to tell Kal the truth.  The truth that I was ordered from the very beginning to “spy” on him because of his heritage and that I was supposed to report anything suspicious that he did.  I’m sure that some of the officers in our command thought for sure that he was a Horde plant and would have liked to have killed him outright in the beginning.  However, someone higher up the command chain wanted us to find out if he was loyal or not – maybe they had some kind of sick fascination with the fact that he was part Sindorei.  Who knows?  The only thing that I have been able to report back is that he speaks some Orcish and likes coffee instead of tea.  Oh yeah, he’s a real threat to our faction. All I know is that he is one of the best scouting partners that I have ever had because he’s good at what we do. They don’t know that his Mother is a Sentinel and that his Father is a Ranger, nor do they know anything about his family and that his brother is a mage. They don’t know that his Father is probably as wealthy as the King himself and just happens to be on a neighboring farm in Halfhill.

Oh, there is a lot that I could have or should have told our commanders but I didn’t because of my feelings for Kal.  I’m afraid that what started out as an odd friendship has blossomed into something more than what I bargained for.  I know that Kal treats me well, he also treats me like a good friend and I wonder sometimes if he even thinks of me as a woman sometimes. 

I keep wanting to tell him the truth about my “spying” on him, however, I’m afraid of what it will do to our friendship and the hopes of anything else.  I know how it would make me feel if my best friend was a turncoat and a spy- it’s not a good feeling.  I also know that there are times that I just want to blurt it all out and let the cards fall where they will, however, I don’t know if I could handle the outcome if it wasn’t good.  I know my moods have been very erratic and I’m afraid that I have taken my temper out on him a few times in the last few days.  I guess I am just going to have to tell him the truth and just hope to Elune that he can forgive me.

I feel like it’s my fault that we’re in the mess that we’re in right now too.  I wish I had kept my mouth shut about the girl in Stormwind, they didn’t need to know that and they sure didn’t need to know that we’re not sleeping together.  I just blurted it out like some idiot, not even trying to phrase it in any kind of diplomatic terms or anything.  I just blurted it out.

At least we’re back in Halfhill for a couple of days, I guess they decided that we were doing such a great job at not getting killed that we needed the rest.  I know that we needed more than just a rest, we needed to step down from being “on guard” all of the time.

Not to mention, Kal decided that trying to ride a yak was a good idea and he’s smelled like a yak ever since and then tells me that he’s been wearing the same clothes under his armor for the last four days.  We even tried running him through the yak wash a few times and all that that resulted in was him smelling like a wet yak even when he dried off.  So, while we’re here in Halfhill, we’re going to be doing some laundry and I am going to insist that he take more than a change of clothes the next time we go out on our scouting adventures. A great looking man smelling bad just doesn’t do anything for a girl.

I think that when we go to do our laundry today, I’ll tell him the truth.  I can’t keep putting it off and feeling like some kind of traitor to him.  I don’t want to lose him, however, my moods and my temper are making things rather difficult between us.



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