Life Goes On…

March 22nd

Dear Journal,

Life goes on!! In my condition in this unlife, it does cause me to chuckle when I hear that.  If these mere mortals only knew what they were saying when they speak those words.  A means of living can go on through eternity if you have seen the things that I have seen and done the things that I have done.

At first, it was at the word of the Lich King, then, at my own volition in order to survive.  Whole villages of people have been killed by my hand in the name of the Lich. I can remember some of these acts, much to my sorrow and shame, however, my emotions were not under my control and my body was living through these acts. As they say, Life goes on!

I have done a lot of things since my life was renewed with the magic of the Lich and not all of them have been shameful.  From time to time, as I was tearing through a village with wild abandon and killing everything I came near, I would take pity on someone – maybe they reminded me of someone I knew in my past, somehow, maybe their pleas reached what was left of my soul – I would pass them by and continue on to my next victim.

That was my life under the Lich – kill or be killed and you must feed the Rune Blade.  At least now I have a choice as to what I can do or not do up to a point.  There are times when we are in battle that my old ways surface and I go on a killing spree – I can hear my blade singing in my ears as its hunger is satiated with each kill and I can feel myself growing stronger with each swing of my blade.  It’s true, you can lose yourself in a battle and not realize friend from foe – which is definitely a minus for the friend that you may have killed.

Since I met Felaran Morningstar, part of my unlife has changed.  I can hear her laughter when we are in battle and it makes me smile and I take kill for kill with her.  She takes joy in winning each fight and that is very infectious to me.  We fight side by side and I know that some of our comrades in arms will definitely give us a wide berth on the killing fields. We both recognize what we are and what we were meant to be, however, we have learned how to control some of that hunger that is always prevalent in our ways – the Rune Blade is our means of living and we will do what we must in order to survive.

I am starting to enjoy things that I thought were in the past for me.  The simple act of fishing or just being able to sit and feel the air wash over my body after I have removed my armor, my Blade is never far from my hand.  I am beginning to notice the beauty of my surroundings here in Panderia – it is possible to have a reawakening of one’s senses and to be able to take simple pleasure in your existence.

Before I came to Panderia, life was just something that was there.  I would go through the motions of trying to exist side by side with the living even though I was shunned by certain groups because of my abnormal existence, by their standards.   Here, in this time of war, I am accepted by all and yet, there is always that knowledge in my mind that this will change again when the war is over.

I am learning how to laugh again at the simple things.  A badly told joke even makes me smile, which was something I rarely did before now.  Felaran always teases me and tells me that it’s okay to enjoy things – I always wonder how much of this is awakening my other feelings in this unlife.  Anger I have lived with, laughter is something that is still in the learning process for me.  Gentleness is now something that I can do without fear of retribution from my fellow Death Knights.  Am I relearning all of the things that I thought were dead to me for all time?  I think so, however, I know that once I step back into battle, it all disappears as if it never was again.

This Jade Forest is a marvelous thing to me.  All the green things and all of the wildlife – yes, there are the Alliance here too that we lay waste too.  I know that while I may enjoy learning these things again, I won’t let it weaken me.  I’ve actually enjoyed just sitting in one spot and watching everything around me – the living doing their things – the Pandaren with their philosophical approach to life have intrigued me and I listen to what they say.  Slow Down! Life is to be savored!  If they only knew what life and taking life does for me as a Death Knight, they might not say that so cheerfully.  

Felaran actually gave me a pet.  A kitten so tiny that I can hold it in one hand.  I don’t remember having a pet before and I must say that the feelings that I have for my kitten, Fuzzbutt, have been rather embarrassing.  I can’t recall ever having a pet before and to know that this little thing is dependent on me for its very existence is very disturbing and it makes me feel different.  I didn’t know whether to thank her for the gift or not.

She laughed at me when I just held the kitten in my hand staring at it like it was some kind of strange life form and told me that it would make me a better man – how is taking care of a kitten going to make me a better man? Oh sure, I’ve been around other people’s pets and really never gave it much thought.  It’s another learning thing for me, I guess.

 I want to learn how she can take joy in this unlife the way that she does, that’s why we have become friends. She teaches me things every day – her existence here in Panderia and our meeting under these circumstances has actually opened my eyes to a different way of accepting what I am.

Writing things down in a journal is a new thing for me too.  It will help me remember things if my mind should start to deteriorate, which I hope is unlikely at this point.

Ty

 

 

2 thoughts on “Life Goes On…

  1. He sounds like he relearning what it is to live again even though he is technically undead.. the things we take for granted , can mean so much to someone who has lost it all,and has to learn again on what it is like to live again.

    • Oh, he’s struggling with the changes and Felaran isn’t going to let him just be a Death Knight because she isn’t exactly the regular kind of Death Knight either. He’s starting to learn things he had forgotten long ago.

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