Seeing Another Side of Life…


March 26th

Dear Journal,

I am really happy that we decided to stop at One Keg the other night because it definitely gave me a look at another side of Kal.  He actually has a sense of humor and he really has friends from his days in Stormwind and beyond.  I’ve never seen him so relaxed and enjoying himself, he didn’t have that guarded and pensive look in his eyes.  I learned a lot about this man that I have befriended just by watching how he acted with those people.

Oh, it was really crowded in the Inn and I’ll admit that I felt a bit awkward being around all of those strangers as they related tales of Stormwind and their times here in Pandaria.  I caught myself laughing at some of the tales, especially the one where Kal had met some of them for the first time in the hills above Stormwind.  Exploding sheep – who’d have ever thought that something like that would have scared my big Kaldorei?  I guess he was still relatively new to Stormwind at the time and was looking for people to make friends with.

I know that I have never seen such a mixture of people that were just enjoying life.  They weren’t there on a mission of any kind that I could observe, they were just there enjoying everything they could.  Rogues, warriors, hunters and mixture of Paladins and priests – all there because they wanted to be there, not because they were ordered to be there.

If this is the kind of life that Kal had before he joined and was put with the Sentinels, I can see how happy he was.  That freedom to come and go as you would want and to make friends with anyone that you chose to do so.  I’m finding myself actually envious of that freedom.  All I have ever known is the Sentinels and you know how that can be, constant upheavals with a group of women.

Oh, we both drank entirely too much and I’ll admit that I haven’t laughed so hard in a very long time.  I know that I felt a little awkward when Kal introduced me as his partner, not girlfriend or roommate, partner.  Naturally, he wasn’t going to introduce me as Sentinel Nightshade – that would have put a damper on the evening right away. It was nice being able to drop that role for a while and just be one of the people.

I know I don’t have that many friends outside of the Sentinels and I wonder if they even realize what a wonderful life it could be to be away from that structured existence. Oh, there is the pride of being part of the organization and being a part of the structure, however,  I saw a side of the world that I had truly never realized existed. I know I liked it and I want to see more.

I know that you’re a Sentinel for life, however, you can walk away from it for a while.  Kal’s Mother did it and has a wonderful family from what I can understand.  I haven’t met them yet.  I’ve seen his Father and he is definitely good looking man for a Sindorei – come to think of it, I haven’t seen an ugly one ever – they must keep them in Silvermoon or something.  If the people I met at the Keg are a sample of how people outside of the organization, it isn’t such a bad life.

Some of them even talked about their families some and the children that they have.  I could see Kal laughing at the antics they described with their children and he shared tales about his siblings.  Oh, how I envy them having families like that.

I can see a little bit of how Kal is the way that he is.  That humor and the way that he lets things just roll off of his back if it is unpleasant – these are things that he learned by living out amongst the rest of the population.  I never realized how one-sided the view is from my world of just knowing the Sentinels.

Oh, I’m sure that there were more than a few lawbreakers in that group, I’m almost sure of it, however, that night wasn’t for duty, it was for fun. If our Commander at the base camp knew what Kal and I were doing with criminals and common folk, she would have a hissy fit.  No, I’m not reporting any of this back to her either.  What I do on my own time is none of her business.  Nothing was said or done that would indicate that these people were traitorous in any way – they were just enjoying the freedom to live their lives the way that they want.

I know that I will be thinking about taking some time away from the Sentinels when the time comes.  If Kal decides to leave after his enlistment is completed, I may just tag along to see what I can see.

Yes, things are a little awkward and tense with Kal and I right now, however, that is to be expected. We’re working our way through it and I think that we both have stronger feelings for one another because of the disclosures.  I know my feelings have grown much deeper for him than before.

Kal had such a hangover the next morning when we left One Keg that I knew we weren’t going to get very far with our scouting, which we didn’t.  Normally we will be moving and observing things until well into the night, however, we stopped and made camp fairly early in the afternoon.  I dug around in my packs until I found some potions that I thought would help his headache.  They did help the headache, however, they weren’t known for tasting good.  I’ll admit that I laughed out loud at the grimace he made when he swallowed the one down.

We are heading towards the Binan Village today and will start our trek back to our group to make our reports before we head home to the farm for a day or two.  I think that we are both tired and have seen enough Horde to last us a lifetime.  We were able to avoid a lot of confrontations just by sheer luck, I think.  There is a large build up of Rangers here in Kun’lai which kind of surprised us both.  Maybe that’s where Kal’s Father has been disappearing too when we haven’t seen him for days in Halfhill.



Political Ideas…

*Language – very blunt and swearing – if you are sensitive to that kind of material, please do not read this.*


March 25th

Yo Book,

I was sitting here this morning and contemplating things, the meaning of Life and all that shit – yeah, the outhouse is  nice place for those fucking thoughts, however, I left my journal in the house.

Okay, here we are in Pandaria, why are we here in Pandaria?  Well, some Blood Elves got their panties in a wad, created a bomb that the goblins were just tickled to death to carry it and drop it off on Theramore for a fucking price.  They’d probably do that on their own Mama if the price was right.  Okay, the bomb was a bad thing and I’ll never fucking say it wasn’t.  However, this caused that bitch Jaina Proudmore to get her panties in a bunch when she went back to Stormwind and wailed at Varian.

Well, in between all of that, you have exploratory parties sailing off on the ocean and they discovered a new continent.  Yeah, Bear Heaven.  Pandaria, supposedly shrouded in Mists for the millennia – what happened?  Did a whole bunch of Pandaren get together and farted and the mists took off?  No one has ever told me why that veil was lifted. The Alliance found it first, however, no, no, no, that would never do – The Horde had to have a cut of the action.  Now, we have a whole fucking war going on.

Now, that brings me back to this Jaina bitch.  Okay, I’ve heard the stories that she’s slept with everything that had two legs and a working dick – Thrall, even, or so I’ve heard. Well, it seems like we fucking killed off her last lay – come to find out he was really a dragon in disguise or some kind of bullshit, so, let’s just say that she’s slept with anything that would have her.

Okay, next thing we fucking know, this woman goes to Dalaran and decides that all of the Blood Elves have to get out of there because a select few of the race had been involved in the Theramore debacle.  Well, fuck, why didn’t she declare war on the goblins, dragons, birds of the air that used to shit on Theramore?  Now, she’s blaming one entire race for something only a few of us were involved in.  Now, we aren’t welcomed in a city where we have lived for years.   I think she’s really pissed because she’s not getting laid anymore or something.

We all heard the rumors of Varian trying to work out some kind of peace treaty with the Blood Elves and that bitch killed that idea off with her stunt in Dalaran.  Wonder if she’s tried out the King yet?  Anyway, as I see it from my perspective, even with the idiot Warchief that we have leading the Horde at the moment, all we have to do to end the war real fast is to bump off Jaina.  I think it’s a good idea, however, I haven’t voiced my opinion to anyone other than my journal.

Now we have the Black Prince trying to get everyone’s loyalty to swing towards him.  His Daddy was Deathwing – okay, I’m supposed to trust this guy that is the product of a whacked out dragon?  Hmm, no, I didn’t fall off the turnip wagon heading to market.  I’ll bide my time and see what this little bastard wants.  He has his fingers and his spies all over the damned place –  I don’t trust him.

Maybe I should just leave the political shit for guys like Fnor to deal with although I think my solution would be the fastest thing on two feet and we could all go home. I think I’m just tired of the war and really should start asking for a leave – I need a change of pace for a while.  Oh, don’t ever question my loyalty, I’m loyal to Silvermoon – that’s where I got my orders to report to Orgrimmar for assignment back in the Rangers.  I took an Oath to serve the Horde, however, in my mind, it has its limitations because what if that Orc bugger decided he didn’t like the Sindorei anymore and ordered us to attack our own people.  Guess which way I’d go?

Well, I wouldn’t go home to Silvermoon or Shattrath.  I’d just stay here in Pandaria and live on my farm and the rest of the world could go screw themselves.  It’s selfish, I know, however, it would be a good thing for me.

Oops, time for me to report back to camp and “get busy” with some of the paperwork that my best friend has told me is now my job to do.  He knows how I hate that shit.

Fnar Dawnglory

Owner of Plantation

Halfhill, Pandaria



Moving Onward…Two Steps Back – Reflections

March 25th

Dear Journal,

Days and days of scouting.  It seems as if we’re moving forward by inches and it is taking me forever to get to Halfhill. It may just be me and my anxiety in reaching that one destination because I feel like that is going to be the place that I will be able to find my Sindorei.

I know that Kal wrote me a quick letter to let me know that he has been on long range scouting missions with his Sentinel and that they aren’t in town that much these days, however, he told me how to find his farm.  I know his farm is next to his Father’s, so, that should narrow down my searching a bit, I hope.

While this is a beautiful country and I am falling in love with the philosophy of its people, it is still very dangerous. We’ve had a few injuries in our group due to people mistakenly thinking that a particular insect or beast was gentle and used to people being around.  I always smile and shake my head because some of these women have got to realize that because it’s cute and seems friendly, it’s still a wild thing.  Oh well, lessons learned the hard way are often never forgotten in the long run.  I’ve almost fallen prey to the same kind of absentmindedness a couple of times, however, my Lumina has been smart enough to protect me from myself.

Lumina really seems to like Pandaria and I have to admit that it has put some life back into her too.  We have been together for a very long time, much like my Sindorei and his Pan.  I have noticed that when we are in Dawn Blossom that she stays rather close to me as if she doesn’t quite trust the Pandaren yet although she loves the attention from the little ones, strange cat. I know that it must be from the size of the adults that she gets nervous – she was this way when we were in Uldum too.

I got a letter from my parents as well as Vashlan.  He, of course, wants to know if he could make some changes in the apartment and I told him “no” because I know that he has been wanting to take Kal’s room for a long time due to the view of the harbor.  No, he can’t take his older brother’s room just because he isn’t there to use it very often.  Besides, one would have thought that Vashlan would have been happy with the room he has, it does view the Mage Quarter where he spends most of his time anyway. Knowing Vashlan the way that I do, his room is probably cluttered and a mess and he wants Kal’s room to have more areas to put his “stuff” – I honestly don’t know where that boy feels like he has to have so many books and robes.  Well, yes I do, his Father is definitely a clothes horse and has always had an extensive home library at all of our houses that we’ve shared together.  Being half Sindorei may have not only brought out the Mage in Vashlan, it may have also fed the Sindorei need for the “finer” things.

It sounds like the little guys are still giving my parents fits and that means that I will have to go to Dolonaar sometime in the very near future and read the riot act on them again.  Honestly, these two boys make raising Kal and Vashlan seem like a walk in the park.  My Mother seems to think that the youngest one is going to be leaning towards druidism, which is fine by me, however, my Mother remembers the long periods of time that her own Father, my Grandfather, would disappear into the Dream. She’s trying her best to steer him towards the priesthood, however, I don’t know if that would work for him either, he has a certain wildness about him that by studying to become a Druid might appease that.  The older boy, well, he’s a puzzle, he seems to be drifting from studying one thing to the next and isn’t able to make up his mind.  I know that at one point, I thought he was going to follow in his Kaldorei Father’s footsteps and take up the bow, now, I’m not so sure.  I know the hunting accident that took his Father’s life did leave him traumatized for quite a while because he always felt and probably still feels that it was his fault.  

I’m definitely torn with my duties of a Sentinel and my responsibilities as a Mother.  There has to be a happy medium there somewhere.  Oh, my Sindorei knows how I feel about being domestic after all of these years and he hasn’t pressured me to give up my life for the children or our homes.  We have both had to make compromises in our lives to make sure that the children didn’t suffer from our choices, however, I was the one that stayed in Shattrath alone for a long time raising our two sons. I think the poor man is trying to make up for his lost time with the two youngest, not only because their biological Father was killed but because he is trying to make up for the lost time with his sons.

I look back at my life and have to frown and laugh at the same time.  I’ve had two loves in my life, my Sindorei being the first and my Kaldorei mate that I took when I thought that my Sindorei had abandoned his family.  I wonder what things would have been like if I had done things differently? Would I change anything?  I think my life would have been the same as it is right now, children, husband and extended families.  I don’t think that I would trade it for anything and this is the path that was chosen for me by Elune.

Oh well, it’s time for me to put this book away and get back to the business at hand.  I wonder how much closer we will get to Halfhill today?



Mind Ramblings On A Stormy Night

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author.

March 24th

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here in my tent in Kun’lai and listening to the winds howl down the mountainside.  The shuddering of the canvas tells me that this is going to be more than just a chill night and the smell of the snow reminds me so much of Northrend that it almost brings tears to my eyes.

I was able to make some coffee and grab some of my cigarettes from the packs before Pan and I came back into the tent.  Chill air is very numbing and since I had taken off my armor for the most part, it was indeed very harsh. I had to laugh at myself a little bit when one of the other Rangers was coming out of his tent and at first glance, he reminded me of the Scourge with the way he staggered when the wind hit him. I guess I am one of the few that had decided to bring a camp stove with me, I don’t have to brave the elements to have some of my creature comforts.

As I am leaning back in the furs and sipping my coffee, I realized that these furs were last used like this when Amyn and I went to Feralas for a few days.  There it was the cold rain that drove us into our tent and here it is the icy wind and snow coming off the mountains.  I know it was a trick of the mind, however,  I swear that I could almost catch her scent on the furs. Oh how my mind wanted to dwell on the nostalgia of that trip and the intimacies that we shared.  However, I am learning how to turn those thoughts off rather quickly because they only make me more depressed about the amount of time that has lapsed since I saw my beloved.

I am out with another group of Rangers this time and will probably join up with Dawnglory’s group on my next trip.  I am enjoying the observations that I am making of my men and their commanders when they are out in the field and looking for any flaws that I can see to be corrected.  At least the last two groups that I have been with have learned to keep their scouts closer in to the rest of the group.  I don’t know why they had felt compelled to send these men roving out so far in advance, it would have been very easy for a scout to go through an area and have a group of Alliance come in between him and his squad without his knowing. Scouts go out first to scour the terrain, followed by the point guards and the main body of the squad, it’s very easy.  If the need arises for those groups to collapse back together for a defensive action, it is very easily done.

I did find the note from Kal next to the well, however, I almost missed it.  I can’t tell you the joy that I felt when I read Amyn’s note that was enclosed. She is here in Pandaria and apparently not far from Halfhill or she thinks they aren’t that far – Poor love has some rough terrain to cross to get there and I’m sure that she isn’t even aware of it.  At least I know that the Jade Forest isn’t fraught with the dangers like it was when we first landed. All I want to do now is to find her and just hold her in my arms – my whole body, mind and soul aches for that moment when we meet again.  I guess it’s unimaginable for a husband and wife that have been together as long as we have to still have these feelings for one another, however, we have never taken each other for granted as some couples do.

At least her note told me that the “children” were fine which definitely caused me to breathe a sigh of relief.  I know that Vashlan is still in Stormwind and knowing my youngest son as well as I do, he probably is almost oblivious to the war action here in Panderia- if it doesn’t deal with magic, he kind of ignores it.  My two step-sons are probably making their Grandparents crazy in Dolonaar, which is something that I am sure those adults would have nipped in the bud.  Oh, they used to really keep Amyn on our toes constantly in Dalaran because they didn’t have that much to do with their schooling and had too much time on their hands – they got into mischief to keep themselves entertained and to give Amyn and I more gray hairs.

 I won’t ever forget almost going to jail when they kept using explosives in the sewers to catch fish – I think my belt caught their attention rather quickly the last time I had a guard come to the door in regard to said explosions.   Ah well, I won’t ever have to worry about things in Dalaran any longer since we’ve been ejected from the city. I’m just happy we were able to escape before the more serious trouble started there. I wonder if all of our friends made it out of Dalaran safely?  I know some of them had made it to Shattrath, however, I wasn’t able to make the time to find them when I was there at Winter Veil.

Of course, after going out on patrol these last few times, I still had a plethora of paperwork to wade through when I got back to the camp.  My request for more troops was denied which made me furious. I quickly fired off another request and have actually made the decision to slow down on moving the majority of my troops out of the South and pushing them North.  If you’re going to leave me with a minimal number of men, then, the troop actions will be minimal.  I think that I am going to have to go back to Orgrimmar, again, and try to talk some sense into those morons.  They sit there in the city and expect a gallant group of Sindorei to be able to do the impossible – I won’t ask it of myself nor will I risk my men by having them spread out so thinly that we can’t protect ourselves.

I’m a little bit concerned about some of the inquiries being made about Dawnglory from Silvermoon.  Whomever this young man is making these requests, I will definitely have to admit that he is persistent.  I’ve talked to Dawnglory about the inquiries and he is almost clueless as I am as to whom this young man can be.  The kids age and everything that I have been able to uncover so far definitely puts him in the time frame to be conceived while we were stationed in Silvermoon.  I suppose that I could get Dawnglory’s sister to do some snooping around, however, I hate to ask her to do that because I don’t think that she has gotten over her infatuation of me just yet.

I did laugh when Dawnglory told me that he thought his sister had a young man that she was interested in and that her description of this young man was uncannily like me at that age.  I guess we will just have to wait and see about this Hanllan Darkstrider and Felessa’s new beau.  Both are Rangers and I know that they are being pushed through their training and I know they will end up in Panderia eventually. I have a strong suspicion that this Darkstrider may be related to Dawnglory somehow, he was seeing quite a few women at that point in his life and this might be a product of his endeavors.  I even broached the subject to Dawnglory and he just shrugged his shoulders although I could tell that I had planted the seed in his mind that he might have offspring back there in Silvermoon.

To be blunt, I would probably laugh my arse off if Dawnglory had a child.  After all of the ribbing that he has given me for my children, it would be a great payback if it is true. I just can’t imagine him as a Father but I have seen stranger things happen in this life. Of course, my own children would be different from any of us for the simple fact that they are half Sindorei and half Kaldorei – makes a huge difference in how they have learned to lead their lives.

One thing about this “war” in Pandaria that bothers me is that I can’t foresee it ending anytime in the near future.  Maybe not even ending in my lifetime providing that isn’t cut short for some reason.  It just doesn’t seem like I foresee the end like I could with the other conflicts that I have been involved in.  At least, back in the day, the objectives were a lot clearer and the Sindorei weren’t being used for cannon fodder at the level that we are in Panderia.  I know that my race is not exactly prolific for all of the extraneous relationships that I have seen, however, if Garrosh wants to snuff out the race that enabled him to start this war, making us the scapegoats, I think he might be in for a surprise.  We may be few, however, we are a strong people.

Ah well, seems like the wind is dying down a bit and I need to get some sleep before we head out again in a few hours.   I know that I am going to have to retrain Pan about his sleeping habits before Amyn arrives to spend some time with me.  He is definitely getting to where he feels like the only place for him to sleep is next to me.  I haven’t scolded him too much about it and maybe I should.

Fnor Morningstar









Meeting Old Acquaintances

March 23rd

Dear Journal,

I almost feel like I did when I woke up in Ironforge that last time this morning. Almost for the same reason, however, it was well worth it. Who would have thought that I would run into some old acquaintances in One Keg.

Kae and I had been out scouting around in Kun Lai and decided that we needed to pick up a few supplies, which really wasn’t needed as much as we didn’t want to have to make the long trek back to our main camp.  So, we saw One Keg off in the distance and decided that it wouldn’t hurt to go through there and stop for the night.

The Inn there isn’t very big and the place was indeed very crowded with people from Kalimdor and the Eastern Kingdoms and predominantly Alliance. Neither Kae nor I are crazy about crowded places, however, we did enjoy the Inn for  a meal and a few drinks. As we were sitting there quietly talking to one another, I heard someone call my name.  That really surprised me, it’s not often that you run into someone you know when you’re out in the field away from the major cities – One Keg is definitely not a major city, it’s barely a village.  

It happens that a few people that I met in Stormwind a long time ago had decided to come to Panderia as civilians  to explore the land and I assume to do whatever profession they have.  It was nice to be able to talk with them again after all of this time with no one other than Kae to talk with.  Of course, all that talking makes one thirsty and the rounds of drinks started circulating amongst the group. 

Oh, it was a marvelous time and I think that Kae got to see a side of me that she’s never seen before. Here I was away from the Sentinels and I was acting like just one of the people.  She’s never seen me in a completely social setting and I think that she was genuinely shocked and pleased.  Of course, we were all trying to tell one another what all we had been doing since we had gotten to Panderia and laughing about some of the old times back in Stormwind. Kae was very quiet during all of this and it finally dawned on me that she might actually be a little bit shy when you take her out of that Sentinel environment that she has grown accustomed too. Naturally, we didn’t mention what we were doing in Kun’lai other than some hunting and gathering pelts for the family business.  Some people don’t care for Sentinels sometimes.

We decided to stay the night after all of the drinking and talking.  The big problem with that was the fact that there were no rooms at the Inn.  Kae and I decided to pitch our tent outside and hoped that it wouldn’t be that much of a problem for Innkeeper.

Oh yes, we had both had a few drinks and pitching that tent was an exercise that I will definitely remind myself that it isn’t a good plan to put up a tent when you’ve been drinking.  After we got the tent up we both went inside to escape from the winds that had started blowing off the mountains.  It was a very chill wind and reminded me very much of Northrend.  That smell of snow was in the air and we were in hopes that the snow wouldn’t follow the wind.

I’ll admit that it was really cold in that tent and we had no trouble snuggling up next to one another for sheer body heat.  No nothing happened, we just lay there under the furs and slept like we didn’t have a care in the world.

At least we had the Inn where we could eat breakfast this morning after we broke down our tent and got our supplies packed away to start another day of scouting. The other guests were still sleeping as we made our escape from the area so that we could get back to work.  I had fun last night and I think that Kae had a good time too although she hasn’t said very much about it this morning.

I’ll admit that our relationship has changed a lot since we had that emotionally charged conversation a few days ago.  I find that I am noticing more things about Kae, her long white hair that reminds me very much of my Mother and how her tattoos aren’t so heavy that you can’t see the beauty of her face for them.  She even makes me a little nervous sometimes with the way that she looks at me and gives me a small smile.  Oh, we’re still friends and we still talk quite a bit, however, I think we are both aware of the physical tension that is playing games with us right now too. Sometimes full disclosures of the kind that Kae gave me will make you feel a bit awkward afterwards for a while.

Kae and I have been together for quite a while as friends and co-workers and we haven’t given in to the physical needs that we both have…yet.  I know that it is coming just as sure as I will wake up tomorrow in those snow-covered mountains.  There is definitely a bond and feelings between us that goes beyond the working relationship with the Sentinels. I think that we are taking things very slowly because neither one of us wants to overstep our bounds in the relationship.  I think that those bounds have shifted completely and that’s why I feel so awkward at times.  We will just have to wait and see how things have changed as time goes on, I’m not rushing into anything and I don’t think that Kae is either.

I’m getting “that look” from Kae right now because she is already finished her breakfast and I am just sitting here in the Inn prolonging the stay while I write this down. I dread having to go out there and start working with my head feeling like it is going to ache all day, however, that’s not what we are paid to do.  I need to get this packed away and start traveling yet again.  Yes, I know, I really should not drink because there are times when I overindulge and my headache today is a result of that.


Life Goes On…

March 22nd

Dear Journal,

Life goes on!! In my condition in this unlife, it does cause me to chuckle when I hear that.  If these mere mortals only knew what they were saying when they speak those words.  A means of living can go on through eternity if you have seen the things that I have seen and done the things that I have done.

At first, it was at the word of the Lich King, then, at my own volition in order to survive.  Whole villages of people have been killed by my hand in the name of the Lich. I can remember some of these acts, much to my sorrow and shame, however, my emotions were not under my control and my body was living through these acts. As they say, Life goes on!

I have done a lot of things since my life was renewed with the magic of the Lich and not all of them have been shameful.  From time to time, as I was tearing through a village with wild abandon and killing everything I came near, I would take pity on someone – maybe they reminded me of someone I knew in my past, somehow, maybe their pleas reached what was left of my soul – I would pass them by and continue on to my next victim.

That was my life under the Lich – kill or be killed and you must feed the Rune Blade.  At least now I have a choice as to what I can do or not do up to a point.  There are times when we are in battle that my old ways surface and I go on a killing spree – I can hear my blade singing in my ears as its hunger is satiated with each kill and I can feel myself growing stronger with each swing of my blade.  It’s true, you can lose yourself in a battle and not realize friend from foe – which is definitely a minus for the friend that you may have killed.

Since I met Felaran Morningstar, part of my unlife has changed.  I can hear her laughter when we are in battle and it makes me smile and I take kill for kill with her.  She takes joy in winning each fight and that is very infectious to me.  We fight side by side and I know that some of our comrades in arms will definitely give us a wide berth on the killing fields. We both recognize what we are and what we were meant to be, however, we have learned how to control some of that hunger that is always prevalent in our ways – the Rune Blade is our means of living and we will do what we must in order to survive.

I am starting to enjoy things that I thought were in the past for me.  The simple act of fishing or just being able to sit and feel the air wash over my body after I have removed my armor, my Blade is never far from my hand.  I am beginning to notice the beauty of my surroundings here in Panderia – it is possible to have a reawakening of one’s senses and to be able to take simple pleasure in your existence.

Before I came to Panderia, life was just something that was there.  I would go through the motions of trying to exist side by side with the living even though I was shunned by certain groups because of my abnormal existence, by their standards.   Here, in this time of war, I am accepted by all and yet, there is always that knowledge in my mind that this will change again when the war is over.

I am learning how to laugh again at the simple things.  A badly told joke even makes me smile, which was something I rarely did before now.  Felaran always teases me and tells me that it’s okay to enjoy things – I always wonder how much of this is awakening my other feelings in this unlife.  Anger I have lived with, laughter is something that is still in the learning process for me.  Gentleness is now something that I can do without fear of retribution from my fellow Death Knights.  Am I relearning all of the things that I thought were dead to me for all time?  I think so, however, I know that once I step back into battle, it all disappears as if it never was again.

This Jade Forest is a marvelous thing to me.  All the green things and all of the wildlife – yes, there are the Alliance here too that we lay waste too.  I know that while I may enjoy learning these things again, I won’t let it weaken me.  I’ve actually enjoyed just sitting in one spot and watching everything around me – the living doing their things – the Pandaren with their philosophical approach to life have intrigued me and I listen to what they say.  Slow Down! Life is to be savored!  If they only knew what life and taking life does for me as a Death Knight, they might not say that so cheerfully.  

Felaran actually gave me a pet.  A kitten so tiny that I can hold it in one hand.  I don’t remember having a pet before and I must say that the feelings that I have for my kitten, Fuzzbutt, have been rather embarrassing.  I can’t recall ever having a pet before and to know that this little thing is dependent on me for its very existence is very disturbing and it makes me feel different.  I didn’t know whether to thank her for the gift or not.

She laughed at me when I just held the kitten in my hand staring at it like it was some kind of strange life form and told me that it would make me a better man – how is taking care of a kitten going to make me a better man? Oh sure, I’ve been around other people’s pets and really never gave it much thought.  It’s another learning thing for me, I guess.

 I want to learn how she can take joy in this unlife the way that she does, that’s why we have become friends. She teaches me things every day – her existence here in Panderia and our meeting under these circumstances has actually opened my eyes to a different way of accepting what I am.

Writing things down in a journal is a new thing for me too.  It will help me remember things if my mind should start to deteriorate, which I hope is unlikely at this point.




Making Changes In Game Play Style – Slow Down

March 21st

Well, I have decided to take my game playing down a few notches and just start back at the beginning of just enjoying the game. I have pulled all of my characters back into my “vanity guilds” so that I don’t feel the pressure of trying to compete with anything other than myself.  Kind of like playing golf – you don’t really compete against the other player – you compete with yourself and the golf course – keeps it at a happy medium.

I loved being in a very active guild, however, due to the fact that I am changing my game play style a whole lot, it was best that I removed my character to a more relaxed environment.  I knew that I was not ever going to catch up with “A” team for raiding again and it always made me feel guilty when I couldn’t tag along.  No gear, no raid – it’s always been that way, you know. 

I loved the people in the guild, awesome people and I hated leaving them behind, however, it was time for me to just “stop” and take the time to enjoy the game.  I will miss them all and hope that we will continue to be friends. It definitely wasn’t their fault that I fell behind, I had some RL things that were holding me back for a good long month and then some.  I’ll miss you all, if you read this, however, this is for the best. Love you all and I’ll miss seeing you.

Now, I will be playing at a more relaxed pace and not feel so driven which was really starting to take the fun out of the game. I always felt guilty when I was off roaming around on Azeroth and I wasn’t playing that particular character.

If you ever want to get with a very active group of people, put in an application to Ginger Snaps – Wrymrest Accord – awesome bunch of folks, just a bit too fast paced for me right now.