Amyn’s Thoughts

May 19th

Dear Journal,

Life in Pandaria is definitely different from what I am accustomed too in Kalimdor or even Northrend for that matter.  I love it here even if there is a war going on, even if it means that I don’t get to spend as much time with my Sindorei as I would like – life here in Pandaria is still exciting and it makes me feel young.

Oh, I know that I am feeling more comfortable with this group of Sentinels after a few clashes with some of the other women.  I think that I have made my point very clear that I have a life away from them and if they don’t like it, well, that’s their problem and not mine.  Don’t make your troubles something that involves me.  My Sindorei would be cringing and probably hiding his face with embarrassment because his wife is not taking any kind of abuse from anyone and I have no trouble throwing a few punches now and then, if that is what I think is needed.

Being a wife and a mother doesn’t have to make you old and it doesn’t have to make you soft in mind and body.  I have never been either one of those things in my life.  I think that the time in Dalaran after we were married may have influenced some of my feelings of how I should conduct myself.  Well, that was a fine veneer that didn’t last long once I got to Pandaria.  I have a job to do here and if it requires me to get in the trenches with some hair pulling, shooting someone in the butt for being a bit abusive to me, I will do it.  I decided after spending those days with my Sindorei that I need to stand on my own two feet – there is no need for me to moon over my husband, I’m married, however, Amynlarae Shadowmoon is her own person, not just the other things.

Oh, it was wonderful getting to spend those days at the farm with my Sindorei and thank you, Elune, there isn’t going to be another addition to the family in the near future.  Oh, we were both so caught up in our passions that neither of us thought about the fact that what we were enjoying so much together could end up in adding another bundle of joy to the family.

I have seen my son, Kaldor and have met his Sentinel.  Oh, they make a lovely couple and I can tell that she is very much in love with him, however, he’s still very confused as to what it is that he wants from their relationship.  No, he’s definitely not ready to be mated and he’s definitely not ready to give up his new found freedom here in this land.  I can’t say that there is any reason why he should make that kind of commitment if he’s not ready for it – it will only bring heartache and pain if things don’t go well.  I know of what I speak from my own experience.   At least she’s a full blooded Kaldorei and a Sentinel.  Kal will learn in time what that truly means and if that is the person that he wants in his life, then, it definitely has my approval.

I know that I had an opportunity to talk to him privately, we made arrangements for that to happen because neither one of us can afford for any of the others to realize that Kaldor and I are related at this point.  Any other place and time, I wouldn’t give a rap, however, it could cost us both dearly in a way that neither one of us is willing to pay at this point.  I guess I am to be passed off as a cousin or something if anyone asks about the name or maybe even his Mother’s sister, who knows?

I really felt bad for him because he is having a difficult time conforming to the way that things are with the Sentinels.  I finally just told him bluntly that he is there to do a job as a scout and that was his primary function and part of his duties were to service the women as required.  Oh, I know that I told him about the birds and the bees years ago, however, I didn’t tell him that it was perfectly okay to take physical relationships all in stride without involving your heart.  His woman, Kae, will understand what is going on and if she is any kind of a woman at all, she will accept it.

 My situation with his Father is totally different than his relationship with his Sentinel.   If a Sentinel happens to pull his number from the hat and he is supposed to do what she wants – if it’s just talking, when he told me about that, I giggled, I’ll admit – talk to her, if she requires more than that, do it.  Don’t even think about it, just do it and be done with it – its part of his function here in Pandaria.  Think of it as a physical exercise and nothing more.  I will admit that I was a bit embarrassed when he asked me if I made use of the services of the males in our camp and I told him that the thought never even entered my mind, I was mated and married with children.  It’s one of those cases of do as I say, not do as I do.

I talked with my Sindorei about Kal’s problem and he just shook his head and told me that I did the right thing in telling Kal that this is how things are in a military camp whether his personal feelings are affronted by the situation were immaterial.  It even happens in the Rangers, it’s not just a Kaldorei thing. Men and women are meant to be together, that’s life. 

Our relationship is different, there is a long emotional bond there that over-rides any political or racial thing, we’ve been in love for many years and we’ve produced some beautiful children together.  Oh yes, we’ve had our ups and downs with things happening, my Sindorei’s delusions of ever having a family with one of his own kind were finally abated. His constant searching for love in all the wrong places has finally stopped, I hope and it’s been a hard thing for him to realize.  He has a family with me and his children, regardless if it is acceptable by his people or mine is totally immaterial.  Oh well, we’re happy and content with our lot and life – it was something that we chose to do many years ago and damn the people that have other thoughts about it.

Oh, I have been out on several patrols here in Krasarang and I will have to say that it has been exciting, the few times that we have actually gotten into any kind of scuffle with the Horde.  I know that all of us just let our arrows fly and fight with wild abandon.  Yes, there is always that fear in my heart that my Sindorei will be amongst the people involved; however, this is something that we have dealt with in the past.  Do I hesitate to fire my bow?  There are times that I may hesitate momentarily but not enough to get myself killed.

My Sindorei definitely has his hands full with his Rangers and his family. He told me about the arrangements that he is making to have his youngest sister married off and I told him that I totally disagreed with the way that his people arrange lives like this.  We had a few heated words over the matter, however, it is his decision to make, not mine.  I just think that it is awful that he would marry his sister off to some fellow that she’s never met nor has any feelings for just for some more social and political leverage in Silvermoon. I understand it; however, I don’t like it.  I know the girl and I know that she is strong-willed and will probably fight him about it; however, he’s made up his mind. I asked him how he would have felt if he had had an arranged marriage and he told me that it was a moot point because his bloodline was besmirched and there would be no family that would have accepted his suit. He tried in the past and was met with failure after failure, even though we were already mated.  Strange customs make for strange bedfellows.  Anyway, he is using his sister to further his gains in Silvermoon, that’s the way I see it – she is more acceptable due to his wealth and position in this time of war than it would have been in the past, that’s how I see it. She is being used as a bargaining chip.  I just know that my Sindorei is putting up a sizeable fortune for her dowry to get her into a very exclusive group.

Her infatuation with his best friend is the one thing that troubles us both a great deal because the fellow is not one that I’d want a daughter of mine involved with.  He is wild in every sense of the word and as promiscuous as any man that is unbound by any commitment other than his own physical needs.  Oh, he is a good man, he has done well with my husband and they are extremely loyal to one another, which is why I even tolerate him sometimes.  Very brash and very much the Sindorei even if he is very blunt about how he thinks of things.  Frankly, if anything happens between those two, the sister and him, I think that it would be a very bad mistake because eventually there would come a time when my Sindorei might have to choose between the two of them.

I definitely prefer my Kaldorei customs much more. We allow our people to be mated with matters to the heart.  We live, we love and if Elune blesses the union, we have children.  Of course, I’m the renegade and my parents sometimes bemoan that fact, however, they have accepted it and adore their grandchildren.  Yes, I did mate with a wonderful Kaldorei man and we had two beautiful sons together before he was killed, however, there was never the fire that filled my heart like it does with my Sindorei.

Oh, silly Amyn, prattling on about how things are and things that might have been.  I’m happy here in Pandaria, I can see my man a bit more than I did if I had stayed in Shattrath like a dutiful wife.  At least here, I can see my oldest son, take a trip to Stormwind to see Vashlan and to attend to my business there as well as going home to Dolonaar to see my parents and my two youngest boys.  Even Sentinels have lives outside of their duty, well, some of us do.

I’m happy, I’m content and as long as I know that my family is safe for the most part, I’ll keep serving my duty.  I’ve even seen the King here in Pandaria with his son, so, who am I to judge?

Oh, Elune, I thought that Lumina was just putting on weight from eating too much fish, seems it wasn’t just the fish she was consuming.  I was sitting here and she wanted a belly rub and I felt what I thought was a rumble in her gut, however, she is definitely showing all of the signs of impending motherhood.  I’m sure that my Sindorei will just die laughing when he finds out his Pan was just as busy as he was during those days on the farm.  Kittens, just wonderful!  Is it wrong of me to thank Elune for the cat having kittens and not me having another baby?

Amyn

 

 

2 thoughts on “Amyn’s Thoughts

  1. That’s good to hear that Amyn isn’t taking any guff from the younger single ladies who think they know it all. She’s got enough on her plate as it is with her family, she doesn’t need any trouble from the young ladies.Though I found the part of her being more relieved that her cat is the one expecting not herself , to be touching and funny at the same time.

    • Well, she already has four children to worry about and a husband that gets rather daring now and then – a new baby right now would be a bit awkward. Hehe, kittens are always great and I’m sure her parents will be able to find them good homes in Kalimdor. Thanks for reading the blog and commenting, it’s greatly appreciated.

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