A Time For Healing, Hate and Love…

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

June 8th

Dear Journal,

I have spent these last few days in a fog, almost as if I could sit here and see myself going through the motions and yet I was detached, my emotions drained and dull. It was a horrible feeling to sit here and think that the woman that you have loved for so many years might be dying.  Life could not be that unfair, it just couldn’t be – not after all that we have been through.  I know I have cried until my eyes ache and there are no more tear to be had, I hope.

Our getting attacked at the little house in the Jade Forest was a shock, surprise and a rude awakening.  We had been careless with our comings and goings and I guess the Orc deserters had been watching us for a while or perchance they had just happened by and smelled the food.  We will never know and the Orcs will never tell because they are no longer with us on this plane of existence.

The healer has said that Amyn is going to survive the injuries that she sustained during the confrontation at the house, however, it is going to take weeks for her to heal up without any other issues arising. Yes, there has been quite a bit of discussion with the healer in regard to the fact that Amyn is not one of “us” – not a member of Horde.  She’s a Kaldorei and a Sentinel, however, she happens to be my wife and the Mother of my children  – which would mean a death sentence at this particular time for the both of us were it to become well known. This particular healer I happen to trust won’t be indiscrete and tell the world that the Ranger Commander is doing more than just consorting with the enemy.  Amyn has never been my enemy – she has been my lover, my wife, my life’s companion and the Mother of my children. Amyn is my life because she is the true caretaker of my soul.

The whole ordeal has been mindboggling, not only the attack and the injuries suffered by my wife, the loss of an unborn child was a blow that was very unexpected.  I have talked to Amyn in between her sleeping bouts, which will be happening with the drugs and the head injury for a while.  She didn’t know she was pregnant although she was several weeks along – I suppose that can happen, a woman not knowing that she is with child.  The healer said that the sex of the baby was hard to know because it wasn’t fully formed yet and had not been in the womb long enough for that stage to appear.  I just know that the baby was mine and that Amyn lived through not only the head injury but had a miscarriage to complicate matters.  The loss of blood from the head injury was substantial, however, the loss of blood from the miscarriage is what almost took her away from me.

I can’t help but reflect back to another time in my life when a woman that I dearly loved committed suicide due to some kind of mental imbalance and took the life of another unborn child away from me. As I sat her watching Amyn struggling for her life, those previous thoughts were racing through my mind like an uncontrollable storm. Those times were different back then and I was indeed very young and foolish – the girl that I loved was a Sindorei of some substantial wealth and family that I had rescued from a terrible situation of abuse and bondage.  Fool that I was, I was already very much involved with Amyn at the time although I was trying to put some distance between us due to the racial and political issues that would have arisen at that time. It was a tumultuous time, not only with the politics but with my own emotions  – I had a lot of growing up to do.

When the girl committed suicide, I literally cut myself off from everything and everyone that I knew – the Rangers were in the past, my business was just starting out and the only people that were consistent in my life at that point were my sisters, Dawnglory and my beloved Amyn.  I think that I loved Amyn very deeply back then, however, I was doing my best to deny it.

Shortly after the death of the girl in Dalaran, yes, she committed suicide in the house we’ve lived in there,  I had gone on a drinking bout that would last for months – those months are a complete blur even now when I try to recall all of the things that were going on.  The company was busy and our involvement as mercenaries fighting against the Scourge was definitely the thing that made the company grow like crazy – that’s how it even exists today.

I was in one of my drunken stupors one night in Shattrath and was trying to get amorous with Amyn and she refused me because of my alcoholic state.  I know that this is something that I am not proud of and will spend the rest of my days regretting it because it showed me what an animal I can be, no matter the fine veneer of being from Silvermoon might try to displace that.  I raped her, quite forcibly in fact and promptly passed out.  There was no love in that act, it was just sheer physical desire overriding any kind of humanity that I had in my mind that night.  I know that I was shocked, dismayed and sickened with myself the next morning when I awakened and found out that Amyn had left me.  Yes, she left me and I can’t say that I blame her for it at the time.  She did leave me a letter that I still have today – she spoke of her love for me, my selfishness and my ability to use people without any kind of sympathy or empathy just for the sake of money. She also told me that she was pregnant with our first child – Yes, that was Kal’s introduction to me – she was going home to Dolonaar to have “her” baby.

Oh, we had been mated in the Kaldorei fashion for quite a few years when all of this came to pass. I had been out philandering with other women and my Sentinel stood by and let me run my gambit of stupidity for quite a while.  I can honestly say that none of the women back then were even aware of Amyn’s existence because she was my dirty little secret that I kept hidden from the world except for when I was in Shattrath City with her. She was exotic, she was all woman and I considered her my equal physically and mentally, yet, my mind and heart would not let me make that full commitment to her. I was a real arrogant bastard and very much the narcissist. Why she even stayed with me during that time was a miracle of sorts – however, when she left me and went back to her family it did wake me up for a while.  I did follow her to Dolonaar and persuaded her to come back to me for the sake of our unborn child and she acquiesced to my suggestions. Had I only realized,  at that point,  that she was the only woman that I ever really needed in my life  I would have never of gone through the tumultuous things in my personal life and forced Amyn to share the pain with me.

I sit here looking at her sleeping form and I marvel that she’s still here. She still loves me after all of the pain and suffering that I’ve put her through. Now, I realize what a lucky man I am and have truly come to grips with all of the things in our lives and she was almost taken away from me.  I have given thanks to Elune, prayed to the Light and cried to every deity that I have ever heard of not to take her away from me – someone listened. 

I have some injuries of my own that I am going to have to be aware of for a while if I am going to keep functioning like a normal man.  One of the Orcs cut me from my groin to my knee with a very large axe, I’m surprised that my manhood is still intact. The healer has sutured that up, bandaged it and given me some medication for the pain, however, I’ve endured the pain without it because of my worry about Amyn.

I know that I did get word to Kal about his Mother when I thought she was dying and I know the poor kid was beside himself with anxiety. We met after darkness fell in Halfhill and I told him what had happened.  I saw a part of myself in him when his temper flared and he got the same murderous look on his face that I know I’ve had on mine a few times. 

Even with my own injuries, I knew that I had to get back to the little house and gather up our belongings before anyone stumbled upon them – not to mention, get rid of the bodies that must have putrefied in the heat down there.   Kal went with me and we were able to gather our belongings and take care of what was left of the bodies.  Something had taken the bodies out of the house and proceeded to dine on them  I went through the pockets of what was left of their armor and found a few personal trinkets as well as sigils.  With those sigils, I could pretty much track them back to whatever group they were with.  That’s how I found out that they were deserters, grunts, peons of the lowest order that had escaped from the Horde infantry. Poor fools must have been sickened of the war and were seeking what they could find to survive and go home. Poor bastards will never see Kalimdor again.  At least that put aside any concerns that I had of a patrol that was sent to find us at any rate – so, our secret is still safe for the time being.

Amyn has been able to sit up for a while a little bit each day.  Let’s just say that I never visualized myself as being the handmaiden to such a lovely creature, however, if she wanted anything, I made sure she got it posthaste.  We’ve talked about what happened and we’re both in agreement that we were very careless in our way of doing things because we felt that false security that no one ever passed that way.  Well, we passed that way, and there sure as the Light was nothing from preventing anyone else from getting there either.  Will we return to the hidden house in the Jade Forest?  That’s doubtful.

At least I know she is going to be okay and Kal has made sure that there are no search parties out looking for his Mother.  I guess his “cousin” had an extremely bad emergency concerning her family in Dolonaar and had to take a personal leave – that’s what he said anyway. I wish she would take a permanent leave from the Sentinels and go back to Shattrath or maybe we could disappear into the wilds here in Pandaria. 

Oh Light, if I could only disappear with my wife and never look back, however, the repercussions against my family would be terrible if I deserted at this juncture. I’ll just have to bide my time an hope the rebels are lucky enough to kill that monster in Orgrimmar.  We’ll keep doing our part in our way to help the rebels and still keep our families safe.

I’ve sent a letter to Agatha in Silvermoon to have her go get Faendra and take her back to get her ready for the formal introductions to her new family.  I just can’t get away from Amyn right now, it wouldn’t be advisable with her needing constant attendance and care at this point.

I haven’t even told Dawnglory about what has transpired with Amyn and I either, he has his own hands full with his personal life and running things at base camp in my absence.  As soon as Amyn is able to take care of herself and her needs a bit less, I’ll have to head back to the camp and take over again. The healer has said that she thought Amyn should be able to handle taking care of herself for a few hours a day next week. I wish I could get a real nurse in here to take care of her while I’m gone – oh wait, that’s right, Felaran is here in Pandaria, I could get her to help me out some.  I’ll have to get word to her. I don’t think that Amyn will mind having her Death Knight sister-in-law taking care of her for a while.  Amyn and Fel have always gotten along famously.  Problem solved when I start using my head.

Fnor Morningstar

2 thoughts on “A Time For Healing, Hate and Love…

  1. Oh wow.. poor Fnor and Amyn, thank god ,she is starting to recover.,those are pretty serious injuries, thankfully she has Fnor to tend to her,despite his own injuries. Lets just hope his own injuries aren’t too detrimental.. that would just add insult to injury . Great read,and I’m hoping they pull through this .Great Read as always.

    • Oh, I’m sure that they will recover in time and there will be plenty more in the way of adventures for this couple. I can’t say that they have ever had a “dull” life from the very onset of their relationship. Thanks for reading the blog and commenting.

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