Oh, I still don’t remember much about what happened with the initial assault by the Orcs in the Jade Forest, however, I feel as if every bone in my body was broken and they ache constantly. The healer tells me that I have a few bruises and a few scrapes, however, most of my injuries are not visible to the naked eye. Well, naked eye or not, they still hurt. At least my head isn’t throbbing as badly as it did.
This is my first day out of bed and the first day that I didn’t have my husband dancing in attendance to my every wish and desire. The poor man has been beside himself and he has his own injuries to contend with as well, poor thing almost got turned into an eunuch. As much as he tries not to let me know how much pain he is in, I can see it in his eyes and the way that his face will pale and flinch now and again. He has drugs for the pain, however, he refuses to take them because he wants to be aware of what is going on around him and he wants to make sure that I am being taken care of properly.
We were stupid about what happened and it was our own fault for dropping our guard down. We were living in a Fool’s Paradise to think that no one would come by that little house. We made it there without much trouble and there was nothing around to prevent anyone else from climbing the same pathway that we did. My poor Sindorei feels that it was his fault and I keep telling him that it wasn’t just his fault, I should have been more aware too.
The one thing that is still lingering in my mind a lot is the fact that I was pregnant and didn’t know it. Elune knows that I have been pregnant before and I know that I didn’t “feel” pregnant – there are things that give away the fact that you are with child and it has nothing to do with having morning sickness. I know that I felt more fatigued than normal and had chalked it up to the heat and the rigorous scouting that I had been doing. I know that I was thinking that with all of the working that I had been doing, the field work and the work around the farm with Kal that I was building up more muscles, yes, I had noticed that my breasts were a bit larger and I chose to think that the armor was a bit snug and that’s why they ached so much. No, I was pregnant. I hate it that we lost our baby, however, it is the will of Elune and she has a way of blessing us in her own way sometimes that we may not understand.
Yes, I have cried about the loss of our child as has my Sindorei, however, it may have been a blessing in disguise. We have two sons together and two little boys that are need of care from both of their parents, much more than what we have been able to give them of late. No, a child would have been a blessing at another time, however, with the war here in Pandaria and the unsettled times within the Horde, now was not a good time for us to take on that added burden.
I know that I have had dreams about this baby, even though it was too soon to tell what sex it really was going to be. In my dreams it is a little girl that looks so much like her Father that it is laughable – there would have been no denying that this child was of Sindorei blood. Of course, in my dreams, she is no mere infant, she’s a headstrong child and as old as my youngest son. Naturally, my parents are in the dream as well and they keep trying to tell me that they can’t take care of her in Dolonaar because of her appearance and that I would have to make other arrangements – silly me, a Sindorei child growing up in Kaldorei territory would have been impossible. I know I always wake up at the same point in the dream when my Father tells me that I have to take her to the Barrens and leave her for some Ranger to find and take care of her. Just like the way that things happened with my Sindorei and I – it’s sad and it still makes me smile at the same time.
Oh well, I’m sure that some day when the war is over and the Horde has decided to be more civilized than it is at the moment – we will have other children, possibly, possibly not. It will depends on what the Light and Elune have in store for us.
I would love to be able to go outside and sit in the sun, however, it would present some rather awkward situations to the people in Halfhill, I’m sure. My Sindorei’s sister is here to help take care of me while things try to get back to normal and I do appreciate her help, although she isn’t the best nurse I’ve ever had, it’s still appreciated. I have to laugh because she brought another Death Knight with her, a man. You have to understand that Felaran has never had a man in her life for very long and I guess that they have made things a bit more intimate now – so, as she puts it – they are bunkmates. She has the strangest sense of humor sometimes and I will have to admit that she made me laugh when she said she wasn’t going to die a second time being a virgin.
At least I feel like I am going to live now even if the healer has said that I should rest for several weeks. Weeks!?! I don’t think so, I’ll be up and around before my Sindorei and this healer can even think straight – I’m not some pampered Sindorei princess that has lain on a couch and eaten bonbons most of her life. I’m a Sentinel! I’m as weak as a kitten right now and there are times that my head will spin out of control, however, I’m sure that will pass quickly once I get to be more physically active.
My Sindorei wants me to go home to Dolonaar for a while to spend time with the boys. He’s not kidding me, he wants me somewhere safe and out of harm’s way. I’m sorry, my love, I am staying here in Pandaria, close to your side and I’m not planning on giving that position away to anyone else. No, I am not going home and I won’t be coddled like some doll that you would have purchased in a store. I will be fine and I will get to a Kaldorei healer that will give me the potions that I need to get on my feet faster. I just have to figure out how I am going to make it down the stairs in front of the house without falling.
Oh well, it’s time for me to take another drought of that foul tasting potion and go back to sleep to dream more of those very strange dreams. I’m sure that I will be well enough soon to go back to camp and I would like to see my son for a while.