Just being back in Dolonaar with my sons and my parents for just these past few days has been wonderful. I didn’t realize how much stress and strain I had been under when I was in Pandaria. Well, I take that back, being part of the Sentinels and trying to keep up with my Sindorei husband were very stressful at times.
Now, I can luxuriate in the comfort and the warmth of my old bed and my old room while I read or just nap when I want too. Naturally, the boys will stick their head in the door to see if I am sleeping or not. At least the headaches have stopped and I do not have to take that horrid potion that the healer gave me. On the plus side, my Mom made up some of her potions and replaced the ones that the healer was giving me and they don’t seem to have the side effects that they did – I don’t keep having the same horrid nightmare over and over each time I close my eyes to sleep.
It was always the same dream of the attack in the Jade Forest, however, in my dream, I never lost consciousness and had to watch the entire fight between my Sindorei and the Orcs. It’s almost like stepping back in time to see an event and being unable to move or to intercede to change the outcome. Normally, after having one of these dreams, I wake up in a cold sweat and have a horrific headache.
My Mom tells me that this is normal for a person to have dreams like this after a traumatic injury. She’s just thankful that I was still alive and had gotten some fairly decent medical care at the hands of a Sindorei healer although it would have been better if I had been amongst my own time.
Oh, she and I have had several long talks in the past and the present about my involvement with Fnor, however, she is finally relenting on the attitude that she had for several years and that was the one where she kept telling me that I should leave this man because he had been nothing but heartache and pain for me since the day I met him. She has finally gotten it through her head that this is the man that I have chosen to mate with and love for the rest of our lives. Oh she likes him well enough, she just wishes that he were Kaldorei so that she could tell her friends about him sometimes, I think.
I will admit that I already miss him more than I can put into words. I miss the little farm in Pandaria and I miss lying there in the bed beside him night and feeling his arms wrapped around me as we slept. These are the things that I truly miss.
What I don’t miss is the war, the constant of having to keep your guard up at all times, no matter where you were. I don’t miss the fact that my Sindorei and I had to slip around just to be together so that no one would see us. I’m not ashamed of my husband and it always made it seem wrong to have to hide our relationship although I do understand the political ramifications if our relationship became known. I hope that someday after we get everything back in Shattrath that we will be able to act like ourselves even in public. I don’t miss the constant bickering that would go on amongst the women at the base camp and the constant little barbs being thrown around like so much candy.
A group of women can be rather cruel if they have targeted a victim to taunt. I know that I would hear Kal’s name come up every now and again in these conversations and I could feel my ire rising to the front and I would just have to walk away. He isn’t the only half-breed that is with the Sentinels, others have been able to disguise it better than Kal can, however, and I wouldn’t have him be any other way. I have actually spotted several of the women that aren’t what they appear to be, not only from their physical attributes but also in their mannerisms. Yes, there are few female mixes there hiding in plain sight. Kal stands out more because of his eyes and his size, he’s not small, and however, he is not as large as some of the mature male Kaldorei in our band.
I have enjoyed getting to know the Sentinel that is living with Kal though. She seems to be a nice enough girl when she drops that Sentinel persona, which I remind her now and again, that it isn’t the only thing in the world for her. They seem to be a good match for one another and if they happen to actually become mates some day, it will be a good thing for Kal and the rest of the family – if they don’t, I just want what will make my son happy, and that’s all that matters to me.
Oh, I have enjoyed being able to play with my youngest boys here in Dolonaar. They like having Mom around them except when I discipline them for being the little scamps that they are. Oh my, they picked up some rather rough language while we were in Dalaran as well as few swear words that I have only heard in Shattrath. I honestly don’t know how my parents can keep up with the two of them sometimes; they just wear me out on a daily basis right now. If there isn’t something to keep them occupied most of the time, they end up getting into mischief. At least they aren’t blowing things up anymore, they seem to have outgrown that or they’ve run out of explosives and don’t know how to make anymore. When Dad doesn’t have them going out hunting with him, Mom has them working their little butts off in the garden and then they have to go to school every day – which is a very good thing. I won’t have children that are uneducated and their step-Father would definitely have a fit if they weren’t learning things.
I still find myself feeling pretty weak most of the time and I think that I will go talk to the healer and see what kind of exercise I can start doing to get my strength back. I know that “rest” is an important part of the healing process with the head injury but I just feel so useless.
I know that my Sindorei was talking about leaving the Rangers before I came home and I am almost sure that he has made arrangements to do that. I also know him well enough that he will want me to leave the Sentinels as well although a part of me wants to stay in the active service and a part of me wants to go back to the life that we had before. Now that the children are older, I am not as restricted to the role of being a Mother, they can take care of themselves for the most part although these two youngest seem to need a lot more guidance in some things. If my Sindorei and I can travel together like we used too before we had children, I’d leave the Sentinels in a heartbeat just so that I could be with him. Oh, we had some great times together and even after the kids came along, we traveled with them for a while.
I’ll have to give this all some thought and come to a decision. I know what Fnor would like for me to do; however, I have to be the one to make that decision on my own.
Oh, my Sindorei and I have had a few words in regard to his sister’s upcoming arranged marriage. I know that I am really against this tradition of the Sindorei. I think that a woman should be able to choose her own mate and not have one picked out for her. So what if it means more political power and more money, plus, the all important family name to be added to the long list of names involved, it still is barbaric. I hope that my Sindorei has taken it to heart with some of the words that I have said and will let the girl make her own choices for her life. He tends to coddle and spoil the girl and that’s why she acts like she does now, which can be awful for the rest of the family.
I’ll admit that Faendra needs to get herself settled down quite a bit and quit obsessing over my Sindorei’s business partner and friend too. The girl is not in love with him, she’s obsessed with the idea of being in love with him and yet, the last time we talked – she had a whole list of things that she wants to change about him. I did try to talk to her reasonably and to tell her that you don’t marry someone and then try to “change” them into something that they weren’t when they met. Young girls just seem to think that they can change men into whatever they want “after they are married” and that just isn’t how that works – that’s why the Sindorei have so many unhappy people married to one another, it seems.
I think that I am going to lie down again and sleep because all of this writing and thinking has given me another headache although it’s not as bad as they were when I first got home with my parents. I am trying to keep my eyes open on Lumina too because she is pregnant and should be dropping her kits any day now. My Mom seems to think that she is going to have at least six this time instead of her usual three – that would surprise me. I also wonder if any of them will look like her or if they will be mostly black like Pan. I will also have to find homes for them when they are old enough, we can’t keep them all.