Being An Outcast…

July 2nd

Dear Journal,

Staying in Brill isn’t all that bad although I am finding that I miss the creature comforts of Silvermoon more and more each day.  We have been fortunate enough to be able to go back to Silvermoon once in a while and I know that some of us linger there a little bit longer than should when the opportunity presents itself.

I knew that when I joined the Rangers that there were chances that I would be stationed in some places that were less than savory and not to my liking.  If this assignment is anything like what may be in store for me in the future, I may have to rethink my decision.

Hillsbrad isn’t all that bad, however, I do think it rather odd that while the Forsaken are hell bent on using this plague to infect everything around them, why would a troop of Rangers be needed to kill off their mistakes because that is exactly what they are.  Mistakes of their own making and we’re being used as the cleanup crew.  Some of it is real disgusting and I know that I am not the only one that has gone off behind a tree to relieve the discomfort by disgorging the contents of my stomach.

I think the worse thing so far has been the bears that have those eggs infesting them.  I suppose that the eggs are using the beast as a host for feeding the eggs, however, I know that gathering those eggs and the contents of said eggs makes me want to throw-up constantly. Oh yes, and we shouldn’t forget that abominations that have gone a bit wild that need to be disposed of. 

It sure does make you wonder if the Regent Lord has a clue as to what Lady Sylvannas and her people are doing here in Hillsbrad?  Oh, I can understand the plague and the Worgen, however, that is probably the most disgusting thing I’ve ever seen. What the Forsaken have done to the people of Gilneas is unforgiveable in my eyes, I just have to follow orders.  I think what they thought that they were going to produce from their plague was turning human beings into beasts with very little intelligence, instead, they got a beast that is very capable of thoughts and still very much in touch with their human side.  I’m not even sure if the Forsaken are really in touch with their own human side anymore.

On my last trip to Silvermoon, I did stop by the magistrates to see how my inquiries were going in regard to this man that could be my Father, I’m certain that he is.  Anyway, he is definitely up in the higher ranks as a Lt. Commander with the troops in Pandaria.  Now, exactly where in Pandaria, I’m not sure, just that he is up there leading Rangers.  Pandaria can’t be that big of a place from what I can gather and he shouldn’t be that difficult to find – seems that he is a bit flamboyant with his actions to where most of the people might know of him or at least his whereabouts.  The picture that I have of him is worth a thousand words and it also makes me understand why my Mother got involved with him – he is a good looking man and I would assume that he has some kind of wealth behind him.  As far as I can tell, he has no real family to speak of other than a sister that may or may not be In Silvermoon.  I didn’t have enough time to make any further inquiries about her, however, that will be my intent on my next trip.

I did find out that this fellow that my Father hangs out with quite a bit is quite wealthy and is fairly well known in some of the social circles in Silvermoon.  In fact, he has quite a large business that he owns and operates out of Orgrimmar.  There are several Morningstar families in Silvermoon, however, there is only one that is extremely wealthy and noteworthy.  Well, I guess that should make things a bit easier for me to find this Dawnglory too.

I just know making all of these inquiries and crossing the palms of a few people with what gold I have has been very expensive so far and has almost beggared me.  I will have to raise some more money by plying my trade a bit more and see if I can supplement my Ranger salary some more before I do a lot more of the inquiries that I want to make.  If all of these records are public records, it sure does seem crazy to have to “pay” to get the information, however, I have to do that because my duties keep me too busy to even think about trying to make the time to dig through the archives myself.  From what I have seen of the archives, I would be in there for years trying to find out information.

What do I hope to gain with all of the inquiries?  Well, the one thing I want is for this man to acknowledge me as his son and heir to whatever fortune he may have accumulated in his lifetime and for him to come back to my grandparents and tell them too.  He would probably have to pledge some kind of fealty to the family and make some kind of financial restitution to them for ruining their only marriageable daughter that he spoiled with his seed.  I also want him to treat me as his son, not some by-product of his adventures in Silvermoon.  I don’t think that is too much to ask.  We may not even like each other, however, he should be man enough to acknowledge me.

Naturally all of my friends that I have made in the Rangers think I’m crazy for spending so much time and money in finding this fellow.  They all have families that can help them and I don’t.  My grandparents won’t even allow me in the house at this point because they don’t want to acknowledge that my Mother might have made a mistake in her judgment and I’m the result of that error.  Oh, when she was alive, everything was fine, after she died – I was literally kicked out of the house. How can I be a grandson one day and a “nothing” the next still has my mind spinning.

At least I have enough education to do me well with the Rangers and the training that I am getting with them is going to be what I can live with.  I was almost finished with my schooling when my Mother died and I was literally kicked out of school because I didn’t have any money to pay my tuitions.  I don’t think they wanted some homeless and penniless Sindorei cluttering up their hallowed halls of learning when the money ran out. 

One thing that all of this has taught me is that you have to have money to be somebody.  To have your family love you, you have to have money, to have the people in society to accept you, you have to have money. Everything is tied back to Money.  So, I will have money one day to where I can go anywhere in Silvermoon that I choose and be able to marry any woman that I can afford to buy.

Yes, I’m bitter.  I came from a family of money and social standing and had built my life accordingly and to suddenly wake up one day and find yourself homeless and penniless was quite shock.  What really hurt was the fact that the people that I thought were my friends turned their backs on me because I no longer had the family name and the money to fit in with their circles.  I became an instant outcast amongst my own people.  Yes, I have made new friends since I joined the Rangers, however, they don’t invite me to their homes in Silvermoon either – this is what it means to be a bastard outcast.

I will find my Father and I will make him make things right again for me, somehow.

Han

 

 

2 thoughts on “Being An Outcast…

  1. Awww poor guy, that’s a tough break, but he’s going to be in for a world of hurt ,if he thinks he can make Fnar do anything.. Hell, Faendra can’t make Fnar do what she wants ,and he’s known her longer. Great read.. I was wondering how he was doing.

    • He’s actually very close to Faendra in age, however, he hasn’t had the advantage of knowing his Father as well as Faendra has. He’s just floundering around trying to find his place in the world and he’s at that age where he thinks he can make his sire do the “right” thing. It’s going to get interesting. Thanks for reading the blog and commenting.

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