Still…Changes

July 13th

Dear Journal,

I know that it’s been forever since I have written in my journal and it’s been quite a while since I had anything of any great importance to say, however, I think I need to say something to someone about this even if it isn’t out loud in public or anything like that.

I have been going through my priestess training and learning how to heal the way that it is supposed to be done and I think I am doing okay with it.  I love my work, I like helping people and making sure that they are feeling better when I am finished working with them as a healer. It has been my whole life so far.

My real problem right now is the fact that I think that I have fallen in love with a young Ranger, he’s very handsome and very sweet.  His family isn’t of any real note and neither is mine, so, there shouldn’t have been any problems with the two of us if we happened to get together.  I know that it is kind of hard to do anything in this town without it being circulated all over the place. I know how people like to gossip about things.  Well, I think that there is going to be some gossip going around in a while even if there was something that I could do about it.

Okay, my brother, bless his flirty little heart, has made arrangements for me to marry an older man and to gain some social status in Silvermoon.  I don’t love the man and from what little bit of time that I have spent with him, he just wants to marry me to produce an heir for him and to keep his bloodline going.  The thought of the old fellow touching my private parts almost makes my skin crawl; however, he is going to have to do more than just touch to get an heir. Due to the old fellow’s age, I don’t know if he can even produce an heir or how many times we would have to have this “joining” going on.  Well, there are other ways to get an heir and in all honesty, I have no qualms in doing that if it is going to make the old fellow happy.

We have gone out to dinner a few times and he does seem to be likeable enough and his very intelligent.  Well, he had better be intelligent considering that he is one of the magistrates here in Silvermoon.  I do have to laugh at those titles because historically, you had to earn the titles, now, you can buy them for a few thousand gold.  He likes to talk about his work as a mage and I find it rather interesting and find it very mysterious sometimes.  I think that mages walk a very fine line between the Light and the Dark because I know some young mages act as if they know everything and have unknowingly slipped into the darkness through some of their trial and error methodology, poor fellows.  Anyway, I think I can tolerate being married to this man and he already knows that it is not a love match and I know that he has already gotten a goodly portion of my dowry from Fnar.

Getting back to my Ranger, he’s everything that a woman could want; he’s handsome, virile, brave and a bit brash at times.  Oh, I know that a lot of girls are just crazy about the Rangers here in Silvermoon.  One of the things that I will say about my young man is that he is not a man of means and is earning his way through the ranks much like my brother and Fnor Morningstar did, they didn’t buy their commissions because it has taken them years of experience to get to where they are today.  Oh, my Jax is definitely a man’s man in every sense of the word, a very careful blending of both my brother and Fnor.  Oh, he’s not as blunt as my brother and he’s not as diplomatic as Fnor, however, he is a whole lot younger.  I know it sounds silly; however, he’s someone that I am proud to be seen with and very proud to be with.   

I know this all sounds confusing because it is.  I am going to marry this old man and I want to be able to be with my Ranger.  They both are special in their own way, however, one is nearing the end of his life and the other is just starting out with his profession.  I am very worried how this is going to work out. 

I know that I am really in a quandary because I have given word to my brother that I would marry this old man and my heart is telling me that it is wrong of me to do so.  I know that there are marriages where the people are together for the reasons that this magistrate is marrying me and yet, the couples end up being very unhappy together and they take lovers or part company.  I have spent hours praying to the Light for some kind of guidance and I don’t know that it is going to help.  I know that my brother would be very upset with me if I broke my word to him and to the magistrate and yet, I am not sure that I will be any happier for it.  Here I sit loving one man and knowing that if I marry the other one; I will have more social standing with my friends and the rest of the community that will enable me to further my career too.

I’m not as sweet and naive as some of the people around me think that I am.  It is a persona that I have been very careful in projecting because it is what some of the people expect of me.  I’m not like Faendra and her obsession with my brother nor am I as hotheaded as she is.  When I do things, I am more methodical and I do hope more organized.   However, this particular situation is rather awkward and I wish that I had someone to talk too about it.

If Faendra were here, I doubt that I would even tell her about it because she would try to use it as another way of getting at Fnar.  I swear that girl is a fool because we have all told her that he is not the “marrying” kind and that he is one man that is completely happy with having a fling and doesn’t want the encumbrances of having a wife and children – children he may have, however, it is doubtful that he will marry anyone in the near future.

Speaking of Faendra, she is supposed to be here in Silvermoon to attend the parties and meet the families prior to her wedding and she isn’t here.  I’ve written to her in Orgrimmar to find out what the holdup is with her arrival here in Silvermoon. I’ve gotten absolutely no answers from her and to be honest, I know how unhappy she was at her arrangement to be married in a few weeks, however, I have met her intended several times and he is absolutely gorgeous and very nice. His family happens to be one of the nicest families in Silvermoon and not all arrogant acting.

I know that Agatha has been doing a marvelous job helping me with all of the things with my wedding plans and parties even if she is wondering how fast she is going to be able to do the same thing for Faendra if she doesn’t show up soon.   Sometimes that girl just doesn’t think about things and it makes it a total hardship for everyone else.

Oh well, I’ll keep thinking about my own situation and see what I can come up with.  I want to keep my Ranger and I want to make sure that I keep my word to my brother about this marriage, even if it does make me unhappy.

This entry probably doesn’t make much sense since my brain just keeps hopping all over the place like a very skittish rabbit.

Felessa Dawnglory

2 thoughts on “Still…Changes

  1. Yikes! What a quandry to be in..poor girl..I can totally see her confusion; being in love with one man ,and promised to another. I was wondering how she was doing ,so nice to see she’s doing well.

  2. Oh yeah, she’s really kind of in a quandary but she is definitely more level-headed than her best friend, she’ll figure things out sensibly. Thanks for reading the blog and commenting.

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