*Some very blunt language and swearing – if you’re easily offended by that sort of thing, please don’t read it.*
Oh, I’m having a real restless night tonight and it’s actually a little before dawn, if I look out the window, I can see the sky changing from dark to light. Mirri and Romy are still asleep, which is a good thing because I need to find some time to get my head sorted out a little bit. I wish I could say that it’s the war or business, however, it’s not, it’s personal.
I keep trying to build up the nerve to talk to Romy about getting married. I know how we both felt about the whole thing to begin with, however, we have the baby to think about and how it will affect her in the long run if we still aren’t married. I want what is best for the baby and any other children that we may have in the future, I don’t want people casting aspersions on them because of the fact that their parents aren’t properly wed in the Sindorei fashion. I know that it would be extremely hard on Mirri when she goes to Silvermoon, those people wouldn’t understand the fact that her parents didn’t need a piece of paper to keep them together, she wouldn’t have any kind of proper family lines to speak of either. I do know that Romy comes from a very good family in Silvermoon, while I, well, let’s just say that my parentage got lost in the shuffle at the orphanage in Shattrath. Felessa and I could both be bastards for all we know, the matrons made up our surname.
I think that I am afraid that if I ask Romy to marry me, she will take off like a rocket and go back to Northrend with the baby – that would fucking kill me. I don’t know how in the hell I would be able to carry on with my life if they weren’t with me. I guess that I’ll just have to hope and pray that she will agree to it. I already have a ring to give her, if the answer is yes – I actually bought it right after Mirri was born and have kept it hidden away. Yes, the thought had already come to my mind even then, I didn’t want Mirri to go through what I’ve gone through. The only family that I have ever known has been the Morningstar family and they have made my sister and I feel very much a part of that.
I know that I was very upset with the note that Zippie sent me from Silvermoon, however, I suspected that Fae hadn’t changed much or at all from the way that she had that calculating look on her face when she was being introduced to Romy. I know that I welcomed Faendra back at the Faire and gave her a brotherly hug that she turned into her pressing her body against mine and grabbing my fucking crotch. I don’t think that Romy saw it or if she did, she hasn’t said anything about it.
Getting that note from Zippie opened all kinds of doors in my mind that I thought that I had closed permanently. Then, today, I got a letter from Faendra that did more than rock my world a little bit. She had all kinds of things to say about Romy and she was going to get me back for betraying “our” love. Oh hello there? The girl is definitely out of her mind and it does have me a bit unnerved to say the least.
I think that I am going to talk to Fnor when he gets back from his trip and explain to him about what is going on with Faendra. I almost burned her letter in fear that Romy might find it and think all manner of things about me, however, I am going to keep it and show it to her brother. This whole obsession with me has got to stop because not only is it going to ruin her life, it’s going to ruin mine too. Fuck!! How did this get so screwed up, did I do something that has encouraged her to think that I might have some kind of romantic interest in her? I fucking don’t know at this point. I just know that it has to stop and I don’t want to distance myself from all of the Morningstars, just Fae. I don’t think that I will ever be able to completely figure women out, they can be such a total fucking enigma.
I knew something was going to come along and fuck things up for us. It was just meant to happen, the Fates get jealous if we’re too happy. I have been ecstatic since Mirri has been born and Romy was okay after the birth. I don’t think that I have ever been this happy in my life, now, I have this little girl that is going to try to destroy everything because she thinks that she is in love with m.
I really think I need to sit down with Romy and tell her exactly what is going on and maybe drop down on one knee and propose.
My mind feels like it is totally scrambled today and it just keep fucking circling back to the problem at hand. No, I am not going to let this girl destroy my happiness with my family.
Owner of Plantation