Anxious…

February 16th

Dear Journal,

I awakened from a very troubled sleep with tears streaming down my checks and I must have been crying quite a bit when my Mother came into my room and asked me what was wrong and if I was okay.  I could only tell her that I was okay and that it was only a bad dream…it would pass.

She doesn’t usually sit down on my bed and stroke my hair like she did this morning, however, she wanted to make sure that I was truly okay.  I guess that was more than I could bear, I finally just broke down and started weeping uncontrollably and I’m not usually that emotional.

My dream was about my Sindorei and something was terribly wrong with him.  I couldn’t tell if he had been injured in some type of battle in my dream, if he had been attacked by some unknown assassin or if something else had transpired. It was just a very bad feeling that I had that something was wrong and I wasn’t there to protect him.  Since we are forced by circumstances to be apart a great deal of the time, I always have worried about him.  Silly man thinks that he is invincible and that nothing can harm him, not the rough and tough Fnor Morningstar.

I know that my parents haven’t always felt the way that they do now about my Sindorei and our marriage, however, they have recognized the fact that he and I are truly mated for life.  Nothing will change that, not all the politics in the world can keep us apart.  No, he can never come and truly visit where I grew up or spend all that much time in the area for fear that someone might see him and report the fact that there is a Blood Elf in the vicinity. My love for my Sindorei has no boundaries and I know that my parents have come to accept that fact.

My Mother told me that the little guys have been wanting to go to Shattrath so that they can renew their friendships down there and they wanted to see their Step-Father, they missed him.  They have talked about their biological Father quite a bit lately and my Mother is worried that they might eventually resent my relationship with Fnor.  I don’t think that is going to be an issue at all because he has always treated them as if they were his own children as much as he has treated his true sons.  I know that they worshiped their real Father and were completely lost for a while after his death, as was I.

Things have not always gone smoothly for my Sindorei and I and even though we were mated in the eyes of Elune, there was a time that I thought that he had abandoned Kal, Vashlan and myself when he would leave for months on end and we would be there in Shattrath without word from him.  In my heart, I still loved him, however, in my mind I knew that I had to provide a home and family life for myself and my children.  That’s when I met my second mate.  I know that my Sindorei was shocked and very hurt that I had replaced him in my life with another man, however, he was never replaced in my heart.  When my mate was killed in a hunting accident, I was in mourning for him for a very long time before my Sindorei came back into my life. I don’t think anyone will ever know how my emotions were very mixed about going back to him – things had been extremely hard for my children and myself.  To step back into that relationship would either make or break my children’s hearts.

I chose to take my Sindorei back into my life and I have not regretted that decision.  Oh he still has his moments when I think that he is showing himself to be what he is , a true Sindorei.  We’ve had our battles and we’ve made up, we’ve told one another that we didn’t care about the other anymore – we knew in our hearts that it was all lies.

The way that things have been for us in the last few years has been wonderful.  The children, the grown ones as well as the little ones has been undeniably a happy time.  My parents even started caring more about my Sindorei when they got to spend some time with him in Dalaran before Jaina Proudmore went insane and drove everyone away.  Even now my Father talks fondly of the talks that he and my Sindorei had together – you know those man to man talks that only the two of them know exactly what was discussed.  They were astounded when Fnor and I got married in the Sindorei fashion, however, they knew that it made the two of us very happy.

I know that I am going to feel very anxious until I set my eyes on my Sindorei again in Shattrath in another couple of days.  Yes, as per usual with him, he was going to be delayed by a few things that needed his attention in Silvermoon.  He didn’t go into any details in his message but I felt like there was some underlying things going on that he didn’t feel comfortable writing about.

I’m glad that things in Stormwind had been going along nicely with the business.  It appears as though things were being kept under control by Magdamia.  Naturally, nothing would do but to have me sit down and look at the books, we’re showing a substantial profit from our contracts, which is always a good thing to see.  That means I can keep paying my employees and I can keep getting more contracts for them.

I did get to spend some time with Vashlan and I can tell that something has definitely changed in him, however, I can’t quite put my finger on what it is. He says that he is coming along nicely with his training and that he is looking forward to continuing his studies, however, he did mention that he would like to go back to Dalaran for some advanced studies.  I am very reluctant to see him set foot in that particular city because I know how much it has changed. It’s not the Dalaran that he remembers of old, it’s much different without the other races outside of the Alliance.  I told him that I would take some time and the two of us would go visit the city together.  I know, I’m over-protective of my children sometimes but it is a Mother’s prerogative.  I will also do some checking around to see if there are any other advanced mages in Stormwind or even Shattrath that might be willing to take on another student. I just dread the thought of having Vashlan being too far away, he has always been much more naive than his brother Kaldor in dealing with other people, he’s far too trusting and easily hurt.

I know that I was very happy to be able to escape Stormwind and head to Dolonaar to see my parents and my two younger sons for a while.  That’s where I am currently and where I got my Sindorei’s message.  I am assuming that the messenger went to the warehouse in Stormwind and that’s how he found me.  My mother said that he was a strange little man and seemed quite anxious to deliver his message and be gone from the area. Considering the source of the message and the fact that it was hand delivered is what has caused me some anxiety – we always try to keep our correspondence down to a minimum when it comes to using couriers.  My mother said the messenger was dressed in the latest Kaldorei fashion, however, he never would look directly at her and kept his hat pulled down over his eyes – that tells me that the messenger was probably a Sindorei in disguise, that means the message was extremely costly to deliver.  Normally Fnor would have had his messages smuggled into the warehouse in Stormwind and Magdamia would have sent one of the employees with it.

I think that I am going to cut my visit with my parents and children a bit short and head back to Shattrath. There I can at least work on getting my part of the business settled in and ready to operate while I wait for my Sindorei.  I know that we are planning on opening everything up and start advertising our presence in the city again within the month.  I am sure that some of our old clients will be happy to hear that we are back in the city again.   There are so many new people in the city after the Purge in Dalaran that the competition is going to be fierce – these are indeed desperate times.

Amynlarae Shadowmoon

2 thoughts on “Anxious…

  1. awww. Amyn.. it has to be really hard when she knows her man is in trouble and she can’t be there to help him, when she needs to be. With political tensions being the way they are, the separations are the hardest,because they never know from one day to the next, whether nor they will see their loved ones again. Very touching post,and I wish them well.

    • These two have been together a very long time and even though they live apart most of the time, they do have a depth of feeling for one another that surpasses all of the faction politics. I think that they will both be happier once they make the transition to Shattrath and can be together with their family more frequently as they were in Dalaran. Who knows what the future will hold for the two of them?

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