Well, I suppose that I ought to be happy that I am not in jail or something even worse for the “crimes” that I have done, however, they were justified. Let me explain a little bit about what happened because when I think about it, I laugh, however, I’m known for having a very twisted sense of humor.
If you’ll recall, I got drafted, shanghaied, however you want to put it to go to Pandaria against my better judgment and will. It wasn’t exactly a choice that I was allowed to make because of that pinheaded idiot that we have for a Warchief over the Horde. I willingly admit that I have always kind of done my own thing, however, I have always honored the oath to serve the Horde, until now.
So, I get put with a group of Rangers in Krasarang and of course they were mostly Blood Elves. You know the kind that I mean. The ones that have the fabulous hair and the devastating good looks that they are very aware of. I don’t dislike elves, I just wish they weren’t so self-absorbed. I know we’ve all had a tough go at things, look at my people and the Lady – we haven’t exactly been blessed by the Light, if you know what I mean.
Well, to make a long story short, I was serving my time with the Rangers, having to bunk in with at bunch of simpering females was bad enough, however, the thing that was driving me to distraction was all of the talk about men, hair, makeup and what they might buy to wear at some upcoming event or party. Just drove me batshit crazy, it did. Luckily for them, I had purchased my little farm, so, on my days off, I went and stayed at the farm even if it isn’t furnished and all fixed up like some I’ve seen.
On my last trip to Undercity to visit with Brianca, I had picked up a nice bottle of lice, not your average kind of lice, our kind of lice. Well, I got back to the camp in Krasarang and emptied the whole bottle in the middle of the big tent where we’re supposed to sleep and watched the little critters scamper off to all areas of the tent – I wasn’t worried about me getting lice, what are they going to munch on, my dead flesh won’t hold a candle to the likes of these juicy little Blood Elf women.
Oh it worked like a charm it did. Of all of the wails and cries I have never heard the like. Naturally, they thought they had some kind of strange malady that they had caught from something in Pandaria. Little did they know it was all homegrown. Some of them were in pretty sad shape, bites and then the critters got into all that fabulous hair. Well, they or a group of them went to the healers to see what could be done, all of that itching and stuff was making them real cranky, not to mention, they couldn’t cover up all of those bite marks. I guess the healers weren’t all that sympathetic with them and told them that the only way they could get rid of the “lice” was to bathe with lye soap and shave their heads.
Have you ever seen a Blood Elf with real red skin and bald? I almost peed myself when the first group got back from doing what they were told to do. Naturally, they were trying to hide the baldness with the helms, however, in this heat and dampness, that probably wasn’t a good thing.
Anyway, the whole thing was tracked back to me and I was going to get Court Marshaled or something worse for damaging all of these little beauties. The corker was not only were the people in my tent infected with the malady, you could sure tell the ones that slept around because it spread throughout the camp like wildfire. I didn’t think that it would get that serious but it sure did.
Lucky for me, I got my letter from Zippie with the letter from the Boss that told the Rangers that I was no longer in their service, I was under the guidance of the Regent Lord from now on and worked for a private company. They had to let me go, they had to drop the charges and I think that some of them actually had a party after I left – Forsaken are a bit offensive to the beautiful people.
Anyway, my service to the Horde and the Rangers has come to a close and I can start living my life like I was before with my time being my own. What a relief! I never was good at following orders and I will have to say that I am not real thrilled with the kind of treatment I got there either. Sure, I’m still loyal to the Horde, however, I am even more loyal to my employer at this point.
I am kind of ashamed of myself about what I did, however, how was I to know that lice would end up infecting the entire camp. I’m kind of giggling too – can you imagine all of these bald-headed Blood Elves running around Pandaria and too ashamed to go back to Silvermoon until their hair grows back. Hey, they asked for it.