Learning To Care…

May 24th

Dear Journal,

After returning from one of our many trips out into the Jade Forest with some of the newer and I might also mention untrained recruits that have come our way to introduce to the perils of Pandaria, I thought that I saw Felaran’s sister amongst the group that I was traveling with – however, there are quite a few redheads, this one stood out because she was too busy pouting about the filth and the uncouth way that the Rangers she was with were conducting themselves.  Sure did sound like her, all haughty and full of angst.  I honestly don’t think that I will mention it to Fel just yet, I’ll wait to see what happens in the next few days because I am sure that I will be getting assigned to them again – why me, well, my temperament is such that I am considered a bit easy going for a Death Knight.  Fel’s temper seems to flare with some of the new people and I guess that it’s best that I take on the duty rather than have her going on after we go home about how stupid some of these people can be.

I guess Fel is still disappointed as I am about the fact that even if we wanted to get married, the authorities in Silvermoon have turned down our applications because we’re “dead” and unable to reproduce an heir to our family name.  Well, hello, we just wanted a piece of paper that would tell the world that we’re together, not that we were going to be going at it like bunnies to make babies – we do go at it quite a bit because we can, however, we’re just as happy with raising FuzzButt as our child, even if he is a cat.  We may be part of the unliving of this world, however, that doesn’t mean that we have no feelings for one another and would have liked to formalize it in some way.   I honestly think that if we had more gold between us, some coins could have crossed hands and we would have that piece of paper now, however, Fel’s temper got the best of her and I don’t think that a Magister has been called as many names in such a short amount of time either – poor fellow was turning various shades of red that almost went to purple a few times.   Maybe we can try again in a few weeks after the tempers have cooled down a little bit more and maybe I’ll suggest that I do the talking this time.

I made our wedding rings – very intricate jade pieces with the runes of our blades carved delicately into each one – hers on mine and mine on hers – we thought that it would make for some interesting topics of conversation as well as showing that we’re not ashamed of what we are either.  Death Knights are indeed a special breed and we know it – there is no harm in taking pride in it any longer, it wasn’t a choice that we willingly made anyway.

Oh, I do wish that some of the living could share some of the feelings that we have sometimes.  There is nothing more fulfilling or as loving with Death Knights to be in a battle, shoulder to shoulder, our Rune Blades singing in harmony as we cut down our foes – the feelings that we both get from that is more akin to what some of the living have to wait for some very intimate and intense moments  – we take joy in our work like no other sentient being can or ever will have the ability to do so.  When that Blades hunger to be fed and that appetite is quenched, there is nothing more gratifying to the two of us – we gain that feeling of peace and we also gain a lot more between the two of us.  I wish that I had the words to explain how it feels because until Fel and I started working together, I never felt that before.  It is akin to having sex and not at the same time.

I suppose some would find it odd that Death Knights are capable of loving – we are.  It’s not the same as it would be with the living, however, there are times that I wonder if it isn’t more intense in a lot of ways.  I know that Fel has taught me so much about being “alive” again than I would have ever found out about on my own  – I tended to stay to myself to avoid the stigma that some of my brethren have brought upon us through no fault of their own.  To say that she has taught me how to “live” again is just something that has happened – I now have emotions that I thought were lost to me, they make me feel more alive and more in touch with the living than I have had since the day I became aware of the killing machine that I have become.

Yes, I get a lot of teasing from people about my cat, FuzzButt, and that’s okay.  He’s taught me how to be more gentle and caring with the smaller things in life.  I learned how to make him purr and I have learned how to play again.  I’m not sure that I knew much about playing when I was alive, however, playing with this little cat has taught me how to be gentle again, which I am sure that Felaran probably appreciates.

I still have thoughts flash through my mind of my past life – some of the evil that I had done – I also catch glimpses of what might have been my family in my past life.  I keep seeing an older couple in my thoughts that might have been my parents, I’m not sure.   Maybe the Lich King’s minions did the right thing in wiping our memories, however, I wonder how much of that was to make us more capable of killing everything in our paths while we were under his control and not feel the guilt that most of humanity would have felt, I don’t know.   I don’t think that I will ever understand all of the reasoning behind it.   There are times that I find myself rather envious of Felaran’s memories and her ability to have a family surrounding here while I have nothing to cling too of my past life.  Luckily, I suppose, she gives me the stability that I had been missing as well as erasing that loneliness that I had endured for so many years before I met her.   She has taught me what it means to love and care about someone again – this I will always be thankful for.

One of the things that I have started doing since we bought our farm is to produce more of the jewelry that people seem to like.  Rings, necklaces and some very delicate pieces that can only be described as home decorations.  I can take real joy and pride in my work as I see them getting sold almost as soon as I finish them.  Felaran always laughs and chuckles at me when she sees me with my face buried in my work, the delicate pieces keep my mind occupied with the way that they seem to almost tell me how to cut the stones or wrought the gold to embellish them.   At least at the farm, I have my own space for my workbench and Fel likes to come over and look at some of the pieces – she actually helped me design our wedding rings.  Oh yes, hers was definitely the harder of the two to make because it is so tiny, however, it is beautiful  – yes, we are going to wear them even if Silvermoon doesn’t recognize the fact that we’re man and wife, we do.

Oh yes, I did ask her brother for her hand in marriage and he gave his permission although I will have to admit that his facial expression gave away his feelings.  I suppose he never  thought that Death Knights could care for one another, however, we can and do.  That poor fellow has his own crosses to bear with his relationships too – his wife in another faction, his sons being raised in a different kind of race and will never be able to grace his home with their presence in Silvermoon unless they sneak in.  Love has its own way of torturing our souls, if we truly have them, and making us do the things that we do.  Even Death Knights know what it is to suffer the loss of friends.  Ah well, I wax nostalgic here and it’s just wasting time that I need to be spending on some work that I have been commissioned to do.

A crown?  Not a tiara, mind you, a crown that symbolizing some kind of royalty.  Ah well, if it’s a crown that this woman wants, it will be a crown that she will get, however, she is going to have to be forthcoming with some gold before I can truly start the heavy work on it.  That means another meeting in Silvermoon and another discussion of what she requires.  She actually makes me feel uneasy when we are talking, there is just an air around her that makes me feel that she isn’t what she presents to the public eye.

Some of the runes that she wants in her design make me feel extremely uncomfortable because it’s not something that I would think that a mage would have knowledge of.  No, I haven’t discussed this with Felaran although she is aware of the commission and the money forthcoming, however, she might be a bit put off with the way that this woman acts when she’s around me.  A few passes, a few hints and some blatant winks – no, I’m not interested in this living woman and I need to find a more diplomatic way in trying to make her understand that.

Ah well, time to head back to the Jade Forest and try to get some of the recruits to understand that they don’t have to kill everything in the forest all at once – or to lead them back to me to kill for them, that’s not my job.

Ty Ravencrest

 

 

 

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