Why Do I Have To Change?

June 18th

Dear Journal,

I am so angry that I could cry and I don’t that anyone would care.  I just got back from getting a dressing down by that peasant of a Commander in Krasarang that told me that I needed to shape up and get with the program with the rest of the Rangers or I could leave.  And…and, the only reason that I haven’t been kicked out yet is because of the fact that I am related to Commander Morningstar and they expected much more from me due to that relationship. I’m not my adopted brother, whatever he is known for is not of my doing and I surely would not be able to come up with his career as a Ranger, get real people!!

So, now I have two weeks to show them that I am truly Ranger material or I will get shipped back to Silvermoon in disgrace.  Yes, I said Silvermoon.  It seems that my brother has been writing to some of his friends here in Krasarang and if I happen to wash out, I will be returned to his “custody” – what the heck does that mean, I’m a woman fully grown and I sure don’t need to be escorted back to Silvermoon in shame and to be married off to some fop there. With the current situation being what it is with my brother and I, I don’t think that it would be a good idea.

I thought about packing up my stuff and heading out on my own, however, I found out what the penalties are for desertion and I don’t think that is something that I want to endure.  Prison for years, possible hard labor and then, the final one was a real curtailment – “in times of war, a deserter will be tried and sentenced to death” – well, I think we’re still at war, so, that’s not an option.

I’ve gotten myself into a fine mess and I have no one to fall back on for support.  I can’t ask my brother to help because of the way that I left and I owe him quite a bit of money, not to mention, I am not going to apologize for running away and trying to find the man that I love in this Light Forsaken place either.

I was told that I needed to adjust my attitude towards my comrades and start doing my share of the menial chores and if that means cleaning the latrines, so be it, do it and don’t make a fuss about it because it is beneath me – which it is.  I am supposed to be cooperative with my commanders and I am supposed to make friends with the other Rangers in order to build better team cohesion.  Well, okay, I can fake being friends, that’s not the problem, however, this cooperation thing is going to take some work and I don’t see why I have to do it.  It’s like they are trying to make an example of me and I think that is unfair.

Well, I do know that I am tired of not getting any time off so that I can go to the Valley of Four Winds and try to find Dawnglory.  If I do what I am supposed to do and cooperate with everyone and everything, I should get some time off next week – I plan on getting two days off so I can get to the Valley and look around.  I have visited the place, that Halfhill place once since my arrival but it was such a quick trip, I couldn’t find out anything at all and I was with a group of other Rangers picking up supplies.  I thought I saw that woman of Dawnglory’s, however, I’m not sure but she had a brat in her arms that I might assume is theirs. I’ve never met her before, I can only go by the descriptions of the red hair, wide hips and the fact that she used to be a Ranger before she bought her way out with Dawnglory and she works for my brother now too.

I don’t think that I need to really “change” the way that I think or how I feel about things, I just have to learn how to mask my feelings a bit more.  Now, I have to suck up to these other girls and make them think that I was just in a bad mood all of this time and that I am really friendly.  Oh, I don’t know how well that is going to work out either because I have been pretty nasty to a couple of the more popular ones that live in my tent. I know that I am on a totally different social plane than most of these people and I resent having to step down to their level, which is something I would never do in Silvermoon.  I know I have the breeding and I did have the wealth to back me up when I was living on Fnor’s money, now, I have to make do with what I was able to scrounge and what I make as a Ranger, which is next to nothing.

I think that I saw one of the Forsaken that works for my brother snooping around the camp today and I did all that I could to avoid her.  Also, I have seen Felaran’s boyfriend here too.  What is this place, the central gathering spot for people that want to check out other people?  If Ty finds out that I am here, I’m sure that he will tell Felaran and then the trouble will really start because I know her temper and she won’t be pleased that I have lied and cheated my way to Pandaria to begin with.

Faendra Morningstar

 

2 thoughts on “Why Do I Have To Change?

  1. hahha, devious as ever .. don’t think its really occurred to her that the others were probably less thrilled about seeing her as she was about seeing them. It should be funny , when she does run into Romy at Halfhill; I think she would face alot of censure from the locals since Romy, and Fnar have alot of friends there, who watched their relationship as well her pregnancy grow.Fae is going to find it alot more difficult to win him over.

    • ROTFL, I think that she is in for a rude awakening or two in the future because I know she’s really not going to be able to keep her “true” self masked for very long either. There really is a nice person in there somewhere and I’m still trying to find it 😀

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