Still In The Dark…

August 29th

Holiday weekend again!! Oh yeah, time for the Summer to wrap up, kids head back to school and you start getting ready for the winter as well as the new expansion.   I also celebrate an Anniversary this weekend as well – married a good long time, 35 years.

I’ve been busy jumping around on various alts this week, bringing on some new ones so that I could empty out my bank of BoAs for a while as well as dodging the bullet of dealing with all of my 90s that are somewhat prepared for Warlords of Draenor.  I’m as ready as I am going to get for the most part – no epic cloak, gave up on that a long time ago, just upgrading what I have currently and hoping for the best.

I do have to say that I am still sitting in my loft with the broken skylight which is like being in the basement and I hate garden-level or basements like you wouldn’t believe.  I like sunshine and as much natural light as I can get, which has been nil in my haven of late.  Well, since May.  You can blame part of that on the insurance company and my husband’s procrastination of getting the bids put together for the replacement of a custom skylight that will run well over 1K to install.

With the lack of sunlight in the loft, that has curtailed any of the artwork that I was working on previously as well as putting me in a funk that has lasted since I got closed in.  I have to have a few hours of sunlight each day in order to feel halfway normal and that’s not happened since the skylight was broken – so, depression, anxiety and just general all round off moods have been my mainstay this season.

I gave my laptop to my son when his desktop power supply went out to hold him over until he could get that replaced.  I didn’t realize it at the time that it is rather difficult to save up enough money to purchase a new laptop to replace the old one.  So, no days of writing on the patio in the sunshine and definitely no breaks from working on my desktops – I can honestly say that this Summer has been less than wonderful for me personally.  Our only amenity for our HOA is a pool and I can honestly say that I haven’t used that in about ten years, so, it’s being stuck in the house, my only outlet has been World of Warcraft and some pretty sad television from time to time.

I really do have plans of writing more on my characters in the near future and get back onto my writing schedule, however, with the mood swings I have currently, I can’t say when that will be.

Oh, I might get the skylight replaced by October or maybe November – as fast as my husband moves on things and won’t allow me to sidestep his projects, it might be December.

 

A Death Knight Can Be Happy…

August 22nd

Dear Journal,

I’m still having a slight chuckle about a recent conversation that I had with a young Bull in the market here in Halfhill.  Naturally, he definitely isn’t in the same condition that I am in, however, he was puzzled about how it was that I can remain so jovial and appear to be happy. After giving it some quick thought, my response was that I am happy because the alternative didn’t seem to be so pleasing.  Being truly dead is something that I am not ever going to look forward to although the teachings have us believe that we will be in a happy place with our loved ones and in the full care of the Earth Mother.

Yes, I still go by my Death Knight name that was given to me when I was changed which is Sadheart, however, the people that knew me from before still call me by my given name of Naton Cloudhoof.  What is in a name you ask?  Well, I was none too pleased with being changed into my current state and that was why I was given the name that I was in Archerus.   It fits me because there are days that I willingly admit that I wish that I was more mortal than I am currently – there are so many things that in my mind that I would like to do but this shell of a body no longer works in those ways.  At least I am with my family, watching them grow older as the time passes, however, I am with them in the here and now which is what makes me happy.

Why do I laugh sometimes?  Well, just because I’m Death Knight doesn’t mean that I can’t have a sense of humor because I most assuredly do.  I can enjoy life with living as much as they can and I don’t see why that wouldn’t put a smile on anyone’s face.  I can enjoy things as much as the next fellow.  Do I have the same wants and needs as a living Bull – well, in my mind I do, however, there are certain things that don’t work quite the same any more since I have joined the ranks of the unliving.   Yes, I would still like to have a family of my own some day, however, the possibility of having children has been taken from me, although, I wouldn’t mind marrying a woman that already has children as long as those said children would accept me for the person that I am and not “what” I am.

At least I have my business to keep me busy and yes, I do have to take a run every now and again to make sure that my Rune Sword is probably fed and satiated with its own type of wants.   I know that it is hard for some people to realize that I am still a Death Knight and I do have those moments where the Knight has to become what he is – that’s usually when I will take off for a couple of days and do my thing.

My whole life or unlife changed for me when I became a Death Knight and some of the things that I have done in the past I am not exactly proud of and try to push those memories to the back of my mind, sometimes they escape and come racing back to the forefront, however, I have learned how to control that part pretty much.  My life also took another huge change when I was released from the power of the Lich King because I was given control back to myself – no more voices commanding that I kill this or that and no more orders coming from on high that would direct me to places and do things that I would rather not think about.   Yes, I will admit that these changes have all been a part of what makes me as I am today.

I will have to admit that I am not too unhappy with working for Morningstar Enterprises because the money is good, I know that my family will always be taken care of because Commander Morningstar is that much of a family oriented person.  He actually bailed Maha and I out from being in service to the Horde and we’re contract people for him these days.  Not that I was disloyal or anything to the Horde, however, I wasn’t too keen on following that crazy man that called himself a Warchief.   He lost whatever shred of loyalty I had to the faction when he started his nonsense about the Pure Horde – which meant Orcs.  Well, I know that Baine has sworn fealty to the Horde, however, I don’t think that he would disapprove of what it is that my family and I are doing, we’ve aligned ourselves with a Blood Elf and follow what he wants for his company.  I know that I am not planning on ever getting myself involved in any kind of military action again in the near future, my body is tired, my mind is tired and I want to enjoy what this unlife has to offer to me now – a home, my family and an inner peace that I haven’t known since the days prior to becoming a Death Knight.

Yeah, I guess you should say that I am happy with my lot in life.  Being a Death Knight is not all that I am, it’s being Naton Cloudhoof and being able to have some semblance of fitting back in with my people again and enjoying what all that entails.  Sure, I get strange looks from people that still believe all of the old tales of the Scourge and how Death Knights were mindless killing machines, which we were, I won’t deny that, however, we all have been given a chance to fit back in with the rest of the people and I am going to take a gamble by enjoying it, whatever it brings.

I have spent the last few days spending some time with my baby brother, Tahfal and he is still following his teachings of being a Lightwalker, which is fine with me.  If he is happy following that sort of thing, I am not going to pass judgment on him for it.  He has been able to blend the teachings of the Earth Mother and the teachings from the Light into what he feels comfortable with.  No, he isn’t always righteous and good and I know this – he’s still very much a young bull and will learn in time what it is that he really wants out of his life and his beliefs.

Naton “Sadheart” Cloudhoof

 

Living With A Tailor Is Hazardous…

August 18th

Dear Journal,

It has been a while since I’ve last written, however, I have been busy trying to make a living and keep my sister in the style in that she has grown accustomed. Don’t get me wrong, I dearly love my sister and would do anything for her, however, her tailoring is really making my life a bit difficult at the moment and I have let her know that there are going to be some changes in how she takes care of her things or we might have to make other arrangements.

I understand that there is a creative bent to her nature and I am willing to go along with that.  I know that when we were alive and living on the farm, she was always better at her stitchery than I was and always better at doing a few other things that required a bit of finesse.  I know that it was really difficult for me to sit down and try to do any kind of stitchery because I always wanted to be outside doing things that were more physical, if you know what I mean.   Mother was always praising Brianca for her embroidery and was always literally taking the thread out of mine and making me redo large portions of it.  I was just never good at plying the needle and I don’t think that I have improved with age either.   That was before all things changed and our life circumstances were altered drastically…and oh yeah, we stopped living and became Forsaken.

Oh, we’ve adjusted to things rather nicely and I think that we are making a good living with what we both do combined.  She has her tailoring and enchanting that she does so well and I have my hunting skills to keep meat on the table as well as working my fingers to the bone doing my leatherworking.  It all works out in the end and I think that we are satisfied with what our money has been able to buy for us both.

Yes, we’re living in Pandaria for the time being and we have our little farm that seems to be flourishing and bringing in the profits that we wanted to help us make a living.  We still have the little house in Orgrimmar that I truly wish the landlord would sell to us outright so that we don’t have to keep paying him rent for it to sit empty most of the time.  Oh, we still go back there to visit with some of our friends and sometimes Bri goes back there to make her clients happy and they can get their fittings down for whatever it is that she is making for them.   We still go back to Undercity too because there are just things that we can get there that we can’t get anywhere else, only place that we can spare parts for damaged ones without the authorities all getting up in arms.

What I was so upset with Bri about was the fact that her stuff is all over the house, not confined to one area that we had agreed upon when she moved in.  Okay, the real crux of the matter is that is kind of embarrassing when you keep feeling uncomfortable in your armor and you take it off to find out what it is that is stabbing you repeatedly in the backside and discover that your butt has been turned into a pincushion.  Not fun at all!   I must have been sitting on the couch and doing something and got these pins stuck in my bum and I didn’t notice it until I put my armor back on and it, pardon the pun, pushed it home.  When you’re Forsaken, you really don’t have a lot of meat on your bones to start with, I was never blessed with a large posterior to begin with and what is left is comfortable for me even if it isn’t something that people want to stare at anyway.

The next thing that really sent me over the edge was the fact that I came in from hard day of work out in the fields, Bri was inside sewing, and I thought that I would grab a bite to eat.  Well, I thought that it was a thing that I needed to do in order to feel more normal.  I saw that Bri had a large pot of soup on the stove and I helped myself.   Well, it was the nastiest soup I have ever eaten and if those were noodles and bits of meat in there, they were equally over-cooked or something.  Really stringy stuff and the texture was borderline revolting and I’m not that picky.

So, I thought that I would let Bri know that there was something amiss with her soup.  Well, that’s when I found out that it was dye for her material and the stuff that I thought was noodles was netting of some kind and I didn’t want to know what it was that I thought it was meat.  Nope, didn’t press the issue with her at all other than to race out to the outhouse and hurl what was left in my stomach out.    Let’s just say that I was the one that was upset by it all.  It’s bad enough that our teeth aren’t real white like the Sindorei or even the Tauren, ours are off-color and sometimes they aren’t as plentiful as they could have been – they just kind of drop out sometimes.  Anyway, I told her she can’t leave her dye stuff in the kitchen anymore.

I guess I just need to make some more adjustments to my way of life and learn to ask her what is in the kitchen before I help myself to more of that stuff.

Hazey Smythe

August 16th – What’s Going On In My World of Warcraft…

August 16th

I apologize for not writing anything for my characters for a while, however, I have been waffling back and forth with the in-game stuff going on for the last month.  Yes, I am playing in Beta and today was the first day that I have actually gotten to the Garrisons and actually started playing that aspect of the game and I will admit that I am pretty impressed so far.  Of course, after having to restart the play three different times due to rebuilds, things were getting a bit thin on the enjoyment part of the game.  Most of the quests that I hit today actually worked and I didn’t keep losing my pet on my hunter every time I left the Garrison – that’s a major plus for a hunter.  I was definitely amazed at the changes in Draenor that I could actually see for myself and not have to rely on what I was reading – there are always conflicting things on the forums and unfortunately, the Negative-Nancy people seem to feel the need to try to dominate the areas, it’s hard to glean through the garbage to get to the information that you’re seeking.

I have multiple accounts already with WoD ready to go and will continue to play the game, however, I had been terribly worried that things were going to take a nose-dive after seeing the trailer and all of the rah-rah for the PvP stuff coming up. I used to PvP back in the day where it was truly world pvp and not the staged events that are currently the going thing in the game and to be honest, I got burned out on it along with raiding.   Now, I am really kind of looking forward to the changes – I still can’t get some of my characters to copy over so that I can compare what “I know” to the changes that are upcoming.  Maybe in the next few days the copy ability will be working again because I had several classes that I wanted to try out before the game goes “live”.

Naturally, I did start out on my Horde main because that will still be the main faction that I will play for the most part and I am anxious to do a  quick run-through with my Alliance main to see and compare the differences.   I still chuckle at the fact that the Alliance gets the pristine looking Garrison and the Horde gets the mud hut look.  Speaking from a Blood Elf point of view, it sure could use some fixing up and not be so Orcish.

Naturally, I’m soloing the content in WoD currently and haven’t joined a guild because I don’t intend on being a frequent player enough to where the guild would benefit from my presence. I don’t want to get burned out on the game before it’s even gone live yet.

Well, back to MoP and my regular playing.  I do hope to get back into the groove of writing about my characters and their “interesting” adventures and thoughts in the game soon.  A lot goes on when you’re unsure about things and wondering if you should continue on.  So, back to Fnor, Amyn and the rest of the happy group.  See ya in-game!!

 

 

10 Years – 10 Questions…

10 Years: 10 Questions

http://www.alternative-blog.net/2014/08/10-years-10-questions-official-launch.html

 

Yes,  I did decide to participate in this little survey after reading some of the responses from my fellow bloggers.    It really has been a great ten years for me and I have to admit that it doesn’t seem like it has been that long at all.  Seems like a great idea and I am finding out some things by reading the blogs about the people that I have played with and have read their works for a few years too.

 

Why did you start playing World of Warcraft?

I started playing World of Warcraft at the suggestion of my children – I had been playing Sims Online from the beginning of Beta until the doors were closed by EA and was at a loss as to what game I should try out next.

What was the first ever character you rolled?

Night Elf Hunter – I am actually still playing on that same hunter even after a faction change at 80.  Poor fellow has been through all of the trials and tribulations with me as I learned how to play the game.  Well, I think I know how to play the game anyway.

Which factors determined your faction of choice in the game?

At the time that I started playing the only elves that were available were the Night Elves.  Yep, started way back then and long before all of the “achievements” were posted for the world to see.

Elves always fascinated me with the stories that I had read and I immediately fell in love with the Lore of the Night Elves.

What has been your most memorable moment in World of Warcraft and why?

My most memorable moment was the moment when I first logged in – it took me by surprise with how wonderful and how large the world seemed to be.  The graphics were awesome and the actual ambiance of the game made me want to keep playing no matter what happened.

What is your favorite aspect of the game and has this always been the case?

My favorite aspect of the game is that it is “on-going” and there doesn’t seem to be an end in sight.  There is no way for you to truly “win” and end the game – you just keep logging in and seeing all of the things that are going on.  It may be a time sink but it is such a lovely one.

Do you have an area in game that you always return to?

Nagrand was the first place that really stole my heart the first time that I saw it.  I had been playing all day and had finally gotten enough coin to buy my flying mount and I was flying around to see where I could go.  The stars, the clouds, the music of Nagrand just captured my imagination.

How long have you played and has that been continuous?

I have been playing continuously since the game first dropped and haven’t really stopped – I did take a physical break from the game year before last to give myself some time to get over the loss of a beloved pet, however, my subscription has never been stopped.

 Admit it:  do you read quest text or not?

Yes, I do read the quest text most of the time unless it is the tenth or twelfth time that I have gone through the area and know the quest-line very well.

Being in Beta, I am one of those people that skims through a quest and does only the basics because I don’t want to burn myself out and know everything that is going on before it goes live.

Are there any regrets from your time in game?

None at all.  I am not an avid television person although I willingly admit that I missed reading books as much, however, WoW does fulfill that need sometimes.

What effects has Warcraft had on your life outside of gaming?

None at all.  I have always worked with the general public in many different capacities over the years and World of Warcraft was my escape from that reality.   I’ve pretty much always been management and this game allowed me to be more myself than the persona that I had to project when I was dealing with things in RL.

Making Plans for the Future

August 11th

Dear Journal,

Oh, it has definitely been a while since I’ve written anything in my journal, however, things have been a bit busy – what with the farm, working for the company as well as trying to spend more time with Kae.  Yeah, we’ve had our ups and downs, however, I think that we have finally come to a compromise that might work out better for the two of us.

I don’t travel to Stormwind as often as I was there for a while and I do have to admit that it is a lot easier to haul a large shipment down there as it is to haul a little one.  Of course, I’ve found some of the other employees up here in Pandaria and that makes it easy to put my shipments with theirs to Stormwind or they can put theirs with mine.  It all works out and the money is distributed correctly by our trusty Magdamia.

Oh yes, Kae and I did go to the Faire and I will admit that we had more fun this time than we have in quite a while. I think we are both more relaxed now that we’ve resolved some of our other issues and we can get back to enjoying each other’s company too.  I know there was a time period there when I just didn’t want to even come back to the farm sometimes.  I am assuming that Kae felt the same way too sometimes because we weren’t getting along all that well there for a while.   I know that we both know how to verbally battle, although, I will admit that I have never gone after Kae in a fit of temper to do her physical harm.

We have been able to spend some time with my Mom and my Dad in the last couple of weeks since they are staying here in Pandaria for a while.  I know that Kae always gets this weird look on her face when she looks at my Dad and I often wonder what it is that she is thinking.  Sure, he’s a nice looking man for a Blood Elf and the women that I have seen come up and talk to him are always flirting shamelessly, however, he loves my Mom and I think that he knows better than to do anything up here where I might find out about it.  I love the man as my Father but there are times when I wonder what he is thinking too.

Kae said something the other day that kind of distressed me because it has to do with my appearance.  I have used lenses for quite a while to hide the green in my eyes, however, in the last few years, I haven’t done it as much.  I figure that if people see the green, they might think that it is something in the surroundings that we might be in that is being reflected in my eyes.  What distressed me is that she said that as I am aging, the green is starting to be more predominate in my eyes.  That’s not a good thing for me because I like to go to Stormwind, Darnassus and anywhere anyone might want to go that is in the Alliance.   I think that I will ask some of my friends that know what I am, a man of mixed heritage, and see if they share her opinion.  If the green is showing more, I’ll have to be more cautious about things or see if I can find something other than those lenses to cover them.

I am also sitting here and looking at the fact that Kae and I have been together coming up on two years – sometimes it doesn’t seem that long and sometimes it seems much longer.  I guess most couples feel that way and I did mention it to my Mother and she just smiled and said that it was normal to feel that way.  She’s much better at coping with things than I am, I tend to be a little hotheaded at times and that has caused Kae and I to have some problems.  I also get a little bit stubborn, which I know I inherited it from both of my parents on that one. Anyway, I am just sitting here thinking that we ought to do something special to celebrate how long we’ve been together although it isn’t that long when you think about the years that we have facing us now.  Should I take her to Northrend and show her some of the places that I like up there and even go to Dalaran and eat at that fancy restaurant or should we go to Outland and go camping?  There are so many places that I would like to take that I know that she hasn’t experienced yet with her tenure in the Sentinels.  She’s only gone where she’s been assigned and I think a large part of that is due to the fact that she didn’t have money to travel like I did as I got older.  I’m sure that I will figure something out.

Kal

 

 

Wandering Ways…Again

August 4th

Dear Journal,

I have been spending some time in Pandaria with my Sindorei and I don’t know what it is that he thinks that he can keep the fact from me that he has been with another woman.   His whole demeanor changes and he is so attentive that it is almost suffocating.  I know that he has been faithful to our wedding vows that we took in the Sindorei fashion before we ever left Dalaran, however, I know that he has been going through some trying times on his own…we need to start being together more often in Nagrand.

I did confront him with the fact that I knew he had been with another and he tried his best to deny it and said that he was just preoccupied with the business and some of his family things.   Well, I might have believed that for a little while, however, he did mention that he had been to Dalaran, even though I had told him to avoid it because it would be too upsetting for him.  Silly man, that was just like waving a flag in front of a bull and expecting it not to charge you.

I know that his trip to Dalaran upset him very much and he was almost in tears when he described what was left of our home and how it had been degraded by the people there now.  To think that all of that time and all those years of working on the building were for naught, I can tell that it really did matter to him very much.  That house was his pride and joy and I knew that even when the boys and I were still living in Shattrath in that tiny little hovel that we had for a time.  I know that to him that the house meant that he had been successful in his own right.  He had been a Ranger and was in business for himself now and had accumulated enough wealth to where he thought that he could surpass anything that he had seen in his beloved Silvermoon.

What was a dead giveaway to me about his being unfaithful was the way that he wouldn’t meet my eyes and the way that he started blushing when I asked him how things were going in Silvermoon.  I asked him if Agatha had been able to find a housekeeper that would be suitable and agreeable to our arrangement in Nagrand.  He acted a bit startled when I asked about Agatha, so, at least I know who the woman is now because the look in his eyes told me so.

Am I hurt?  Well, yes, any woman would be hurt if she thought that her man had been with another, however, my hurt comes from the fact that we had both agreed that we would remain faithful to one another after we had taken the wedding vows.  We have been mated for years, we just formalized it to make his friends and acquaintances feel more comfortable with our arrangement.   All of the years that we have been mated in the Kaldorei fashion, he has always had his mistresses, I was one of them I suppose when he was looking for a Sindorei wife.  Yes, that did hurt especially after I had given birth to our two sons in rapid succession, which is almost unheard of with my people.  Yes, my Sindorei is definitely fertile and I was more than willing to carry his children.   I have always expected other children to crop up from some of his wandering ways, however, that hasn’t been the case as far as I know either. I know that I am both hurt and angry with him, yet, there is a part of me that understands the wants and needs of a man of  his sort, I have those same feelings from time to time, however, I have not resorted to taking comfort with another man.

The thought never entered my mind except for the time when we were separated for a very long time and I had taken a Kaldorei male to my bed, bore him two sons as well.   I was very sure at that time that my Sindorei was never coming back and I was wrong.  Did I love this other man? Oh yes I did, sometimes I often wondered what might have happened if he had lived a long life instead of having it cut short in a hunting accident in Nagrand. Was I ever formally mated to this other man?  No, we never took vows, however, we were as committed to one another as any mated pair could be.   My Sindorei did come back to Shattrath long before my youngest children’s Father died and it was rather strange how the two of them became friends.  Naturally, there were the usual recriminations from my Sindorei about my being unfaithful and all I had to do was to remind him of his own indiscretions with his Sindorei women.

Oh yes, Elune knows what a turbulent life the two of us have led and she also knows how much we both love our children.  We have stayed together all of these years because of the love we shared for one another and because of our children as well.

Now, I am wondering if I should just tell him that I know that he has been unfaithful and all of his trying to hide the fact and denying it when I confronted him are not going work?  Should I just tell him that I know what he has done and I even know whom the woman is that he did it with?

Am I angry?  Yes, to a certain level I am very angry, however, the anger does not surpass the initial hurt from this straying.  Why would I think that one ceremony would bear more weight with his conduct than what our vows were previously?  I guess in my mind, it would make him realize that I was equal to these other women that he found so alluring and that I was very much the woman that he loved.  I know that this thing with Agatha is a physical thing for the most part.  Will I ask him to fire her from her position that she has held all of these years?  No, I don’t think that I will because if she is still in the picture after all of this time that they have been together as housekeeper and employer, I will at least know where he has strayed.

Oh why does he do this sort of thing to me after all of these years?  Why does he think that my Sentinel heart will not break as easily as another’s heart?  I am a Sentinel first, however, the woman in me is still very much there and very much feels the pain of these missteps of his.  No, I won’t leave him, however, I will have one those discussions with him that he always dreads, the ones where I let my temper free and tell him exactly what kind of animal I think he is when he does this sort of thing.  How can he even pretend to rear our children and setting up standards for them to follow when he doesn’t follow them himself.  At least I follow the goals that I have set up for myself and I have been more than a little patient with my man.  That’s the problem, he will always be my man, there could never be another that could take his place in my heart and I am mature enough to know this.  He is still my love, my life and my all – even if he is a Sindorei that can’t seem to keep his lust under control.

Amyn