I Don’t Want To Be Here…

*Some language – if you’re easily offended by a few F bombs, please don’t read this.*

 

December 21st

Yo Book!

I know that I am going to be spending quite a bit of time writing in my journal these days since I couldn’t get that extra time that I was trying to get from our government.  I wonder how I can have it put in my record that I fucking didn’t want to go to Draenor, it’s not my problem to deal with, is it?

I know that I spent a small fortune trying to get out of going, not because of my lack of patriotism , it was due to the fact that I didn’t want to leave Romy and I didn’t want to leave my daughter behind in Pandaria.  I wanted to spend at least one more Winter Veil with my family before I had to report back into this madness.   I tried doing everything short of fucking maiming myself to keep from going back into the service.  I tried bribing, I tried threatening and I even tried to ignore the fact that I had letters that said I needed to report for duty and assignment, however, I kept getting letters.

One thing that I did get from all of it is that I do get to go back to Pandaria for a few days after the initial assault  and getting things set up for the duration there.  I know that I have seen Fnor and he isn’t happy with the way that things are going either because it just doesn’t make sense for us to have a full scale army in the place when all we really need is a group of people tracking the idiot Garrosh down and giving him the justice that he deserved.   Oh well, I suppose there are other underlying things that I don’t know about yet that are forcing this assault – it’s not my concern how other things are dealt with because I don’t fucking want to be here.

I know Romy was none too pleased with the idea that I had to leave her and Mirrin in Halfhill and go off on this new assignment and I hope that she doesn’t really blame me for the changes.  I didn’t want to go and I sure as hell didn’t want to go at this time of year either.  This is the time of year when you want to spend it with your damned family, not running through the snow in some foreign country doing the things that you were trained to do to protect your own homeland.

I know that Romy and I have spent more time making love to each other as if there may not be another tomorrow, there may not be – there are no guarantees in war.  I just know that I didn’t want to leave my woman behind and I didn’t want to leave my daughter behind to fend for themselves.  I know that Romy will keep things safe for the two of them, however, I have the constant fear that she will get called up and what will happen with Mirrin then?  I have more concerns about my family than I do about my military obligations at this point.   Part of me hopes that we’ve made another baby because that would keep Romy out of the fighting for a while and it would give Mirrin a sibling to grow up with – something that I don’t regret having when Felessa and I were small either – there was still a feeling of family there.

I wish that we had gotten married before I left, that is weighing heavily on my mind and my heart.  I wanted to get married, however, the amount of time that I was given to get prepared to leave and get my ass here just didn’t give enough time for us to do that.  Maybe Romy can pull something together before I get back to where we can get married before I have to come back here.

It’s bloody cold, this garrison that I am supposedly in charge of is a real dump as far as I am concerned.  As far as encampments go, it was a poor choice of location.  Supplies are hard to come by and I am surrounded constantly by fucking Orcs. It’s not their fault, however, it sure doesn’t make me enjoy things more by being outnumbered by the people that I know really have no respect for the Sindorei.  Yes, we’re part of the Horde and yes, we will do our duty, however, I just get the feeling that the Orcs just tolerate us to have us take the brunt of the fighting.  Our people are just now starting to recover our population from the wars previously and to have to sacrifice more of my people now is just asinine.

When I am not on duty, I try to get away from the garrison as much as possible.  I have no privacy there to start with and the smell of the barracks is enough to make you want to gag.  At least we had tents that were aired frequently and we had our own bunks – not these shared hammocks that I know the previous occupants were not real keen on cleanliness.   I am supposed to be a person of some rank here, however, that doesn’t seem to mean anything if I am treated like just another peon.  Rank be damned, it’s a fucking joke.

I give out orders, send out patrols and hope to hell they aren’t stupid and make their way back to the garrison in one piece.   No, I would much rather be out there on patrols so that I can see what is going on in this damned place and possibly get an idea of why we are all here  – I just have to wonder what my superiors are thinking all of the time.   There is nothing clearly defined as far as I can tell right now and it is very confusing not having a true sense of direction.  I know that this is the first time that I have felt like I was at a total loss as to what all of this really means to me, to my countrymen and for Azeroth.

Yes, we’re here to help pull this place back into order and to curb the influence of the Iron Horde, however, when it is all said and done – what difference will it really make?

Oh well, I’m just fucking ranting here and I can feel myself getting angrier and angrier at the circumstances.  I think that it’s time that Dawn and I took off and did some hunting and fishing for a few hours so that I can get my fucking emotions in check.

Fnar Dawnglory

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s