Hard Decisions…

April 26th

Dear Journal,

I think that I have finally made up my mind as to what I am going to do.  I am tired of sitting here in Stormwind and trying to cope with the business and trying to cope with being apart from Sindorei.  It is started to cause me quite a bit of trouble because my mind is constantly straying to the man that I love.

It has been months since the conflict started with Iron Horde on Draenor and it has been months since I have been able to see my Sindorei.  I know that everyone thought that the whole thing wouldn’t take a long time and that everyone would be able to come back home pretty quickly or at least be able to come home to see their families.   There are mages that are sending supplies and troops back forth to the areas there and there are some mages that are even sending people back home for a price.

I fear that what has happened is that the military has decided that they are going to keep men away from their families in order to finish what was started in Draenor these many months ago.  I can understand why everyone feels the responsibility of trying to ride this sort of thing out, however, those men that are constantly fighting need a time away from the battles and need to see their loved ones.  I know that I can’t be the only person that is feeling the yearning of not being able to see my husband and to know that the is okay too – we used to get leaves to come home in all of the other conflicts, why aren’t the people allowed to do so now?  Is it the cost of the magic or is there some other evil afoot that we are unable to step away from?

I have already made up my mind as to what I am going to do and should have acted upon it months ago.  Since my Sindorei is not able to make his way back to Azeroth for whatever reason, I am going to go to this Draenor to find him and have an opportunity to be with him.  We have always found a way to be together here on Azeroth, I don’t think that we will have that much trouble finding a way to do the same things in Draenor.  I say that enough is enough and I’m going to take matters in my own hands and rejoin my Sentinel group that I had taken a leave of absence before all of this conflict started again.

Magdamia will just have to get used to the idea of running things again and I am in hopes that she will get over her dislike of the way that things are setup in Shattrath and do the job professionally with Zippie.  I get along very well with Zippie and will have to admit that Magdamia can be rather biased in her feelings, she’s not overly fond of Worgen, however, she has learned to deal with them respectfully.  I know that her whole attitude needs to change with her dealings with goblins because she will have to do that quite a bit in Shattrath and she will have to get over her inability to accept the fact that Fnor and I are the owners of the company and we have been dealing with both factions for years.  Of course, we’re the odd couple because he is Sindorei and I am Kaldorei, our relationship was definitely one that could have been deadly in years past, however, in the open cities such as Shattrath and once upon a time, Dalaran, we were accepted to a certain point.

I know that I have made up my mind and will do what needs to be done even if I am torn with the thoughts of leaving my two youngest sons and my parents behind here in as well as Vashlan, although he is almost fully grown at this point and very much involved with his magic.   At least I will have a chance to see Kaldor and Kae when I get to Draenor and then, my true object of yearning thoughts, I’ll be able to track my Sindorei down.

Oh, how much can a woman miss her husband when she remembers every little thing that he does? The way he laughs, the sheer scent of the man that would fill my nostrils as we lay together in our bed.  I miss that long black hair trailing across my shoulders when he would lean in for a kiss or even to just nuzzle my neck affectionately.  I miss those tender endearing words in Thalassian that only he could whisper in my ear as he held me in his arms.  Yes, I miss all of those physical things, however, I truly miss that feeling that we shared together of being almost spiritually joined.  I feel like half of my being is missing when I am unable to reach out and touch his hand from time to time.

This Draenor thing has made it hard for me to feel that he and I are in the same plane of existence because we aren’t.  He’s off in some other time and place and I feel that void, that lack of connection is almost unbearable.  At least when I knew that he was in Azeroth somewhere, I could at least travel to where he was rather easily or he could travel to where I was without any trouble at all.  Now, things are different and I am almost afraid that all of these people that are in Draenor are actually cutoff from their loved ones and there is no way to guarantee that it won’t be permanent in some way.  When and if we finally all return to our own time and place, will we still have that connection like we have had in the past or is this feeling of complete separation going to linger on after we return?

Yes, I’ve made up my mind, I am going to turn everything over to Magdamia and I am going to go to Draenor to be with my son and his Father again.  It’s the only thing that I can think of doing that will bring us all back together again.  Yes, I will miss my sons that I leave behind here on Azeroth, however, I know that what I am planning on doing is something that I have to do to make sure that our family survives all of the things that I feel might be coming in the future.

I know that I keep writing that I’ve made up my mind as if I need to convince myself of it or something.  I think that the reason that I do that is because I need to convince myself that it is the right thing to do and that I won’t regret the sacrifices that the family will endure with my absence.  I have everything set up and everything is in place so that there shouldn’t be any difficulties for any of them.  We can still get in touch with one another with the mail because that seems to be running the way that it should for the most part, I’m just not sure how I am going to be able to get back here to Stormwind if the need arises, hopefully things have gotten better in Draenor and we will have the freedom to travel easier to obtain.

 

Amyn

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