Thinking of Things in the Past…Looking Forward

 

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

May 31st

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here on the front steps of my headquarters in the Garrison and wondering about a whole plethora of  things that I have been thinking about since we came to Draenor.  I would like to say that I am sitting here in my robes, coffee and cigarettes at the ready, however, that is not the case.  It’s too damned cold to be sitting around in robes and I always seem to be stuck in my usual uniform of armor and weapons at the ready – you never know when some fool will decide to attack your Garrison even though we’re fully armed to the teeth and have yet met any kind of defeat from the useless attacks.

I wish I could just sit here and enjoy what little bit of sunlight and warmth we get in this Light Forsaken tundra without people walking by, snapping too and saluting before they move only if I return the salutation.  I would love to be sitting on the steps in Halfhill on the farm, what the plants grown and feeling the warm sunlight, birds singing and watching some of the non-lethal insects zipping around the crops.  I would love to be able to sit here with a hot steaming cup of my coffee for longer than five minutes and get to enjoy that wonderful aroma and flavor.  I truly miss those quiet peace times in Pandaria that we were able to enjoy there at the last.

I don’t know how anyone else feels about being in Draenor, however,  I am one of those people that only thinks about the time that we will finally be able to leave here.  The world seems to be vast and the people that we have been in contact with are really hospitable in ways that I wouldn’t think it were possible.  I know that we came here to fight the Iron Horde, however, there are times that I wonder how the people actually feel because it was almost like we were invading for the sake of invading.   Are we here to rescue the inhabitants or are we here to help ourselves to their resources as we have historically done in every military action.  Every time I think about the military actions that I have been involved in over the years, it makes me realize that I am getting up there in years even for a Blood Elf.

I know that it hasn’t been easy for me to keep my mind completely wrapped around the fact that I am a commander of a garrison.  I know that I have been a commander before, however, it has always been over a group of Rangers, not a conglomerate of people and resources.   I definitely feel more comfortable with the idea of dealing with Rangers than I do these other things.

No, I’m not a miner, nor a gardener nor do I feel comfortable dealing with all of the forging and the like.  No, I’m not feeling comfortable in sending people out on missions that I would much rather be a part of rather than to continue to sit in my garrison while they are off having these adventures.  I’m old school enough to feel comfortable in delegating out tasks instead of having to attend to a lot of them myself.  I’m a soldier, not an administrator – I usually hire people to take care of things like that for me.

I did get a letter from my wife and she is on her way to Draenor, that is good news and bad, all at the same time.  I know that I have been so lonely these last few months that I could hardly stand it and to think that there might be a huge possibility of us getting together in the near future is almost a numbing kind of reality.  I know that I have felt like a part of my life was missing when she hasn’t been near me and being in Draenor really brought that feeling home to me much more than any other time than we have been apart.  To hear that lilting laughter and the occasional Kaldorei curse about something that she isn’t too pleased with, is something that I have totally missed .   Unfortunately, there isn’t a neutral city in this world where we can meet, however, we have been able to get through the obstacles like that before.

I know that it is sometimes hard for me to believe that the two of us have been together for all of this time.  I was a very young man when we met in the Northern Barrens and she was a very young Sentinel on her first assignment in the area.  I sit here and smile whenever I think about all of those strange circumstances that brought us together  all those years ago.  The fact that we should have been sworn enemies really never deterred us from letting our relationship  grow – it may have been the fact that it was exciting and different and we were at the rebellious stages in our life, I’ll never know for sure, however, I know that there is no doubt in my mind that I am still very much in love with my wife and she with me.  To think that we have two sons together is some kind of miracle to me and I will never walk away from that, our children are true extensions of ourselves.

I wonder sometimes how some of my friends would react if they knew that my “wife” that I seem to keep hidden away and protected is a Kaldorei.  I think that a few of them would be okay with it, however, there are a couple that would call me a traitor amongst other things because of the fact that I am supposedly sleeping with the enemy.   I know I definitely wouldn’t give up my mate/wife for any of the political beliefs that I have – I would give everything that I have away to just be able to go somewhere with my wife and live together in peace.

I have also gotten another refusal on my request for leave as well as the request that I put in to resign my commission and to be able to return to Azeroth.  It sure doesn’t seem fair and almost ironic that here we are in a strange place, our home is far away and yet, our duty is needed here.  I wish I could understand the vision of leaders a bit more, which does seem strange, I have yet to see anyone of any greater importance other than an Ambassador show up  to make the Horde presence truly known in that political arena.   This whole thing just seems off kilter in more ways than one.

At least my portals seem to be working here in the Garrison today, which is always a nice thing when you consider what we had to go through before my mages got their acts together.  There could be some underlying magic that I am not acquainted with the keep us from doing certain things in a manner that we have grown accustomed too over the centuries.  Draenor is a beautiful place in a lot of ways, however, I think that we are not adapting  to the environment as well as I might have expected, it could be from the fact that we are so isolated from our own world and timeline – I know it makes me nervous to think about it.

Ah well, I guess Pan and I should get up and start walking around acting like we’re actually in charge of things here and do some o four walks throughout.  It sure does get old when all I long for is to leave this place and not return or at least do something that challenges me as a man and a soldier.

Fnor Morningstar

 

 

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