I have spent most of my life chasing after a man that lead me on and really didn’t care about me at all and it’s finally hit me that I have wasted the best years of my life chasing a dream that wasn’t shared with the other party. I know that I have alienated friends and family over the years with my pursuit and obsession with this one man and it has finally crossed my mind that I am really wasting my time and making a fool of myself. I have literally thrown away all that is good in my life with chasing this dream of mine and I have nothing to show for it – no friends, no lovers and no fulfilled dream of marriage.
Yeah, I’m sitting here in Halfhill trying to drink myself into oblivion because I am sorry for myself and angry with myself for being such a fool for all of these years. Yes, I came to Pandaria to get my man back from that harlot and I’m finding it more difficult to convince myself that it is even a possibility. I have been spending all of my off-time in Halfhill in hopes that Dawnglory will show back up and I can get him to talk to me or maybe a bit more than just talk.
Yesterday I was in the market and I saw his woman doing some shopping. At first I didn’t really recognize her because she has gotten rather large – a kid balanced on her hip and another one in her belly. There is no doubt in my mind whom the children belong too because although I have tried to dig up dirt on her, there wasn’t any to be found that I could positive proof that she is playing around. How she could let herself get knocked-up and have Dawnglory take off to this new place where they are sending all of the Rangers that worth their salt. Well, maybe that’s her way of trapping him and keeping him because she knows that he wants a family to call his own – I hope that they are going to be his at least.
I’m sure that I could go there if I wanted too, however, I am not in the mood to do that right now. I’m just marking my time and hoping that I don’t get orders to go there anytime soon. I came to Pandaria to try to trap the man that I love and he slipped out of my reach within just a few weeks of my arrival. Now, I’m obligated to fulfill my time with the Rangers here – that means no social life for me in Silvermoon and no real attachment to anyone here.
I know that I haven’t heard anything from my brother directly in months since he went to Draenor, however, I keep getting messages from that Zippie in Orgrimmar from time to time. She is still expecting me to make arrangements to get to Orgrimmar and pick up contracts and possibly fill them – she doesn’t seem to realize whom she is dealing with. After all, my brother is the owner the company and I should be respected for that and not be treated like just some other plebian worker. I am a woman of good family and means – that means she should show respect to her betters. Goblins only think of one thing and that is money – which is why she wants me to do these things here in Pandaria – the money is good though, I suppose I should relent and do some of them.
I’m still sitting here and drinking, thinking about all of the things that might have been or should have been and I can’t see why things didn’t work out the way that I had planned. I should be the one walking around with that kid on my hip and one in my belly, not that upstart. I mean, Dawnglory and I had a thing going that might have worked out if she hadn’t seduced him before I had a chance to do so. Yes, she’s pretty, she’s educated and I’ve heard tell that she is from a good family, however, it’s not one that I have ever been in direct contact with and I can’t say that I had heard of them until this woman took my man away. Who knows, it could just be one of those paid for family lineage things that some of the new money will try to pull off in Silvermoon.
Well, I’m going to stop trying to write because I am starting to feel like it’s futile and I’m getting sick on my stomach because the page seems to be moving all of the time. I should head back to my farm – yeah, I got one not far from Dawnglory’s place and get some rest. I’ll be busy for the next week with my duties with the Rangers, hunting down more deserters and trying to make some Night Elves unhappy again.