I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children. I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever. The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever. My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?
I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are. Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men. No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties. My family must take the priority in my life. Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief? How can that be? The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction. I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.
It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go? Did they get some medical attention? Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone? So many questions unanswered.
I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically. Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure. At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance. Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.
I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal. I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were. That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be. Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know. In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much. That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire. I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.
No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point. Now, I have another problem. It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening. She is truly making a pest of herself.
I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon. At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places. Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows. I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.