Still Searching…Frustrating…

June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

OOC – June 27th … Why Do You Do That?

June 27th, 2017

LOL had some physical issues that kept me from playing World of Warcraft for a couple of days and when I did – where do I start again?  I do know that I have a few characters out roaming about and I still play the majority of them to get inspired about writing again, however, that doesn’t work sometimes and this was one of those times.  I also go through phases sometimes when I have the double-kicker of getting depressed at the same time that I am physically not feeling well.

I know part of my problem is not getting out and actually interacting with RL people doesn’t help a whole lot, however, being a caregiver for someone that is disabled does make it rather challenging sometimes to be able to do that sort of thing.   Part of my depression stems from the fact that I know that things aren’t going to change in RL and that the majority of the people that I used to play with in-game are not longer playing and apparently have no intentions of coming back.  Oh well, that’s life with the gaming world and I am going to have to accept it.

I am probably a terrible gamer, however, I enjoy what I do and since I tend to do things solo, I enjoy things for what they are – strictly entertainment and not a career building endeavor. I love the fantasy of gaming and the escape from reality – there are times when it’s not so easy to escape the reality that time is passing and I’m not getting any younger either.  In my mind, I’m still Peter Pan with Tinkerbell, however, looking at my body, I know better than that.  Gravity does bad things to your body when you age and you can’t ignore it.

It has been rather peculiar that I am finding myself being drawn more to the Old Content in-game due to the storylines and to the gaming itself.  I love the Lore of the game although it has been botched up so many times now that I am getting “anything goes” out of it a lot of the time.  It’s much easier to get lost and channeled in the fantasy world when you are actually enjoying what you’re doing – I’m not enjoying a lot of the Legion stuff because there is a ton of it to do and there is no point to it when you already know that you aren’t going to get to finish it  – the only place I can’t fly is in Legion, too many hoops and I just don’t feel like playing that way.

Still love the game and the people in it, however, I might take a hiatus here in the near future because it does seem as though I am getting to the point that I don’t want to log in if I feel like I have to play on the Broken Shore.  I have had fun with it when I do get in there for awhile and then I have to take a break from it because it becomes too tedious.  I was the same way in Draenor for a while too because I was late getting my flying there as well, took freaking forever.

The only choice we have been given in the last two expansions is to do the Pathfinder requirements – I usually get kissed when I have sex, however, since I’m paying for it – seems like I just got screwed.  Legion is definitely going to be my last expansion and I have plenty of characters to keep me busy for the rest of my natural life.

Okay, time to put forth some effort in my writing and get on with the show, if I play my way and immerse myself in my characters’ “lives” I might stick with it a bit longer.  I used to enjoy writing quite a bit even if it is all drabble and nonsense – I’m not a professional writer and I just write for the fun of it, if I had any intentions of earning a living with it, I’ve long since given that up.

See you all in-game and I do apologize for my wandering rant here, it’s a mood thing that will soon pass, I hope.

June 15th, 2017 – OOC – Patch Day and Beyond…

June 15, 2017

I will have to admit that I was looking forward to sitting here and enjoying the game quite a bit more with the advent of the new patch 7.2.5 – well, patch day was more than a little bit exciting than I wanted it to be. Of course, I’ve been kicking around in this game long enough to know that it isn’t always a good day to play when we have patches. I never go into current content on the day of a patch because I know that there will be bugs galore and I heard that I wasn’t too disappointed with that plan either.

Lost my mounts for a time on my main account (the one that has all the achievements coming from it and all the mount collecting) which really set me off on a tizzy until I figured that the patch had changed the filters on my mounts – fixed that and it was on with the show.

I will have to admit, again, that I am totally an altoholic and love playing my lower levels, not in a big rush to hit end-game at all. I rushed quickly to the Under City and got my heirlooms all maxed out. Even did the weapons to be on the safe side and had been saving my gold up for said purchases since they mentioned the upgrades in a Q&A. I love my heirlooms because it allows me to have the time to level up at a good clip and not worry about my professions nearly as much. Yes, my big guys do make stuff for the little guys, however, I don’t mind going back and farming for mats on the little ones either. I’m weird that way because I enjoy running around on my hunters and doing the hunter thing.

Discovered that there had been a bug with World Quests and went in this morning and found that I finally had them showing on my Alliance alt. Why I have been holding back on running any other characters around on the Shore until I was able to figure things out a bit more. I hadn’t been able to do archeology of any relevance on the same alt too because it would not show up on the map – now it does. Weird bugs that have been plaguing me since I started playing the Legion content. Too bad that there isn’t a real “guide” on what you need to do with this expansion because I’ll willingly admit that I have spent a great deal of time trying to figure things out – that isn’t nearly as much fun as actually getting play the game through.

Still no flying for me yet in Legion because I have been dragging my feet and going at a snail’s pace due to mechanical malfunctions with my computers as well as not feeling well physically. Now, I can move along and do what I want to do and just take my time. So far, my intent is to finish up my gaming career with Legion unless they come up with a super awesome expansion for the next one. Legion started out pretty good and has dwindled off to the RNG gods too much and I just run around and do things hoping that I will be able to better equip my characters – no luck for me on getting any of the goodies that everyone has been raving about. I’m not complaining about the fact that I haven’t played enough to get even one of the Legendary items, however, it does seem like I am wasting a lot of my precious time trying. I don’t like the amount of RNG for everything in the game – glad that it doesn’t control my bathroom privileges because we might have real issues then too.

With the Summer kicking in, finally, I don’t know how much time I will be spending in front of my computer because I enjoy being outside without looking like the little kid from “Christmas Story” where he is all bundled up in his Michelin Man winter clothing. If it’s too hot, I don’t go out there and stay in the A/C as much as possible although my loft where all my computers and drawing materials are located gets a bit toasty because of the skylights. Hehe, love the natural light, don’t like the heat.

June 10th – Life Goes On…Even For Death Knights

June 10th

Dear Journal,
It has been quite some time since I have written in my journal because Ty and I have been busy keeping up with our duties in Pandaria. We haven’t gone to serve our time in Draenor yet, however, we both know that the Horde will be calling us up eventually even with the waiver that we got through my brother’s auspices and political dealings. It’s nice being able to hide under that umbrella that covers the employees of Morningstar Enterprises. I don’t know how he does these sort of things, however, it has been going on for years.

Our little farm is our home and the first one that I have felt comfortable in since my transition to a Death Knight. I don’t care what some people say, we are not truly welcomed among the living regardless of what they might say to your face. There is always that thought in the back of a living person’s mind that this Death Knight in front of them might go berserker at any moment, which is no longer the case. We do control our own thoughts and actions in absence of the Lich King, Arthas.

One of the reasons that I am writing right now is that I think that my sister, Faendra, has been up to no good again. Anytime she walks around with a big grin on her face and gloating about some inner secret, it usually spells trouble for someone. Light, I hope that she hasn’t started manipulating poor Dawnglory again, the poor fellow is suffering enough with his beloved and children missing. It’s been a while since I have seen her act like this and it causes me some concern. Usually when she has been up to something, she gives herself away by her actions and deeds, however, this time, I can’t figure it out.

Ty has been busy with his jewelry making and I swear he gets more creative as the years go by. He has some wonderful pieces that should fetch a good price at the jewelers in Silvermoon City. Very elegant looking with a lot of gold wire keeping the stones entwined in their settings – unique looking. I still love the rings he made for us – all carved Jade that he did himself and they fit perfectly. Elegant, not ostentatious.

Oh, we haven’t turned into total farmers here in Halfhill, we still go to the Rangers’ camp in Krasarang and go out on patrols with them. Of course, there isn’t as much action as there once was back in the day when we had freshly arrived. We still run into the occasional renegades and a few Alliance interlopers from time to time, which keeps us occupied.

I don’t know if we will ever get pulled away from our happy unlife here in Pandaria, however, we own the farm and if we do have to leave there will be people to help us take care of it.

Oh well, I suppose I should stop rambling on here and get busy trying to cook something for dinner, hmmm, my cooking skills have improved considerably and I haven’t blown up the kitchen in the last six months. See, I can learn!

Felaran Morningstar

OOC – Pets are Great…

June 9th, 2017

Had a great day started with getting myself settled in to start working on some more things in my writing when my big 14 pound kitty decided to do some break dancing on my desk.  That wasn’t so bad because it’s something that I am used too with him – he demands attention frequently.  He hasn’t done anything like this for a number of years, so, I was a little bit astounded at his level of activity on the desk.  He likes to watch the screen when I am typing or when I’m gaming, so, it’s been a happy thing until this morning.

To make a long story short, I ended up wearing my cup of coffee, keyboard was filled up with the stuff as was my desk-top and mouse.  Luckily I was using my keyboard on the tray that is built into the desk, so, the computer was safe.  Oh what a glorious mess it was and I spent quite a bit of time getting things put back together.  Keyboard is working okay even though it took forever to dry it out and the mouse is working.   Luckily, it wasn’t the “new” fancy gaming keyboard, however, it was one that I happened to like anyway.

However, it did put the squish on my mood for writing anything productive today for a while, so, I’ll get back to that later on, possibly.  I did manage to get everything back up and running – had to take a quick trip downstairs from the loft and change my clothes – I was definitely awake after all of that because there is nothing so shocking as to have a full cup of coffee landing in your lap whilst soaking you from chin to crotch along with the aforementioned equipment.

I’m just fortunate that the poor old fellow didn’t hurt himself when he was making his escape because it might have been just as easy for him to leap off the balcony of the loft – I think the hot coffee freaked him out as much as it did me.    Anyway, I’ll try the writing thing later today or in the morning because I did have some ideas floating in my head prior to the misadventures of the feline.

 

NSFW – June 5th – Sweet Revenge…

*NSFW – a little more passion that what would be appropriate for young readers, be aware. *

June 5th

Dear Journal,

I know that I have done something that I shouldn’t have done, however, it was something that I have been wanting to do for years and I feel that it was long overdue. None will be the wiser unless I end up getting pregnant and if that happens, he’ll have to marry me or lose his friendship with my brother – he would never want to lose that. I don’t care if my brother cuts me off, again, I have my own money now and I can earn a living on my own, thank you very much.

All my life I have been in love with this man, ever since I figured what men were, and my heart has never drifted from the thought that I would have this handsome golden-haired man for my own. He must be mine because I haven’t loved or cared for anyone the way that I do him. With all the plotting and planning that I have done over the years trying to get him to admit that he loves me and wants only me were wasted. All I had to do was wait and the Fates would step in and give me what I wanted and all I had to do was wait until the proper time. I have been watching and waiting all this time, I just had to learn to be patient and it worked. Well, it kind of worked.

Dawnglory has always been the one man that I’ve wanted with my entire being, his looks, his attitude and the way that he has come from a life of nothing and made himself what he is today without the help of family. I guess you could call him a man’s man: somewhat like my brother, Fnor. I love my brother and I am very proud of what he has done with his life except for the fact that he is supposedly married to a long-eared Night Elf. How he could betray his own kind and his political connections like that is beyond my understanding, however, I should accept the fact. Of course, Fnor really isn’t my brother, he’s adopted and we’re not sure what his real bloodlines are.

I know that I haven’t written in my journal in a long time and this is probably something that I shouldn’t write down, however, I do have to tell someone to make it seem more real to me. I can’t tell anyone else about it and it is going to be hard to act as if nothing has happened. I just want to beam and gloat over the fact that I slept with the man that I love.

It was easy to accomplish with his woman being lost along with his children, however, he was drowning his sorrows and I knew, from experience, that he would go home alone to sleep it off. Well, he went home but not alone because I offered to make sure he got to the farm without passing out in the road somewhere. It was easy and all he kept saying is that I reminded him so much of Romy.

Romy, that savage from Northrend that stole my man away from me. Sure, he thinks he loves and he has had two children with her. Well, I know the little girl is his because she looks just like him, however, the youngest one I am not so sure of because he was born after Dawnglory went to Draenor. The little fellow does have the same lopsided smile and there is something about the shape of his face that reminds me of his supposed Father, however, I’m not real sure. You never know with whores, they do tend to shop around when their main man isn’t available.

Well, I got the poor man home and helped him undress a bit and got him into bed and acted like I was leaving. I didn’t leave, I stood outside and talked to Dog and that fish fellow -Jongu, whatever his name is and even had a bowl of dumplings that he had made. I turned to go back in the house and the fellow told me that the Lady wasn’t going to like me going in there with the Master being asleep. I just told him to shut up and went inside.

It was easy to slip out of my clothes and slide under the furs and before I had even settled myself, Fnar started sobbing his sleep and kept calling out for his woman. I told him I was there and that everything was okay. His eyes flashed open briefly and I thought that he was going to recognize me and he didn’t. He started kissing me and running his hands over my body and before I realized it, not shocked, he had started doing the things that men do with women.

I have never had a man make love to me the way that he did and how many peaks and valleys of passion that he made me go through and I thought I was going to lose my mind with the passion. Oh, Light Help Me! I never knew anything could make you feel so good all over and it seemed as if would never end.

He did keep calling me Romy and his passion was intense because he thought he was with his woman and he had so much pent up passion from being away from her for over a year. I know it was stolen passion for me and I took great pleasure in everything he did to me that seemed to go on for hours and hours.

It did go on for hours, the dawn was just breaking when I was finally able to escape the bed and put on my clothes to head back to the camp in Karasang. Oh my, it was hard to tear myself away from all of that. I know that I have found my match in all things with Dawnglory and I will have him for my husband before this year is over.

Faendra Morningstar

OOC – June 4th – Meandering Thoughts

June 4th

This is an OOC post and one that has been running through my mind for quite a while. It all must do with the fact that I have been playing World of Warcraft for 12+ years almost non-stop.  Addiction?  Maybe that’s true, however, I do take breaks from playing the game, however, that doesn’t mean that I will stop thinking about it.

I was sitting here this morning and was thinking about all the fun that I have had playing the game over the years and it wasn’t all rose-colored glasses in my memories.  I know that I love the game enough to have quite a few accounts and a plethora of characters that I merrily change to play on a moment’s notice.   Logging into the game can give me those warm fuzzy feelings or it might give me that sense of dread because I’m in an area of the game that I don’t particularly care for.   Unlike some folks, I don’t rush madly to the game forums and write a rant about how much I dislike the game or even come here to write how much I dislike something.  One of the things that I have learned over the years is that I do have the ability to “not do” something if I find it is something that I don’t like to do.  Sure, I’m still playing Blizzard money for the game, however, you do have to stop to think that you are paying for more than just Legion.

I’m one of those casual older players and I don’t have an issue getting tagged with that brand if people do stop to realize that I have forgotten more about the game than some people have learned currently. Of course, I don’t raid anymore like I used or if, at all, I just don’t join up with a lot of groups because my hand/eye coordination is a bit slower than I would like for it to be.  Hey!  Age catches up with everyone and no one is exempt from that either.  I even have my AARP card and have had it for quite a few years – we won’t go there.

Video gaming is always an escape from reality, however, you must be cognizant of the fact that your RL is a higher priority.    I use my gaming to keep my mind active and to keep my social skills going sometimes because I don’t get out that much these days.  Once upon a time I was pretty out-going and did socialize a lot, however, due to health restrictions and other issues, I have grown more reclusive in my old age.   I would much rather stay where it’s warm when it’s cold outside and I’d much rather stay where it’s cooler when it’s warm out there.  Love talking to the neighbors now and again, however, it’s not something that is a requirement.  We do have some great people in our neighborhood and we’ve watched it change over the years many times.   I will have to admit that I enjoy the kids running around and seeing them having some fun – yes, grandchildren are great and they get to go home with their parents and leave me here with my spouse and cats.