Memories – A Trip To Dalaran

January 20th

Dear Journal,

I know that it has been forever since I have written in my journal and that has to do with the fact that things have been extremely busy with the business and the family.  I just haven’t had the time to sit down and do anything for myself, however, I plan to change that because I have always found that writing things down is very soothing to me.

Right now, I need to be soothed.  Magdamia let me know that she had some deliveries and collections that needed to be done in Dalaran.  She knows that I usually avoid going there due to past memories and how things have changed so much in a place that I once called home.  One of the deliveries was to one of the old clients that Fnor and I had dealt with in the past and I was curious as to how things were going in the city.  They do say that curiosity killed the cat and I’ll admit that I was yearning to see the city again, even if only briefly.

When I arrived in Northrend it was cold and the wind as blustery as ever which always seems to chill you to the bone, no matter what clothing you happen to be wearing. As I was making the flight to Dalaran, I was watching the terrain below me and that’s when the memories came flooding back as if they had only happened yesterday.  Memories, both good and bad, that reminded me of how much my poor Sindorei loved this land and how much time he had built a life here without the boys and I.

We had already established ourselves in Shattrath City and my husband would be out in the field for weeks at a time gathering the skins and other things that we needed for our business.  He was always bringing back more contracts for us to  fill.  I know that we were one of the first companies that catered to both factions, Horde and Alliance.  We were also one of the most visible mixed race couples living in the city at the time.  Oh, there were scallywags and carpetbaggers from both factions there, hiding from the authorities in the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor.  Times were exciting and could be very stressful trying to raise my two eldest sons in the city when my mate was so frequently gone.

Sometimes I would find myself crying from the sheer loneliness and from some of the hurtful things that some people had said in regard to my children and myself.  There were times that I longed to run away and hide from the emotional pain, however, my love for my Sindorei and our family always kept me there.  Oh, we were both so young and foolish in those days and thought that we could overcome anything that Elune or the Light might place in our way as barriers to the social norms.  Yes, they were trying times.

One of the things that didn’t help much back in those days was the fact that my Sindorei still felt that he needed to wed someone of his own race to be more socially acceptable in the eyes of the people in Silvermoon.  I don’t know why that acceptance was so important to him other than for the monetary gains it might bring and his political ambitions.  Oh, he had dreams of becoming someone of some importance back then and would do almost anything to fulfill those dreams.  I was relegated to being the mistress and the woman that bore his children, plus, running our ever expanding company in Shattrath.

I know that he wasn’t much of the Father to the boys back then and would be gone for months at a time without coming to see them.  We would sometimes meet outside the city to go over the business accounts and talk about some of the things that needed to be discussed. Oh,  I remember lying in his arms on more than one occasion while he told me about the women that he was seeing, women that were of his own race and what his marriage plans might be. There were times that my heart would ache with the thoughts of my mate being with another woman that I would ask myself why I stayed with him when it was readily apparent that his feelings were not the same as my own.  I would think of our two sons, Kaldor and Vashlan, and the answer as to why I stayed would be for our sons and the fact that I loved their Father more than life itself.

Oh, those were indeed some sad times for all of us although, at the time, we weren’t aware of how sad they really were.  My parents really didn’t approve of my liaison with my Sindorei, however, they loved their grandsons.  I think that they were very saddened when I left the Sentinels to take up this life that I had with this man in Shattrath.  Times change and people change – they know love my Sindorei almost as much as I do. I thank Elune each day for my two eldest sons and the blessings that she has bestowed upon the family.

My goodness, I definitely digressed there.  I was definitely lost in thought of those days gone by and how things have changed to the present.  Those were both happy and hurtful times and I am indeed very thankful that my Sindorei came to his senses and realized that he had already been blessed with a complete family and didn’t need to search any further.  The children love their Father very much and I think that they have a great deal of respect for him although, Vashlan is still wrestling with the thought of how this all came to pass sometimes.  I know that Kaldor has grown to understand his Father more as he has gotten older and has accepted the things that he cannot change in his life.

Anyway, I did get to Dalaran and when I first landed it was as if time had stood still and things were as they were before.  However, there were no Blood Elves at the landing, which was a reminder of what had transpired there.  When I stepped into the city, the reminders became very clear to me again.

I can’t put it into words other than to say that I could the sorrow filling me in torrents.  Gone were the laughing elves that had always stood around the landing talking and gone were some of the shops that I had frequented when Fnor and I lived in the city.  I went about my business of delivering the goods that I had brought with me and collecting the funds.  Somehow, it was hard to talk to some of these people because they were newcomers to the city themselves and didn’t remember the glory days of when it was an open city and people were friendly with everyone.  Oh, you had the diehards that were never going to forget their political affiliations, however, you could always find someone to talk with, meet new people that frequented the city.

I think that the hardest part of going back to Dalaran was seeing the house where Fnor and I lived with our children and the changes that have been made to it.  As I stood on the street and gazed at the front doors, I could see where the hand carved runes had been disfigured, I could see that the hardware hadn’t been polished or cleaned in months.  Yes, it was hard standing there and looking up to see the stained glass windows in Fnor’s office had been broken and the panes replaced with some panes that didn’t seem to fit.  Yes, the exterior of the house was almost unrecognizable.    The last time that I had visited the city, I was unable to make myself go inside, however, this time I had to do it to deliver a parcel that I had brought with me for that purpose and collect the funds that were owed.

The whole house is now broken down into various offices and it looks like the upstairs may have been turned into  barracks of some kind.  Oh, the curved stairway has had all of the carpet removed from the it and the wood was very worn and disfigured by the boots tramping up and down.  The slate floor in the foyer was broken in many places and hadn’t seen a polishing cloth in ages.

As I stood in the foyer and looked around, I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes.  The fireplace where Vashlan had decided that he was mage enough to light the fire and lit the curtains on fire instead had been defaced and the carvings were unrecognizable anymore.  I think that if Agatha could see what has become of the house that she lovingly tended  for all of the years she was in Dalaran, she would be in tears. Anything that would have been considered Sindorei by anyone had been defaced or even removed – the mantle on the fireplace was totally destroyed and the ornate carvings on the ceiling had been painted over with something that I think might not have been all paint.

Not only did the house not have the grandeur that it once had, it also looked very worn, old and dirty.   I have thought about telling Fnor about the house, however, I have decided that it is something that I will spare him.  I know that it would only hurt him to know that the house that he spent so many years remodeling and decorating had become nothing more than some kind of hovel.  I am almost thankful that he will never see the place again.  I think that only one of us needs to have the heartbreak of seeing what was once beautiful and filled with our happy family has been turned into something that none of us would recognize for what it once was.

I am very happy that we were able to remove some of the things from the house and take them to the new house in Nagrand. In time, the house in Nagrand will be as beautiful and as loved as this house once was.  It’s smaller and doesn’t have the history behind it, however, it will have a very loving family living in it that can rebuild those memories.

Yes, it is very true – you can never go home again. Things have changed, the times have changed and the people have changed that helped to build those memories.

I don’t think that my next trip to Dalaran will be as traumatic as this one has been, however, I know that I will always remember the city the way that it was before – not how it is now.  I will keep the memories alive in my heart of the joy and happiness that we once had there.

Well, I suppose it’s time for me to stop writing and head down into the warehouse.  I can hear Magdamia shouting at someone and it doesn’t sound very pleasant.  Honestly, that Draeni needs to work on her people skills something terrible and I hope she isn’t fighting with a customer that way.









Getting Back to Business…

October 20th

Dear Journal,

Oh, it’s been a while since I’ve written in my journal and as I scan back over some of the things, I’m surprised that I am even alive at this point.  At least my injuries have healed and my head will only hurt once in a while and not have the constant fog that I had been living in for weeks.

I am still mourning the loss of the child that I didn’t even know I was carrying, which is kind of odd because there were no signs that I was with child that I recognized.  Maybe it was just one of those things that Elune chose to keep from me, one will never know, however, a woman always mourns the loss of a child, no matter if they were ever born or not.  I’m sure that my Sindorei still mourns the loss in his own way, however, I think that we are both happy that we survived the ordeal in the Jade Forest.

At least my brain seems to be working and I can at least concentrate on the things that I am working on, which is a plus for me after these past few weeks of everything feeling as if it were disjointed and out of place.  I would start to do something and after a short time I would wander away and forget what it was that I was doing.  From what the healers have told me, that is a normal way of head injuries and it does clear up in time or it doesn’t – it’s hard to predict.  At least mine seems to have healed and I can at least do the things without forgetting them now – it was so embarrassing to make mistakes and have your children realize that not everything was good with their Mother.

I will have to admit that I do miss being in Pandaria, however, I don’t miss the Sentinel camp as much as I thought I would.  I always felt as if I were a tad bit the outsider because I couldn’t join in with all of the things that my counterparts were doing.  I mean, after all, I am a married woman and some of the ribald drunken debauchery may not have set real well with my Sindorei.   I made quite a few friends while I was there and they do write to me here in Stormwind from time to time. 

I know that I have enjoyed the time that I got to spend with my two youngest sons and my parents in Dolonaar, however, I am actually enjoying being in Stormwind for a while and running my business here, it gives me some meaning as to what is going on in the rest of the world.  Oh, Magdamia has done a marvelous job in my absence, however, there are certain things that I will have to adjust while I’m here.  Not all of us like to be bean counters and trod the lines that she has drawn in the sand.  She’s very good, however, most of my employees are used to handling their own business and not having to pay attention too much to the way that things are handled.  We have some youngsters that are just learning their trades and need to be taught and not scolded if they do something wrong – I guess that’s part of why she is so good at what she does, however, diplomacy is not her forte.

I’m sitting here smiling as I think about my husband. Oh how he would complain about being stuck behind a desk and doing paperwork for hours on end.  I think that I can relate to his complaints more now than I did in the past because the company has grown by leaps and bounds and, unfortunately, that means paperwork.   I know that as the company has grown and the reputation along with it, I have really gotten more contracts than we can handle at times, however, I have been hiring new people and things seem to be working out.  Of course, if Maggie had her way, they would all be Draeni and would listen to her every word, however, I have no complaints with my young Worgen pack that seems to be doing the majority of the work, the dwarves have been very agreeable to furnishing more of their brew that we have been exporting to Kalimdor as well as Pandaria.

Of course, I am also sitting here missing my Sindorei too.  It seems as if our lives are constantly in turmoil and we spend a great deal apart, which is not an ideal thing for a man and wife.  I know that he is not pleased with the idea that he had to move everything so rapidly from Orgrimmar and back to Silvermoon.  At least he was able to get out of the city without being arrested for just being there at the wrong time.  Damn Garrosh and his stupidity.  Hopefully, things will be fully operational in Shattrath before the holidays and we can start shipping some of our stock to that new warehouse there.

We have had some major changes in our lives during the last couple of years and I will admit that I am ready to settle down and let the rest of the world figure things out.  We were truly happy and very content in Dalaran until things went awry and we had to leave there, luckily, we were able to get away before the real fighting started because my parents were there as well as our children.  I do miss the house in Dalaran, it felt like home because we could all be together under one roof and no one seemed to mind or care that we were of different races.

The so-called war in Pandaria was and still is going on to some degree, however, I guess the Horde is very divided and is fighting amongst themselves. I know that my Sindorei had resigned from the Rangers and was recalled for service with the Regent Lord in Silvermoon and was able to wriggle his way out of that by using the business as a buying chip.  He could do more good for the Sindorei and the Cause by furnishing them with the supplies that they so desperately need with the rebellion.  I’ll admit that we are shipping quite a few goods to Kalimdor as well.

I’ve only been able to arrange to see my husband a couple of times since I left Pandaria and it is a very lonely existence that we are both living at the moment.  Oh, we’re busy with the companies and with the things that need to be done, however, I know that we both long for the day when we can live together again in Shattrath or Nagrand and not have to steal these few hours away like we have been doing.  I know the boys enjoy living with my parents, however, I know that they also miss their step-Father more than they will admit. I know the youngest misses him a great deal and has been scolded many times for sleeping with the bone bow that was given to him on his birthday by my Sindorei.  I think that these separations actually affect the children more than we realize.  At least we can make plans to all be together in Shattrath for the Holidays.

Speaking of getting away, I need to get out of this office and outside for a while before I start gnawing at the desk.  I think that I have been stuck here for the last week with nothing but paperwork and contracts to look over and decide if we can do them or not.  I am getting more requests for mercenaries and bodyguards – well, with the holidays coming up, the wealthy do like to travel and do like to have their “sport” hunting even if there is a conflict going on in Kalimdor.   I wish Kal were here to handle some of this because he is much better at giving out orders to some of the employees than I am.




More Time In Another Place

August 11th

Dear Journal,

I am having one of those nights to where your mind is constantly running in circles and you are reliving things or it just keeps spinning out of control and your thoughts are jumbled.  Naturally, this is one of the things that I have had to deal with since my injuries in Pandaria.  The healers tell me that this will pass in time, however, they gave me some potions to take that will supposedly calm my mind down somewhat.  I have only taken the potion once and that was enough to let me know that I won’t be using it frequently.  While my mind may have been quieted, I felt half asleep for the next two days afterwards.

Tonight it is raining here in Dolonaar.  The boys are asleep and I would hope that my parents are resting comfortably too because they have been very busy with the children.  Mother is in her element with the boys and her garden is growing by leaps and bounds.  No, I won’t be asking them to uproot themselves again in the future, they are much happier here than they have been anywhere that we have asked them to move too.  

The rain reminds me so much of Pandaria.  It reminds me of the times that I spent with Kal at his farm and the times that I was with Fnor at his farm.  I never thought that I would ever see my Sindorei being happy digging in the dirt.  I will always have that image in my mind of him standing there leaning against a hoe and grinning that boyish grin of his – I know that he will never completely grow up even though we have children that almost grown themselves.

We definitely had some very happy times in Pandaria and I do so wish that I could have seen more of the country before I had to come home to be nursed back to health by my parents.  It’s a beautiful country or it was before the Horde decided to come along and try to destroy everything that they touched, just as they have in Kalimdor. I just know that I am actually homesick for a place that I was only involved with for a few months – I do want to go back some day.

I did resign from the Sentinels again and my reasons were listed as being personal because my parents were elderly and needed my assistance.  Of course, that’s not entirely true – they are elderly, however, I was the one that needed their assistance with my children and for giving me a place to recover for a while.  I honestly did not want to resign because I had always hoped to get back to Pandaria to be with my husband, however, that has changed. He is no longer in Pandaria for the time being.

Oh, there are rumors about things and at this point, I am not going to put much validity into them.  I know that there is a rebellion within the Horde between the Orcs and Trolls, however, I’m not sure how much the Blood Elves are involved in that openly.  I do know that we have shipped supplies from Stormwind to the rebels in Kalimdor on more than one occasion.  I’m sure that I will get caught up with things when I finally get to Stormwind to see what is going on with the business there.  At least I can still do that. I am actually looking forward to getting back into that part of my life again, it did make me feel like I was accomplishing something and it will give me an opportunity to see Kal when he comes back to drop off some of the stock that he has gathered along with Kae.

I know that every time I think about Kal and his relationship with Kae I have to smile and chuckle a bit.  The girl is definitely in love with him and he’s young enough to where he isn’t quite sure what to do about it and his feelings are a jumble.  He cares very deeply for her, however, he’s not sure if he would call it love.  I have told him that he will know.  As his Mother, I know that he is very taken with her and he is in love with her, however, I am just going to keep my mouth shut and let them work things out.  It never pays for a parent to become too involved in their adult children’s lives. I knew when I fell in love with my Sindorei, there was no mistaking it in my mind and it is something that will always be.

Once I start feeling better I will be making that trip to Stormwind and after that, I will be going to Shattrath to start the process again of starting up the company there with my Sindorei.  That is the only open city, yet again. I know that my Sindorei must feel the same way that I do about moving the Orgrimmar business to Shattrath – it is truly like we have come full circle in our lives.

 I know that when we first went to Shattrath together, it was more of an adventure than anything.  We were both still very young and the idea of taking on a new life in a strange place was very appealing to the two of us.  It was the one place that we could live openly together without many people taking offense to it or trying to kill us for it.  Oh, those were the days when the city was starting to fill up with refugees of another sort.  Now, from what I understand, there are more Blood Elves taking refuge there from Dalaran.  I can well imagine how those poor people must feel after being driven from a place that we have called home for so many years and so many lives were lost.

I know that Fnor and I both miss our home in Dalaran.  He spent so many years putting that place together because it meant something to him.  He felt that when he was financially able to live in a place like Dalaran, he had finally been successful in his life because not many hunters could afford to set up a business and shop in a city like that.  The true beginning of Morningstar Enterprises was in Shattrath City and it grew by leaps and bounds, along with our hard work.  Those were truly the happiest days for me, before he got the wanderlust and the idea in his head that he needed a Sindorei wife to carry on his bloodline. 

Oh, those were truly hurtful times for me and the children. Yes, we already had the two boys when he got this idea in his mind that he needed a woman of his own race to carry on the family name. At least he finally outgrew that thought and realized that he already had a family with us and didn’t need to carry on any kind of tradition with Silvermoon. Of course, our two sons will never walk the streets of Silvermoon because they look too much like me except for their eyes. I can’t really say that because with as crazy as the world has become, they might be welcomed there someday. I know that I wouldn’t mind seeing the city either because the way that my husband has described it to me, it sounds like a place of such beauty – how much of that is being seen through rose-colored glasses is something that I won’t be able to know until I see the city. I do know that my Sindorei doesn’t like to visit there very often because of the political state that it is in most of the time and the way that people act.  I think that any of us might feel the same way about any of our major cities though, there is always political turmoil, it’s a way of life.

I suppose that I ought to try to go to sleep again instead of sitting here and letting my mind wander down memory lane and pondering the meaning of life.  Mother has a whole day planned for all of us tomorrow and I suppose that we are going to take the children out for some herb gathering.

One thing I do have to say is that my two Kaldorei sons are totally different from my two oldest ones.  Oh, Kal and Vashlan had their moments of being rambunctious and getting into mischief, however, they don’t hold a light to these two little boys. I am happy to admit that they have a healthy respect for my parents – especially my Mother’s wooden spoons that she will use to clout some sense into their heads from time to time. They aren’t nearly as bad as they were in Dalaran where they had too much time on their hands and too little space to expend their energies other than getting into trouble.  Here in Dolonaar, they are either going to school, working with my Mother in her garden and gathering herbs or they have gone off with my Father to do some hunting – they like the hunting and call the herbing and gardening girly stuff.  They do make sure that those comments aren’t made within my Mother’s hearing because they have found out how “girly” it can be when she increases their workload – she has even started teaching them some cooking and cleaning, which they feel is totally not called for.  It does make me laugh when they make those silly faces and roll their eyes when my Mother tells them that it’s time for them to clean the kitchen thoroughly.

Amynlarae Shadowmoon



Talk of Family and Healing…

June 30th

Dear Journal,

Just being back in Dolonaar with my sons and my parents for just these past few days has been wonderful.  I didn’t realize how much stress and strain I had been under when I was in Pandaria.  Well, I take that back, being part of the Sentinels and trying to keep up with my Sindorei husband were very stressful at times.

Now, I can luxuriate in the comfort and the warmth of my old bed and my old room while I read or just nap when I want too.  Naturally, the boys will stick their head in the door to see if I am sleeping or not.  At least the headaches have stopped and I do not have to take that horrid potion that the healer gave me.  On the plus side, my Mom made up some of her potions and replaced the ones that the healer was giving me and they don’t seem to have the side effects that they did – I don’t keep having the same horrid nightmare over and over each time I close my eyes to sleep.

It was always the same dream of the attack in the Jade Forest, however, in my dream, I never lost consciousness and had to watch the entire fight between my Sindorei and the Orcs. It’s almost like stepping back in time to see an event and being unable to move or to intercede to change the outcome. Normally, after having one of these dreams, I wake up in a cold sweat and have a horrific headache.

My Mom tells me that this is normal for a person to have dreams like this after a traumatic injury.  She’s just thankful that I was still alive and had gotten some fairly decent medical care at the hands of a Sindorei healer although it would have been better if I had been amongst my own time.

Oh, she and I have had several long talks in the past and the present about my involvement with Fnor, however, she is finally relenting on the attitude that she had for several years and that was the one where she kept telling me that I should leave this man because he had been nothing but heartache and pain for me since the day I met him.  She has finally gotten it through her head that this is the man that I have chosen to mate with and love for the rest of our lives.  Oh she likes him well enough, she just wishes that he were Kaldorei so that she could tell her friends about him sometimes, I think.

I will admit that I already miss him more than I can put into words.  I miss the little farm in Pandaria and I miss lying there in the bed beside him night and feeling his arms wrapped around me as we slept.  These are the things that I truly miss. 

What I don’t miss is the war, the constant of having to keep your guard up at all times, no matter where you were.  I don’t miss the fact that my Sindorei and I had to slip around just to be together so that no one would see us.  I’m not ashamed of my husband and it always made it seem wrong to have to hide our relationship although I do understand the political ramifications if our relationship became known. I hope that someday after we get everything back in Shattrath that we will be able to act like ourselves even in public.  I don’t miss the constant bickering that would go on amongst the women at the base camp and the constant little barbs being thrown around like so much candy.

A group of women can be rather cruel if they have targeted a victim to taunt.  I know that I would hear Kal’s name come up every now and again in these conversations and I could feel my ire rising to the front and I would just have to walk away.  He isn’t the only half-breed that is with the Sentinels, others have been able to disguise it better than Kal can, however, and I wouldn’t have him be any other way.  I have actually spotted several of the women that aren’t what they appear to be, not only from their physical attributes but also in their mannerisms.  Yes, there are few female mixes there hiding in plain sight. Kal stands out more because of his eyes and his size, he’s not small, and however, he is not as large as some of the mature male Kaldorei in our band.

I have enjoyed getting to know the Sentinel that is living with Kal though.  She seems to be a nice enough girl when she drops that Sentinel persona, which I remind her now and again, that it isn’t the only thing in the world for her. They seem to be a good match for one another and if they happen to actually become mates some day, it will be a good thing for Kal and the rest of the family – if they don’t, I just want what will make my son happy, and that’s all that matters to me.

Oh, I have enjoyed being able to play with my youngest boys here in Dolonaar.  They like having Mom around them except when I discipline them for being the little scamps that they are.  Oh my, they picked up some rather rough language while we were in Dalaran as well as few swear words that I have only heard in Shattrath.  I honestly don’t know how my parents can keep up with the two of them sometimes; they just wear me out on a daily basis right now.  If there isn’t something to keep them occupied most of the time, they end up getting into mischief.   At least they aren’t blowing things up anymore, they seem to have outgrown that or they’ve run out of explosives and don’t know how to make anymore.  When Dad doesn’t have them going out hunting with him, Mom has them working their little butts off in the garden and then they have to go to school every day – which is a very good thing.  I won’t have children that are uneducated and their step-Father would definitely have a fit if they weren’t learning things.

I still find myself feeling pretty weak most of the time and I think that I will go talk to the healer and see what kind of exercise I can start doing to get my strength back.  I know that “rest” is an important part of the healing process with the head injury but I just feel so useless. 

I know that my Sindorei was talking about leaving the Rangers before I came home and I am almost sure that he has made arrangements to do that.  I also know him well enough that he will want me to leave the Sentinels as well although a part of me wants to stay in the active service and a part of me wants to go back to the life that we had before.  Now that the children are older, I am not as restricted to the role of being a Mother, they can take care of themselves for the most part although these two youngest seem to need a lot more guidance in some things.   If my Sindorei and I can travel together like we used too before we had children, I’d leave the Sentinels in a heartbeat just so that I could be with him.  Oh, we had some great times together and even after the kids came along, we traveled with them for a while.

I’ll have to give this all some thought and come to a decision.  I know what Fnor would like for me to do; however, I have to be the one to make that decision on my own.  

Oh, my Sindorei and I have had a few words in regard to his sister’s upcoming arranged marriage.  I know that I am really against this tradition of the Sindorei.  I think that a woman should be able to choose her own mate and not have one picked out for her.  So what if it means more political power and more money, plus, the all important family name to be added to the long list of names involved, it still is barbaric.  I hope that my Sindorei has taken it to heart with some of the words that I have said and will let the girl make her own choices for her life.  He tends to coddle and spoil the girl and that’s why she acts like she does now, which can be awful for the rest of the family.

I’ll admit that Faendra needs to get herself settled down quite a bit and quit obsessing over my Sindorei’s business partner and friend too.  The girl is not in love with him, she’s obsessed with the idea of being in love with him and yet, the last time we talked – she had a whole list of things that she wants to change about him.  I did try to talk to her reasonably and to tell her that you don’t marry someone and then try to “change” them into something that they weren’t when they met.  Young girls just seem to think that they can change men into whatever they want “after they are married” and that just isn’t how that works – that’s why the Sindorei have so many unhappy people married to one another, it seems.

I think that I am going to lie down again and sleep because all of this writing and thinking has given me another headache although it’s not as bad as they were when I first got home with my parents.   I am trying to keep my eyes open on Lumina too because she is pregnant and should be dropping her kits any day now.  My Mom seems to think that she is going to have at least six this time instead of her usual three – that would surprise me.  I also wonder if any of them will look like her or if they will be mostly black like Pan. I will also have to find homes for them when they are old enough, we can’t keep them all.



Getting Stronger Every Day…

June 17th

Dear Journal,

Oh, I still don’t remember much about what happened with the initial assault by the Orcs in the Jade Forest, however, I feel as if every bone in my body was broken and they ache constantly.  The healer tells me that I have a few bruises and a few scrapes, however, most of my injuries are not visible to the naked eye.  Well, naked eye or not, they still hurt.  At least my head isn’t throbbing as badly as it did.

This is my first day out of bed and the first day that I didn’t have my husband dancing in attendance to my every wish and desire.  The poor man has been beside himself and he has his own injuries to contend with as well, poor thing almost got turned into an eunuch.  As much as he tries not to let me know how much pain he is in, I can see it in his eyes and the way that his face will pale and flinch now and again.  He has drugs for the pain, however, he refuses to take them because he wants to be aware of what is going on around him and he wants to make sure that I am being taken care of properly.

We were stupid about what happened and it was our own fault for dropping our guard down.  We were living in a Fool’s Paradise to think that no one would come by that little house.  We made it there without much trouble and there was nothing around to prevent anyone else from climbing the same pathway that we did.  My poor Sindorei feels that it was his fault and I keep telling him that it wasn’t just his fault, I should have been more aware too.

The one thing that is still lingering in my mind a lot is the fact that I was pregnant and didn’t know it.  Elune knows that I have been pregnant before and I know that I didn’t “feel” pregnant – there are things that give away the fact that you are with child and it has nothing to do with having morning sickness.  I know that I felt more fatigued than normal and had chalked it up to the heat and the rigorous scouting that I had been doing.   I know that I was thinking that with all of the working that I had been doing, the field work and the work around the farm with Kal that I was building up more muscles, yes, I had noticed that my breasts were a bit larger and I chose to think that the armor was a bit snug and that’s why they ached so much.  No, I was pregnant.  I hate it that we lost our baby, however, it is the will of Elune and she has a way of blessing us in her own way sometimes that we may not understand.

Yes, I have cried about the loss of our child as has my Sindorei, however, it may have been a blessing in disguise.  We have two sons together and two little boys that are need of care from both of their parents, much more than what we have been able to give them of late.  No, a child would have been a blessing at another time, however, with the war here in Pandaria and the unsettled times within the Horde, now was not a good time for us to take on that added burden. 

I know that I have had dreams about this baby, even though it was too soon to tell what sex it really was going to be.   In my dreams it is a little girl that looks so much like her Father that it is laughable – there would have been no denying that this child was of Sindorei blood.  Of course, in my dreams, she is no mere infant, she’s a headstrong child and as old as my youngest son.  Naturally, my parents are in the dream as well and they keep trying to tell me that they can’t take care of her in Dolonaar because of her appearance and that I would have to make other arrangements – silly me, a Sindorei child growing up in Kaldorei territory would have been impossible.   I know I always wake up at the same point in the dream when my Father tells me that I have to take her to the Barrens and leave her for some Ranger to find and take care of her.  Just like the way that things happened with my Sindorei and I – it’s sad and it still makes me smile at the same time.

Oh well, I’m sure that some day when the war is over and the Horde has decided to be more civilized than it is at the moment – we will have other children, possibly, possibly not.  It will depends on what the Light and Elune have in store for us.

I would love to be able to go outside and sit in the sun, however, it would present some rather awkward situations to the people in Halfhill, I’m sure.  My Sindorei’s sister is here to help take care of me while things try to get back to normal and I do appreciate her help, although she isn’t the best nurse I’ve ever had, it’s still appreciated.  I have to laugh because she brought another Death Knight with her, a man.  You have to understand that Felaran has never had a man in her life for very long and I guess that they have made things a bit more intimate now  – so, as she puts it – they are bunkmates.  She has the strangest sense of humor sometimes and I will have to admit that she made me laugh when she said she wasn’t going to die a second time being a virgin.

At least I feel like I am going to live now even if the healer has said that I should rest for several weeks.  Weeks!?!  I don’t think so, I’ll be up and around before my Sindorei and this healer can even think straight – I’m not some pampered Sindorei princess that has lain on a couch and eaten bonbons most of her life.  I’m a Sentinel!   I’m as weak as a kitten right now and there are times that my head will spin out of control, however, I’m sure that will pass quickly once I get to be more physically active.

My Sindorei wants me to go home to Dolonaar for a while to spend time with the boys.  He’s not kidding me, he wants me somewhere safe and out of harm’s way.  I’m sorry, my love, I am staying here in Pandaria, close to your side and I’m not planning on giving that position away to anyone else.  No, I am not going home and I won’t be coddled like some doll that you would have purchased in a store.  I will be fine and I will get to a Kaldorei healer that will give me the potions that I need to get on my feet faster.  I just have to figure out how I am going to make it down the stairs in front of the house without falling.

Oh well, it’s time for me to take another drought of that foul tasting potion and go back to sleep to dream more of those very strange dreams.  I’m sure that I will be well enough soon to go back to camp and I would like to see my son for a while.




More Adventures In Pandaria

Amyn awaked with the breeze softly blowing through the open window,  to the sound of the leaves rustling as they were caressed by the slowly moving air.  If there was a place where she could be happier in Pandaria, she hadn’t found it yet. Just being able to wake up in the same bed with her Sindorei was all the happiness that she wanted at this point – no, it wasn’t like their home in Dalaran, however, this little hideaway in the Jade Forest was as close to heaven as that she could ask for.

She lay there in the bed and was languishing in the memories of the passion from the night before and staring at the man that had been her mate for more than half her lifetime. This Sindorei with the long flowing ebon hair had captured her heart so many years ago, yet, each day that she awakened in his arms she gave extra thanks to Elune for that blessing. All these months that they had been separated while he was in Pandaria and she was struggling to find her way here seem like a bad memory.  She was with her Sindorei and as far as she was concerned, she never wanted to leave his side again.

She had heard the rumors of the Horde imploding with the rebellion of the Trolls and she had seen some changes in Pandaria as to how her foe was currently fighting.  There seemed to be fewer of them these days and her Sindorei had confirmed that he was receiving fewer and fewer replacements of his men in Krasarang.  They usually didn’t discuss anything in regard to their separate factions, however, they were both in agreement that the whole adventure by their leaders here in Pandaria had been an error in judgment – now they were all reaping what had been sown.  With the way that the Orc Warchief, Hellscream had treated the other races under his command, she was definitely surprised that someone hadn’t killed him already – only the precious Orcs were supposed to get the respect and consideration from their leader, the rest, well, they were expendable.

She slowly extracted herself from the bed, not wanting to awaken her lover, and made her way into the kitchen of their little abandoned house to make some coffee and tea. The coffee was for her mate and the tea for herself – she couldn’t understand how her Sindorei could drink so much of the acrid tasting coffee without drowning it in honey.   She always wondered why someone would have built such a beautiful home here in the Jade Forest and abandoned it, leaving all of their belongings behind.  Was it because of the encroachment of the strangers from beyond the mists that had scared them away in such haste?  It could have been, however, she and her Sindorei always made sure to leave the little house as they had found it each time they visited. She smiled to herself as she realized that their visits here were becoming more frequent and lasting longer – the stolen hours had first gone to a day in length and now, they would slip away and spend several days together, away from the prying eyes.

She had gathered her things to write, the journal, the pen and ink before she sat down to a leisurely time before their day would start again. She heard Lumina give a soft growl and glanced up to see her Sindorei wide-eyed as he started from the bed with a cry of MOVE, AMYN!!

Everything went black and she awakened peering through a haze of red, unable to move and staring into the corpse eyes of a very dead Orc. She could hear sounds of more scuffling and all she could see were the bare feet of her Sindorei and boot-clad feet of another person before another body landed on top of her – it wasn’t her Sindorei’s body, it was another Orc.

The next time she awakened, she realized that she was lying in the bed at the farm in Halfhill with a Sindorei healer wiping her face and hearing her Sindorei swearing.  Something about he didn’t care if she was Kaldorei, the healer would make her better.

Her mind was whirling with not only from her injuries but with the revelation that that she and her husband had been found out now – they were going to die as traitors, however, they would die together. She could feel her chest move with shallow breaths and feel her heart slowly pumping in her chest before her mind slipped back into the darkness.

It could have been a few hours or even a few days before she opened her eyes again to see her Sindorei peering at her.  His face was haggard, unshaven and tears were streaming down his face. She started to speak and found that her throat was so dry that all she could get out was a small squeak before a cup of water was pressed to her lips so that she could drink.

“Oh, thank the Light, Amyn!” whispered her husband  before he was replaced in her view by the Sindorei healer.

She could feel Fnor’s hand holding hers as the healer peered into her eyes and shone a bright light into them and all she wanted now was to go back to sleep some more, her head throbbed and she felt like her limbs were weighted down with stones. As she closed her eyes again, she could hear the voices of her mate and the healer as if they were some distance away.

“Commander Morningstar, I am not going to report this impropriety because you’ve told me that she is your wife and a Mother to your children.  I’m sorry I couldn’t save the baby she was carrying, however, she is going to need a lot of bed rest for the next few weeks to recover from the head injury. She’s very lucky to even be alive at this point, ” said the healer as she started to pack her bag before leaving. “I will be back in a few hours, I’ll just tell the people in the camp that you have a serious cold and require my attention, Sir.”

Fnor knelt down next to the bed and gently took his wife’s hand in his as the tears slowly streamed down his face. “Amyn, my beloved, we’re going to get through this, I promise you.”




Amyn’s Thoughts

May 19th

Dear Journal,

Life in Pandaria is definitely different from what I am accustomed too in Kalimdor or even Northrend for that matter.  I love it here even if there is a war going on, even if it means that I don’t get to spend as much time with my Sindorei as I would like – life here in Pandaria is still exciting and it makes me feel young.

Oh, I know that I am feeling more comfortable with this group of Sentinels after a few clashes with some of the other women.  I think that I have made my point very clear that I have a life away from them and if they don’t like it, well, that’s their problem and not mine.  Don’t make your troubles something that involves me.  My Sindorei would be cringing and probably hiding his face with embarrassment because his wife is not taking any kind of abuse from anyone and I have no trouble throwing a few punches now and then, if that is what I think is needed.

Being a wife and a mother doesn’t have to make you old and it doesn’t have to make you soft in mind and body.  I have never been either one of those things in my life.  I think that the time in Dalaran after we were married may have influenced some of my feelings of how I should conduct myself.  Well, that was a fine veneer that didn’t last long once I got to Pandaria.  I have a job to do here and if it requires me to get in the trenches with some hair pulling, shooting someone in the butt for being a bit abusive to me, I will do it.  I decided after spending those days with my Sindorei that I need to stand on my own two feet – there is no need for me to moon over my husband, I’m married, however, Amynlarae Shadowmoon is her own person, not just the other things.

Oh, it was wonderful getting to spend those days at the farm with my Sindorei and thank you, Elune, there isn’t going to be another addition to the family in the near future.  Oh, we were both so caught up in our passions that neither of us thought about the fact that what we were enjoying so much together could end up in adding another bundle of joy to the family.

I have seen my son, Kaldor and have met his Sentinel.  Oh, they make a lovely couple and I can tell that she is very much in love with him, however, he’s still very confused as to what it is that he wants from their relationship.  No, he’s definitely not ready to be mated and he’s definitely not ready to give up his new found freedom here in this land.  I can’t say that there is any reason why he should make that kind of commitment if he’s not ready for it – it will only bring heartache and pain if things don’t go well.  I know of what I speak from my own experience.   At least she’s a full blooded Kaldorei and a Sentinel.  Kal will learn in time what that truly means and if that is the person that he wants in his life, then, it definitely has my approval.

I know that I had an opportunity to talk to him privately, we made arrangements for that to happen because neither one of us can afford for any of the others to realize that Kaldor and I are related at this point.  Any other place and time, I wouldn’t give a rap, however, it could cost us both dearly in a way that neither one of us is willing to pay at this point.  I guess I am to be passed off as a cousin or something if anyone asks about the name or maybe even his Mother’s sister, who knows?

I really felt bad for him because he is having a difficult time conforming to the way that things are with the Sentinels.  I finally just told him bluntly that he is there to do a job as a scout and that was his primary function and part of his duties were to service the women as required.  Oh, I know that I told him about the birds and the bees years ago, however, I didn’t tell him that it was perfectly okay to take physical relationships all in stride without involving your heart.  His woman, Kae, will understand what is going on and if she is any kind of a woman at all, she will accept it.

 My situation with his Father is totally different than his relationship with his Sentinel.   If a Sentinel happens to pull his number from the hat and he is supposed to do what she wants – if it’s just talking, when he told me about that, I giggled, I’ll admit – talk to her, if she requires more than that, do it.  Don’t even think about it, just do it and be done with it – its part of his function here in Pandaria.  Think of it as a physical exercise and nothing more.  I will admit that I was a bit embarrassed when he asked me if I made use of the services of the males in our camp and I told him that the thought never even entered my mind, I was mated and married with children.  It’s one of those cases of do as I say, not do as I do.

I talked with my Sindorei about Kal’s problem and he just shook his head and told me that I did the right thing in telling Kal that this is how things are in a military camp whether his personal feelings are affronted by the situation were immaterial.  It even happens in the Rangers, it’s not just a Kaldorei thing. Men and women are meant to be together, that’s life. 

Our relationship is different, there is a long emotional bond there that over-rides any political or racial thing, we’ve been in love for many years and we’ve produced some beautiful children together.  Oh yes, we’ve had our ups and downs with things happening, my Sindorei’s delusions of ever having a family with one of his own kind were finally abated. His constant searching for love in all the wrong places has finally stopped, I hope and it’s been a hard thing for him to realize.  He has a family with me and his children, regardless if it is acceptable by his people or mine is totally immaterial.  Oh well, we’re happy and content with our lot and life – it was something that we chose to do many years ago and damn the people that have other thoughts about it.

Oh, I have been out on several patrols here in Krasarang and I will have to say that it has been exciting, the few times that we have actually gotten into any kind of scuffle with the Horde.  I know that all of us just let our arrows fly and fight with wild abandon.  Yes, there is always that fear in my heart that my Sindorei will be amongst the people involved; however, this is something that we have dealt with in the past.  Do I hesitate to fire my bow?  There are times that I may hesitate momentarily but not enough to get myself killed.

My Sindorei definitely has his hands full with his Rangers and his family. He told me about the arrangements that he is making to have his youngest sister married off and I told him that I totally disagreed with the way that his people arrange lives like this.  We had a few heated words over the matter, however, it is his decision to make, not mine.  I just think that it is awful that he would marry his sister off to some fellow that she’s never met nor has any feelings for just for some more social and political leverage in Silvermoon. I understand it; however, I don’t like it.  I know the girl and I know that she is strong-willed and will probably fight him about it; however, he’s made up his mind. I asked him how he would have felt if he had had an arranged marriage and he told me that it was a moot point because his bloodline was besmirched and there would be no family that would have accepted his suit. He tried in the past and was met with failure after failure, even though we were already mated.  Strange customs make for strange bedfellows.  Anyway, he is using his sister to further his gains in Silvermoon, that’s the way I see it – she is more acceptable due to his wealth and position in this time of war than it would have been in the past, that’s how I see it. She is being used as a bargaining chip.  I just know that my Sindorei is putting up a sizeable fortune for her dowry to get her into a very exclusive group.

Her infatuation with his best friend is the one thing that troubles us both a great deal because the fellow is not one that I’d want a daughter of mine involved with.  He is wild in every sense of the word and as promiscuous as any man that is unbound by any commitment other than his own physical needs.  Oh, he is a good man, he has done well with my husband and they are extremely loyal to one another, which is why I even tolerate him sometimes.  Very brash and very much the Sindorei even if he is very blunt about how he thinks of things.  Frankly, if anything happens between those two, the sister and him, I think that it would be a very bad mistake because eventually there would come a time when my Sindorei might have to choose between the two of them.

I definitely prefer my Kaldorei customs much more. We allow our people to be mated with matters to the heart.  We live, we love and if Elune blesses the union, we have children.  Of course, I’m the renegade and my parents sometimes bemoan that fact, however, they have accepted it and adore their grandchildren.  Yes, I did mate with a wonderful Kaldorei man and we had two beautiful sons together before he was killed, however, there was never the fire that filled my heart like it does with my Sindorei.

Oh, silly Amyn, prattling on about how things are and things that might have been.  I’m happy here in Pandaria, I can see my man a bit more than I did if I had stayed in Shattrath like a dutiful wife.  At least here, I can see my oldest son, take a trip to Stormwind to see Vashlan and to attend to my business there as well as going home to Dolonaar to see my parents and my two youngest boys.  Even Sentinels have lives outside of their duty, well, some of us do.

I’m happy, I’m content and as long as I know that my family is safe for the most part, I’ll keep serving my duty.  I’ve even seen the King here in Pandaria with his son, so, who am I to judge?

Oh, Elune, I thought that Lumina was just putting on weight from eating too much fish, seems it wasn’t just the fish she was consuming.  I was sitting here and she wanted a belly rub and I felt what I thought was a rumble in her gut, however, she is definitely showing all of the signs of impending motherhood.  I’m sure that my Sindorei will just die laughing when he finds out his Pan was just as busy as he was during those days on the farm.  Kittens, just wonderful!  Is it wrong of me to thank Elune for the cat having kittens and not me having another baby?




This War Is Different…

May 6th

Dear Journal,

I’m still trying to get back into some type of routine with the Sentinels.  I know that those few days that we had free in Halfhill were wonderful for me although I am still answering questions as to where I disappeared.  I have learned to smile and tell them that I was off exploring on my own, which in a way I was.

I know that I was so happy to be reunited with my husband.  Oh, those months of longing and the anticipation of being together again were more than enough to keep us closeted away in his little farmhouse for those few days.  I think that we made up for all of that lost time with the passions that we both exhibited.  What I enjoyed more than anything was to be able to wake up lying next to him in that wonderful Pandaren bed of his – I think we need to get one for our home in Nagrand.

I have been busy since then with my duties and learning the lay of the land and to see what all of the duties entail.  Scouting and patrolling just like any other time in war – more often than not, we will have a skirmish here and there just to test our mettle with our foes.  I know that each time I am involved in these things, I just pray that my Sindorei is not amongst the foes.

I did get to at least see my son in camp for a few minutes, although, it was too brief for me to express some of my thoughts to him  He has grown taller and he definitely looks more Kaldorei than Blood Elf these days.  The beard that he has decided to grow since he’s been gone definitely makes him look a tad bit older. How I longed to just be able to take him into my arms and to reassure him that he is doing everything “right” because I have heard some of the gossip here in the camp about him.

I never realized how cruel some of the Sentinels can be to an outsider until I was exposed to it full force in regard to my child. Oh, how I wanted to take up my bow and slaughter the lot of them was almost more than I can stand.  He is still a person, he is here in Pandaria doing his duty for his race and for his faction – let the kid live his life without the pain and suffering of being different. It almost broke my heart to see some of the things that have been done to him and the cruel barbs that were thrown in his direction by some of these women.

What is really hard for me right now is not being able to step forward and stand up for my child. Yes, he’s a grown man, however, he will always be child, no matter how old he gets.  I’ve changed his diapers when he was a baby and I’ve bandaged his hurts since he was old enough to get out amongst his peers.  His Father and I taught him well and I am seeing that this training is paying off with the benefits that he is giving to these Sentinels.  They may deride him of his heritage, however, not once have I heard any of them say that he is incapable of doing what must be done.

Now, I am sitting here this morning and wishing that I could take my son and we could both go join his Father again.  Me, to be with the man that I love and my son to get his self-esteem restored.  Poor Kal is having a tough time, however, I can see how he deals with the hurts that he is given with these people. It’s not wrong for a Mother to want to protect her child from such abuse.

I know that my Sindorei and I will have to be extremely careful in how we manage to get to spend some together.  I think that this war is very different from what we have dealt with in the past.  There is such a vehemence that has been created between the two factions due to the things that happened before we ever came to this land.

I am finally starting to garner more information about this Sha that the Pandaren talk about and it is being strengthened by the anger and the hatred that we brought with us from our homelands.  We have all seen the smaller versions of these creatures spring from the ground during a battle when our emotions are running at a high level and not only are we battling our foes, we are also battling the creations of our own emotions. 

I know that the other women and I have discussed these things and are in a wonder as to how we can control our emotions and our thoughts in order not to create something that we can’t defeat.  I know that I have spoken to my Commanders and have told them that not only do we have to hold fast to our beliefs in Elune, we also need to find a way to blend the teachings of the Pandaria people into that faith as well.  I’m no priestess, I’m a simple Sentinel, however, I know that we can’t fight a war on many fronts without something to bolster ourselves up.

As a Sentinel, I know that I am very capable of fighting and losing control of my emotions to the point that the viciousness that we are famed for is very evident.  However, there must be a way to control that in order to win this battle.  Oh, we’ve already seen the evidence and we have already been exposed to some of the possessions that have taken control over some of us, however, this war is comprised of not only our physical combat, it also comprised of our inner demons.  I wonder if the greed and the hatred hasn’t taken possession of the Horde Warchief and that is why he is willing to sacrifice everything for the power that he perceives in controlling for the betterment of his people?

Of course, I wish that Fnor and I had talked more of the war instead of our family when we were together, however, we had a lot of things that we needed to catch up with for our own personal sanity and physical well being.  He has been in this land longer than I have and I wonder if he has noticed some of the same things in regard to the Sha.  Surely, the Blood Elves,  of all the races represented here,  have some kind of defense against this kind of magic?

My heart is very torn since my arrival.  I want to spend time with my husband and yet I want to find a way to end this conflict.  War is something that we have both dealt with most of our lives and it is something that we have both hated. I know that there are so many lives at stake here and our future is most assuredly at risk. My poor Sindorei has definitely become very much involved in things that he shouldn’t if he is to survive this stupid war.

The woman in me just wants to be with her man and to be able to push all of this behind me and hide away from it. The Sentinel in me is conflicting with the woman in this war.

What I think I need right now is to get some rest before I leave on my next patrol which will be a long one.  My mind seems to be wandering back and forth at the moment – conflicting thoughts of a personal nature as well as conflicting thoughts in regard to my duty.  I’ve noticed that I am more fatigued of late and that could be my way of dealing with the climate and my own inner confusion.  I hope that it’s just the climate and not something that my Sindorei and I might have started when we were together. Bringing a baby into this war would not be a good thing for either one of us although the woman in me would be overjoyed.





Looks Like I Made It…

April 14th

Dear Journal,

I’m extremely exhausted and happier than I have been in months.  I know I’m sitting here with the biggest grin on my face and my body throbbing from being well loved by my husband.  I never realized how much we had missed those intimate moments until we saw each other for the first time yesterday.  Yes, I think it was yesterday or my mind is telling me it was so.  I’m mentally fuzzy headed at the moment with exhaustion and happiness. I don’t think there is a single part of my body that hasn’t been touched or kissed at this point and it feels marvelous.  Such pent up passion between two people was released that I am surprised that the house is still standing.

I’m actually hiding in my husband’s little farmhouse because it wouldn’t be safe for me to be seen leaving it.  I don’t mind being “stuck” here at all.  In fact, I wouldn’t mind sitting here in one of his robes for the rest of my days.

We finally made it into Halfhill after what seemed to be years of wandering around in the Jade Forest and the accompanying countryside.  I know that my heart was just singing at the prospect of actually getting to see my Sindorei again, although, I had to keep my true happiness hidden from the other Sentinels in our group.

When we arrived, I think that we were all relieved because we have been promised a few days respite here in the farming community so that we can get some well earned rest from our traveling through this beautiful strange land.  I know that the first place that I wanted to go too was the market place; however, I made sure that I had a room at the Inn, just in case, and a place to store my belongings and gear.   I know that my heart was just pounding in the anticipation of possibly getting a glimpse of my Sindorei.

I wandered through the stalls in the market place very slowly, sampling some of the wares that were being sold as well as just standing there and listening to some of the people talking.  I knew that it was a gamble that I might get lucky and hear someone mention a certain man, however, I didn’t want to be terribly obvious in my inquiries about him either.   I heard almost nothing except for a few rather scruffy humans gathered around the brewer sampling his wares – he was giving away free drinks to the people that wanted them.  They were talking about the number of Rangers that had started coming into the community more frequently and were wondering about that.  I glanced around and could see some Rangers, not many, and I know that we outnumbered them, Sentinel to Ranger ratio, at least five to one.  However, I already knew that this was a neutral area of sorts and that there shouldn’t be any outbreaks of violence unless these scruffy people decided to fight about who had the last drink.

I know I was getting a bit dizzy with all of my head turning to see as many people as possible without being obvious.  However, I do need to remember to breathe when I am doing that sort of thing, that’s why I was dizzy – I think it was the anticipation and the stress building up.  I know that one of my closest friends in our group had been watching me and came over to ask me if I was okay because she could tell that I was upset about something.

Lilia is another older Sentinel such as me. I know that she has had her moments with some of the younger women when they would seem to get out of hand.  I know it has been rather an emotional trial for all of us to be in this strange land and away from our families, however, fighting amongst ourselves over whose turn it was to make use of some of our male companions is no reason to pull a knife and have a go at one another.  I can’t say that Lilia nor I could care about that sort of thing, we both have mates and we’d much rather have our needs met by them than some young buck of a Kaldorei that travels with a group of Sentinels for two purposes.  I know that I was trying to put on a brave front as we stood there in the market when I told her that my son was already here in Pandaria and I was hoping to catch a glimpse of him and have a chance to talk to him for a little while.  She just beamed a big smile at me and patted me on the back and told me not to get so anxious about it – I would find him soon enough and then I would be complaining about how much he’s changed since he’s been away from home.

I decided that I needed to get out of the crowd for a while and take a walk with Lumina.  The area seemed safe enough.  I had only seen a couple of wolves when we were crossing that final bridge and it looked like there weren’t any real dangers this close to a bustling little village like this one was.  I know that it was very crowded in the market – the noise alone was starting to give me an excruciating headache and the anxiety that I was feeling even made it harder to bear.

It is a beautiful area.  Lots of farmland and little individual farms dotting the landscape here and there, plus, quite a few places that seem to raise livestock.  I guess that not all of the people that come into the community decide to take up farming and are just as happy to stand around the market and barter for the things that they need.  It has its only special kind of beauty to it even with all of the people around; however, it isn’t comparable to the peace of the jungles of the Jade Forest that we have spent so much time in since we arrived in Pandaria.

I know I had walked a good distance and noticed quite a few Sindorei out in their fields farming the land.  I also saw quite a few other races out there working away.  I never knew there were so many farmers in Azeroth, if they farmed like this at home, there would be no starvation in the cities.  I know I walked down this one lane and decided that whoever owned this farm must spend a great deal of time doing the aesthetic things – the little house looked immaculate from the outside and there wasn’t a single thing out of place.   I already knew that this little farm probably was owned by someone that took a great deal of pride in its appearance and the production.  It almost made me laugh at how precise everything was placed.

I wandered in closer to the house and decided that Lumina and I could take a rest by this huge tree that was growing there throwing out a lot of shade on this very sunny day.  I just had gotten myself settled and was going to just lean back against the tree and relax for a few when I heard some noises out in the fields.  I turned my head to see what was going on and I think I almost fainted.

It was my Sindorei working out in the field.  I would recognize him anywhere, especially since he had stripped down to be only wearing a pair of light pants and shoes.  I know that I felt like I was almost paralyzed as I watched the sunlight glisten off the sweat on his body and watched the muscles rippling on his back and arms as he started pulling up this huge weed or whatever it was.  Oh, yes, it was definitely him because I haven’t heard that very fine Orcish swearing in quite some time, as he tugged and cursed some more.  I know that I was almost speechless watching him.

I finally did call out to him and told him that if he swore less, the weed could possibly be pulled out fairly easily.  I know that the look on his face, mouth hanging open and his actually losing his balance and falling into the dirt made me laugh almost uncontrollably.

I know that once he regained his footing, rubbing his eyes and looking at me for the third time, we both started running towards one another laughing and crying at the same time.  Oh, that first kiss was unbelievably sweet and long.  I know that we were both holding on to each other so tight that it was very difficult to breath.  He smelled of leather, dirt, sweat and cigarettes, yes, cigarettes, however, I didn’t care – it was so nice to be back in his arms and to be able to hold him in mine.

I think we both came to our senses at the same time and realized that we were both standing out in an open field where anyone passing by could see our behavior.  No, it probably didn’t look like a Ranger and a Sentinel having a wrestling match – it looked very much like a man and a woman kissing one another with a great deal of passion.  I know that we both heard the laughter at the same time and whirled around to see whom it was that had discovered us in our reunion.

It was Dawnglory, naturally, and he laughed and waved at us, told me “Welcome to Pandaria” as well as telling Fnor that he would let the people know that the Commander would be indisposed for several days with a cold or something.  No, he would make sure that no healers would be making a house call to see about his condition.

We then went into the house and starting kissing even more as we quickly undressed one another.  This was something that we knew how to do as much as we did anything else.  Let’s just say that we made love for hours, we’d sleep, get up and drink something before we went back to bed.  Oh, I have heard about people having honeymoons like this, however, when you’ve been together for as long as we have there was no need to worry about discovering what the other enjoyed.  I know my hands have touched every part of my man’s body, feeling the places where he has new scars that I didn’t even know about or that he had been injured.

I think we have talked very little in these last few hours because we have just been enjoying being together and enjoying the release of our pent-up passions.  I know that we’ve constantly said how much we love one another before the passion would take over our bodies again.  Talking can come later, however, I see my Sindorei stirring in the bed and can see that bright beaming smile of his as he gazes in my direction and I know that he can see the big grin I have on my face.

I think that this journal is going to wait a while, I’m going back to bed with my man.


So Close And Yet…So Far Away

April 1st

Dear Journal,

I know that as each day collapses in upon itself that it seems like I may never get to Halfhill. I know that my heart skipped quite a few beats today when I was playing with the children at Dawn’s Blossom.  Of course, there are Horde that come through the village from time to time, however, they weren’t interested in causing any trouble with a lone Sentinel playing with a small group of children.

I know that this is how I pass my time when I’m not on duty.  I get tired of hearing about the sexual conquests that some of these women seem to thrive on and it only makes me realize how much I miss my Sindorei. Occasionally I will see a group of Rangers taking their leisure at the Inn here in town and I always give them a glance or two to see if I can recognize any of them.  They all seem so young and filled with the romantic thoughts about the glories of war. One never knows where that scamp Dawnglory would show up. Of course, I can never act like I understand some of the words that they are using, which aren’t very complementary sometimes.

I know I was taking a few of the children down to the pond below the village to do some fishing and possibly a little splashing around and realizing how much I missed my two youngest sons.  Oh, the Pandaren children are by far the most polite children that I have ever encountered, although sometimes they do catch me off-guard.

One of the little boys asked me if I was truly a Sentinel since I didn’t have those marks on my face.  I explained as best I could that I was indeed a Sentinel and that not all Sentinels have those tattoos.  I know that when I was younger, I wanted to get a tattoo like the rest of the women in my group, however, and luckily I suppose – the tattoo artists always do a “test” mark to see if you have any kind of reactions to the inks that they will be using.  I actually still have the scar from that mark which became more than a little bit inflamed and went further into my hairline with the resulting infection.

While we were sitting at the pond I saw a group of Sindorei heading down the pathway towards the Jade Temple and I almost fainted.  I know that one of the men in the group was my Sindorei, my husband and my mate.  I almost stood up and cried out his name, however, that would have been a dangerous folly on my part.  I could feel the tears burning my eyes and my throat constricting with the anguish of not being able to show my emotions.

I would recognize that stride anywhere, the long mane of black hair rippled down his back below his waist and the sunlight glinted off the silver that had started to accumulate over the years. Yes, it was my mate.  It took every ounce of strength that I had to hold myself back and not rush headlong into what could have been my death. The other men in the group would not have known that I meant them no harm and would have thought that it was just some Sentinel going berserk and attacking them.  Their number would have been more than sufficient to have ended that rush into my beloved’s arms.

So, now, I am sitting back at camp, hiding in my tent and weeping.  At least I know he’s alive and doesn’t seem to have suffered any injuries since I saw him last.  He was so close and I was unable to even signal him of my presence.  This is a heartache that I haven’t felt for many years, not since we were in the Barrens together before we had our children.

At least I did get a letter from Kal today in our mail-call. Inside the letter was a small note from my husband and a tiny silver star pendant.  I will wear that pendant to remind me of the morning stars that appear just before the dawn and to remind me of the man that I love.

Not only has Elune teased me with the glimpse of my husband in the distance, she has also shown me that it is going to be harder for us to slip away as we had back in Kalimdor to be together.  We will find a way. Oh, I hate this war and it’s cruelty and I hate it that it is keeping our families apart.

At least I did some good news from our briefing today – we will be heading into the Valley of Four Winds – my destination will still be Halfhill – it is a large farming community and the largest thing that there is in Pandaria that might be considered a neutral area.  So, later tonight, under the cover of darkness, we will start making our advances forward.  So it’s back to field rations and going through more forest before we reach this valley.  We should reach Halfhill in less than two days if we go at our normal pace.