I Am What I Am…


*Introducing a new character to stable of characters – A Death Knight like no other that I have.*

 

December 3rd

Dear Journal,

Well, it was suggested that I start writing in a book to keep things straight in my mind even it if is just for myself.  One of my so-called friends suggested it due to the fact that he thinks that I spend too much time alone and too much time doing what comes naturally to me.  I don’t know what the issue is, however, to please my friends, I’ll give it a try.

I’m not your average Death Knight, I suppose.  I’m not angsty and I’m not angry at my lot in life or unlife.  I’m just what I am, I’m a Death Knight, a killing machine that has been left to its own devices now that I have been released from the control of the Lich King  It’s not something that even has bothered me, however , it bothers other people that I feel and act as I do.  It’s my nature now and there isn’t a whole lot that I can do about it.

I suppose that I should introduce myself although this is only supposed to be for my use anyway.  My name is Antonidas Darkmorning and I am a Sindorei Death Knight.  Some people call me Anton or Dark, depending on how they met me – if they spent any time with me, I became Anton, if I was just another Death Knight that they were associated with, I became Dark.   Sometimes I just prefer Dark overall because it suits my sunny disposition.

My memories remain intact from my mortal life as well as the memories of all of the horrendous things that I have done since my change.  I find some of the things rather disturbing when my old mind wants to look things over, however, as a Death Knight, it really doesn’t bother me.  I was doing my duty as directed by the Lich King when I went on my killing sprees and there were times that I admittedly got more than a little bit carried away when  I was giving my Rune Blade sustenance to gain more power.  I know that it sounds weird, my Rune Blade is as much to me as  a tamed beast is to a hunter – without the blade, I am crippled – a hunter can be a poor substitute sometimes if they are without their beasts.

I think that one of the things that probably chills my friends’ bones is the fact that I do enjoy killing – I seem to have found my role in life or unlife and that is killing.  I’m very good at killing and not very good at asking for forgiveness for having done it.  I don’t have any remorse for the lives that I have taken and I don’t regret that there may have been innocents killed along the way – that is the cost of a battle and it has always been the way of war.  No, I can’t sit here and say that it is something that everyone would like to know about.  Just know that a part of my nature when I was alive enjoyed killing almost as much as I do now, if not a little more.

I was a guard in Silvermoon in my past life and I think that that is where I learned how to enjoy the killing part of my personality.  If I arrested someone they rarely made it to the Magister for judgment to be passed on them, I was the judge that passed sentence on them.  The way that I figure it, I probably saved Silvermoon City and the magistrates a lot time and money when my prisoners “tried to escape” before I could get them where most of them were supposed to go.  At first it was one here and there, however, there at the last, it was pretty consistent.  I think that I cleared out the Row on more than one occasion and never had a living prisoner to turn in – they attacked me – did they?

I was raised as an orphan amongst the poor of Silvermoon City.  Yes, there was an orphanage and yes I did have a place to sleep and have food when it was available, however, the one thing that never happened was for me to get a home.

When I was young, I would have settled for any kind of family, that feeling of belonging there amongst my kind, however, it never came to pass – not for me.  I had a couple of opportunities to be adopted and those fell by the wayside rather quickly because the Matrons were not quite sure what my real heritage was and all they could offer the prospective parents was that they were gifted with my presence one night as a basket with me in it was left on the front steps.   From what I was told, it wasn’t even a good basket, it was one that could be found on any farmer’s beast of burden and the swaddling that I was wrapped in was very old, not very clean and in dire need of mending.  It was almost as if my Mother didn’t want to take the time to care for a child much less spend any money on anything that might have it different for her to feel something for the child that I was.  I suppose I might have been a month old or less when I was dropped off.  At this point, who knows or really cares?  The only thing that everyone was in agreement on was the fact that I was Sindorei, not a mixed breed, just another Sindorei git that someone didn’t want to take responsibility for.

Oh well, such is life and unlife as I have known it so far.  It’s an existence and I guess it’s better than the alternative.

Yes, I have friends and I can remember having a lover when I was still a guard In Silvermoon.  At least I can remember what it was like to be with a woman when I was alive, however, I don’t know that it’s even possible for it to happen now.  I know the mind plays tricks, however, this body has limitations which I am fully aware of.  Sure, one of these days I may regain the ability to have feelings for someone again, I’m not sure that it is all that possible.

I remember the battles that were had when the Scourge invaded our homeland and I remember the fighting that went on for what seemed to be days and I remember dying, I still have the scar on my chest from a well thrust lance. I remember, all too well, the horror of awakening in Archerus and the tortures that I endured there to break my “will” – there was no will to be broken actually, I was already a killing machine before I ever arrived there, they just perfected me.

I know that all I have to do now is to maintain my control over my true nature when I am amongst the living, however, it is always a part of me, simmering in the background to boil over at the opportune moment.  So, yes, I am a Death Knight through and through.

Enough of this writing nonsense, I need to go find out what kind of orders are going to be handed out to me today.  Hopefully, it will be more killing in Hellfire and the regions beyond.

Dark