My Transgression…


July 15th,

Dear Journal,

Oh, By The Sunwell!! I am so embarrassed about what has happened between Fnor and I at the moment that I wish I could crawl under my bed and never come out.  Something happened that I am sure he regrets more than could be put into words.   I am so sorry that I gave into the weakness of the flesh, however, it’s kind of hard to avoid when the man that I’ve loved for so many years is in need of some emotional bolstering and my own physical needs are screaming in my mind.

It isn’t often that I’ve seen the man show his emotions as exposed as he did last night and it almost broke my heart.  To see him so devastated by all of the things that have been going on with his sister and with things going on with the business, I’m not surprised that he had reached his breaking point – it was bound to happen, I suppose.  I was just trying to offer him some physical comfort and it just went well beyond what I had intended – for both our sakes.

I had planned on discussing my daughter, not really my youngest sibling, and letting him know about her, however, when I walked into his study, I was shocked to see him in the condition that he was in.  I haven’t heard him sob like that since his losses in Dalaran, a woman that I think he might have loved and his unborn child.

I think he made a huge mistake by taking that trip back to Dalaran because I think that it tore the scab from a healing wound that hadn’t properly scared over.   I had no idea that that was where he was going when he left Silvermoon or I would have tried to talk him out of it.  I’ve heard stories here in Silvermoon about the people that are stills stranded there in the prisons – it’s horrible to think of.  Anyway, my daughter told me she had seen him return and I wanted to see how things went and how he had handled it.

I was totally unprepared for what I walked into when I went into his study.  Poor man was devastated beyond words.  I knew the minute that I stepped into the room that I should have left, however, I couldn’t walk away and leave him there crying like a child – it tugged at my heartstrings like no other with the exception of my daughter’s tears.  I don’t think there is anything worse to see or hear than a grown man crying – it just breaks my heart.  I think it is terrible that men can’t show their emotions because it’s deemed unseemly, however, how much can a man hold in without just going off the deep end.  I know I’ve seen Fnor come very close to that in the past, poor fellow – such a caring man.

He told me about how the house had been destroyed inside and how he almost cried there.  Poor fellow was really shaken and shocked by what he had seen.  I know the hours and the money that he put into that place to call it his home.  He always considered it a thing that showed he had finally “arrived” in his own mind with the Silvermoon society.   It was his pride and joy and a place where he always took pride in inviting people to visit or even to live for a time.  I have never seen a man put so much blood, sweat and tears into a building like he did that house – it was his “home” and a way that he felt that he had climbed out of his common background as a Ranger to a successful businessman. I know that it almost had to have killed him to abandon all that when he heard the rumors prior to the event of the actual purge – he got his wife and family out before that happened, even if he did have to leave some of his precious belongings behind.  Poor fellow.

We’ve barely had a moment alone since it happened, so, I’m sure that we both would like to talk about it because I know that I feel guilty and knowing him the way that I do, he probably feels more than just a little bit of the guilt.  I know that he loves his wife more than life itself and to have fallen and broken his marriage vows that I know he takes very seriously must be preying on his mind.

I still need to build up my courage and tell him about his daughter because I know that the truth is going to come out eventually and I would much rather that it comes from me.  I know that a few of my own friends have made the comment that my sister looks an awful lot like Fnor and they have given me quite a few teasing moments in regard to that.  I honestly don’t think that she looks that much like him although some of her mannerisms are definitely his and her attitude. I guess I will just have to bid my time and wait until he isn’t as emotionally in a turmoil.  I know my own emotions are a bit shaky right now as well.

Agatha

 

 

My Life and Times – Agatha’s Journal Part V


May 28th

Dear Journal,

I honestly don’t understand how the poor man can keep coping with things when I know that his heart is breaking with his sister’s latest escapade.  At least we think we know where she is now, which is in Pandaria, the one place that she doesn’t really need to be, however, we all know that she will just be causing problems.

I’ve watched all of the changes in the household since Miss Faendra left, not only this house but the one that her brother gave her to live on her own.  Apparently it wasn’t to her liking and she made this quite clear not only to me but to any of my maids and housekeeper-in-training that were put there to assist her. Fae is and can be a very cruel and self-centered young girl and she has finally done the worst thing that she could have done to her brother.

I knew about the fact that Fnor was trying to make arrangements for a marriage for his sister.  I know what his thinking was on the matter and he was in hopes that she would settle down and do the right thing.  I know that he had been negotiating with several families of lesser nobility than her last pending nuptials, however, with her disappearance that time, it definitely put the word out that she may not be quite the package for a family to take on.  What if she had married someone and took off to chase down poor Dawnglory?  Ah well, that will only be for speculation because her brother has finally washed his hands of that type of thing for her.

Zippie has been gone the better part of the month and poor Fnor is once again realizing that he just doesn’t like to attend to all of the paperwork any more now than he did when we were in Dalaran.  Poor fellow does a good job with things, managing his contracts, the employees and the warehouses in Shattrath as well as Silvermoon, however, he never has been one that liked to be indoors and tied down to a desk.  He is always in his glory when he is out in the field or, sad to say, being with the Rangers – it really is the love of his life as well as something that has kept him young all of these years.  Now he is planning on opening up a new warehouse in Pandaria to handle the goods for the employees that are in that area – some of them can’t come back to Silvermoon for whatever reasons, usually something involving the authorities.

I know that when Zippie does return, he is planning on spending some time with his wife and son in Pandaria, possibly slipping into Stormwind to see his youngest son, Vashlan.  I’ve never seen a man so devoted to his children and that is something that he and I need to discuss.

I know that I have been hiding things from him for a very long time, however, it is now time that I can no longer do that without him finding out.   When we had our affair in Dalaran, I did take some time off from my duties to go home for a few months, leaving a temporary maid in charge that could contact me if she ran into something that she couldn’t handle on her own.  I wonder what happened to her, she was very likeable and capable, however, after I returned to Dalaran, she left to take another position in Silvermoon near her family.

What I am about to write down is something that if it were to fall into the wrong hands could cause a lot of trouble for Fnor and for myself, however, it is something that I feel I need to put in this journal.

When I went home to my family near Fairbreeze Village, I went home to give birth to a child.  Yes, my child and Fnor’s.  I never told him that I was pregnant because I didn’t want him to feel that he was trapped in our relationship and we weren’t planning a future together as a couple, we were lovers. Not only did I work for the man, I was his friend and his confidant in a lot of his business and in his personal life.

None of my siblings realized that I was with child, however, my Mother knew the first time that she laid eyes on me.  Of course, she had plenty of experience with pregnancy since she had given birth to my siblings and myself.   She made all of the arrangements for me to go to a little cottage on the shore when I started to show, telling the rest of my family that I was exhausted and needed some time to rest and relax from all of my endeavors in Dalaran.  She was the one that made arrangements for a midwife to be close at hand for when the time was right.  Yes, I paid for all of this out of my own funds.

Before my Mother joined me at the cottage, she let my Father and my other siblings think that she was the one pregnant.  Of course, Dad was thrilled at the thought of adding another baby to the brood that they were already raising, however, he was probably more surprised than the rest of the family and very proud of his prowess in the bedroom.  Poor fellow never stopped to realize that Mom was a bit long in the tooth to be having a baby.

The time came, the child was born without much trouble at all, which came as a huge surprise to me.  She was the most beautiful baby that I had ever seen and the weeks that followed were filled with joy for me.  I named her Adamia because it was an old family name and because I thought it was a good choice for my poor bastard child.  Mother and I had agreed that she would pass the child off as her own and it broke my heart in so many ways when I had to take on the role of the older sister, not even letting my daughter know the truth.

Naturally, the years have passed and Adamia has taken after her parents.  She is very strong willed and adventurous, just as I am sure Fnor and I both were growing up.  What is definitely surprising is how much she looks like her Father, the long black hair is as heavy as his and she has his smile  – her eyes twinkle just the way his do when he’s enjoying himself.   She has never suspected that she wasn’t my Mother’s daughter.  I have paid for her rearing, her schooling as well as lavished gifts on her at every opportunity.  Well, now the crux of the matter is that she is now coming of age, she wants to strike out on her own and she wants to come stay with her big sister in Silvermoon.

Now, you can see my dilemma.  I am sure that her Father will recognize the family traits as well as recognize the fact that I won’t be able to hide her identity forever – my parents are getting old and my siblings are starting to suspect that Adamia is definitely more than just a favorite of mine.  I am going to have to give this some more thought, do I tell Fnor the truth or try to live with the lie a bit longer?

Agatha Fairsong

 

 

A Letter To Agatha


March 29th

Daughter,

After giving this some thought, I think that it is long past time for you to return home for a visit.  It is almost as if you are avoiding the thing that we hold dear, your family.  Your father and I have kept our own counsel, however, there are many things that we wish to discuss with you, one is that we are at that stage in life where we must plan for the surviving members of the family that will carry on the bloodline.

We will forever be in your debt for the help that you have given us over the years while you were employed in Dalaran as well as your current employment here in Silvermoon City.  You are so close to your home that we are surprised to that you have not come home to visit us, your siblings are beginning to ask the same questions that we are.

Our youngest daughter would like to get to know her older sister a bit better.  The gifts that you have sent to her have been greatly appreciated and she will always hold them dear.  However, your Father and I wonder if you’re not showing your sister too much attention with the gifts because you never bestowed as many on your other siblings.  I’ll admit that it has caused some jealousy to grow between Adamia and her older sibs.  Poor thing is still very much alone in her thoughts of wanting to become a Ranger some day.  The rest of the family feels that she should join us in running the Inn that we have all worked so hard to make successful. However, she is as headstrong as you were at that age, my darling girl,  and you left to see the world and to create your own life.  I only hope that your life has been a happy one and will continue to be so.

We all know that you are very busy running the houses of your benefactor in Silvermoon, however, we know that he would feel it amiss on your part if you were ignoring your own family.  We are very much aware of how much he leans on you for your assistance and support with his family and friends. Mr. Morningstar is indeed a very lucky man to have had you in his service for all of these years, however, we know that he would understand our need of seeing you more frequently if he were made aware of the circumstances.

Please understand that I am not begging you to come home.  I am asking you to come home and rebuild some of the ties that you have with your brothers and sisters.  They know who you are and they know that you have been our benefactress over the years, however, they have never been around you long enough to know what a wonderful person you are.   You don’t need to buy their love, Agatha, you do need to build up those ties with them before it’s too late to do so.  Your Father and I are both getting older and we want to know that our family will be together long after we’re gone.

No, I don’t mean to put you on a guild trip, however, it’s long past time for you to  come home again.  You are so close, living in Silvermoon and yet it almost feels as if you’re in another world, away from us by some great distance.  I know that you have seen your siblings in town and they have visited with you at the house, however, they will need more from you as time goes on.

I’m not ungrateful for all of the things that you have given us, however, we need to get to know you again too.  Your Father and I both love you dearly, you’re our eldest child and yet, there are times that we feel that you have become a stranger to us.  Your ties with the Morningstar family need not be broken, for that we know that will never happen, however, you need to renew your relationship with us.

I have kept your secret all of these years and I think it is time that you realize that we may have been mistaken in doing so. Your burden has become my burden in so many ways and your Father has gone along with it.  Aggie, it’s time to let the secret out, don’t you think?

Mother

 

My Life and Times…


March 3rd

Dear Journal,

It has been many years since I have taken a pen in hand and written a journal.  Oh, I used to write almost religiously and then, for some reason, I stopped the habit or maybe it was because I had gotten too busy in my life to take the time to write about it.  I write for myself and no other, if anyone were to chance upon this book, I would think that they would respect the contents for what they are and expect no great literary content to be gleaned from it.

My name is Agatha Fairsong, I hail from a small village outside of Silvermoon City.  I am neither important, not of any kind of noble lineage nor am I a wealthy woman. I am a simple housekeeper to the Morningstar family.  I have spent most of my adult life taking care of their wants and needs and I have asked nothing more from this life. I  have wanted nothing more than to do this job I was hired to do many years ago and I think that I have allowed this family to become my life.  I live vicariously through them – I love them all with all my heart and wouldn’t be happy working for any other group of people.

Since I haven’t been able to locate any of my old journals since we left hurriedly from Dalaran prior to the Purge, I suppose I ought to do some work in this journal by backtracking a bit and filling in the missing pieces that are indeed pertinent to my life and story.

Yes, I did grow up in Fairbreeze, just a short jaunt from our capital city of Silvermoon.  I can’t say that I cared to spend much time in the city though, it was always a place where a girl had to be very careful, what with the randy Rangers running around and some fool looking for a very innocent and naive young country girl to pull some nonsense on.  Oh yes, my parents usually didn’t allow me to go there very often alone and when I did venture to, they had a set time for me to return home, which I did my best to follow…or sometimes ignored if I was feeling a bit rebellious.

My home was like any other home in the area, I suppose.  We had the meager furnishings that our finances could afford us and we existed as trades people.  Primarily earning our living as herbalists and scribes or alchemist.  Life was good, a warm caring family and a place where I could bring my friends to visit and not feel any shame.  No, we were far from the social climbers that lived in Silvermoon and we liked it that way.  I will always feel that my family gave me a good foundation for my life, the ability to care about others and the ability to love those same people without any barriers.  If we had enough food in the house, which always seemed to happen, we would have people drop by to join us in our meals and have a good time just socializing.  My Father always said that to do well to others would have that repaid to you in kind in the future.  I don’t know if the poor dear was just naive with his head always stuck in books or sitting at his desk working on his enchants.  My Mother was more the realist and would oftentimes upset my Father when she bespoke badly of others, however, she was right in many of observations.

Naturally, when the Scourge Invasion happened in our fair Forest, we fled like most of the populace.  We fled to the city to take shelter until the Scourge had been repelled.  There was a great deal of loss of life during that time and we lost many of our old friends, however, that didn’t stop my Father from wanting to return to our old way of life once the dangers had passed.

We ended up rebuilding our home since most of it was destroyed by the passing armies and it took a great deal of time and money to bring it back to his former hominess. However, we did it and resumed our lives as if nothing had happened.  What friends that we had left were returning from the city and they often times stayed with us while they were rebuilding.  My Mother was making noises about the fact that we should just add a few more rooms to the house and we could call it an Inn.  I am sure the comment was made in a sarcastic way, knowing Mother as I do, however, my Father took her at face value – he added the rooms and we started a very small Inn.  So, you see, that’s how our little home turned into a booming business that brought profit into the family coffers.

It was during this time that I started getting the yearning to do some adventuring on my own.  I know that I was growing tired of being a serving wench, cook, maid and anything else that was required of me to help with the business.  I was young and I wanted to see the world that these people that visited the Inn were constantly going on about. I really wasn’t bored with my life, however, with all of this talk, I wanted to see more of life and I wanted to have these rousing adventures of my own. My parents knew of my yearnings and told me that I should go out and see the world and then I would realize what a pleasant way of life we had here.  So, off I went.

And so, this is where my story begins, not all things in life are pretty and not all things in life are fair, however, this is the life that you have put before you and you must rejoice in your own existence. You have your faith to guide you, your upbringing to gather your experience from and you learn how to quell your doubts and keep going forward.  If you’re not moving onward with your life, you may die without ever having known what a beautiful, dangerous and glorious world we live in.

Agatha Fairsong

 

(To Be Continued)