February 8th – Ponderings


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

February 8th

 

Dear Journal,

Whew!  I think I have finally gotten the stench of Fel out of my hair and now I’m cleaning my armor of the debris that I always seem to pick up these days.  Luckily, the Fel isn’t as acidic as I’ve discovered in other areas that will slowly corrode the armor and cause it to become somewhat weak at certain points.  I think that Amyn and I both need to start considering getting some replacement armor soon because we’re starting to look a bit more battle worn than usual.  The only good thing about the Broken Isles has been the fact that we can spend time together without people being any wiser – who cares what a Sentinel and Ranger are doing if you have demons breathing down your neck every time you leave your Hall?  It does remind me of the time we spent in Outland all those years ago, when we would venture out together to get things done for the company – it was fun back then, now, it’s just another chore added to our list of things that we must get completed in a timely manner.  I’ve been involved in some messy campaigns in the past, however, with the Legion invading while we were doing our duty in Draenor has stretched my loyalty to the limit. I know that Amyn and I laughed at the fact that we’re just getting too damned old for this stuff, however, we do it for our people and for our children.

Of course, we’re still very discreet when we are in public because one never knows if one might have caused someone some concern with how friendly we appear to be, considering the factions are still miles apart in what they believe is the way to live.  At least we’re not trapped in Draenor anymore with a Garrison full of people that would be all too happy to cause issues for their commanders.  Oh, we still remember all too well how much we both enjoyed some of the more secluded places in Shadowmoon with clear sparkling water with shelter from the weather.  We’re keeping out home in Halfhill like we normally do and enjoy going back there frequently these days.

I enjoyed my time in Draenor for the most part because I could see my wife and our son, Kal, almost as much as I wanted but my heart still goes out to the people that couldn’t ever seem to get the leaves they needed to return to Azeroth.   I know that Draenor cost Dawnglory more than anyone would ever imagine and I hope that he will be able to endure the pain that it has caused him – to lose your woman and your children while you’re off doing your duty must be the worst feeling a man could ever have.  I know that he is extremely lonely and, at times, bitter for the loss even though he tries to keep that hidden.  He is still looking for them too.  He still has transferred to the Broken Isles yet and I think that that is probably for the best because I know how he gets when he is grieving about something.   He tends to take his frustrations out with wild daring actions which will eventually get him killed.

I know that I am really kind of happy that Amyn and I seem to have more time together these days although I will admit that I miss the boys quite a bit.  We’ve talked about setting up some time for the whole family to meet at the house in Nagrand Continue reading

Yes, We Are Truly Far From Home…


June 10th

Dear Journal,

It has been quite some time since I have made the time to write things down, however, since the transition to Draenor and all of the responsibilities that seem to have been thrust upon me, there just isn’t time.  How was I to know that I would be put in a position where I would be in charge of an entire Garrison?  I know it makes me proud and sad at the same time – I came here to serve the Alliance and to protect Azeroth from these Orcs that have fallen prey to the diabolical mind of Garrosh.  Luckily, that part is pretty much over.  We have been given reason to believe that the crazed fool is no longer with us, however, his influence has befouled the minds of so many that he came into contact with.  We are desperately trying to clean up the mess he left behind.

I will never fully grasp how Garrosh escaped from Pandaria with all of the guards and protections that had been put into place to make sure that he remained in custody.  Oh well, it’s not something that I witnessed and can only go on what I was told happened.  It seems that treachery has a very long arm indeed and the price has to be paid by many.

Today I decided to run away for a while with my journal and write some of my own thoughts down without having the constant interruptions that I have to deal with at “my” Garrison – still feels funny to think that the place is supposedly mine to manage and deal with.  It’s not unlike the company back in Stormwind, same personnel matters. The usual dramas that you have when you put a group of people together in a fairly confined area in a strange place.

I will admit that one of the main reasons that I came to Draenor was because I wanted to be near my Sindorei, my beloved.  Oh, I know that we’re older, however, I can assure you that the passion still runs as deep as it ever did between the two of us and we have been separated too many times in the past to want to endure it any longer.  Yes, our son, Kaldor, is up here as well and I will admit that sometimes I think it embarrasses him to think that his parent may still have some kind of intimate life going on after all of these years. I almost have to laugh because he has his own Sentinel to deal with and one of these days, maybe, I might be a Grandmother, if Elune wishes it.

I’m very happy that Fnor and Kal are here in Draenor, however, my heart yearns to see my other children and my parents.  I don’t understand this time thing at all and it concerns me a great deal. If you could truly feel time passing, I’d say that it is at a snail’s pace in Draenor, does that mean that the time on Azeroth is the same or what?  It’s all very confusing to me and I can’t fathom if there could be a difference.  Of course, there are mages that will transport you back to Azeroth and the correct time for a fee, however, you still need to get permission from your commanding officers above you to take one of those trips – there are people of higher rank that you have to answer too.

I will admit that I am enjoying seeing things the way that they supposedly existed in my time-line long before I was born.  I dearly love Shadowmoon Valley and Nagrand, although, the creature comforts that I have aren’t there in this time period.  For those of us that have lived in Nagrand prior to coming to Draenor, it is indeed quite the shock and the vastness of the area is wonderful.   It takes time to adjust to these things without getting a little bit confused from time to time with landmarks that should be there and are not.

Fnor laughs about the fact that he has to lean heavily on his map reading to find his way around in some places because his memories of our time tend to over-ride what he sees in front of him.  I can well imagine that he wants to get back to our Azeroth as much as I do.

Amyn

 

 

Adjusting to Draenor…


June 28th

Dear Journal,

I know that I have questioned my sanity a few times in the past, however, I think that this time I have every reason to do so.  Yes, I did make the trip to Draenor and can see some of the beauty here in this savage land that my ancestors roamed in Azeroth’s past.   I will never understand this Alternate Timeline thing that has been introduced to us although I am fascinated with it at the same time.  I keep having to remind myself that some of these people that I am meeting here are totally unaware of their own existence in Azeroth nor the history there.  I know that it can all be very confusing if I try to dwell on it for too long.  I’ll just do my duty here with the Sentinels and return to Azeroth in due time.

One of my main reasons for traveling to Draenor is to protect my Azeroth and the other is to find my Sindorei husband.  I know that he traveled here to uphold his oath to the Horde and was ordered here by his Regent Lord in Silvermoon, however, I can’t understand some of the reasoning behind the fact that the travel between the timelines is so restricted on the Horde.  Is it a lack of skilled mages or is it a hidden thing that we have yet to find out about yet.  Do some of the higher ups in the Horde think that if they give their commanders more freedom to travel  back to Azeroth that those people may not return to their duty?   Oh, I’m sure that it will all come to pass sometime in the near future.

I did make my way to Kaldor and Kae’s garrison and I have to admit that those two have done quite well for themselves here in Shadowmoon Valley.  Of course, I can stay with them for a while but I will be staying primarily at the Sentinel encampment not far from here – there are patrols to be done as well as other duties – not to mention, I will be spending some time trying to find my Sindorei.  At least I know where the majority of the Horde main garrisons are located  in Frostfire Ridge and where some of the alternate garrisons are located.  I am almost afraid that this is going to be one of those adventures of finding the needle in the haystack, however, I will do it because that is why I wanted to come here.

I asked Kal if he had heard anything from his Father recently and he said that he hadn’t, however, he knew that his Father was establishing himself in Draenor with quite a good reputation for doing things a bit differently than some of the other Horde Commanders.   Well, I can understand the rumors of his being ruthless in some cases, however, I can understand the other rumors of his unusual kindness to some of the locals too.  In all of the years of our being together and raising our children I have learned to accept the different facets of my beloved’s personality as he has learned to accept mine as well.

I think that Shadowmoon is absolutely beautiful and would enjoy being able to linger in the area as much as possible, however,  I know that we are here for two reasons and that is to defeat the Iron Horde to protect not only the locals and our own in Azeroth, we’re here to make sure that Garrosh Hellscream is brought to justice once again.  I know that Kal and I were discussing some of the things that he had seen and done since he’s been here and we’re both kind of nodding our heads at the fact that not only are we supposedly assisting the Draeni, we’re also trying to make sure that Horde doesn’t take advantage of the situation as they have proven to do in our previous history.

I know that the rebellion within the Horde caused enough strife in the ranks to drive many of the members away from the faction or at least put quite a bit of distance between themselves and  Orgrimmar, my Sindorei is not even be an exception that part.  To have let that Garrosh run rampant and to have let him almost sell out the other races of the faction for his own avarice and egotistical infatuation with the Orc superiority  were the crowning blows that put the nail in the coffin of Garrosh’s reign as Warchief. I can understand the Pandaren wanting to put Hellscream on trial for his crimes against their country, however, at the same time, I wish that they hadn’t been so “fair” about it.  We should have killed the beast when we had the opportunity and we wouldn’t be in the mess that we’re in currently.

I know that I have found myself having the strangest of dreams since I have been here in Shadowmoon Valley, it’s that feeling of being here and not feeling like you truly belong – it’s like you have been dropped into an area where everything is familiar and yet strange at the same time.  I’ve talked to Kal about how I have been feeling since I arrived and he said that he went through the same thing for the first couple of months after his arrival and agreed that it is very disorienting to say the least.   He says that I will adjust to the strange feelings in time and that I shouldn’t give it too much thought or obsess on it because there have been a few instances where the people just went completely off the deep-end or actually went totally native – I can see that happening to some people that don’t have strong personalities.

Ah well, at least I am here now and I can do my duty and still have time to try to locate my Sindorei.  I so miss that husband of mine .

 

Amyn

Life Goes On…


December 27th

Dear Journal,

I will admit that it is nice having the family gathered in Nagrand even if some of the more key members aren’t present due to the on-going conflict in Draenor.  The whole thing seems rather odd and while I understand the reasons for us all to be sent off to protect Azeroth from this latest incursion, it seems a bit forced on our part.  Oh well, it isn’t for me to understand the political ramifications that all of this entails, it just seems to be a war like all of the ones in the past – overcome the foe or foes and then rinse and repeat.

I know that I did enjoy having the family here and while some have already left to go back to their homes, there will be a few that will stay on until after the New Year, myself included.  I know that I truly missed having my Sindorei here with me because it was the first time that we have everyone at the new house in Nagrand.  I know that I chuckled more than a few times when some of the guests remarked on how similar some of the things and the design resembled the house in Dalaran – what they do seem to fail to realize is that the house in Dalaran was my Sindorei husband’s pride and joy.  Oh well, I know that we spent a great deal of time getting this house designed and decorated – the house in Nagrand is also more open than the floor plan was in Dalaran because we could make it larger.

I was very lucky in being able to delay my departure for Draenor by just saying that I had other responsibilities with my personal life and business that couldn’t’ be readily handed off.  I will be reporting in for duty with the Sentinels in Feathermoon just I have in the past. It’s funny how so many of us are doing the same thing – we all have grown older, the majority of us have families now and are less adventurous than we were when we were younger.

I know that I missed having Kal and Kae here this year too.   They were in hopes that they would be given the opportunity to join the rest of the family here, however, that doesn’t seem to have been made available to them.  I know that Kal was probably more than a little bit upset with the whole thing.  I know that I have received several letters from him telling me how beautiful some of the places that he has see are in Draenor and yet I felt like there was something that was bothering him about the whole thing.  I think his biggest problem is that he enjoys having his farm in Pandaria and having the freedom that he had taken away by having to report back into duty with the Sentinels.  I know that being a Scout isn’t the easiest thing for some of the men and Kal is no exception.

I know that Fnor’s two sisters were here for a while and I had some worries with the fact that they spent the majority of the time here trying not to talk to one another.  There still seems to be some tension between the two of them due to the youngest being so stubborn about her infatuation with that Dawnglory – he is rather nice to look at with all of that golden hair, however, he isn’t nearly as good looking as my husband in my eyes.  Oh well, I’m sure that the girls will work things out between them because it is something that I know my husband would want.  I guess Felaran is still very much attached to her Death Knight mate and can’t understand why Faendra won’t move on with her life. I guess that Dawnglory is in Draenor now anyway, we’ll see what happens with that side of the family.

Business is still booming in Shattrath and I hope that it keeps going that way because I know that we will definitely need the funds once this conflict is resolved – we always can use more money.  I know that my business interests have probably increased three fold since this new military issue opened up and we’re all busy trying to keep the army supplied with the things that they need from Azeroth – getting them shipped there has been a different kind of nightmare.  I think that this is worse than when we were going through the Rebellion on the Horde side of things.  Oh well, I’m sure that we will keep things going in a positive direction with Magdamia keeping a tight control on things in Stormwind.

I am sitting here laughing to myself a little it because I am just wondering how soon my love will start sending me ideas of opening up another warehouse in Draenor.  The man may be in the military, however, his mind always drifts back to his business interests rather quickly.  Since I haven’t ventured into the abyss yet, I have no idea what to really expect once I arrive there.  Of course, I would like to be able to see my Sindorei as soon as I get there, however, the political line is pretty well drawn in the sand already.  I don’t know if they are any more receptive to our relationship than they have been in the past – maybe we’ll just have to wait and see how this all pans out.  I do know that the only place that we can be together is in Outland and primarily in Shattrath where the people already know of our relationship from years past.  It still must seem strange to some of the newcomers that a Sentinel and Ranger can be together like we have for all of these years.

Oh well, it’s time for me to stop writing for a bit and get back to being the hostess for our guests that are still here.

Amyn

Thoughts and Plans For The Future…


October 12th

Dear Journal,

I know that I am getting back into some old habits of mine that will drive my Sindorei insane, however, I can usually curb that part of my nature when he is about.  There are times that I just can’t sleep at night, the way the moonlight seems to call my name is almost impossible to ignore and I just get up and roam throughout Stormwind and beyond.   Of course, the guards may look at me a bit strange, however, they know that it is not all that unusual for a Night Elf to answer to the call of their nature and be out and about in the wee small hours of the morning.

Just the scents and smells of the dampness in this city by the shore really does make me long for my homeland even more.  It also makes me long for my two youngest boys and to hear that lilting laughter as well as the musical tones of my Mother speaking to me in our native tongue.  Common is a language that I use because I have too, however, it does not have the musical sounds of my own tongue – I oftentimes will laugh at my Sindorei because his language makes me homesick even if the words are different.   I guess that our languages are similar due to the fact that we are elves, he is a Blood Elf and I am Kaldorei, however, the thing that we have in common that isn’t apparent in the other races is our own version of grave and beauty, not to mention, a long life and history with education of our ancestors.   I think that the Tauren may be of a similar ilk with their worship of the Earth Mother and their constant respect for the land and for their Elders.

Anyway, I was wandering through the streets earlier this morning and I couldn’t’ help but notice that there seems to be a certain tension in the air that hasn’t been there for a while.  We have all gotten used to the way that people carry on about Pandaria and their ignorant hared of things that are new and exciting in some ways, however, this tension last night reminded me of the times when I was in Pandaria and you could feel the tension building with the other Sentinels as we readied ourselves for battle.   Call it a sense of foreboding or maybe an early warning of some kind from Elune to make me get my thoughts out of the clouds and back to the reality of this world that we live in.

I had been seriously thinking about talking to my parents again about making the move to the new house in Nagrand, however, with these feelings that I have been having, maybe, just maybe they might be safer where they are now, in their own home.   I know that my Sindorei would like for them to come to Nagrand and stay at that house with the boys, however, I think that I might talk to him again about the feelings that I am having recently in regard to these mysterious omens that seem to crop up sometimes.  It’s always best to listen one’s intuition rather than let my very diplomatic mate talk me into something that I am uneasy about.

I do know that I am getting anxious to get away from Stormwind again too.  I can only stay in the confines of the city for so long and I start to twitch.  I guess it comes from living in the openness of my home as well as any of the places that I have been stationed as a Sentinel in the past.   Stormwind has its own kind of beauty, however, it doesn’t have the grace of buildings like it does with Darnassus. I’m spoiled I guess.  I think that I enjoy the place because that is the place where  Vashlan can study and feel safe as well as where I can do my business the way that I want too without too many questions being asked.    That is the key thing, no questions of what it is that I am doing and with whom I happen to be dealing with.   Employees are easy to come by and as long as they fill their contracts in a timely fashion, they will always have jobs.

I  know that my Sindorei  often feels a bit caged in and trapped with his work in Silvermoon as well.  We just got back from one of our escapes to Nagrand and I know that I should be thinking about leaving again so soon too.  Being there definitely brings back some really great memories for me and I know that it must be the same for him – we’ve had a good life together for the most part.  Oh well, I suppose I need to get my head back into my business and stop drifting off into these other  distractions.

I will have to admit that I was happy to hear from my Mother that Karing has finally started coming into his own.  I will have to admit that I was somewhat concerned about him because he has had to undergo quite a few changes in his life, his biological Father dying , Fnor coming back into his life again and the moves we’ve made.  I know that if I had been a young child, I would have been a bit withdrawn myself – so much confusion and turmoil in a youngsters life is very hard to adjust too.  I know that my parents have been very patient with him and his brother and I was very pleased to hear that Karing is turning into quite the accomplished hunter. I know I laughed when Mom told me that he is insisting that he will be “good enough” to join with the Sentinels as a Scout.  I think that I will have a talk with him about that soon because I don’t want him to have any surprises like his big brother Kal did.

Amyn

 

Things Left Unsaid…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

July 28th

Dear Journal,

I  am in Pandaria.  Yes, I did take the coward’s way out of what happened in Silvermoon with Agatha for the simple reason, it was something that was bound to happen at some point and I guess after my visit to Dalaran, I was more than a bit upset with my emotions being completely raw and what was intended as comforting from her turned into passion rather rapidly.  It isn’t as if this sort of thing hasn’t happened before, which it has, however, I have made it a point to remain faithful to my wedding vows with Amyn – which I have failed at completely as of this writing.

I think that I could half way forgive myself for the night of passion, however, I can’t forgive myself for the following morning which lead to another romp under the sheets. I knew then and I know now that it was wrong to even get started in that direction.

I did talk with Agatha about what happened and I think that she is somewhat embarrassed by it all and yet, she’s very understanding.  She asked me if I wanted her to leave my employment to make sure that it never happened again and I told her to stay, in fact, I begged her to stay.  People don’t realize that Agatha has been with me through a lot of things in the past and is the only Sindorei woman that has been with me almost as long as Amyn has been.  Yes, there are some feelings there, a bond that is deeper than just a friendship, yet, I can’t exactly call it love, it’s a different feeling.  It’s like a partnership much deeper than the one that I have developed with Dawnglory over the years.

I’m anxiously waiting for Amyn to arrive in Halfhill now and anxious to spend some much needed time with her.  I fully intend on telling her about my trip to Dalaran, however, I am not planning on telling her about what happened between Agatha and myself.  Amyn has gone through a lot over the years in our relationship and I can’t expect her to go through anymore of my fiascos.  Sure, she knew when I had been with these other women, it might be just something that is akin to woman’s intuition or something like that – she always seems to know.  If she asks me if I have been with another woman, I will try to just cover things up as best I can.

One of the things that I have learned over the years is that once a  Sentinel, always a Sentinel.  I don’t care if you take a Sentinel and put them in the most domestic of situations, that Sentinel is still there, waiting to come out.   I realize fully when Amyn’s Sentinel is in charge of things – like the time she actually shot me in Feralas during a heated argument and I walked away from her in a huff.  That’s not the first time that she has caused me physical injury and I doubt it will be the last.  I think that is part of her appeal to me and always will be, it gives our relationship a hint of danger on an intimate level that I have never found with anyone else.   Dawnglory tells me that I like playing with “fire” and I told him that I probably do, however, it is indeed a lovely fire that I am playing with – my wife is truly my love, my life and my world.  I honestly don’t know what I would do without her either.  That’s why I am not going to tell her about what happened.

I know I always feel better when I can escape the confines of Silvermoon.  It’s like being able to take a breath of fresh air and being to move freely without any concerns about what others will think about you up here.  It’s the frontier to a new land that we are all still exploring at different levels.

I am also hoping that I will run into my sister while I am up here too.  She is still with the Rangers and from what I hear, she is trying to conform to the ways of the group although it is being forced upon her.  I want to talk to her about a plethora of things, things that she has done and what she can expect from me in the future.  No, no matter what she has done and what she might do in the future, she is still my sister even if she isn’t of my blood.  I’m the adopted one, that’s what she points out when she gets insanely angry with me, however, she seems to forget that I was chosen, not an accident of birth.  True, there is a difference, however, I think that my adoptive parents loved me as much as they did either of their daughters that came after I was in the family.  We were, in fact, a family – the division came when my parents died and I had to take on the responsibility of raising Faendra on my own as well as trying to find my sister that had been lost in the invasion.  At least Felaran has turned out decently, even if she is Death Knight.

The farm looks like it is doing well and from what I have seen of the accounts for the place, it’s definitely showing a profit.  I certainly do wish that I could spend more time in Pandaria than I have in the past few months because this is where I feel like a normal person – this is where I can feel like I am a part of things and not closeted away behind the social norms in Silvermoon.  I know that I have done both before – being a Ranger and being a businessman, however, I think that the entire Horde seems to be in flux these days.

There is a definite undercurrent brewing within the political factions of the Horde.  I think that we are all in agreement that Garrosh is an incompetent Warchief and should be removed from power.  I’m not fool and do realize that the rebellion is going in the favor of the rebels and I expect to hear that Garrosh has been overthrown any day now. Yes, my allegiance has been sworn to the Regent and I have removed myself from the political gristmill of Orgrimmar as well as resigning from the Ambassadors Council there.

I know that I have been invited back to participate in that council again and I haven’t given an answer as of yet because I am uncertain of the actual details of my involvement.  I know that I didn’t leave things very pleasantly when I resigned and went on my way.  I just wonder what it is that they want from me this time.  I can work as some kind of mediator with things, however, I am not going to get as deeply involved with the inner workings of the Horde as I was when I was there the last time – the cost was too dear for me to even contemplate doing that again.

I did lose my hold on the company in Orgrimmar when Garrosh declared his martial law there and I did lose a lot of material goods at the same time that I was unable to get shipped out beforehand.  I know that I will never have any true holdings in Orgrimmar again due to the fact that I feel that the political parties in that one centralized city cannot be trusted on any level.  Call me a racist if you wish, however, I feel more secure in dealing with the political parties amongst my own people – not something that is Orc dictated. When the Troll rebellion does eventually take over the city, I wonder what kind of expectations will be there for the people in the city.  Will they be mistreated the way that they have been with the Orcs running roughshod over them?  What will truly be the difference in the way that things are run, what new spin will the Horde be lead with?  So many questions and no answers on the horizon until it is finally disclosed.

I think that one of the things that Amyn and I will be doing once she gets here is to go stay at one of the little hideaways that have enjoyed in the Jade Forest.  It is very isolated and it is also far enough away from Halfhill that it would take someone some time to find it, if they even could.   I know that Dawnglory is here in the village now and I’ve already spoken with him a bit and we plan on doing some hunting and fishing together while I am here this time.  He has turned into quite the family man and I will have to admit that I am very envious of him at times – he’s happy in a way that I could never enjoy when my children were small.

Fnor Morningstar

Broken Vows And Shattered Dreams…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

June 29th

Dear Journal,

Well, I’ve done something that I took an oath with myself about that I have broken.  Good or bad, the deed has been done and can’t be undone.  Everyone knows my feelings about Dalaran and how much I have been thinking about the place since we were driven out by that insane Proudmore wench. Everyone that knows that I am married to Amyn knows my feelings there as well.

I finally got up the nerve and with the help of a good friend of mind, I got myself heavily disguised as a rather older Kaldorei and decided to take the trip back to where I’ve longed to be since I left.  I almost wish that I hadn’t done it now because I was absolutely heartsick by the time I left.  I just went to see the sights and to see how much things had changed.  It almost seems like an alien place to me now and I doubt that I will ever return to what was once my home of choice for so many years.  So much of my life was spent there.

The house that I had remodeled and put my heart into is no longer the same.  It’s now an office type of place housing who knows what and it appears as though the upstairs may be some kind of barracks for some of the officers stationed in Northrend.  Let’s just say that anything that was remotely Sindorei has been removed or destroyed, disfigured or just erased from any surface.  The slate floor in the foyer is ruined by all standards and it looks as though they haven’t even attempted to keep the place up at all.

I guess it is true that you can’t go “home” again after having been away from it for so long.  Things change and time moves on, so, nothing is ever the same as it was that you had in your memory for nostalgia to call up.  Oh well, I suppose that I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was because Amyn has told me about some of the changes and it isn’t like I didn’t believe her, however, one does tend to filter out some information when we find it unpleasant or not to our liking.

I did spend a great deal of time wandering about and looking into some of the different shops that I would frequent when I was in town and I was very dismayed to see that the new owners were primarily human or gnomes in some cases.  Gone are the days of stopping in to visit with a shopkeeper and having a nice friendly chat and possibly coming up with some good bargains due to a friendship that had been nurtured over the years. Ah well, no sense in me dwelling on things in the past, however, I did love that city.

I’ll be the first to admit that when I got back to Silvermoon and retired to my rooms, unnoticed I might add other than a passing glance and a cursory wave from Agatha’s little sister as we passed in the great room.  She’s a likeable young lady, even if she does have a wildness about her that reminds me very much of myself at her age.  I went to my rooms and sat at my desk and poured myself some nice brandy and took a long draught of it before I just sat there and wept like a schoolboy with shattered dreams.

Agatha came into my rooms,  without really knocking, she doesn’t’ have too after all of these years, however, I had a little bit of trouble maintaining my composure after my emotional dam had broken.  She and I have a long history together and she is one person on the face of Azeroth other than my wife that probably knows me better than most in my weakest moments.   She walked over to my desk and stood there for a few moments before moving closer to me and putting her arms around me as best she could before I stood up and returned her embrace.

Oh, I’ll admit that we have had our passionate moments together and we have made love without any of the strings attached, however, I have abstained from breaking my vows to Amyn until last night.  I don’t know if it was the raw emotions or just the timing as to why it actually happened.  I had just gotten back from spending time with my wife and had been properly satiated in the physical aspects of our marriage before I came back and went to Dalaran.

As I stood there with this woman in my arms, the embraces turned to kisses and the kisses became more passionate between the two of us.  Before I had even realized it, I had pushed her back against the desk and as she lowered herself to the surface, pushing the objects off, I took her.  Plain and simple, I made love to a woman that has been in my life almost as long as Amyn has.  She didn’t object and responded with the passion that I remembered very well from our time in Dalaran together.  It was like two old lovers rekindling the desire in one another that we had long since died. When I awakened this morning, Agatha was in bed with me and I’ll admit that we did make love again.  She then got up and left the room without so much as a cursory talk.

Now, do I feel guilty about what happened?  Yes, I do.  I love Amyn more than anything in this world and I know that my breaking of our vows would probably hurt her more than anyone could ever realize.  I think she might understand why it happened, however, would she be understanding enough to forgive me?  I don’t know.  Will it happen again?  Very possibly, I don’t know.  If it is just Agatha, I don’t think that Amyn would care, if she knew.  I’ve always had mistresses, Amyn was one that had won my heart and had given me our children.  Will I ever tell her?  Probably not, why would I want to hurt her that way and why would I take that risk?

I know that Agatha understands why it happened last night and I know that she will take it in stride as she has so many times in the past.  We have never said that we loved one another or anything of that nature, it’s always been a matter of comforting one another in an hour of need.  Last night was no different in my eyes, however, I do need to talk to her and see what her feelings truly are.  If she wants to continue on in the same vein as we have in the past, will she want to leave my employment to escape the chances that we might fall from grace again, I’ll have to talk with her.  We’ve never had a problem discussing all manner of things together and I don’t think that she would have any problem with this talk.

I’ll admit that I am somewhat ashamed of myself, however, at the same time, I’m giving myself the excuse that it was my emotional state that caused the weakness to overtake my common sense.   I’ll admit that these long lapses in time spent with my wife have probably made me a bit more tempted than I’d like to admit.  Agatha is a known quantity and yes, I have been attracted to some of the other women here in Silvermoon, however, I have not given into any of those desires. I feel very badly that I have broken my marriage vows to Amyn and I hope that the guilt isn’t something that will be too difficult to bear.

Fnor Morningstar