Still…Changes


July 13th

Dear Journal,

I know that it’s been forever since I have written in my journal and it’s been quite a while since I had anything of any great importance to say, however, I think I need to say something to someone about this even if it isn’t out loud in public or anything like that.

I have been going through my priestess training and learning how to heal the way that it is supposed to be done and I think I am doing okay with it.  I love my work, I like helping people and making sure that they are feeling better when I am finished working with them as a healer. It has been my whole life so far.

My real problem right now is the fact that I think that I have fallen in love with a young Ranger, he’s very handsome and very sweet.  His family isn’t of any real note and neither is mine, so, there shouldn’t have been any problems with the two of us if we happened to get together.  I know that it is kind of hard to do anything in this town without it being circulated all over the place. I know how people like to gossip about things.  Well, I think that there is going to be some gossip going around in a while even if there was something that I could do about it.

Okay, my brother, bless his flirty little heart, has made arrangements for me to marry an older man and to gain some social status in Silvermoon.  I don’t love the man and from what little bit of time that I have spent with him, he just wants to marry me to produce an heir for him and to keep his bloodline going.  The thought of the old fellow touching my private parts almost makes my skin crawl; however, he is going to have to do more than just touch to get an heir. Due to the old fellow’s age, I don’t know if he can even produce an heir or how many times we would have to have this “joining” going on.  Well, there are other ways to get an heir and in all honesty, I have no qualms in doing that if it is going to make the old fellow happy.

We have gone out to dinner a few times and he does seem to be likeable enough and his very intelligent.  Well, he had better be intelligent considering that he is one of the magistrates here in Silvermoon.  I do have to laugh at those titles because historically, you had to earn the titles, now, you can buy them for a few thousand gold.  He likes to talk about his work as a mage and I find it rather interesting and find it very mysterious sometimes.  I think that mages walk a very fine line between the Light and the Dark because I know some young mages act as if they know everything and have unknowingly slipped into the darkness through some of their trial and error methodology, poor fellows.  Anyway, I think I can tolerate being married to this man and he already knows that it is not a love match and I know that he has already gotten a goodly portion of my dowry from Fnar.

Getting back to my Ranger, he’s everything that a woman could want; he’s handsome, virile, brave and a bit brash at times.  Oh, I know that a lot of girls are just crazy about the Rangers here in Silvermoon.  One of the things that I will say about my young man is that he is not a man of means and is earning his way through the ranks much like my brother and Fnor Morningstar did, they didn’t buy their commissions because it has taken them years of experience to get to where they are today.  Oh, my Jax is definitely a man’s man in every sense of the word, a very careful blending of both my brother and Fnor.  Oh, he’s not as blunt as my brother and he’s not as diplomatic as Fnor, however, he is a whole lot younger.  I know it sounds silly; however, he’s someone that I am proud to be seen with and very proud to be with.   

I know this all sounds confusing because it is.  I am going to marry this old man and I want to be able to be with my Ranger.  They both are special in their own way, however, one is nearing the end of his life and the other is just starting out with his profession.  I am very worried how this is going to work out. 

I know that I am really in a quandary because I have given word to my brother that I would marry this old man and my heart is telling me that it is wrong of me to do so.  I know that there are marriages where the people are together for the reasons that this magistrate is marrying me and yet, the couples end up being very unhappy together and they take lovers or part company.  I have spent hours praying to the Light for some kind of guidance and I don’t know that it is going to help.  I know that my brother would be very upset with me if I broke my word to him and to the magistrate and yet, I am not sure that I will be any happier for it.  Here I sit loving one man and knowing that if I marry the other one; I will have more social standing with my friends and the rest of the community that will enable me to further my career too.

I’m not as sweet and naive as some of the people around me think that I am.  It is a persona that I have been very careful in projecting because it is what some of the people expect of me.  I’m not like Faendra and her obsession with my brother nor am I as hotheaded as she is.  When I do things, I am more methodical and I do hope more organized.   However, this particular situation is rather awkward and I wish that I had someone to talk too about it.

If Faendra were here, I doubt that I would even tell her about it because she would try to use it as another way of getting at Fnar.  I swear that girl is a fool because we have all told her that he is not the “marrying” kind and that he is one man that is completely happy with having a fling and doesn’t want the encumbrances of having a wife and children – children he may have, however, it is doubtful that he will marry anyone in the near future.

Speaking of Faendra, she is supposed to be here in Silvermoon to attend the parties and meet the families prior to her wedding and she isn’t here.  I’ve written to her in Orgrimmar to find out what the holdup is with her arrival here in Silvermoon. I’ve gotten absolutely no answers from her and to be honest, I know how unhappy she was at her arrangement to be married in a few weeks, however, I have met her intended several times and he is absolutely gorgeous and very nice. His family happens to be one of the nicest families in Silvermoon and not all arrogant acting.

I know that Agatha has been doing a marvelous job helping me with all of the things with my wedding plans and parties even if she is wondering how fast she is going to be able to do the same thing for Faendra if she doesn’t show up soon.   Sometimes that girl just doesn’t think about things and it makes it a total hardship for everyone else.

Oh well, I’ll keep thinking about my own situation and see what I can come up with.  I want to keep my Ranger and I want to make sure that I keep my word to my brother about this marriage, even if it does make me unhappy.

This entry probably doesn’t make much sense since my brain just keeps hopping all over the place like a very skittish rabbit.

Felessa Dawnglory

Having Second Thoughts…


Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

June 1st

Dear Journal,

My mind is in a bit of a quandary this morning because I’m torn about Faendra’s upcoming nuptials.  The business man part of me knows that it is the wisest thing to do and the personal side of me is questioning itself.  She’s young, she’s strong-willed and definitely has a temper that would put most people to shame, however, that can be tempered over time with age.

I did make a quick trip to Silvermoon and as I was wandering through the Row and as I came out into the Elder’s – I happened to notice a young woman that I thought I recognized and stopped to say hello.  It was the same woman that I had met a long time ago in Orgrimmar when I was dealing with some rather unpleasant things going on with a certain cult and her friend, a  Tauren Death Knight, introduced us. She is definitely a rather attractive young woman and I was only being polite in stopping to say hello.

This time she was in Silvermoon on some business, I assume, and was in the company of a rather large Tauren Hunter and an Orc Death Knight.  I’m assuming that they were friends of her Death Knight and had been placed with her as bodyguards of some sort.  Well, it isn’t every day that you see a young Sindorei woman in the company of such odd proportions.  What was rather odd was the prejudices of her of companions against Blood Elves.  Kind of odd that they would be in Silvermoon even as bodyguards.  I could tell that she was rather uncomfortable with the situation, however, her tolerance was remarkable.

Naturally, she invited me to join them for drinks at one of the local establishments and I went because I was curious and it has been such a long time since I have spent any kind of time in Silvermoon, not since the warlock incident a few months back, before the war started in Pandaria.  I thought it was going to be rather interesting and possibly entertaining.

I will admit that it was definitely fun and I was spending a great deal of time soothing the feathers of a few rather flustered Sindorei with the remarks that her two companions were making.  All in all, there was no bloodshed and there didn’t appear to be any kind of long lasting insults   I know that it has been a long time since I have been described as a “knife eared zipper”  – which the Orc and the Tauren had decided between the two of them that all Sindorei were too thin and if we happened to turn sideways and stuck out our tongues, we looked like a zipper.  I know that I almost snorted my drink up my nose when that descriptor was thrown out.  I could tell that their female companion and client that they were guarding was squirming a little bit from the taunts as we sat there, however, she seemed to take it all in stride.  We were later joined by a pregnant Sindorei hunter that I had never met nor had any of the others as well as a Pandaren.  I will admit that this was quite an odd group and gathering.  Although a few people may have been insulted by the Orc and the Tauren, they seemed to take it all in stride and there were no physical altercations from the experience.

I never did find out why she was in Silvermoon with these two bizarre companions, which is why I joined the party.  Oh well, it was fun and entertaining and it did feel nice to be able to sit there in Silvermoon for a while and just listen to the conversations going on around me.  It was also like stepping back in a time machine to the days before the war and the outbreak of this Troll Rebellion.

I had initially gone to Silvermoon to sign the final papers for Faendra’s nuptials although I knew that all of the conditions had not been met yet.  I wanted to meet this young man that was going to take my sister to wife and I wanted to discuss the dispersal of her dowry.  No, the dowry was not going to be handed over in one lump sum, it was going to be doled out in increments until the birth of their first child.  I’ m not a fool, I know that sometimes these arranged marriages can fall apart even if it is done with the best of intentions and I was not going to give money away for a contract not filled completely.

Well, I did meet the young man and I did meet the patriarch of the family and there is just something there that is not quite meeting the eye and is making me have these second thoughts about placing my baby sister with these people.  With Orgrimmar being under martial law at the moment, I have not gone back to get Faendra and escort her to Silvermoon as of yet, which will be happening in the next few days.  The fellow that she is marrying seemed to be likeable enough and was eager to take my sister as his wife, however, his Father seemed to be the odd duck in the group.  I knew that when the marriage was arranged that this young man was the second son, however, with the way that the Father was talking there was a higher potential of this fellow being much more than that – his abilities as a mage were supposedly much greater than what I was lead to believe and he had already been offered another position higher up in the hierarchy of the Magisters offices.

Now, I’m not given to being a nervous man about business decisions, however, after meeting with the Father and Son, I just had this overpower feeling of unease that I almost stopped everything from going any further.  It is a good match with the family name and influence in Silvermoon, however, I also want my sister to be happy with the man that she is to marry.  There is just something there that keeps giving me warning signals – I don’t want my sister mistreated, I want her married and happy.  I did sign the papers with the addendum that Faendra pass her physical testifying that she is of a child-bearing age and still a virgin – why being the virgin is always a plus in any arranged marriage, it usually isn’t a key point in the negotiations.  With this family, it seemed to be extremely important. 

As I sat there looking at the young man and talking with him, I had the feeling that Faendra’s virginity wasn’t all that important to him and that he was physically capable of being able to perform the deflowering on his wedding night, in fact, he sounded rather experienced in that area.  No, we didn’t get into details about his paramours, however, he did mention that this marriage was going to help him out politically as well as financially.  He never once asked me if my sister was in favor of the match or not, which I thought was rather odd.  Most men would prefer that their fiancées would be willing partners.

Okay, I’m familiar with the traditions of a Sindorei wedding and the things that are expected to happen, however, some of the demands for the ceremony seemed a bit strange.  The warning bells in my mind were all but screaming in my head by the time the meeting was over.  At least I have the remainder of the summer before the wedding is to actually be held for these two young people to get to “know” one another before the match is formalized.  I would like for my sister to be going into a situation with some kind of desire to make the match succeed. I realize that not all matches are made in heaven, they are sometimes made in meetings with much going on like negotiations for a business deal.  This one seems more like a business deal.  They were more interested in her lack of experience and how I had intended on giving over her dowry.  They did balk at the fact that the entirety would not be given forthwith at the start and my addendum of not giving over the hefty balance until after she had safely given birth to a child with their family name.

I have had to delay going to get Faendra from Orgrimmar for another week due to the negotiations in Silvermoon as well as the lock down in Orgrimmar, plus my duties in Pandaria.  I know that there just seems to be all kinds of things delaying this marriage a bit longer, it’s almost like something is trying to warn me about placing my baby sister in such an odd group.

I know that Amyn and I have had some very heated discussions about this arranged marriage tradition of the Sindorei and she is deadset against.  I tried to explain to her what the situation was and what it would mean to the Morningstar bloodline as well as to the possible increased revenue to the company.  She just stomped her foot and told me that I was selling my sister off to the highest bidder as if she were a piece of property and not my sister. She told me that she was very happy that she and I never had a daughter if this Sindorei tradition was to be upheld in our household – guess that kind of spelled it out as a bit of a veiled threat to me that she wasn’t going to tolerate it if I had thoughts of arranging things for our sons either.  I will admit that I haven’t seen her quite this upset about something for a while.

Now, I am going to have to sit down and talk to her about some of the feelings that I have in regard to the marriage in Silvermoon and get some input from her.  I think that I will also get some of my contacts in Silvermoon to do some more in-depth investigation into the family as well.  On the surface, it looks like a good match, however, with the feelings that I am having right now, I’m not real sure about it at all.  Fae deserves more than just a marriage, she deserves a man that will love, protect her and care about her for more than just breeding purposes and financial gain.  If things don’t work out, I can afford to forfeit the initial payment, however, the rest of it, would put me in a bind for a few months.

Faendra can try my patience and make me furious because she knows all of the buttons to push, however, my wrath with dealing with her has never been to the level that I wanted to give her long lasting unhappiness and possible harm.  Maybe it is a good thing that all of these delays are happening and giving me second thoughts.  I just need to get her mind off her infatuation with Dawnglory and onto a more positive thing that would be beneficial to her.  Dawnglory is my best friend and has been for years, however, he would not be a good match for her. He’s too wild and too experienced for a girl as young as she is and I know that it would lead to problems in the future and a possible loss of a friendship that I have come to depend on over the years.  It’s almost like she is obsessed with the thoughts of marrying him.

 

Fnor Morningstar