Still Searching…Frustrating…

June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

NSFW – June 5th – Sweet Revenge…

*NSFW – a little more passion that what would be appropriate for young readers, be aware. *

June 5th

Dear Journal,

I know that I have done something that I shouldn’t have done, however, it was something that I have been wanting to do for years and I feel that it was long overdue. None will be the wiser unless I end up getting pregnant and if that happens, he’ll have to marry me or lose his friendship with my brother – he would never want to lose that. I don’t care if my brother cuts me off, again, I have my own money now and I can earn a living on my own, thank you very much.

All my life I have been in love with this man, ever since I figured what men were, and my heart has never drifted from the thought that I would have this handsome golden-haired man for my own. He must be mine because I haven’t loved or cared for anyone the way that I do him. With all the plotting and planning that I have done over the years trying to get him to admit that he loves me and wants only me were wasted. All I had to do was wait and the Fates would step in and give me what I wanted and all I had to do was wait until the proper time. I have been watching and waiting all this time, I just had to learn to be patient and it worked. Well, it kind of worked.

Dawnglory has always been the one man that I’ve wanted with my entire being, his looks, his attitude and the way that he has come from a life of nothing and made himself what he is today without the help of family. I guess you could call him a man’s man: somewhat like my brother, Fnor. I love my brother and I am very proud of what he has done with his life except for the fact that he is supposedly married to a long-eared Night Elf. How he could betray his own kind and his political connections like that is beyond my understanding, however, I should accept the fact. Of course, Fnor really isn’t my brother, he’s adopted and we’re not sure what his real bloodlines are.

I know that I haven’t written in my journal in a long time and this is probably something that I shouldn’t write down, however, I do have to tell someone to make it seem more real to me. I can’t tell anyone else about it and it is going to be hard to act as if nothing has happened. I just want to beam and gloat over the fact that I slept with the man that I love.

It was easy to accomplish with his woman being lost along with his children, however, he was drowning his sorrows and I knew, from experience, that he would go home alone to sleep it off. Well, he went home but not alone because I offered to make sure he got to the farm without passing out in the road somewhere. It was easy and all he kept saying is that I reminded him so much of Romy.

Romy, that savage from Northrend that stole my man away from me. Sure, he thinks he loves and he has had two children with her. Well, I know the little girl is his because she looks just like him, however, the youngest one I am not so sure of because he was born after Dawnglory went to Draenor. The little fellow does have the same lopsided smile and there is something about the shape of his face that reminds me of his supposed Father, however, I’m not real sure. You never know with whores, they do tend to shop around when their main man isn’t available.

Well, I got the poor man home and helped him undress a bit and got him into bed and acted like I was leaving. I didn’t leave, I stood outside and talked to Dog and that fish fellow -Jongu, whatever his name is and even had a bowl of dumplings that he had made. I turned to go back in the house and the fellow told me that the Lady wasn’t going to like me going in there with the Master being asleep. I just told him to shut up and went inside.

It was easy to slip out of my clothes and slide under the furs and before I had even settled myself, Fnar started sobbing his sleep and kept calling out for his woman. I told him I was there and that everything was okay. His eyes flashed open briefly and I thought that he was going to recognize me and he didn’t. He started kissing me and running his hands over my body and before I realized it, not shocked, he had started doing the things that men do with women.

I have never had a man make love to me the way that he did and how many peaks and valleys of passion that he made me go through and I thought I was going to lose my mind with the passion. Oh, Light Help Me! I never knew anything could make you feel so good all over and it seemed as if would never end.

He did keep calling me Romy and his passion was intense because he thought he was with his woman and he had so much pent up passion from being away from her for over a year. I know it was stolen passion for me and I took great pleasure in everything he did to me that seemed to go on for hours and hours.

It did go on for hours, the dawn was just breaking when I was finally able to escape the bed and put on my clothes to head back to the camp in Karasang. Oh my, it was hard to tear myself away from all of that. I know that I have found my match in all things with Dawnglory and I will have him for my husband before this year is over.

Faendra Morningstar

May 1st – Still Searching…News

*Please note:  Some salty language that might offend the more sensitive readers*
May 1st
Yo Book!
No, I haven’t written anything for fucking long time, however, I’ve had my hands full with still running the Garrison in Draenor as well as searching for Romy and the kids every single moment that I have free. At least the travel between Draenor and Azeroth is open and easily accessible.  I guess they decided it would be much easier to have troop movement between two areas since the Legion seems to have decided to return to Azeroth once again.
My heart is heavy and there are times I wonder if life has any real meaning left for me, the love of my life is gone and the things that have given me hope for the future are gone.  How does a fucking man even start to rebuild his life when everything that he cared about is gone?  At least I still have my sister and her children.
I’ve gone to Silvermoon to see Felessa several times and it is difficult for me because I see the golden haired little boys that she has and I think of my daughter and my son.  I dream constantly of Romy, her laughter, the lovemaking that we once enjoyed with such wild abandon and it makes me feel like that all of it was a dream.  Did I dream that I had a woman in my life that literally had my heart and soul in her hands for all the time that we were together?  Was it all a dream?
I know that Fnor has been very supportive and understanding with my moods and my inability to really step up and help with the company in Orgrimmar.  I know that all the employees are working diligently to find out any information that that they can about Romy and the kids.  How in the Light could one woman and two small children just disappear from everywhere?  Oh, I know that wars can obliterate entire families, however, I have been able to find out that Romy was planning to go to Northrend with the children.
I did receive word from Romy’s family and they have been searching for her as well.  They have found some evidence that she had taken zeppelin from Orgrimmar to Northrend.  What I didn’t’ realize is that she had decided to make the trip during the invasions of the Legion in Azeroth.  They have found evidence of a crash site and one of the children had lost a leather bootie – my son’s bootie.  They are still searching for more evidence.
Fuck it all, I am sitting here crying like my heart is breaking all over again.  Mt. Hyjal is not that far from Orgrimmar and I will have to plan to join the family search party as soon as I can break away from my duties.  I’ve asked for leave and the bastards in Orgrimmar haven’t had the courtesy to respond yet.  It’s not like one man being out of action for a while to try to find his family is going to lose the battles in Draenor or the Broken Isle.
I’m not that damned important, let me go find my family, I don’t care about the Horde, I don’t take full direction from them.  If I must, I’ll go see the Regent in Silvermoon to get released from my duties – his commands are the ones that I follow, not the new Warchief.
Fnar Dawnglory

Time…What Else Is There?

*Note:  There is some language in this post and if you’re easily offended, please do not read it.

 

December 12th

 

Yo Book!!

 

This has always been my favorite time of year and this year would have been the best.  Damn it!! Where is she?  Yeah, I’m still fucking looking everywhere I can think of, any place that she ever mentioned or I knew that she liked.  I’ve put up fliers in every place that I could think of to try to get information about Romy and the kids, nothing yet.  I even posted a reward, damn it all, don’t people need money anymore? Where the hell is she?  Has she decided that she no longer wants me in her life?  What is going on?  I am so confused and broken-hearted at this point that I don’t know what else to do except to keep looking for her and the kids – I want them back, I want my family back.  Did she meet someone else and went away with them?

I have quit drinking because all it did was make me sick and didn’t seem to dull the pain like it did back in the days before I met the “love of my life” and it only makes me want her back even more now. Oh sure, women think that when you’re drowning yourself in your cups at an Inn that you’re looking for company – I have gotten slapped for telling them to go away now.   I’m not looking for anyone else to be with, I just want Romy back.

Fnor has put up a reward for information too as well as giving all the people in the company a notice of a huge bonus if they stumble upon any information that might help me find my family again.  So far, nothing has been found.  I always knew that Romy would disappear and not be found if she chose to do that, however, I never thought that she would take our children and just disappear like she has.

I even got into a fucking fight with Faendra because I accused her of doing something to Romy and the kids!  I know that she has always been jealous of Romy and the relationship that had developed between us – I know how devious Fae can be when things don’t go her way.  For Light’s Sake!! I’ve watched that girl grow up and I know how manipulative she is.  She’s not off the hook yet because I wouldn’t ever believe she didn’t have something to do with this.

Everyone is under the impression that Romy took the kids to visit in Northrend because that is what she has told them.  I haven’t been able to locate he Father either, I would assume that he is on the Broken Isle and I haven’t had time to search that whole place yet – too much fighting to just dedicate myself to my search.

I have been lonely before, however, this time I am lonely and I feel dead inside – there is a difference.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

I Hate To Admit When I Am Right…

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

October 3rd

 

Dear Journal,

I am sitting here in my garrison in Draenor after spending a great deal of time in the battle with the demons in the Broken Isles.  I keep shaking my head because I had this gut feeling that something horrendous was going to happen at home while we were away assisting the people of Draenor.  I even mentioned more than once at our meetings that we were forced to attend – no one seemed to think that anything was going to happen at home.  Well, here we are, up to our necks in demons yet again.

The whole time we were fighting demons in Tanaan, didn’t anyone think that someone on the side of the Legion might realize that we had left our homes unguarded while we attended to Draenor.  Of course, I was considered an “old soldier” and that my gut feelings were just that and nothing more – I felt vindicated somewhat when all Hell broke loose, however, that didn’t make me feel better about being right.

These demons are somewhat different, bigger, stronger and definitely more decidedly vicious.  Of course, their leaders have had more time to study us and get their strategy in order.  Being the foolish mortals that we are, we thought that after beating them once and forcing them back into the nether that we were finished with them – silly people.  Oh well, at least I know that I will never suffer the fate of growing old and dying in bed – I will probably die as I have lived.

I know that my thoughts and dreams of having a peaceful Azeroth are pretty much dashed.  I had hoped that once we finished the cleanup here in Draenor that I would be able to head to my home in our Nagrand in Outland with Amyn where we could retire in comfort and peace.  Well, that could still happen if I chose to leave the Horde, lose everything that I own and everything that I have worked for my entire life.

Oh, we had a peaceful time there for a while when we still had the house in Dalaran and our family could live a somewhat normal life even with the faction differences.  Things were peaceful and we could enjoy our family and friends until the event with Theramore happened and Jainia Proudmore went on her rampage.

I still laugh at the memories I have of my life in Dalaran.  Oh, the joys we had there – the friends that are now gone – the parties and the warmth of having a home with my wife and our sons.  I know that some of those people are no longer with us, however, that doesn’t mean I can’t have my memories to cling to for the better times that we all had together.  I also remember the things that happened that weren’t quite so nice and the lifestyle that I used to live that caused so much pain to my family and my beloved wife.  I was trying so hard to live a double life where my Sindorei friends could accept things and in turn, was hurting my wife and sons beyond belief.  Such a selfish man I was back then until I learned what I wanted had always been there with Amyn and the boys.    It was a hard lesson to learn, however, I value what I have now more than anyone could realize.

Your lessons in life can sometimes have a horrible cost attached to them, however, once they are learned, you never repeat the same fallacy again if you’re even remotely intelligent.

I apologize, my mind is wandering quite a bit this morning and that has to do with the fact that I am bone weary and I can’t get the stench of the burnt Fel out of my nostrils.   The stench of burnt Fel and the stench of demon blood is not a combination that will increase your love of battle.  At least with all of this happening back on Azeroth, we are free to travel from Draenor to Azeroth as needed – finally.

Fnor Morningstar

 

Life Is Just Not Fair…

July 1st

Dear Journal,

I have spent most of my life chasing after a man that lead me on and really didn’t care about me at all and it’s finally hit me that I have wasted the best years of my life chasing a dream that wasn’t shared with the other party.  I know that I have alienated friends and family over the years with my pursuit and obsession with this one man and it has finally crossed my mind that I am really wasting my time and making a fool of myself. I have literally thrown away all that is good in my life with chasing this dream of mine and I have nothing to show for it – no friends, no lovers and no fulfilled dream of marriage.

Yeah, I’m sitting here in Halfhill trying to drink myself into oblivion because I am sorry for myself and angry with myself for being such a fool for all of these years.   Yes, I came to Pandaria to get my man back from that harlot and I’m finding it more difficult to convince myself that it is even a possibility.   I have been spending all of my off-time in Halfhill in hopes that Dawnglory will show back up and I can get him to talk to me or maybe a bit more than just talk.

Yesterday I was in the market and I saw his woman doing some shopping.   At first I didn’t really recognize her because she has gotten rather large – a kid balanced on her hip and another one in her belly.  There is no doubt in my mind whom the children belong too because although I have tried to dig up dirt on her, there wasn’t any to be found that I could positive proof that she is playing around.  How she could let herself get knocked-up and have Dawnglory take off to this new place where they are sending all of the Rangers that worth their salt.   Well, maybe that’s her way of trapping him and keeping him because she knows that he wants a family to call his own – I hope that they are going to be his at least.

I’m sure that I could go there if I wanted too, however, I am not in the mood to do that right now.  I’m just marking my time and hoping that I don’t get orders to go there anytime soon.  I came to Pandaria to try to trap the man that I love and he slipped out of my reach within just a few weeks of my arrival.  Now, I’m obligated to fulfill my time with the Rangers here – that means no social life for me in Silvermoon and no real attachment to anyone here.

I know that I haven’t heard anything from my brother directly in months since he went to Draenor, however, I keep getting messages from that Zippie in Orgrimmar from time to time.  She is still expecting me to make arrangements to get to Orgrimmar and pick up contracts and possibly fill them – she doesn’t seem to realize whom she is dealing with.  After all, my brother is the owner the company and I should be respected for that and not be treated like just some other plebian worker.    I am a woman of good family and means – that means she should show respect to her betters.  Goblins only think of one thing and that is money – which is why she wants me to do these things here in Pandaria – the money is good though, I suppose I should relent and do some of them.

I’m still sitting here and drinking, thinking about all of the things that might have been or should have been and I can’t see why things didn’t work out the way that I had planned.  I should be the one walking around with that kid on my hip and one in my belly, not that upstart.  I mean, Dawnglory and I had a thing going that might have worked out if she hadn’t seduced him before I had a chance to do so.  Yes, she’s pretty, she’s educated and I’ve heard tell that she is from a good family, however, it’s not one that I have ever been in direct contact with and I can’t say that I had heard of them until this woman took my man away.  Who knows, it could just be one of those paid for family lineage things that some of the new money will try to pull off in Silvermoon.

Well, I’m going to stop trying to write because I am starting to feel like it’s futile and I’m getting sick on my stomach because the page seems to be moving all of the time.  I should head back to my farm – yeah, I got one not far from Dawnglory’s place and get some rest.  I’ll be busy for the next week with my duties with the Rangers, hunting down more deserters and trying to make some Night Elves unhappy again.

Faendra Morningstar

 

Thinking of Things in the Past…Looking Forward

 

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

May 31st

Dear Journal,

I’m sitting here on the front steps of my headquarters in the Garrison and wondering about a whole plethora of  things that I have been thinking about since we came to Draenor.  I would like to say that I am sitting here in my robes, coffee and cigarettes at the ready, however, that is not the case.  It’s too damned cold to be sitting around in robes and I always seem to be stuck in my usual uniform of armor and weapons at the ready – you never know when some fool will decide to attack your Garrison even though we’re fully armed to the teeth and have yet met any kind of defeat from the useless attacks.

I wish I could just sit here and enjoy what little bit of sunlight and warmth we get in this Light Forsaken tundra without people walking by, snapping too and saluting before they move only if I return the salutation.  I would love to be sitting on the steps in Halfhill on the farm, what the plants grown and feeling the warm sunlight, birds singing and watching some of the non-lethal insects zipping around the crops.  I would love to be able to sit here with a hot steaming cup of my coffee for longer than five minutes and get to enjoy that wonderful aroma and flavor.  I truly miss those quiet peace times in Pandaria that we were able to enjoy there at the last.

I don’t know how anyone else feels about being in Draenor, however,  I am one of those people that only thinks about the time that we will finally be able to leave here.  The world seems to be vast and the people that we have been in contact with are really hospitable in ways that I wouldn’t think it were possible.  I know that we came here to fight the Iron Horde, however, there are times that I wonder how the people actually feel because it was almost like we were invading for the sake of invading.   Are we here to rescue the inhabitants or are we here to help ourselves to their resources as we have historically done in every military action.  Every time I think about the military actions that I have been involved in over the years, it makes me realize that I am getting up there in years even for a Blood Elf.

I know that it hasn’t been easy for me to keep my mind completely wrapped around the fact that I am a commander of a garrison.  I know that I have been a commander before, however, it has always been over a group of Rangers, not a conglomerate of people and resources.   I definitely feel more comfortable with the idea of dealing with Rangers than I do these other things.

No, I’m not a miner, nor a gardener nor do I feel comfortable dealing with all of the forging and the like.  No, I’m not feeling comfortable in sending people out on missions that I would much rather be a part of rather than to continue to sit in my garrison while they are off having these adventures.  I’m old school enough to feel comfortable in delegating out tasks instead of having to attend to a lot of them myself.  I’m a soldier, not an administrator – I usually hire people to take care of things like that for me.

I did get a letter from my wife and she is on her way to Draenor, that is good news and bad, all at the same time.  I know that I have been so lonely these last few months that I could hardly stand it and to think that there might be a huge possibility of us getting together in the near future is almost a numbing kind of reality.  I know that I have felt like a part of my life was missing when she hasn’t been near me and being in Draenor really brought that feeling home to me much more than any other time than we have been apart.  To hear that lilting laughter and the occasional Kaldorei curse about something that she isn’t too pleased with, is something that I have totally missed .   Unfortunately, there isn’t a neutral city in this world where we can meet, however, we have been able to get through the obstacles like that before.

I know that it is sometimes hard for me to believe that the two of us have been together for all of this time.  I was a very young man when we met in the Northern Barrens and she was a very young Sentinel on her first assignment in the area.  I sit here and smile whenever I think about all of those strange circumstances that brought us together  all those years ago.  The fact that we should have been sworn enemies really never deterred us from letting our relationship  grow – it may have been the fact that it was exciting and different and we were at the rebellious stages in our life, I’ll never know for sure, however, I know that there is no doubt in my mind that I am still very much in love with my wife and she with me.  To think that we have two sons together is some kind of miracle to me and I will never walk away from that, our children are true extensions of ourselves.

I wonder sometimes how some of my friends would react if they knew that my “wife” that I seem to keep hidden away and protected is a Kaldorei.  I think that a few of them would be okay with it, however, there are a couple that would call me a traitor amongst other things because of the fact that I am supposedly sleeping with the enemy.   I know I definitely wouldn’t give up my mate/wife for any of the political beliefs that I have – I would give everything that I have away to just be able to go somewhere with my wife and live together in peace.

I have also gotten another refusal on my request for leave as well as the request that I put in to resign my commission and to be able to return to Azeroth.  It sure doesn’t seem fair and almost ironic that here we are in a strange place, our home is far away and yet, our duty is needed here.  I wish I could understand the vision of leaders a bit more, which does seem strange, I have yet to see anyone of any greater importance other than an Ambassador show up  to make the Horde presence truly known in that political arena.   This whole thing just seems off kilter in more ways than one.

At least my portals seem to be working here in the Garrison today, which is always a nice thing when you consider what we had to go through before my mages got their acts together.  There could be some underlying magic that I am not acquainted with the keep us from doing certain things in a manner that we have grown accustomed too over the centuries.  Draenor is a beautiful place in a lot of ways, however, I think that we are not adapting  to the environment as well as I might have expected, it could be from the fact that we are so isolated from our own world and timeline – I know it makes me nervous to think about it.

Ah well, I guess Pan and I should get up and start walking around acting like we’re actually in charge of things here and do some o four walks throughout.  It sure does get old when all I long for is to leave this place and not return or at least do something that challenges me as a man and a soldier.

Fnor Morningstar