Ouch! I’m Stupid Sometimes…


February 2nd

Damn Book!!

Okay, I’ll admit that I had fun getting Fnor drunk and he agreed with everything I said about his relationship with Amyn. About damned time he recognized the fact that I do observe things and my opinions can be right now and then.

Of course, I should have just left things alone when he staggered off to the farm but I went back to the Inn in Halfhill and decided to have a few more drinks and maybe do a little bit of flirting – there were some nice looking women in there or maybe it was just the booze.  It does tend to make one’s judgment be a bit off and what you thought was a beautiful when you were loaded will usually turn out to be something real scary when you’re sober the next day.  Been there and done that …well, a few times.

Oh, I think that I would have been okay with the drinking and flirting, however, a few of us decided that it would be great fun to have a yak race.  Yeah, I know it was fucking stupid, however, it seemed like a great idea at the time and the gold was going to be fairly plentiful for the winner.  We even had one of the local Panderian hold the gold for the bets.  After a few more drinks, we decided that we just had to get the yaks together.  I should have known better because we had a terrible time herding the yaks off that farmer’s land and there definitely wasn’t any tack to be used – just bareback and leaning down and pulling the horns.  It was a stupid idea.

Of course, as drunk as we were, there were six of us involved in the debacle, we should have just fallen off the yaks in the market and called it good. The race was supposed to be from the market to the brewery and back.  In a sober mind, it wouldn’t have been a bad thing, even adding the darkness of night, it shouldn’t have been a bad thing at all. 

I guess it was quite a disturbance to the town at that hour in the morning to hear the yelling and screaming and I know it awakened quite a few people from a peaceful slumber. 

The race started, I was definitely in the lead there for a few seconds.  I know that I always thought that hawk striders were literally a pain in the ass when it came to riding, however, that was before I ever rode a yak.  Mine seemed to be the bull of the group, stupid me, and definitely had his own way of thinking about what was a good pace, when to stop and turn.

Let’s just say that I am very much in debt to the Panderian that was able to finally stop the beast before I ended up in that pit at the silk farm.  I am also in debt to several farmers for the fields that I went through and I probably owe a few virmen an apology for stomping through that cave – don’t know how I got down there.  The race did not end well with most of us being thrown off and some poor bastard is probably at the coast by now because we never could catch that yak. I know it’s going to take several days for me to get all of the vegetable debris out of my armor…and my hair.  It was dark – there were only a couple of fences that I remember charging through.

So, I’m sitting at the command post this morning, my ass feels like I’ve been ridden like some prostitute in Silvermoon that decided she could service a full battalion in one night.  I’ve got one black eye, a bruised ass and some real dents to my ego.  I’m also getting that silly laugh from Fnor as he keeps asking “What were you thinking?” before he continues to write the letter to the Mayor of Halfhill.  I guess I should just be fucking happy that I didn’t get arrested, as it is, I’m on report and will have to stay in camp for a few days doing some pretty damned menial shit.  Unfortunately, since I was the one that most of the people recognized, the bills are still coming in.

Yes, I’m supposed to be an officer and gentleman, however, you should get some time off from that sort of thing just to do some crazy shit. 

It wasn’t my idea to have a yak race, or maybe it was, I was too drunk to know how it all started but it was fun while it lasted.  We had a couple of casualties that broke a leg and an arm, however, that shouldn’t be laid on my doorstep either.  I guess because I was the “ranking” officer present, I was supposed to stop it – they weren’t all from my command either.

Hey, a fellow has to do what a fellow has to do, right?  I know that I should have just gone to the farm with Fnor when he left the Inn that night but I didn’t want to hear anymore of his whining about his Kaldorei taking off on him.  My thought was to have a few drinks, possibly get laid, and head back to the camp to sleep off my drunken stupor.  I think that I should have stuck with my original plan.

Oh well, guess I had better get busy polishing all of the boots and cleaning the stack of armor outside of the tent.  Well, I’m too high level of an officer to get the detail of cleaning out the latrine pits.  No, I have to sit on this stupid stool in front of my tent and clean all of this armor.  I think they even brought in some Alliance gear for me to clean too.  Let’s just say that I may not leave camp again until sometime next week except to go on patrol and then I have to come back and clean more armor.

Naturally, Fnor had to write a letter of reprimand and put that in my files for future disciplinary action.  Asshole, he didn’t need to do that, we could have kept it quiet but I guess the people didn’t appreciate a bunch of drunken Sindorei running through their fields, clotheslines and knocking down outhouses too well.  I’m not sure if any of us actually crossed the finished line but we sure did knock down a few stalls at the market.

Well, I have to get back to work.  At least I don’t have to deliver the armor back to the owners myself.  I know one Paladin would definitely be getting the Wrath of Dawnglory on his head for using a full set of dress armor to go out raiding in – so many little nooks and crannies on that armor, not to mention all of the polishing.   Dumb ass!!

I don’t think that I will ever ride another yak, drunk or sober.  I sure as hell don’t think that I will ever get that drunk again for a while – all I remember is stars, mud, water and screaming things in the night.  Guess I was pretty fucking drunk.

Fnar

 

Do Not Go Out Drinking With Dwarves…EVER


June 7th

Dear Journal,

I woke up in Dolonaar with one heck of a hangover. I guess I did go out drinking with the dwarves last night in Iron Forge and I should have known better than to do that, they started getting booze when they were babes in arms and I’m just a lowly night elf.

I’ll admit that I was feeling a bit depressed about things and my lack of a social life at the moment. We were all sitting in the apartment because I didn’t feel like going out and wandering around Stormwind some more. I half way wanted to go to Dalaran to see my parents, however, they are still doing their “we just got married and we’re going to have so much sex because we can” thing. So, I would definitely be intruding and feeling more alone than I already do.

Vashlan wasn’t even in the apartment because he had decided to go hang out with his friends at the Blue Recluse and talk about mage stuff. He seems to have found his way around the city fairly well and has been able to fit into things much better than I have. Maybe wearing a dress, reading a book and waving your hands around is the way to go for him.

So, there I sat with the dwarves, getting my clock cleaned playing cards because I couldn’t concentrate on anything. Of course, Hammon and Andrew were getting a bit homesick too and they thought it would be a wonderful idea if we all went to Iron Forge to visit with their family. So we did.

When we got to Iron Forge, the dwarves were anxious to go talk to Ma and see how the rest of the clan was getting on, so, I tagged along. I will admit that they are a rowdy lot and the first thing they do is to hand you a mug of beer – some kind of family tradition, I suppose. I met the whole family, the brothers, and the sisters except for the bartender brother that was off doing his job on a weekend night. So, naturally, they didn’t want him to feel left out and we wandered over to the Pub where he was working.

Going to Iron Forge was my first mistake of the night, however, not the last. I was introduced to the brother and nothing would do that we all have a round of drinks, proper dwarven stout, it was too. Naturally Andrew and Hammon weren’t to be outdone in the drinking that was going on and many rounds were bought. I knew I was getting over my limit in the drinking but kept going. The jokes were flying the women were flirting and the “boys” were in their element it seems. There I sat, the lone Night Elf in a bar full of dwarves and gnomes.

I finally just had to find a chair and sit down because it was hard enough that I towered all over everyone in there but they insisted on coming up close so that I was forced to keep my head down to look them in the face when we were talking. I was getting a bit dizzy from that or from the drinking, I don’t know which.

Naturally, the “boys” took it upon themselves to advertise the fact that I was a very “lonely” Night Elf and that my personal life was in the furthest outhouse in Stormwind. Oh, if that was humiliating enough, I had a little female gnome jump up in my lap and started playing with my hair and telling me how tall I was – you know the drill. Well, the gnome kept saying she hadn’t had any good Night Elf in while when a rather stout little dwarf female came up and told her that she probably hadn’t ever had any Night Elf or she wouldn’t be wanting to get so familiar with such a big fellow as myself. Well, now, I had a gnome on one thigh and a dwarf on the other that were intent on doing something and I wasn’t so sure how that would work out at all, not to mention, I was really drunk. The two of them started squabbling on which one of them was going to get the honor and all I could do was laugh and shake my head “no”.

I eventually stood up and summarily dumped the two little ladies on the ground by accident and staggered out the door. I don’t know what I was doing really, I just needed to get out of the noise and the smoke and the pawing little hands on my person. Andrew yelled out at me not to puke in the tram rails, which caused me to want to do exactly that.

I told him I just needed to get away from the noise and he suggested that I go to the Wailing Cavern, which I have been too a few times before. So, I staggered down the walk, running into walls, tripping over a gnome or two before I got to the mage quarter and saw the pool in the middle. Well, it did seem like a good idea at the time, I went over and sat by the fountain, pool, whatever they are trying to call it these days. A whole crowd of dwarves came waltzing out of the mage headquarters, my head was pounding and my stomach was none too strong. The next thing I know, I have another beer in my hands and was told to drink…a bit of the hair of the dog to cure my ills. I wasn’t sick, I was drunk.

I wandered away from that rowdy group after having had two more mugs of beer forced into my hands and headed to where I thought the Cavern was. I had guess right and proceeded to flop down staring at the water. It was dark in there and the only sound was the lapping of the water and that eerie wind sound that is always in there. Somehow it was peaceful though. I remember sitting down there and putting my face against the cool stone of the cavern and closed my eyes. I must have dozed off or passed out because the next thing I know, there’s yelling and screaming, people running hither and yon and the occasional bellow of Lok’tar – great, the Horde was paying Iron Forge a visit.

I was still drunk and I knew that I couldn’t do anything to help defend the capital other than shoot one of the defenders by accident. All these little people running around that were about waist high were really making me dizzy and the noise…the noise was deafening.

I know that I must have looked a sight because some little healer ran up and gave me a potion and told me to drink it, which I did. Another mistake, the next thing I hear is someone saying that I was critical condition and needed to be put on the tram to Stormwind. So, off to Stormwind my body went, I don’t know if my brain has caught up with my body yet.

I wasn’t hurt, I was drunk.

I can vaguely remember getting to Stormwind and summarily dumped out in the dwarven district by another little healer that said I needed to go sleep it off somewhere else, they had injured people to deal with and who knew if the Horde were going to try to visit Stormwind next.

I think I went to the Faire. I don’t remember. I do remember the canon ride, so, I must have gone. I think I puked on some people as I few over and have no clue if I hit the target in the water or not.

I woke up this morning in my Grandparents front yard with my Grandmother tsk-tsking over me as my two little hellions of brothers stood there giggling. Why do little kids have to be so damned loud? I know I really must have looked terrible because my Grandmother insisted that I get in the house before the neighbors saw me and eat some food. Food cures everything!

Not this food. I swear she must have emptied a pot of salt on the eggs she cooked and then the meat was just as salty. More salt and then she hands me another potion which, still being a bit inebriated, I dutifully drank down and proceeded to unload the contents of my stomach all over the dining room floor. I did help clean that up and was just rising back to my feet when my Grandfather strode in and he didn’t have a happy look on his face.

He and I went outside and had one of those long discussions that parents like to give their children when the child has been misbehaving. I don’t think that I heard half of what he said other than “your Mother is not going to be happy about this” part.

So, here I sit, my head pounding like a blacksmith pounding on an anvil and waiting to see if my Mother shows up in a fury. Of course, I’ve been told to keep an eye on the little guys while my Grandparents went to the temple to pray for my soul. I wish they had left some rope out where I could find because I would love to tie these two up and put them in a closet somewhere. All they can do is laugh at me and tell me that they had never seen me colored green before.

That’s how I spent my night. I don’t think I will ever drink any more alcohol again because I am almost sure that I’m dying or my head is going to fall off.

Kaldor