Family and Future


October 11th

Yo Book!!

Here I am again and can’t say that I am not happy as can be either. Sitting here at the farm in Pandaria with my family. Just kind of sitting here, wrapped in a blanket after spending a very passionate night with Romy. Two kids and we can still start fires with the way our bodies are so in tune with one another. I can’t begin to tell you how I feel right now, if dying and where I am is heaven, I think I’ll just stay here. I don’t usually let my emotions run rampant, however, they have since I came home to the farm and have felt the warmth, the joy and the love that is with my family.

Oh yes, I talked with Romy about all the things that have been going on and some of the things that I did or was ordered to do. I know that the whole thing makes her as sad as I – the tears fell freely from my eyes and I know that I just let my emotions run rampant, jagged rasping choking sobs that had been held in for months. I know that I have never been one to show my emotions publicly and the only person that has seen me at my most vulnerable has been my beloved.   To feel her arms wrapped tightly around me as I wept and to hear those soft tender words being spoken were better than any healing potion or drink that I might have taken. I feel like I have had the weight of the World lifted from my shoulders and I can only pray to the Light that I haven’t added my burdens to Romy’s already heavy load.

All those months of searching for here and the children felt like an eternity and I have never felt as lonely, lost and alone as I did then. Finding them was like my life could start again. Our children, our love and most of all, the feelings that we have shared all these years. Oh, my friends were there to help me when I would stumble and fall, however, they weren’t Romy and there wasn’t a woman out there that could replace her place in my heart – some tried, and they were rejected.

Now that I have all the things that I dearly love more than life itself, I’m fearful. I don’t want to lose this moment in time and I don’t want to have to leave them behind – go off to fight some stupid war that will gain me nothing except more heartache and pain. Why won’t the Light just let me stay here in the arms that I love more than life itself and our beautiful children. I’ve already been cheated out of my daughter’s childhood and now, the Warchief wants to cheat me out of my son’s life. No, there has to be a way that I can avoid this.

I don’t know if anyone would be able to understand this whole thing unless they have been through it for themselves, however, I know that I never want to be separated from my family for as long as I was when they were missing. I felt like I was living but dying at the same time. I, also, don’t think that I ever felt like I was complete until Romy came into my life – after we had the children, my heart felt as if I had achieved all the things that I wanted in this life.

Yes, I’ve talked with a few people and I will honestly say that some of the answers that I got were rather idiotic. Yes, I know that war is dangerous and there is always a price to be paid, however, I don’t want to be the one paying it – I’ve done enough. Hell, I’ve even consider doing a desk job of some type just so that I could be with my family.

Hmm, just glanced over at Romy and she met my eyes with one of her sleepy smiles that always melts my heart and gave me one of her “come hither” looks. I think that I will stop writing here and go back to bed.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

((This is a song from Journey and Steve Perry that always runs through my mind when I think of Romy and Fnar.))

Open Arms

Lying beside you here in the dark
Feeling your heart beat with mine
Softly you whisper you’re so sincere
How could our love be so blind
We sailed on together and drifted apart
And here you are by my side

So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what you’re love means to me
Open arms

Living without you living alone
This empty house is so cold
Wanting to hold you wanting you near
How much I’ve wanted you home
But now that you’ve come back
Turned night into day
I need you to stay

So now I come to you with open arms
Nothing to hide, believe what I say
So here I am with open arms
Hoping you’ll see what you’re love means to me
Open arms

May 24th – OOC – Starting Anew…


OOC – Starting Anew

May 24th

Well, I did something that I haven’t done in a very long time and started a new guild on Cenarion Circle to help with the overflow of materials from the guild that I dearly love on Sisters of Elune, Broken House.  Of course, that doesn’t mean that I won’t be playing on Wrymrest because I most definitely will be, however, a change of pace is always something that I am searching for in World of Warcraft.

The new guild is named Safe Haven – what other name would I call it?  I always feel like I need a home of my own on any of the servers that I happen to play on and this fit perfectly because I can use it as a banking guild and a place to keep some of my many little lowbies while I am working on getting my technical issues getting resolved.  I know that the merged servers is definitely a bonus in this regard and I can check out a new server all at the same time without the restrictions of not having a guild – also, it does eliminate the issue of “Guild Invitations” appearing out of the blue.

With the help of multiple accounts, a lovely stranger and a good friend, the guild was born last night.  Of course, I hope that it will kick off my urge to write a bit more about my characters again too.  Having terrible trouble with writer’s block and anxiety attacks that appear out of nowhere.

Well, off to run my Guild Master up to 20 so that I can safeguard the bank if something should happen – Blizzard will only give you your stuff back if you have a Level 20 covering the bases.  No, I won’t be actively recruiting guild members because it is a casual guild and a place to hang my hat.

If anyone needs to get in touch with me in-game, I have two BattleNet accounts (yeah, they changed the name but I still call it was.  Jaxom#1569 (main and oldest account) and Perndragon#11881.

 

OOC – February 1st – trying to make a comeback…again


February 1st, 2017

 

I must admit that all my grand plans of getting back on track with my writing took a bit of a detour due to medical reasons and a weeklong hospital stay.  Not a fun thing to go through, however, that part of the medical issues is dealt with and I must go back in a couple of weeks to have some more surgery done.

I have been taking some heavy-duty medication for the last few years and sometimes medicine can cause other issues that are sometimes overlooked because of side effects.  Unfortunately for me, some of my stomach issues were caused by internal bleeding that had been going on for months.  Yep, I kept wondering why I was so tired all the time and felt extremely uncomfortable.  I finally got fed up with it and had a long talk with my doctor which caused him to run some additional tests – seems I was more than a quart low.  Anyway, bedrest, blood transfusions and even more in depth medical procedures and it seems that they have the bleeding stopped.  I do have a hernia that needs to be fixed in a couple of weeks, however, they wanted to go ahead and fix the current issues and give my body a chance to heal from that before they started doing the manual slice and dice on that.  Getting older is sure a pain in the backside, however, the alternative sounds less appealing.

I know that I still seem to be taking a long time to get the energy back and there are still times that I can get uncomfortable but not anything like I went through before.  Oh well, at least I can take all the time that I need to get caught up with the things going on in World of Warcraft.  One of the things that I can honestly say is that when I feel tired or don’t feel up to playing video games, I go take a rest and watch television of just kind of be lazy and do things in moderation.

I must admit that if I get any further behind in Legion it is going to seem like I am playing the game backwards.  Still only have the one 110 and a couple in the pipeline with 101 or 102 now, however, I just can’t do the full-on press to get them leveled up like I used too.  Legion is fun for the most part, however, there are times that I feel that it is more than a little bit redundant and I still get lost on the maps most of the time.  Yeah, I know, sense of direction sucks in the game.  I have a lot of quests to turn in and can’t seem to find the place to turn them in without jumping through hoops and fighting my way back to where I thought they were.  I’ll get there one of these days if my quest log doesn’t fill up all the way again – which it seems to do daily if I play.

 

Changes…New Battles To Be Won


October 26th

Dear Journal,

It’s been a while since I have had an opportunity to write anything down or lacked the time and privacy to sit down and reflect on things.  Kae and I are back in Halfhill for the time being and enjoying being on the farm together.  After all, this is our home and the only place that we have lived together that was our own.  It’s nice to be back home for a bit. 

Things must have started winding down rather quickly for both factions in Draenor because most of us as Commanders of our Garrisons were told that we had to report for duty back on Azeroth.  Well, we found out that while we were out rescuing people on Draenor, the Legion had started infiltrating Azeroth with a vengeance.   I guess it became very apparent that we had a full-scale invasion going on and that all our troops were needed – both Horde and Alliance.   Kae and I haven’t seen that much action yet, however, we know that we will be reassigned to another Sentinel group and sent on our merry way, just as we have done in the past.  Neither of us is happy about the changes and I know that we will probably have to make quite a few adjustments.

Just when I started thinking that it was time for us to take our vows at the Moonwell in Darnassus and celebrate with the family, the Legion decided to take on our attention.  I know I never have fought them in the past and they were a big shock to me when we landed on the Isle.  I’ve seen a few things that were remotely resembling them in Tanaan, however, these are much more powerful and much bigger or they just seem bigger to me.  I know that Kae had such high hopes for the vows, however, we both decided that it wouldn’t hurt to make a slight delay until we could find out what the plans are for our duties – I wish we could get out of this, however, I don’t think that there is a way.  I don’t think that Mom or Dad could buy us out of the service at this point – all hands are needed.

Mom and Dad both got the same orders that Kae and I did, they took off to Nagrand to recharge their batteries as they laughingly referred to it.  Kae and I are both old enough to know what they were going to do with that big house all to themselves and just a few servants around.  Hey, I get it – it’s not too embarrassing to think of your parents doing the same things that we do even if they are old.

I guess that Kae and I could go ahead with our vows and keep the celebration rather low-key instead of having the celebration that we would have liked to have had.  I wish that we could get the house back in Dalaran since the Horde are now allowed to have access to the city again.  Our backyard would have been a perfect place to have the reception, if everything is still standing like it was before.  I guess the house was damaged quite a bit when it was taken over for office spaces and barracks for the soldiers per my Mom.  Mom said that Dad was already negotiating with the people in Dalaran to get the property back and doesn’t seem to care about the cost – he always did love that place.  Maybe if I can talk Kae into waiting for a little while longer, we could still have the reception there or maybe just have it later.  I don’t know, she seems rather sensitive about delaying things lately.  I guess I need to sit down with her and have a long talk and find out what is bothering her.

 

I know that one of our neighbors isn’t happy with the situation in Halfhill right now because his family disappeared and he has been spending most of his time trying to find them.  I know that we are all involved in finding out any information that we can about Romy and the two kids – we even have some of the people from the two companies looking for them too.  Poor Dawnglory has never looked so bereft and old in his life.  Poor man is just devastated.  Of course, Romy’s family is trying to find her too.  The last thing that Dawnglory heard from her was that she was going to Northrend to spend some time with the family up there and no one has seen or heard from her since then.

Well, looks like Kae and I are going to head out to one of our favorite places to do laundry – that’s the one thing we don’t have on the farm, a proper place to wash clothes.  I don’t mind that it though because it gives us an excuse to get away from people for a while, fish and have a picnic amongst other things.

Kal

 

In Search of…


 

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

November 6th

Dear Journal,

It always seems to happen when I am left here alone and in charge of the whole business without any help at this point in the office.  Zippie has decided to take off on a tangent and get out of the office for a while to have some fun, which I can’t blame her because I hate paperwork with a passion.  I think that I will get in touch with Dawnglory’s sister, Felessa, to see if she wouldn’t mind coming in to help me out for a while.  Oh, I know that she doesn’t need the money or anything like that because Dawnglory made a great match for her – she even has a baby now too.  Oh well, I’ll go talk to her and see if she will come help out for a bit, she can bring the baby.

My biggest issue is that Agatha has been gone for a month now and I am finding out just how much I relied on her very capable hands to keep the household running smoothly and keeping things in order.  Sure, she left her next in command to handle things as well as her sister here, however, it’s not Agatha.  I know that things have been a bit uneasy between us since our slip-up and I have felt a bit sad about that, however, I didn’t think it was bother her as much as it was me.  I thought that she was avoiding me quite a bit the last couple of weeks that she was here and I thought I understood why.   Oh well, I know that I just miss her and want her back where she belongs here in the house.

I will admit that I was a bit alarmed when I was talking to her sister, Adamia, and found out that Agatha hadn’t been feeling well before she left and it definitely has me concerned.   Okay, more than just a bit alarmed.  I decided that I would ride out the Inn her parents own and see how she was doing and to surprise her with a nice gift that I found.  She has always admired good crystal and I know that she had been looking at one particular goblet that had a red ruby imbedded in it – it is beautiful even if it was a bit pricey.  I thought that might cheer her up.

I get to the Inn and everyone acts surprised that I would travel outside the city to visit an employee.  Well, they were no more surprised than I was when I found out that Agatha wasn’t there and hadn’t been there for months.  Well, I had assumed that she would be visiting her family and after her sister told me of her illness, I was certain that she would be there.  No, she wasn’t there and her siblings didn’t know where she was and her Father acted like I was some kind weirdo and wouldn’t really come forth with much information.  I was able to finally talk to Agatha’s Mother and she told me that she knew where Agatha was and that she was indeed ill – she appears to have gone off to the shore to get better.  I couldn’t find out the exact location from her Mother, she was not forthcoming with a  whole lot of information and started acting very strangely and nervous.  Well, rather than to ruffle any more feathers, I took my leave and went back to Silvermoon.

Alright, I am not exactly a naive idiot and I know I’m not stupid, however, this whole situation has me very perplexed.  Yes, I am a happily married man and I love my wife more than words could even describe, however, I also have a special place in my heart for Agatha.  I have no intentions of hurting Amyn and I have no intentions of throwing away everything that we have together away, however, I do have feelings for Agatha as well although they are not nearly as strong as my feelings for my wife.

I know I could do one of two things to find out where and what is going on with Agatha.  I can sit here and wait to hear from her, which I know I will eventually, or I can start doing what I do for a living, going out and searching for her like I would if I had a bounty contract on her.  Part of me is telling that I should just go find her and the other part is telling me to wait because I could be barging into something that is none of my business – I mean, she does have a life outside of her employment with me and she may be off on a tryst or something.    I’m really very torn on the whole thing.

I know that I did enjoy the time that I had with Amyn in Pandaria recently, however, I did have a lot on my mind and I hope my love didn’t notice how I was distracted sometimes.  I wish that I could just tell her what happened between Agatha and I and not expect her to give me that look or just walk out, which she has done a time or two in the past.  I know that I wasn’t planning on breaking my vows and I still feel guilty about it.   I know that I have done things before we were married that would have made any other woman walk away, however, Amyn and I both have the boys to think about and I know that we both truly love one another.  Why does life have to be so complicated on the personal level all of the time – it just never seems to stop.

I also am more concerned about some of the mail that I have been getting lately as well as a couple of the appointments that I have attended with the Reagent along with several other businessmen.  I hope that all of the rumors that we have been hearing are not true and that we can try to continue on with our civilian lives, however, I am beginning to think that there may be something looming on the horizon that will have most of us back in uniform again whether we like the idea or not.   I know that if I have to go back into the military service again with my same commission, I won’t be happy, however, I will do my duty even if I’m not happy about it.

Someday I hope that we get a few years of peace and we get an opportunity to live our lives without some war or conflict shadowing everything that we do.  I know I would like to be able to sit back with my wife and children and enjoy life with them without something looming on the horizon like some bad weather cloud.  I know that our operations in Shattrath are really starting to come together and I want to talk to Amyn about actually setting up a more permanent residence there so that the two of us can stay together most of the time.

I think that I tend to “stray” when I am away from my wife and away from her for months at a time, it’s not easy having a long distance relationship or marriage and I know that it must be as difficult for her, although she does get to see the boys more often than I do. I miss my family life that we were just getting comfortable with in Dalaran before we were forced out.   Who knows, one day I might even become a grandparent and I would like to spend some time with those children, more than I have been able to do with my own sons.

Well, I need to stop writing this morning, just glancing back on what I have written, it looks like my mind is jumping about like a hare.  I know that I need to get off my backside, get out of the office and go do something with Pan, maybe a bit of hunting, maybe a quick trip to Orgrimmar to test out the political waters there.  I need to get out of Silvermoon for a while even if I just have to let the business run itself for a day or two.  I wish that Zippie would hurry up and get back because I don’t know how much more paperwork I can do before I start frothing at the mouth.

Fnor Morningstar

 

It Does Get Lonely Waiting Behind…


October 11th

Dear Journal,

Ah yes, it’s been quite a while since I’ve last written, however, these are busy times and there are many things to occupy my time.  The one thing that seems to occupy my time more often than not is the pack.  It keeps growing and sometimes I wonder what I am doing with this many in my group.  Of course, I do depend on Felley quite a bit to help me out sometimes, however, she has her hands full as well because she has decided to go out adventuring on her own a bit more these days.

There are times that I would be more than willing to put all of this aside and go off adventuring with her.  We’ve been together for quite a while and I will admit that I wouldn’t change a single thing about our time together with the exception of the fact that I would like to make our relationship a bit more formal, however, I don’t think that she would go along with that right now.

Felley knows that I still think about my wife and children that I lost in Gilneas, however, after the last year or so, I’ve actually stopped looking for them.  It was extremely difficult for me to give up on my old life, however, the logic of the situation finally registered fully on my mind.  There isn’t a chance that my family survived the fall of our homeland and it’s rather doubtful that they survived the Curse even if it did befall them.  Not everyone can adapt to that big change in their lives with their sanity intact.  I know this from my experience with some of the people that I have gotten to know since my arrival in Darnassus.

We did try to make the transition over to Stormwind for a short time, however, it was one of those things that just wasn’t meant to be due to the fact that some of the members of the pack couldn’t’ adapt to the city life without causing undo problems.   Rather than break the pack up and leave some of the youngsters behind, Felley and I, decided to bring the group back to Darnassus and to Dark Shore.  At least here people can kind of expect some of the social accidents that will happen with a young wolf, be they female or male – we all have our problems.  Sometimes the younger males will want to try to challenge my patience with the pack, however, that is usually short-lived and they have the choice of staying with the pack under my leadership and they can move on to another pack and try their luck there.  I know that Felley and I coddle some of our youngsters, however, they are the only children that we will ever have.

I do know that I haven’t seen or heard of anyone of our kind having children of our own since the Curse.  Maybe that ability to propagate has been taken away from us along with the Curse, no one really knows and it isn’t something that we discuss with one another.   There are a few people here from Gilneas that were not affected by the Curse but they are indeed a rarity and I will admit that there are times that I am somewhat envious of them having new families here in this land.  If only we hadn’t allowed ourselves to be cut off from the rest of society for so long that we lost touch with the reality of the situation of the lands and factions.

Oh well, all of that is hindsight and you know what they say about that.  I will have to admit that I have learned an awful lot from my mate in the last year.  I can read and cipher as well as she can even though I don’t have the formal education that her family afforded her before the changes happened.

From all of the rumors that seem to be floating around Darnassus, it does appear as though we’re in for some new and exciting changes as well as an opportunity to engage in some adventures with some of the old foes.  It may be rumor, however, not one to hide from adversity, I think that I will have my little pack ready for whatever may be looming on the horizon.

I hope that Felley will make her way back home before too much longer, I know that I miss her more than anyone could even fathom.  I guess I have let go of my past and I am looking forward to embracing the future if it’s not too late.  Who knows, she may have found another in her adventures to some of these distant places although I will have to admit that her letters are as warm as ever, they still aren’t quite the same as having her here with me.

 

Oak

 

 

 

Mending Fences and more…


September 28th

 

Dear Journal,

I am sitting here quite amused and actually still kind of chuckling while I sit here at my workbench working on some of the jewelry I want to sell when I go back to Orgrimmar.  One thing that Felaran has taught me that I don’t think I will ever for is to teach me how to have a real sense of humor about some of the craziest things.

Okay, I know that Felaran and Faendra have been on the outs for a while due to all of the stuff that Faendra has chosen to do to almost completely burn the bridges with her family, however, they are still sisters by blood even if Felaran is a Death Knight, they are still related whether Faendra wants to admit to it or not is her problem.   I’ve watched these two dance around and take verbal shots at one another for the last few months whenever we meet and I just jokingly said that we ought to have Faendra over for dinner at the farm, you know, just to mend the fences a bit and to ease the tension in the family a little bit.

We all know and agree that Felaran is not real domestic when it comes to cooking and while we can eat the stuff, we’re dead and it won’t kill us, I’m not so sure that the living are quite ready for some of her dishes.  I had planned on cooking the meal and making sure that the food was at least eatable because I’m a better cook than Fel is anyway, bless her frozen heart.  No, no and no, Felaran was not going to hear anything of it, she was planning on cooking the meal herself and I think that that her intentions were honorable even if she willingly admits that she is no cook.   I am glad that we’re not using Felaran’s cooking as any kind of diplomatic message that we’d like to send to Warchief, we might never be able to go into Orgrimmar again.

Anyway, I did make the suggestion that she make up her menu before the dinner was planned and at least do a run through with it to make sure that she was pleased with the end results.  She still has to to coerce her sister into coming to dinner before we get too carried away though.  If they can stop hissing at one another long enough to get in a civil conversation, we might have a dinner party in the near future.

I know that I have probably said this before when I was writing but I will say it again.  I am extremely happy that I met Felaran and she has taught me how to enjoy this unlife with the living.  If it weren’t for her, I would probably be my old silent self and mopping about the changes in my life.  I’ve never been angry about it, just a bit peeved that my life had been cut short and I think I might have been enjoying myself as a Ranger too.  There are times that I yearn to hold a bow in my hands and feel that magic when you release the arrow for a true shot.   Oh well, those days are long past and I know that I will never pass that way again but it is one of the few memories that I have of the past that truly pleases me to some level.

Since the magistrates in Silvermoon have refused to allow us to be married in the true sense, Fel and I have done the next best thing.  We went to one of the temples here in Pandaria, explained our plight to the monk that we met inside and he performed a ritual of some kind that we’re not quite sure what it was but at the end he did say that he pronounced us man and wife.   So, Silvermoon may not recognize it but we do and that’s all that matters and maybe one day the bureaucrats will get their heads out of their rectal orifices to realize that we may be unliving, however, we are still people that should count in their little society.   So, Felaran is really Felaran Ravencrest, however, she is going to keep using her maiden name, which is really fine with me. It doesn’t matter to me which name she uses as long as she continues to be happy with me.

We were going to take some time away from the farm and decided at the last minute that we can put that off for a while because we both have a lot of contracts that are due in and we would much rather have the money at this point so that we can finish up with a few things on the farm at Halfhill.

 

Ty Ravencrest