Still Searching…Frustrating…

June 28th

Yo Book!!

I know that I have spent way too much fucking time just trying to find Romy and the children.  I wonder if my feelings are wrong and I won’t be able to find them – ever.  The thought of giving up on finding them is breaking my heart and my mind just doesn’t want to believe that they have just fucking disappeared forever.  My love, my daughter and the son I’ve never seen – how can this be?

I have worked my ass off for the Horde and I keep getting sent away to places that I could care less about than where my would-be wife and children are.  Every time I feel like I am making some progress on my search, I get recalled to that stupid Garrison in Draenor or they expect me to head to the Broken Shore with my men.  No, I don’t want to go, I want to find my family and then I can spend my time with them and then attend to my duties.  My family must take the priority in my life.  Fuck the reigning parties at this point, The Banshee Queen as the Warchief?  How can that be?  The most evil of all women and she is going to lead the Horde to its own destruction.   I’m still following the orders that I get from the Regent Lord and obeying the pledge that I gave for my people, however, this new regime is not to my personal liking at all.

It’s been months since my family disappeared and all we have are a little shoe that belonged to my son and the rumors that there may have been some survivors at the crash site of the Zep, however, where did they go?  Did they get some medical attention?  Have the left the area or are they being held prisoner by someone?  So many questions unanswered.

I looked in the mirror this morning and saw myself and can tell that this worrying and stress has taken a toll on me physically.  Too much drinking and too much depression has left its mark and it will be a while before that goes away, I’m sure.  At least I don’t have any gray hair showing in my hair yet, that would be a definite worry for me because I have always been vain about my appearance.  Yes, I do need to start thinking about other things and trying to rebuild some of my life instead of just living it one day at a time.

I am going to have to take my life in hand and try to get on with something normal.  I can’t just keep hoping that they will all turn up and things will be as they once were.  That never happens, we can’t erase the time that has gone by and I can’t step back into the lives of my children when they probably don’t even remember what I look like – my son has never seen me, so, the little fellow would have no clue as to whom I might be.  Has Romy survived this and has she gotten on with her life or is she still trying to come back to me – I don’t know.  In my heart, I want her back so badly that it is almost painful to dwell on it so much.   That red hair, those lovely arms that held me so tightly and the kisses that would make any man swoon with desire.  I truly had never known the passion that this one woman could arouse in me and she was the only one that ever pulled me to that level – I miss her voice, that lilting laughter, that quick wit. Just the sheer longing for her causes me such emotional and physical pain that I can hardly manage it.

No, I have not been with another woman and haven’t been with anyone for over a year and my libido is sadly missing at this point.  Now, I have another problem.  It appears Faendra Morningstar has decided in her infinite wisdom that Romy is never coming back and that I should take her as my wife. That is never going to happen, even if there were a remote possibility of it happening.  She is truly making a pest of herself.

I have decided that I will leave Pandaria, the farm will be taken care of by my friends and I will try to stay in Orgrimmar for a while or even Silvermoon.  At least Faendra will not have easy access to my person if I am in either of those places.   Of course, there is always my Garrison to hide out in, however, I do dislike freezing my ass off every time the wind blows.  I just can’t afford to have any mishaps or other distractions until I can get my life back under control.

Fnar Dawnglory

Still Searching…

*Some coarse language used, please do not read if you’re easily offended. *

 

February 2nd

Yo Book!!

It’s been a while since I have written in my journal, however, I have been rather busy trying to keep up with my fucking duties and trying to find my wayward woman and my children.  It’s not been easy and I have spent a hell of lot of time trying to figure out where she could have fucking disappeared too.

I think I’ve gone through spells of depression and then I got angry and back to the depression again. I have my own way of grieving and sometimes it works better than it has currently.   Romy was such a large part of my life and the kids were everything I had ever hoped for – now, they are gone.  I think the loneliness is the hardest part to handle and it will be with me until I can get some closure on this or at least fucking find them.  I know that she was stubborn and was always good at taking care of herself, however, I never thought that she would just pack up and leave like she appears to have done.   When I am not on duty, I’m trying to follow up on any clues that I might have uncovered and it has taken this long for me to sit here and just write.

I’ve talked to so many people in Pandaria and searched the place until I can hardly stand it – she and the children are not here and it does point more to her leaving and going to Northrend. Of course, tracking down the pack that she was always with before has been more of a challenge than anything else.

Let me explain this a little bit.  Romy was with a group of family members that have chosen a different lifestyle and handle things more in the ways of wolves.  They have the Alpha males and females and everyone raises the kids together.  They tend to hunt in packs or something of that nature which has allowed them to survive in the northern part of Northrend.  I had met them all before we were together and had talked to many of the leaders, bonding with them.   Now, I can’t even seem to find all the old encampments.  It’s almost as if they have disappeared.

Of course, there is another branch of the family that is more civilized that the Northrend group, although, that could be debatable.  Naturally, the branch that lives in and around Silvermoon are more of the matriarchal society than anything else. It almost reminds me of how the Night Elves live most of the time than true Sindorei.  I think that these traditions and habits that they appear to have are more based on High Born practices than most want others want to show.  Makes me wonder about the family bloodlines a bit but that is beside the point.  I just want to find Romy and my children and get them back home with me.  Sometimes the loneliness is more than I can stand.

Romy had left some pictures behind when she left the farm in Half Hill and I have gathered them up and put them away so that nothing will happen to them and she can have them when she returns. Pictures of us being happy together and pictures of the children.  Yes, I finally got to see what my boy looks like and I must say that he looks more like his Mother than he does me – the red hair and coloring.  I bet he will grow up to be a very handsome young man.   I hope that I can find them all before he is a man – just knowing that they are all out there somewhere makes my heart keep hope that we will be together again someday.  I know that there are times that I have a terrible time holding back my tears and they are even streaming down my face as I write.

How could such happiness just disappear, how could the love we had seemed to have changed for some reason?  I’m afraid that I have truly brutalized Faendra with my suspicions that she might have had something to do with their disappearance to the point that she wrote to her brother and begged him to tell me that she had nothing to do with them being gone.  Yes, she did say that she still loved me, however, she would never do anything to Romy or the babies – they were mine and she knew how much I loved them.

Ah well, I suppose that I should quit writing tonight and head out to do some wandering around and visiting with some of the neighbors here in Half Hill.  I know that the women always ask if I had found Romy yet, which tears the wound open a bit.

Fnar Dawnglory

 

 

Time…What Else Is There?

*Note:  There is some language in this post and if you’re easily offended, please do not read it.

 

December 12th

 

Yo Book!!

 

This has always been my favorite time of year and this year would have been the best.  Damn it!! Where is she?  Yeah, I’m still fucking looking everywhere I can think of, any place that she ever mentioned or I knew that she liked.  I’ve put up fliers in every place that I could think of to try to get information about Romy and the kids, nothing yet.  I even posted a reward, damn it all, don’t people need money anymore? Where the hell is she?  Has she decided that she no longer wants me in her life?  What is going on?  I am so confused and broken-hearted at this point that I don’t know what else to do except to keep looking for her and the kids – I want them back, I want my family back.  Did she meet someone else and went away with them?

I have quit drinking because all it did was make me sick and didn’t seem to dull the pain like it did back in the days before I met the “love of my life” and it only makes me want her back even more now. Oh sure, women think that when you’re drowning yourself in your cups at an Inn that you’re looking for company – I have gotten slapped for telling them to go away now.   I’m not looking for anyone else to be with, I just want Romy back.

Fnor has put up a reward for information too as well as giving all the people in the company a notice of a huge bonus if they stumble upon any information that might help me find my family again.  So far, nothing has been found.  I always knew that Romy would disappear and not be found if she chose to do that, however, I never thought that she would take our children and just disappear like she has.

I even got into a fucking fight with Faendra because I accused her of doing something to Romy and the kids!  I know that she has always been jealous of Romy and the relationship that had developed between us – I know how devious Fae can be when things don’t go her way.  For Light’s Sake!! I’ve watched that girl grow up and I know how manipulative she is.  She’s not off the hook yet because I wouldn’t ever believe she didn’t have something to do with this.

Everyone is under the impression that Romy took the kids to visit in Northrend because that is what she has told them.  I haven’t been able to locate he Father either, I would assume that he is on the Broken Isle and I haven’t had time to search that whole place yet – too much fighting to just dedicate myself to my search.

I have been lonely before, however, this time I am lonely and I feel dead inside – there is a difference.

 

Fnar Dawnglory

Still Searching…

April  15th

Dear Journal,

I haven’t written in a while because there just doesn’t seem much to report on or even to hang onto my memories.  I have spent months going through my Ranger training and I have put in for transfers every single time that I have been at a point where I could hopefully qualify to no avail.  I know that it is kind of hard to realize that I have spent all of these months just to track down this man that may or may not be my Father or not. Why is it so important for me to find him at this point?

I think my biggest thing is that I want him to acknowledge my existence, I want him to recognize the fact that he left my Mother to suffer the indignity of having a child out of wedlock and basically ruined her life.  I want him to know that there were consequences to his actions to take responsibility for it.  Am I being childish?  I don’t think so, I want to be able to take my real surname and feel some pride in the fact and not be just another bastard that was sired by a man having a fling with a woman of questionable morale character.

My Mother was a wonderful woman.   She was beautiful, she loved life and she really would have made some man happy because she was a very caring person.  Her one mistake in her life that allowed me to be born colored part of her life that made her feel as if she weren’t as good as her friends.  I know that her family tried to get her married off a couple of times, however, once the fact came out that she had a child already kind of killed any of the contracts that they would try to make for her.  She often times would sigh and be sad for a time after one of these marriages fell through and I could tell that it made her feel that wasn’t worthy of being happy.  I know that she would talk about my Father sometimes and I always felt that she was trying to make me realize that he wasn’t an uncaring person and that there had to be a reason why he never came back to her.

What I have been able to find out about this Dawnglory is the fact that he has always been a rounder and a drinker.  He has had many women in his life and he never has seemed to settle with just one woman because he was either afraid of the commitment or he wasn’t a person that cared for his partner enough to want to stay with him.  What little information that I had about him the last time I had any gold to buy the information was that he was in Pandaria as a second-in-command to this Fnor Morningstar.  I’ve also been able to find out something about this fellow as well – seems he’s a pretty stand-up guy and is well respected by people in Silvermoon – is that from the massive wealth that he has accumulated over the years?  I have no idea.  I just know that the two men are still Rangers and they are still serving our countrymen by doing their military duty.

I think that I can understand how people were and still are complaining about Orgrimmar.  I’m not overly fond of the place.  It’s dirty, it’s noisy and there are just too many Orcs.  I’m not saying that I dislike them or anything because I’m sure that they aren’t too thrilled with having all of these races in their city either.   I have found myself staying more in the Tauren area of the city because it seems like it is a little bit cleaner and I know that the Tauren keep things fairly quiet in their area.

I know that I was passing through the city yesterday and noticed a building that was being repaired and noticed that they were putting a sign out front and the name caught my attention.  Morningstar  Enterprises – the very same one that is in Silvermoon City too.  I guess I’ll keep my eyes peeled and do some investigating around to find out more about this Morningstar thing and maybe, just maybe, I’ll be able to catch Dawnglory here in Orgrimmar and I won’t have to keep working my tail off trying to get to Pandaria or this new place that everyone is talking about.

I know that I will have to get this situation resolved before I can truly get on with my life and to have the peace of mind that I feel like I deserve.

 

Hanlin Darkstrider

Wandering Ways…Again

August 4th

Dear Journal,

I have been spending some time in Pandaria with my Sindorei and I don’t know what it is that he thinks that he can keep the fact from me that he has been with another woman.   His whole demeanor changes and he is so attentive that it is almost suffocating.  I know that he has been faithful to our wedding vows that we took in the Sindorei fashion before we ever left Dalaran, however, I know that he has been going through some trying times on his own…we need to start being together more often in Nagrand.

I did confront him with the fact that I knew he had been with another and he tried his best to deny it and said that he was just preoccupied with the business and some of his family things.   Well, I might have believed that for a little while, however, he did mention that he had been to Dalaran, even though I had told him to avoid it because it would be too upsetting for him.  Silly man, that was just like waving a flag in front of a bull and expecting it not to charge you.

I know that his trip to Dalaran upset him very much and he was almost in tears when he described what was left of our home and how it had been degraded by the people there now.  To think that all of that time and all those years of working on the building were for naught, I can tell that it really did matter to him very much.  That house was his pride and joy and I knew that even when the boys and I were still living in Shattrath in that tiny little hovel that we had for a time.  I know that to him that the house meant that he had been successful in his own right.  He had been a Ranger and was in business for himself now and had accumulated enough wealth to where he thought that he could surpass anything that he had seen in his beloved Silvermoon.

What was a dead giveaway to me about his being unfaithful was the way that he wouldn’t meet my eyes and the way that he started blushing when I asked him how things were going in Silvermoon.  I asked him if Agatha had been able to find a housekeeper that would be suitable and agreeable to our arrangement in Nagrand.  He acted a bit startled when I asked about Agatha, so, at least I know who the woman is now because the look in his eyes told me so.

Am I hurt?  Well, yes, any woman would be hurt if she thought that her man had been with another, however, my hurt comes from the fact that we had both agreed that we would remain faithful to one another after we had taken the wedding vows.  We have been mated for years, we just formalized it to make his friends and acquaintances feel more comfortable with our arrangement.   All of the years that we have been mated in the Kaldorei fashion, he has always had his mistresses, I was one of them I suppose when he was looking for a Sindorei wife.  Yes, that did hurt especially after I had given birth to our two sons in rapid succession, which is almost unheard of with my people.  Yes, my Sindorei is definitely fertile and I was more than willing to carry his children.   I have always expected other children to crop up from some of his wandering ways, however, that hasn’t been the case as far as I know either. I know that I am both hurt and angry with him, yet, there is a part of me that understands the wants and needs of a man of  his sort, I have those same feelings from time to time, however, I have not resorted to taking comfort with another man.

The thought never entered my mind except for the time when we were separated for a very long time and I had taken a Kaldorei male to my bed, bore him two sons as well.   I was very sure at that time that my Sindorei was never coming back and I was wrong.  Did I love this other man? Oh yes I did, sometimes I often wondered what might have happened if he had lived a long life instead of having it cut short in a hunting accident in Nagrand. Was I ever formally mated to this other man?  No, we never took vows, however, we were as committed to one another as any mated pair could be.   My Sindorei did come back to Shattrath long before my youngest children’s Father died and it was rather strange how the two of them became friends.  Naturally, there were the usual recriminations from my Sindorei about my being unfaithful and all I had to do was to remind him of his own indiscretions with his Sindorei women.

Oh yes, Elune knows what a turbulent life the two of us have led and she also knows how much we both love our children.  We have stayed together all of these years because of the love we shared for one another and because of our children as well.

Now, I am wondering if I should just tell him that I know that he has been unfaithful and all of his trying to hide the fact and denying it when I confronted him are not going work?  Should I just tell him that I know what he has done and I even know whom the woman is that he did it with?

Am I angry?  Yes, to a certain level I am very angry, however, the anger does not surpass the initial hurt from this straying.  Why would I think that one ceremony would bear more weight with his conduct than what our vows were previously?  I guess in my mind, it would make him realize that I was equal to these other women that he found so alluring and that I was very much the woman that he loved.  I know that this thing with Agatha is a physical thing for the most part.  Will I ask him to fire her from her position that she has held all of these years?  No, I don’t think that I will because if she is still in the picture after all of this time that they have been together as housekeeper and employer, I will at least know where he has strayed.

Oh why does he do this sort of thing to me after all of these years?  Why does he think that my Sentinel heart will not break as easily as another’s heart?  I am a Sentinel first, however, the woman in me is still very much there and very much feels the pain of these missteps of his.  No, I won’t leave him, however, I will have one those discussions with him that he always dreads, the ones where I let my temper free and tell him exactly what kind of animal I think he is when he does this sort of thing.  How can he even pretend to rear our children and setting up standards for them to follow when he doesn’t follow them himself.  At least I follow the goals that I have set up for myself and I have been more than a little patient with my man.  That’s the problem, he will always be my man, there could never be another that could take his place in my heart and I am mature enough to know this.  He is still my love, my life and my all – even if he is a Sindorei that can’t seem to keep his lust under control.

Amyn

 

Broken Vows And Shattered Dreams…

Written in very cursive script denoting the maturity and education of the author

 

June 29th

Dear Journal,

Well, I’ve done something that I took an oath with myself about that I have broken.  Good or bad, the deed has been done and can’t be undone.  Everyone knows my feelings about Dalaran and how much I have been thinking about the place since we were driven out by that insane Proudmore wench. Everyone that knows that I am married to Amyn knows my feelings there as well.

I finally got up the nerve and with the help of a good friend of mind, I got myself heavily disguised as a rather older Kaldorei and decided to take the trip back to where I’ve longed to be since I left.  I almost wish that I hadn’t done it now because I was absolutely heartsick by the time I left.  I just went to see the sights and to see how much things had changed.  It almost seems like an alien place to me now and I doubt that I will ever return to what was once my home of choice for so many years.  So much of my life was spent there.

The house that I had remodeled and put my heart into is no longer the same.  It’s now an office type of place housing who knows what and it appears as though the upstairs may be some kind of barracks for some of the officers stationed in Northrend.  Let’s just say that anything that was remotely Sindorei has been removed or destroyed, disfigured or just erased from any surface.  The slate floor in the foyer is ruined by all standards and it looks as though they haven’t even attempted to keep the place up at all.

I guess it is true that you can’t go “home” again after having been away from it for so long.  Things change and time moves on, so, nothing is ever the same as it was that you had in your memory for nostalgia to call up.  Oh well, I suppose that I shouldn’t have been as shocked as I was because Amyn has told me about some of the changes and it isn’t like I didn’t believe her, however, one does tend to filter out some information when we find it unpleasant or not to our liking.

I did spend a great deal of time wandering about and looking into some of the different shops that I would frequent when I was in town and I was very dismayed to see that the new owners were primarily human or gnomes in some cases.  Gone are the days of stopping in to visit with a shopkeeper and having a nice friendly chat and possibly coming up with some good bargains due to a friendship that had been nurtured over the years. Ah well, no sense in me dwelling on things in the past, however, I did love that city.

I’ll be the first to admit that when I got back to Silvermoon and retired to my rooms, unnoticed I might add other than a passing glance and a cursory wave from Agatha’s little sister as we passed in the great room.  She’s a likeable young lady, even if she does have a wildness about her that reminds me very much of myself at her age.  I went to my rooms and sat at my desk and poured myself some nice brandy and took a long draught of it before I just sat there and wept like a schoolboy with shattered dreams.

Agatha came into my rooms,  without really knocking, she doesn’t’ have too after all of these years, however, I had a little bit of trouble maintaining my composure after my emotional dam had broken.  She and I have a long history together and she is one person on the face of Azeroth other than my wife that probably knows me better than most in my weakest moments.   She walked over to my desk and stood there for a few moments before moving closer to me and putting her arms around me as best she could before I stood up and returned her embrace.

Oh, I’ll admit that we have had our passionate moments together and we have made love without any of the strings attached, however, I have abstained from breaking my vows to Amyn until last night.  I don’t know if it was the raw emotions or just the timing as to why it actually happened.  I had just gotten back from spending time with my wife and had been properly satiated in the physical aspects of our marriage before I came back and went to Dalaran.

As I stood there with this woman in my arms, the embraces turned to kisses and the kisses became more passionate between the two of us.  Before I had even realized it, I had pushed her back against the desk and as she lowered herself to the surface, pushing the objects off, I took her.  Plain and simple, I made love to a woman that has been in my life almost as long as Amyn has.  She didn’t object and responded with the passion that I remembered very well from our time in Dalaran together.  It was like two old lovers rekindling the desire in one another that we had long since died. When I awakened this morning, Agatha was in bed with me and I’ll admit that we did make love again.  She then got up and left the room without so much as a cursory talk.

Now, do I feel guilty about what happened?  Yes, I do.  I love Amyn more than anything in this world and I know that my breaking of our vows would probably hurt her more than anyone could ever realize.  I think she might understand why it happened, however, would she be understanding enough to forgive me?  I don’t know.  Will it happen again?  Very possibly, I don’t know.  If it is just Agatha, I don’t think that Amyn would care, if she knew.  I’ve always had mistresses, Amyn was one that had won my heart and had given me our children.  Will I ever tell her?  Probably not, why would I want to hurt her that way and why would I take that risk?

I know that Agatha understands why it happened last night and I know that she will take it in stride as she has so many times in the past.  We have never said that we loved one another or anything of that nature, it’s always been a matter of comforting one another in an hour of need.  Last night was no different in my eyes, however, I do need to talk to her and see what her feelings truly are.  If she wants to continue on in the same vein as we have in the past, will she want to leave my employment to escape the chances that we might fall from grace again, I’ll have to talk with her.  We’ve never had a problem discussing all manner of things together and I don’t think that she would have any problem with this talk.

I’ll admit that I am somewhat ashamed of myself, however, at the same time, I’m giving myself the excuse that it was my emotional state that caused the weakness to overtake my common sense.   I’ll admit that these long lapses in time spent with my wife have probably made me a bit more tempted than I’d like to admit.  Agatha is a known quantity and yes, I have been attracted to some of the other women here in Silvermoon, however, I have not given into any of those desires. I feel very badly that I have broken my marriage vows to Amyn and I hope that the guilt isn’t something that will be too difficult to bear.

Fnor Morningstar

Learning To Care…

May 24th

Dear Journal,

After returning from one of our many trips out into the Jade Forest with some of the newer and I might also mention untrained recruits that have come our way to introduce to the perils of Pandaria, I thought that I saw Felaran’s sister amongst the group that I was traveling with – however, there are quite a few redheads, this one stood out because she was too busy pouting about the filth and the uncouth way that the Rangers she was with were conducting themselves.  Sure did sound like her, all haughty and full of angst.  I honestly don’t think that I will mention it to Fel just yet, I’ll wait to see what happens in the next few days because I am sure that I will be getting assigned to them again – why me, well, my temperament is such that I am considered a bit easy going for a Death Knight.  Fel’s temper seems to flare with some of the new people and I guess that it’s best that I take on the duty rather than have her going on after we go home about how stupid some of these people can be.

I guess Fel is still disappointed as I am about the fact that even if we wanted to get married, the authorities in Silvermoon have turned down our applications because we’re “dead” and unable to reproduce an heir to our family name.  Well, hello, we just wanted a piece of paper that would tell the world that we’re together, not that we were going to be going at it like bunnies to make babies – we do go at it quite a bit because we can, however, we’re just as happy with raising FuzzButt as our child, even if he is a cat.  We may be part of the unliving of this world, however, that doesn’t mean that we have no feelings for one another and would have liked to formalize it in some way.   I honestly think that if we had more gold between us, some coins could have crossed hands and we would have that piece of paper now, however, Fel’s temper got the best of her and I don’t think that a Magister has been called as many names in such a short amount of time either – poor fellow was turning various shades of red that almost went to purple a few times.   Maybe we can try again in a few weeks after the tempers have cooled down a little bit more and maybe I’ll suggest that I do the talking this time.

I made our wedding rings – very intricate jade pieces with the runes of our blades carved delicately into each one – hers on mine and mine on hers – we thought that it would make for some interesting topics of conversation as well as showing that we’re not ashamed of what we are either.  Death Knights are indeed a special breed and we know it – there is no harm in taking pride in it any longer, it wasn’t a choice that we willingly made anyway.

Oh, I do wish that some of the living could share some of the feelings that we have sometimes.  There is nothing more fulfilling or as loving with Death Knights to be in a battle, shoulder to shoulder, our Rune Blades singing in harmony as we cut down our foes – the feelings that we both get from that is more akin to what some of the living have to wait for some very intimate and intense moments  – we take joy in our work like no other sentient being can or ever will have the ability to do so.  When that Blades hunger to be fed and that appetite is quenched, there is nothing more gratifying to the two of us – we gain that feeling of peace and we also gain a lot more between the two of us.  I wish that I had the words to explain how it feels because until Fel and I started working together, I never felt that before.  It is akin to having sex and not at the same time.

I suppose some would find it odd that Death Knights are capable of loving – we are.  It’s not the same as it would be with the living, however, there are times that I wonder if it isn’t more intense in a lot of ways.  I know that Fel has taught me so much about being “alive” again than I would have ever found out about on my own  – I tended to stay to myself to avoid the stigma that some of my brethren have brought upon us through no fault of their own.  To say that she has taught me how to “live” again is just something that has happened – I now have emotions that I thought were lost to me, they make me feel more alive and more in touch with the living than I have had since the day I became aware of the killing machine that I have become.

Yes, I get a lot of teasing from people about my cat, FuzzButt, and that’s okay.  He’s taught me how to be more gentle and caring with the smaller things in life.  I learned how to make him purr and I have learned how to play again.  I’m not sure that I knew much about playing when I was alive, however, playing with this little cat has taught me how to be gentle again, which I am sure that Felaran probably appreciates.

I still have thoughts flash through my mind of my past life – some of the evil that I had done – I also catch glimpses of what might have been my family in my past life.  I keep seeing an older couple in my thoughts that might have been my parents, I’m not sure.   Maybe the Lich King’s minions did the right thing in wiping our memories, however, I wonder how much of that was to make us more capable of killing everything in our paths while we were under his control and not feel the guilt that most of humanity would have felt, I don’t know.   I don’t think that I will ever understand all of the reasoning behind it.   There are times that I find myself rather envious of Felaran’s memories and her ability to have a family surrounding here while I have nothing to cling too of my past life.  Luckily, I suppose, she gives me the stability that I had been missing as well as erasing that loneliness that I had endured for so many years before I met her.   She has taught me what it means to love and care about someone again – this I will always be thankful for.

One of the things that I have started doing since we bought our farm is to produce more of the jewelry that people seem to like.  Rings, necklaces and some very delicate pieces that can only be described as home decorations.  I can take real joy and pride in my work as I see them getting sold almost as soon as I finish them.  Felaran always laughs and chuckles at me when she sees me with my face buried in my work, the delicate pieces keep my mind occupied with the way that they seem to almost tell me how to cut the stones or wrought the gold to embellish them.   At least at the farm, I have my own space for my workbench and Fel likes to come over and look at some of the pieces – she actually helped me design our wedding rings.  Oh yes, hers was definitely the harder of the two to make because it is so tiny, however, it is beautiful  – yes, we are going to wear them even if Silvermoon doesn’t recognize the fact that we’re man and wife, we do.

Oh yes, I did ask her brother for her hand in marriage and he gave his permission although I will have to admit that his facial expression gave away his feelings.  I suppose he never  thought that Death Knights could care for one another, however, we can and do.  That poor fellow has his own crosses to bear with his relationships too – his wife in another faction, his sons being raised in a different kind of race and will never be able to grace his home with their presence in Silvermoon unless they sneak in.  Love has its own way of torturing our souls, if we truly have them, and making us do the things that we do.  Even Death Knights know what it is to suffer the loss of friends.  Ah well, I wax nostalgic here and it’s just wasting time that I need to be spending on some work that I have been commissioned to do.

A crown?  Not a tiara, mind you, a crown that symbolizing some kind of royalty.  Ah well, if it’s a crown that this woman wants, it will be a crown that she will get, however, she is going to have to be forthcoming with some gold before I can truly start the heavy work on it.  That means another meeting in Silvermoon and another discussion of what she requires.  She actually makes me feel uneasy when we are talking, there is just an air around her that makes me feel that she isn’t what she presents to the public eye.

Some of the runes that she wants in her design make me feel extremely uncomfortable because it’s not something that I would think that a mage would have knowledge of.  No, I haven’t discussed this with Felaran although she is aware of the commission and the money forthcoming, however, she might be a bit put off with the way that this woman acts when she’s around me.  A few passes, a few hints and some blatant winks – no, I’m not interested in this living woman and I need to find a more diplomatic way in trying to make her understand that.

Ah well, time to head back to the Jade Forest and try to get some of the recruits to understand that they don’t have to kill everything in the forest all at once – or to lead them back to me to kill for them, that’s not my job.

Ty Ravencrest