Adventures With Friends…And What It Could Cost


April 18th

Dear Journal,

I will have to admit that I was almost afraid to come back to Pandaria the other night after my adventures in Stormwind.   It does seem like I go to Stormwind to really work on getting some more contracts, turning our products in and collecting the money before I head back.  Sure as there is a sun in the sky, I always seem to get sidetracked.

I guess I should stop gong to the Lamb or even to the Blue Recluse to grab a bite to eat and a drink before making the trek back home.  I always seem to find my old friends and sure as hell, there is always some issue or problem that I need to help on.  Never being one to turn down friends, I always go along thinking that it surely couldn’t be as dangerous as the last time, right?

Well, I should have known when we got involved with the dwarves in the Hinterlands, that wasn’t going to be the end of it.  I never did get all of the information about the interrogation of the goblin that we took captive, however, it seems that it lead to a lot of things that they are involved in now.

Let’s see, demons, irate warlocks and some pretty strange happens with monsters appearing out of some kind of portal that had been opened in the bowels deep below the Slaughtered Lamb.   We’ve killed things that I would have only thought would have been in nightmares, however, someone didn’t seal the portal or if they did – it was a lousy job.

This last trip was even scarier because I have been befriended by a warlock that likes to hide behind me when we go on these adventures and it seems like she pops around just long enough to cast a spell and pass out.  Did I mention that she’s pregnant?   No, I had nothing to do with it, however, it does seem a bit weird for a warlock to be pregnant, what with all of that fel magic and stuff.  I think she’s using me as a  meat shield and sometimes she has taken some of my soul to use with her magics, without asking, I might add.

Anyway, this last time was no different than the last, I ended up tagging along and it was one heck of a fight that we had with monsters, demons and all sorts of unusual things down there in the depths of the basement.  It really looks like there is some kind of strange and not so good magic being practiced down there.  Of course, the warlock that was with us seemed to know something about it, however, I wasn’t privy to that information, I just was there to protect and to help my friends.

It was an awful night of monsters that needed to be killed, seals that had been placed on the portal were broken and that released the hounds so to speak.   Why can’t I ever run into things that don’t spew acid and try to rip my face off?  Let’s just say that my armor is going to be getting cleaned up and then I’ll have to see what really needs to be repaired, I can’t afford to buy a new set at this point.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we defeated the monsters, the acid that they had spewed on the ground left a gaping hole in the floor that naturally led to another “room” – why is there always another room?  Some of the group went into the room and I opted to stand on the edge and peer down into the abyss.  I guess that there was a warlock or a mage gone wrong that was trying to invent some kind of weapon – that’s why all of this mess was started.   Well, it appears as though he may have gotten a bit carried away with it while he was at it.  Most of these monsters have been constructed of different things, mostly plant life of sorts.   What the others found in the room down there almost made me retch.

Apparently  this warlock or whatever the heck he is was using a living Night Elf Druid to help with the processes that he was using.  I don’t’ understand how he could have using her as some kind of morphing thing or if she was involved or if she was a prisoner of sorts.   She was in chains when they found her, dead and there were signs that her life’s blood was being fed into these plants – for whatever sick purpose, I don’t care.  We recovered whatever information that had been left down there, papers, receipts and other notes that were left on a workbench.  One of our more pronounced heroes in the group gathered that all up before our leader could really take a look at it.  I suppose I’ll hear something the next time I decide to visit Stormwind.

We had asked a Death Knight Dwarf that was an undertaker of sorts to take care of the remains of the body and give it a proper burial.  Well, on the way out, I heard him griping about what was asked of him to do and he literally took the body and dropped it on the ground and left it there after he was asked to take care of it.  Well, I couldn’t leave the poor thing laying there on the floor like that.

The Druid had been someone at sometime and I am sure that her family would appreciate it if someone showed her some respect when she was dead.  Well, I gathered the body up and carried it back to the warehouse where we have some shrouds and body bags that we use in our bounty hunting so that it would be easier to carry back to Darnassus.  I have no idea who the girl was or what her connection was to this mess, however, it cost her what was left of her life – Elune knows what kind of life she had had before coming to this sorry end.

Well, nothing would do except for me to transport the body to Darnassus and turn it over to the priestesses at the temple for a proper burial.  I have known a few druids in my life and they always seem to have special rituals that they follow.  Since I am ignorant of the details on the matter, that was the one place that I knew that the poor girl would be properly interred.   I didn’t stay for the services or the burial because I needed to get back to Pandaria.

All of my involvement with my friends in Stormwind is really starting to upset Kae quite a bit.  I just have to learn how to say “no” emphatically and stick with it, however, I do have a certain amount of loyalty to these people from our past history.  They are some of the very first people that I met in Stormwind other than Josie and her group of people, which, one of these days, I do want to get back in touch with her to see how she is doing.

Kae took one look at me when I got home from Stormwind and grabbed her bow and left the house.  She didn’t ask me if I was okay or anything and I know that I was a sorry looking sight, not only my armor being the worse for wear, I had several burns that I tended too as well as throwing away yet another shirt that acid holes all in the sleeves.  She didn’t even talk to me, she just glared and left.

She didn’t come home last night and I haven’t seen any signs of her in Halfhill although I have been to the market in hopes that she might be there.  I even went to the Vale to see if she might have stayed up there last night and no one had seen her.   No, I didn’t venture to the Sentinel camp to see if she might have gone there because I don’t think that she would want any of her friends to know that she and I are having problems.

Yes, I think we’re having problems and I have to ask myself what it is that I want to do.   I love her, there is no doubt in my mind about that, however, I am not ready to make any kind of vows just yet.  There is such a finality to that and it scares the hell out of me.   I guess I will hang out at the farm today and see if she shows up, if she doesn’t show up, I’ll head back to Stormwind to see if she has been to see my Mom.

 

Kaldor Shadowmoon

 

 

In A Quandry…It’s A Guy Thing


April 5th

Dear Journal,

I know that Kae and I are both just worn out.  We go out on our scouting patrols and then, come back to the camp and farm to do more work.  Oh, I don’t mind working hard and it’s something that I’ve always done, however, I think it’s getting to the point that we need a vacation of sorts. I haven’t had a real leave in quite a while and I think it’s about time for me to put in for one with Kae.

Oh, no, I’m not going to go on leave right away, I’m still waiting patiently for my Mother to get into Halfhill so that Kae can meet her and to see Mom finally get together with my Father again too.  I know that is going to be one of those real sappy meetings after all of this time, however, I know that they will both be happy again. They’ve been apart before, however, I wasn’t really old enough to understand how much it would bother them, plus, I knew that my Mother was always worried that he wouldn’t come back each time he left her. Now, I know better and understand a bit more.

Oh, I understand about his involvement with the women of his own race and even an engagement of sorts and that my Mother was his, then, mistress.  However, that must have been extremely hard on her, she’s a very proud woman. I think there were a few times in the past that I actually hated him for what he was doing to Mom and how he would just saunter in as if nothing had happened and expect to pick up where he left off.  I think I understand the why of it now that I’m older but back then, I was very confused about the relationship.  Oh, that’s definitely all changed now, they got married in the Sindorei fashion when we were living in Dalaran and he finally realized that he already had a ready-made family and didn’t have to necessarily have a Sindorei wife to make him happy.

I think that’s why I’m a little bit apprehensive about relationships. Oh, I have had a few relationships and a few flings here and there, however, nothing long lasting.  Now, the situation that I am in with Kae and Josie really feels awkward and I don’t want to hurt either one of them.  However, I know that one day I am going to have to make a choice and hurt one of them…or I could just end up losing them both.

It’s funny how my common sense tells me to do one thing and my heart keeps pulling me in both directions. Is it love or is it lust?  I know my body is telling me that it’s lust when I wake up at night and have this lovely Kaldorei woman lying in bed next to me and I ache to take her. Sometimes it is almost painful.  Oh, sometimes it’s more than painful and that’s when I get out of bed and start walking around away from the temptation.

I’m sitting here this morning at the farm, it’s raining outside and I’m writing in my journal while I watch Kae sleeping.  Her long white hair spread out on the pillows like a fan, one breast slightly exposed and her lips are parted slightly as she breathes softly. All I want to do is to take her in my arms, kiss those lips and feel her body respond to mine.  Is that wrong?  I know she wants me, she’s told me often enough and those sly little brushes of her hand on my inner thigh when we’re sitting close together sometimes really make me want to do more than just talk. My body wants her, my mind is telling me to proceed with caution and my heart – well, my heart is telling me that this woman may be one that I could have extremely strong feelings for. Do I love her? I’m not sure that I really know the true meanings of that word either. I know that I care about her, that I want her with me all of the time and that when she isn’t around, I am worried about her and lonely for her company.

As for Josie, I have feelings for her too.  I know that we were rushing headlong there for a while but nothing ever really happened.  We were friends, we kissed and I know that we teased one another on more than a few occasions but was there a spark there?  At times there were some stronger feelings, however, our infrequency of keeping in touch with one another put a damper on that pretty much, I think.  Then, I have to think about a few other things. Our races are totally different, she looks human most of the time and I’ve never seen the Worgen appear when we are together. It’s like two totally different people all packaged up in one body.  The last time that we met, it was rather awkward because we were talking with each other while Harrier looked on – observing like some kind of bodyguard or something.

When Harrier heard that I was in Pandaria with a group of Sentinels, you could see the look on his face that told me straight away that he knew what some of my other duties with that group would be.  I also mentioned that I had a farm and one of the Sentinels was living with me which almost made his ears flap like they had been caught in a windstorm. Let’s face it, the fellow doesn’t care for me because of my involvement with Josie.  I don’t know what the relationship is between the two of them, however, there are times that it makes me feel like I’m intruding into someone else’s private area. He’s a Kaldorei, he knows what Sentinels can be sometimes and his disdain of the group was very apparent when I was talking to Josie.

Since Josie and I hadn’t heard from each other since right before Winter Veil, we both agreed that we would take our relationship back to square one and start over.  Just be friends and try to keep in touch with one another.  I was almost sure that it was a kiss off and that I would never hear from her again.  Well, she surprised me and wrote within the first week after we had met.  She wanted to see me again in Stormwind, I suppose.  I wrote her back and said that I would be happy to see her and for her to let me know when and I would be there – well, I haven’t heard anything back from her.  I wonder if Harrier has told her what some of my other duties would be with the Sentinels?  I would almost bet my farm that he has and that is why I haven’t heard back from her.  Little does Harrier know that I haven’t fulfilled that role with the Sentinels, not even with Kae.

I know that if I talked with my Dad’s best friend about this situation, I know what his reaction would be.  He’d want to bed them both and would, without any kind of remorse about it.  If I talked to my Father, he would have had the same reaction as Dawnglory a few years ago, however, now, I know that he would feel differently. Why am I losing sleep over this and why am I letting it mess with my mind so much?  I wish I knew. I’m almost afraid to think of what my Mother would say about the situation and it’s a guy thing. It would be really hard to talk to her about it especially after she clouted me upside the head and would tell me to get my head out of my butt.  Oh, she’s got a temper and I know that she would tell me that it’s foolishness and that I should do what my feelings are telling me to do.  I just wish that I could get those feelings sorted out a bit more. I wish I was a bit older and more experienced with this sort of thing – maybe it’s not as bad as it feels right now.

I’ll admit that I have been living with Kae longer than I have any other woman other than my Mother.  We’re best friends and we enjoy the time together more and more. I know that I trust Kae with everything and I’ve told her stuff that I would never tell anyone else – I trust her even though I know that she has been reporting things back to the Commander at camp from time to time concerning my loyalty to the Alliance.  I know that all of that has changed since we had our conversation about that after she disclosed what she had been doing. Do I actually tell her “everything” that goes through my mind? No.

Now, I’m still in a quandary with the situation and even writing about it isn’t clearing my head like it usually does. I’m kind of laughing here because if I did what my body is always telling me to do, I’d have landed in that group of Sentinels like an animal and nailed every one of them within the first week after my arrival in Pandaria. They are a very attractive group of women, if you could ignore some of the personalities. Luckily, I’m not the only male assigned to the group and I’m happy of that fact.  So, I think I had better listen to my mind and my heart a little bit more.

Ah well, I guess I ought to get off my backside and make something warm for breakfast to wake Kae up.  We can decide what we’re going to do for the day with all of this rain. Maybe I should go stand in the cold rain for a while and get my body to stop screaming at me for something that could truly upset the apple cart?  Maybe I should go talk to one of the Pandaren and learn how to “meditate” on what is troubling me – seems to work for them, lucky guys.

Kal

 

 

 

Emotional Rollercoaster…It’s Complicated


March 14th

Dear Journal,

Kae finally told me the truth about what she has been doing all of these months. I wasn’t shocked and I definitely wasn’t surprised when she told me that she had been spying on me for the Sentinel hierarchy at the camp.  I always felt like there was something there that didn’t quite match up with what her lips were saying to me sometimes and that’s why our friendship, while very close, was never going to go any further than it had.  I didn’t completely trust her.

I think what brought all of this to a head to where she finally felt compelled to tell me what she had done was due to the fact that when we returned from our long distance scouting mission, the same old name calling, the smirks, the sly winks and the way that our comrades were treating us both. 

Kae is a friendly soul and she has effectively been cut off from the other Sentinels due to our relationship – what that relationship is will be determined in the future. The teasing and the taunting didn’t bother me as much because it’s something that I have to deal with most of my life because I was different, my heritage separated me from both races – Kaldorei and Sindorei. However, Kae’s friendship with me has cost her dearly and almost cost her our friendship as well.

When we were standing in the house in Halfhill and all she would do was to snap at me anytime I said anything or just glare at me when I would try to talk to her finally brought my temper to a head because I can stand the abuse from the others, not from her.  I finally just told her that if she was so miserable living with me, she could just pack her bags and go back to the camp.  I never realized how those words just cut through everything that was going on in her mind until she looked at me with those big tears welling in her eyes and her lips trembling.

When she started talking, it was like I had released an emotional dam inside of her as well as myself.  I know that my first reaction was a quick burning flash of anger that changed over to something else entirely.  When those tears in her eyes started rolling down her face, her voice choked with tears as she spoke – I just wanted to hold her in my arms and try to soothe her fears like I have done many times with my siblings.

I don’t know how long we stood there in the house, me holding her in my arms as she sobbed her story out about what all she had done.  I know she couldn’t see the tears in my own eyes nor could she feel the ache in my chest as I held her close to my body.  Poor woman had allowed herself to be put into a very precarious and compromising position by those people in command – one that could have put her own loyalty in question just by her association with me and our allegiance as friends.

She has been my only real friend since I have been Panderia and the only confidant that I had.  How much of that confidential information went back to the commanders will always be an unknown for me unless she decides to tell me things more specifically, which, I have a feeling that she withheld a lot from them as well.

Just standing there holding her was something that I have really never experienced.  It made me feel like I wanted to protect her from any more pain caused by anyone, especially the other Sentinels. I couldn’t help but notice how tiny she really was, how fragile her body seemed to be as she sobbed out her story. I just wanted to hold her and make the rest of the world disappear so that we could go back to being just Kae and Kal, best friends.  However, my heart was telling me that my feelings probably went a bit deeper than the friendship.

I know I was smiling as I smoothed down her long hair and looked into that tear stained face, however, what she couldn’t see or feel was how my heart was just pounding. I wanted to just stand there and hold her in my arms forever if that’s what it took to take the pain away from the both of us.  One thing I really wanted to do was go back to the camp and just beat the crap out of the people that had hurt us both.

When we went to the Jade Temple a little while later, I could tell that her emotions were still a bit raw, however, we talked some more.  I found out more about her as a person.  Poor thing really hasn’t ever had a family – she was raised commune fashion, drifting from one home to another and not really putting down any familial roots – she was truly alone amongst a crowd of people. I know that she’s not the only child that has been raised that way, however, it almost broke my heart to hear her talk about it.

 It was the only life that she had known before she joined the Sentinels. She also told me that she’s had relationships with other men, her first sexual encounter was more of a rite of passage than anything that had any real meaning to it – you are a woman and this is what you do was the way that it was presented to her.  I could feel my heart melting and, yet, I could relate to what she had been through, my first encounter was on a dare, I had no feelings for the person, I just wanted to prove to my buddies that I was just as much a man as they were even though I was only half Kaldorei.

I know that my feelings toward Kae have changed quite a bit since our talk.  They are definitely more tender, more protective and deeper.  Is this the “love” for a woman that I have always heard about and have never experienced?

I know that I would have much rather have just held her in my arms and kissed her, which I did do for the first time than to be down there at the Temple doing laundry. A part of me wanted that kiss to go on forever and my body definitely wanted to do more than just hold her in my arms, however, it was not the right time and place for that sort of reaction – or so I made myself believe.

The village was pretty much asleep when we got back to Halfhill and I think that we were both emotionally spent at that point.  As we put our things away, I couldn’t help but notice how she moved around the house, so graceful, so beautiful at the same time.  When we got ready for bed, she stepped behind the screen to slip into  her nightgown and I crawled under the furs on my bed.  When she emerged from behind that screen, I could still see that “little girl” look, even behind those Sentinel tattoos and I just wanted to hold her in my arms. So, me being me, I invited her to my bed so that I could just hold her in my arms, giving her comfort as well as comforting myself.

I guess part of me wanted to take things to another level, however, the emotional drain and these past few weeks of scouting had taken a physical toll on me.  I held her in my arms, feeling her body close against mine. I could even hear her heart beating as I held her – I fell asleep with such a feeling of relief and happiness that I think I slept like the dead.  If she had wanted to take the relationship to a higher physical level, I think I would have tried to respond, however, I may have fallen asleep anyway, no matter how much I may have desired her.

This whole thing has changed our relationship, it’s more intimate on an emotional plane. Now, when I look at her, it feels different and my mind is just spinning with all kinds of thoughts.  She is my best friend here in Panderia and the closest person to me that I have ever had outside of my family. Even her smile looks warmer and let’s just say that her body is more inviting to me than it ever has been before. If we take this relationship to a more intimate setting, what will this do to the other things going on in my life? What about the feelings that I have for Josie, which are very deep – not to the level I have for Kae right now, however, I still have them.

I know that she has made me realize how much I respect her as a person, not just as a woman.  It has made me realize that there could be more in life than just romping around together as comrades.  Friends are one thing, lovers are another.  Will this change everything and will it ruin the closeness that we have right now or will it deepen it?   I have so many questions rolling through my mind and no one to talk too about it.   Damn, I wish I could just walk over to my Dad’s house and talk to him, however, I can’t because too many people are out and about – it wouldn’t be good for either one of us for people to see us talking together.

I did get a letter from my Mother.  I know that I couldn’t help but smile and chuckle to myself when I read it.  She is in Panderia and actually not too far away from us.  There is a note in the letter for Dad too which I need to get to him as soon as possible.  I could well imagine that if she showed up on his doorstep right now, it would give the poor guy a heart attack. At least I know that Mom and Dad will be happy once they can find a way to be together up here.  Well, that gives me another person to talk too about the situation that I am in – when she gets here.  

Things could get complicated.

Kal

 

Living With Sentinels Is Not Easy


March 4th 

Dear Journal,  

It’s been amazing since I got back from leave.  First off, I did get a letter from Josie, which did shock me silly.  I thought for sure that she would months in writing a note or anything as per her previous history. Maybe just starting “over” will have its merits for us, I hope so.  I do care for her a lot more than I’ve let on to anyone, however, you never know how these things are going to work out. 

I know that when I got back to Panderia, the farm looked marvelous and Kae has been working very hard to keep up with everything in my absence.  It was so nice to get back here and feel like I had come “home” again.  Let’s face it, it has become my home now because my family is scattered to the four winds these days. I never realized how beautiful Kae was either – maybe that old thing of “absence makes the heart grow fonder” has some merit or I am just extremely off-kilter in the libido department. 

I wasn’t too thrilled at getting called into the Sentinel Commander’s tent when I got back to our base camp though.  It seems as though I haven’t been doing all of my duties that I am supposed to do, such as helping to maintain the morale of some of the other women.  I explained very respectfully to the Commander that I haven’t even been maintaining my own “morale” in that area either for quite some time which caused her to look at me with a  bit of disdain as well as surprised. Just like everyone else in camp, she thought that I was sleeping with Kae, which I am but not that way.  She asked me if I preferred men – I think the look on my face told her everything that she needed to know on that matter.  

We did have a rather heated conversation about my heritage and the fact that some of the women didn’t trust me because of my heritage and then the fact that some of the girls wanted to see how a Sindorei made them feel physically.  I think I exploded at that point.  I’m only half Sindorei, I’m not even sure what the difference is between the two races other than size. Let’s just say that the conversation ended up on a not so happy note for neither one of us.  At least I’m not being put out to stud now because my feelings were quite open on the matter.  I understand about how males are viewed by Sentinels and I also told her that I didn’t practice any kind of birth control for my own personal reasons. Well, the corker was that she sent for Kae to report to the “meeting” that we were having. 

I don’t know who was more embarrassed at the time, Kae or myself.  Kae admitted that we were living together and that we’d not had any kind of physical relations at all during all of the months that we had been together.  The only response that the Commander gave was “Oh, I see!” with a smirk on her face. That’s when Kae put the icing on the cake and told the woman that I was seeing a Worgen – oh man, that really sealed the deal. 

Now, I’m being called a eunuch by the women in camp which is pretty damned insulting if you ask me, however, they aren’t trying to see which one of them can seduce me anymore.  Naturally, some of the other men in the camp just kind of laugh at me when I join them for any kind of male bonding.  I guess I’m being ostracized a bit for a while and the only companion I have is Kae. 

I get a lot of this got started by that Phaendra because of the fact that I didn’t try to jump her bones and then  the scuffle that Kae and she had didn’t help matters any.  Oh well, I’ll adapt to the “new” situation and keep on doing my job. 

I think I can understand some of the comments that Harrier had to make about Sentinels when I was in Stormwind really were true even though I tried to defend the order with him, which made him dislike me even more than he already did. 

At first, they wouldn’t let Kae and I do any scouting together, now, it seems like we’re being sent out all of the time together.  We’re also being sent out further than any of the other scouting missions, which seems kind of odd.  Instead of being gone for a few hours at a clip before reporting back in, we’re being sent further afield and never even report back to camp for days now.  When we do go out on patrol, we have to take point guard. 

I’m not a fool, I know why this is being done and they are in hopes that someday, we won’t come back.  Kae keeps apologizing to me about what has happened and I keep telling her that it isn’t her fault.  Things just happen for a reason sometimes. 

We rarely have time to get back to the farm and I’ve kind of let some of the people help us out there.  I miss being able to go there every few hours and at least getting to sleep there most nights.  Kae and I both have put in for transfers to a new unit, however, we’ve not gotten any positive responses other than from some of the groups in Kun-Lai.  Some of them will take Kae and not me, a couple have said that they didn’t care about my heritage, they needed people for fighting. So, who knows where we might end up next? 

I’m exhausted.  Sure, we’ve had our run-ins with Horde a few times while we’re scouting, however, there do seem to be even more of them heading North.  I wonder if there is going to be another offensive up there.  How spread out can we get before we start having other issues – supplies, people – you name it.  I’m worried about these scouting missions. 

Kae told me that she ran into my Father a few times while I was gone and that he seemed like a nice man.  I told her that I was a bit biased but I thought he was a good person.  Naturally, we’ve been graced by Dawnglory leering over the fence a few times but he’s been absent a lot lately since he blew up his outhouse. 

Oh, that was a real choice event and I am sure that most of Halfhill heard the racket.  Kae and I both had quite a belly-laugh out of that one.  We didn’t get to see it but we’ve heard the stories of the idiot Blood Elf and explosives.  Kind of reminded me of my little brothers in Dalaran. 

I will have to admit that I have been holding out on my Father a bit.  I know that my Mother is expecting to get to Panderia very soon because of the letters she’s written me.  I don’t know what she put in the notes for my Father but he just shakes his head when I have given them to him and gets this kind of misty eyed look.  I know he loves her very much, however, I hope that I don’t ever get that silly to where my emotions are out there for everyone to see like that.  It’s kind of embarrassing to see your Dad almost cry.  

Well, Kae and I do seem to have a couple of days off, so, we’re going to be here in Halfhill doing our farming thing and trying to rest.  I know that Kae is exhausted because her moods have been a little crazy of late.  She looks at me with tears in her eyes and then chews me out for the smallest things. She keeps acting like she wants to talk to me about something and then gets upset when I ask her what she wants to say.  Women are strange creatures, that’s a fact.

Oh well, guess we need to go take care of our laundry too.  I know I ran out of some things a couple of days ago and my lovely Sentinel told me not to stand upwind of her.  Well, hell, I can’t do laundry when we’re scouting. I did do some trading with a grummel and got some cologne that I’ve been splashing on myself to try to make things better – that’s some nasty cologne.  

Kal

 

 

 

DO NOT DRINK WITH DWARVES – I should know better


February 26th

Dear Journal,

I woke up for a little while when Kae left this morning and I will admit that it is nice to be back in Panderia, things seem less complicated here.  I am still kind of confused about what actually happened in Stormwind – totally oblivious to what might have happened in Ironforge.

I met Josie in Stormwind and we agreed to be “friends” – okay, that’s fine, I don’t mind being friends and we both promised that we would write one another, however, through my past experience, Josie isn’t all that great in the letter writing thing.  I mean, she can write, however, it’s almost as infrequent as when I get to see her.  We shall see.  Yes, maybe we were moving too fast, I have no idea what it is she wants from me – I’m not ready to get married by a long shot.

As for Ironforge. I should know better than to get into a drinking bout with a bunch of dwarves, however, I did it anyway.  I only know that when I woke up the next morning, if it was morning even, I had three female dwarves in bed with me, all I had on was my loincloth and a boot.  What really woke me up was the one laying on my chest and snoring into my ear – she was kind of cute, however, I have no idea who she was. I was flat on my back with a dwarf under each arm.  Oh, Elune, I hope that I didn’t do anything that I should be ashamed of but I have no idea what was going on.  Of course, Andrew was laughing like a hyena when I went downstairs after slipping out of the bed and not even waking the one on my chest, just kind of slid her off there.

Naturally, he gave me some “hair of the dog” as he puts it the minute I sat down and I thought that I was going to throw up when he told me he put a wee bit of gun powder in it to give it a kick.  Gets rid of the hangover he says. 

His eyes were just gleaming when he told me that the girls had taken me upstairs for some fun and the racket that went on sounded like they were having a good time.  I wanted to crawl under the table and possibly all the way back to Panderia.  So far, in the past, I supposedly puked in the fountain pool at the mage quarter, now, I’ve committed some kind of weird acts with a bunch of female dwarves or supposedly.   I honestly don’t remember and my body doesn’t tell me that it had a good time like that.

Now, the big thing is that he said that they had a gnomish camera up there and they would be sending me pictures when they were developed – Oh Elune!! How am I going to explain that? One would think that I would remember if I did something like that with that many women at one time.  My head was still kind of spinning and foggy when I left Ironforge.  Yeah,  I promised that I would be back for a visit soon, however, I think I’m going to avoid the booze and the women – in that order.

Of course, I made a quick stop in Stormwind at the apartment so I could get cleaned up and changed clothes.  I didn’t want to go to Dolonaar just reeking of alcohol.  I didn’t want that “tsk tsk” that I would get from Grandmother and the “evil” wink from Grandfather.

I did get to see the little guys and they are growing like weeds.  My grandparents tell me that my Mom hasn’t visited in a while, however, they did hear from her.  She’s been in Deepholm with the Sentinels.  Knowing my Mother, she probably hated that place as much as I did.  I used to get sent down there for basilisk hides and I hated the closeness and darkness of the place with a passion.  I did try to get some hides from other places to substitute, however, that didn’t work.  Darn basilisks have crystals in their hides down there that make the leather kind of sparkle when it’s tanned.  Not to mention, I got my butt chewed out by my Mother for trying a stunt like that.  I hope she’s okay.

I will admit that I did have a bit of a hangover while I was there and my Grandfather took me outside and gave me some of his own homemade brew to see if that would help.  My Grandmother insisted that I take some herbs to help – oh, they helped a whole lot – I think that I heaved the entire contents of my stomach of anything that I had eaten in the last two days.   I really have to make a note to myself that I shouldn’t  drink with dwarves and I shouldn’t take my Grandmother’s herbs.

The farm looked so good when I got back to Panderia and Halfhill.  I just had to go out and look at things and to clear my head from traveling so quickly to get back here.  It was nice to see Kae again, it was almost like being able to relax completely when I saw her.  Naturally, she wanted to cook something for me to eat and I had to tell her that I wasn’t hungry and the only thing that I wanted to do was to go to bed and get some sleep.

Kae had made me some food before she left this morning and I will admit that I was hungry for some food that wasn’t something I could have eaten in Stormwind or Ironforge.  Why she made soup before she left has me amazed, however, the beef broth and the veggies just settled my stomach right down. 

I’m sure that we will have a nice time talking about my leave when she gets back today, however, I think I am going to go back to bed, I’m exhausted.

Kal

 

 

 

Life Is Complicated


February 18th

Dear Journal,

I thought that by coming to Stormwind for a few days that it might help me clear my head a little bit of my personal stuff and start getting on with things.  However, that may have been my intent at the time and it was well thought out before I left Kae on the farm and headed to Stormwind.  I also wanted to get up to see the Bitterbeers in Ironforge for a few hours at least.

I wanted to get my head cleared out and just put a few things behind me.  I think that I needed to get some closure on a few things in regard to Josie and be able to tell myself that it wasn’t something that I had done wrong, in fact, it might have been something that I had done right.  I still don’t know what is really going on, however, at least I have some ideas.

When I got to Stormwind, the warehouse was extremely busy and the new office manager really was giving me fits as to whom I was because we’d never met.  I had to prove to her that I was whom I was by showing her the key to the apartment upstairs, which, bless the light of Elune, Vashlan happened to be there.  He assured her that I was indeed Kaldor Shadowmoon, the son of the owner of the company and I hadn’t come there to rob the warehouse.  So, at least she didn’t feel like she had to summon the guards that were on duty to remove this strange person from the premises.  It was good to see Vash again because we hadn’t seen one another since Winter Veil and we had a lot to catch up on.

Naturally, my room looked like it had been turned into a changing room with Vash’s robes lying all over the place and a few crates that he had shoved in there with books in them that he had already read and hadn’t sold them nor decided to put them in the bookshelves.  So, we spent the next couple of hours cleaning up my room so I could at least use it with me chewing him out for being such a clothes horse amongst other things.

We talked about how things were with Mother and Father and I’ll admit that he was relieved that they were going to be seeing one another in the next few days for some private time alone.  He was afraid that Dad had gone off on another one of his adventures – which would mean that our family would be torn apart again and we’d have to start over again.  No, I don’t think that we have to worry about that sort of thing happening again because I think that Mother would just shoot him if he got that kind of wanderlust again.  Besides, I think that Dad has finally realized that we are the family that he has always wanted and needed in his life – he does seem happy enough other than worrying about Mother being in the Sentinels again.

I guess that Vashlan has seen the little guys recently and they are growing like weeds and he thinks that they are actually going to be taller than the two of us.  Well, they are pure Kaldorei and that means that they will not have to deal with the things that we had to growing up and still have to deal with from time to time.  I guess that Vashlan has been able to cover his bloodline up by telling people he had an accident with fel magic that he wasn’t supposed to be messing around with and that’s why his eyes are a little on the green side.  Guess he’s gotten smarter as he’s gotten older.  Accidents can happen with magic, the wrong incantation, the wrong potion, whatever – poof, you could be scarred for life.  He might set up a portal while I’m here so that I can get a chance to see the little monsters before I have to go back to Panderia.  I miss them a lot, especially the stuff they used to pull in Dalaran which they don’t seemed to have stopped completely even in Dolonaar.  Vash had to take some replacement stuff to Grandma because she had broken a few wooden spoons warming up their backsides.  Something about the Moonwell and explosives – will they ever learn that there are some things that you just don’t do?  I guess that Mother was fit to be tied over that little stunt when Gran wrote her about it.

I love Panderia, however, I do miss the family times that we used to have when we were living in Dalaran.  I don’t suppose that we’ll ever have that very often anymore.  What with Dad being in Panderia and Mom being in Mount Hyjal, the family is kind of scattered all over Azeroth these days.

Maggie had told me about some filching of the shipments that we were sending out and I thought that I would go down to the docks to see what was going on.  I wondered if the guards were getting to be a bit lax in their duties, which could happen I suppose.  Stormwind is a busy port and with all of the war supplies going out, it would be ripe for a bunch of thieves to start taking their wares.

I was standing on the dock to Darnassus checking the last few crates when I started remembering a lot of the things that had happened to me on that particular dock.  That’s where I met Harrier and Josie the very first time.  Oh that did bring back some of my more harsh memories of Harrier disliking me quite a bit. 

As I was leaving the dock, I noticed a fellow sitting by the tree that I knew I recognized almost immediately.  That purple hat is a definite give away, he always wears that hat down over his eyes so you can’t see what his eyes are doing.  Yep, it was Harrier.

He and I chatted for a while and it appears that I’m not the only one that has been away from Stormwind for a while.  I have no clue where he has been because he’s always very secretive with the way that he does things.  Naturally, I told him in passing that I hadn’t seen Josie in quite a while nor had I heard from her.  I told him that I thought that maybe she didn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore for whatever reason.   You could almost see his eyes light up with that thought.   I guess that Josie does talk about me from time to time which can’t please him at all.  I don’t think that I will ever figure out that relationship at all.  Naturally, I also asked him about The Lady and he said that she was doing as well as she always does – whatever in the heck that really means, I’m clueless.

As we were chatting there on the docks, or should I say, trading words.  I kept feeling like I was being watched and I would glance around to see if anyone was nearby and couldn’t see anything.  I was beginning to chalk it up to being in a warzone for too long and not being able to turn off that particular radar when I’m away from it.  Besides, I didn’t have Kae with me to cover my back and that always makes me a bit nervous – I’ve become very dependent on her being with me, which may or may not be a good thing.

Yeah, you guessed it.  It was Josie slipping around from the back of the tree and I guess she had caught her gown on one of the bushes there – it was the only reason that I noticed her at that point.  It’s kind of odd how you see Harrier and Josie isn’t too far behind.  It always makes me wonder about that relationship.  Josie says she doesn’t like him and he doesn’t like her, however, they sure do seem to be inseparable.

I didn’t know whether to be happy to see her or angry to see her.  I mean, it’s been months since we had last spoken and I even quit sending her flowers after the Winter Veil debacle and her never getting in touch with me.  I was ready to chalk the whole thing off and get on with my life.  She says that she’s been extremely busy at the shop and hasn’t had time to do anything else.  Well, I’ve been off fighting a war and that didn’t mean that I didn’t have time to think about her at least.  Oh well, I suppose there are excuses that you can accept and some that you have to take with a grain of salt.

I’ll admit that my heart skipped a couple of beats when I saw her and I know that I had a huge grin plastered on my face.  I told her how beautiful she was and that I was glad to see her.  I know that my knees were shaking and I could feel my heart pounding every time I opened my mouth.

We chatted for a while with Harrier sitting there like some chaperone or something.  I told her about the farm and the fact that I had been assigned to a group of Sentinels in Panderia.  I guess Harrier doesn’t care for Sentinels all that much.  Anyway, the subject came up about the farm and I was telling Josie about it and she asked if I had help with the place because it sounded like a lot of work. 

I had no intentions of telling Josie about Kae, however, I wasn’t going to lie about it either.  I didn’t lie when I said that Kae doesn’t live with me all of the time, most of the time she does. I definitely didn’t go into any details about our sleeping arrangements either.  No sense in building a bonfire and standing in it.  I did invite Josie to come visit at some point.

We were all talking about Sentinels and Harrier kept making comments about how Sentinels don’t like men for the most part.  Well, naturally, I was trying to smooth that over by saying that not all Sentinels felt that way.  Men were just a lower level of the social strata around Sentinels.  I didn’t want to broach the subject that men had other uses when there are group of women.  Can’t say that I have been called on to provide that particular “service” since I’ve been in Panderia, however, I know it’s happened to some of my buddies. Josie thought it was horrible that men aren’t treated as equals and I spoke out that the relationship between my parents was very equal.

Oh well, I’m sure that Harrier filled Josie in on the situation after I left.  Josie and I decided to remain friends and start our relationship over again by writing.  We’ll see how that works out.  At least we parted as friends last night.  Oh Elune No!  I am sure not going to share the fact with Kae that I ran into Josie again because I have a feeling that a bit of jealousy might happen there, maybe not. 

Kae is still my best friend in Panderia and I don’t want to rock that boat for something that may or may not happen.  If Josie and I renew our relationship on a different level, I’ll tell Kae then.

Well, I had planned on doing some other things here in Stormwind today, however, I am feeling rather exhausted this morning.  I really didn’t sleep all that well last night with all of these thoughts about Josie running through my head.  Oh yeah, I did ask about the little boy that Josie had been taking care of and she acted kind of weird about that when I did.

 Part of my dreams last night weren’t real pleasant, I was being chased by a pack of wolves and I kept hearing one of them yelling my name and for me to stop.  I knew that if I stopped, I’d be one dead man.

Kal

 

 

 

 

Now What?


January 14th

Dear Journal,

Well, I will have to admit that I did have a good time with the family and everyone seemed to enjoy the gifts that I brought back to Panderia.  However, I still have one gift in my possession that is still wrapped and will remain so until the person it was intended for comes to claim it.

It was truly with a heavy heart that I came back to Panderia because there seemed to be so much unfinished business that I didn’t get a chance to deal with.  I don’t know what happened to Josie, however, I never did hear from her while I was on leave.  Maybe she really didn’t want to see me, after all? I know that I really wanted to see her and talk with her.  Maybe I’m just being stupid by trying to hold onto a relationship that seems to be almost invisible to everyone except for me.

Maybe I should just mail her gift to her and hope that she gets it?  It’s just a pair of boots that I made for her, which took a lot of time and energy.  I’m not even sure that they will fit her because I had to guess at the size. The jade necklace and earrings will be okay for her though, I’m sure that she will like those.

I even left Shattrath a day early so I could hang out in Stormwind and try to see if I could see her and that didn’t even work.  The shop was busy and I didn’t even see her inside.  It made me feel like some kind of weird stalker, just lingering out there on the street and looking in the windows.  I didn’t go in because I didn’t want anyone else to know that I was there other than Josie. 

I don’t know what to do.  Should I just give up on my feelings for her and just get on with my life?  It’s hard to think that my feelings weren’t reciprocated because I felt like they were.  Maybe something happened to her and she’s somewhere where she can’t write or something?

I just know that I have to quit moping around about this because I know that Kae is getting tired of me talking about it all of the time.  She even told me to shut up the other night, which she has never done to me before.  I’m sure that she finds it annoying to constantly hear about my feelings towards another woman, however, she is the only one I have to talk to about it.

I guess Dad is back from Shattrath because I saw the lights on at his little house across the fields.  Maybe one of these days I will get a chance to talk to him about this stuff and he can give me some ideas as to how I should handle it.  It’s not like he lives that far away, however, I am sure that someone would notice us talking together unless we do it in the middle of the night like we did the last time.  I’ll just have to bide m time and see what happens.

It was nice getting back Panderia.  The farm is really flourishing and Kae did a great job in keeping up with things here while I was with my family.  I wonder why she didn’t go back to Darnassus and Dolonaar to see her family for a few days?  I know she had the leave time but she says she just stayed here on the farm. Heck, I wonder why she even stays with me sometimes because I’m no prize.  I’m sure that she gets some flak from some of the other people in our unit because of the fact that I’m not a full blooded Kaldorei, however, if she does, she doesn’t pay attention to it.

Well, it’s time for me to get back to work and go to the briefing and find out what our assignments are for the day.  I hope it’s one of those uneventful patrols where we just go out and see where the Horde is setting up camps again.

I know that I have to get my feelings under control so that I don’t have my mind on other things and get myself killed for being stupid. I’m too old to be moping around like this about a woman, she’s not the only girl that I have been with before, however, she may not have the same feelings that I do and it hurts me more than it is helping.  I need to get focused on my job, that’s why I’m here.

Kal