Thoughts – Visiting Stormwind

December 18th

Dear Journal,

You ever had one of those nights where you don’t really feel like sleeping and the harder you try, the more frustrated you get to the point that you just get up?  I’m having one of those nights now.  It doesn’t happen all that frequently, however, it does happen more here in Panderia these days.  I guess part of it is the fact that I am homesick for a place that the family doesn’t even live anymore.  I know we had only been there for a few months, however, it was such a huge change from Shattrath that I instantly fell in love with the place.  Crap, the new hadn’t even had a chance to wear off of my bed there yet before we had to move again.

I did manage to slip into Stormwind for a while yesterday to just check things out.  I wanted to see if anyone would make it a point to be insulting to me or even try to attack me there.  Nothing happened and I deliberately went to places that I knew would be more filled with people than just walking down the streets.  I even hung out in the Cathedral Square as well as the Trade District – nothing happened.  Of course, I’ll willingly admit that there did seem to be more guards around than what I remember from before but they didn’t even seem to glance at me or do anything out of the ordinary.  I even wandered over by the shop where Josie works in hopes of catching a glimpse of her, however, the place was packed and if Josie was even in there, I couldn’t have seen her anyway. I wonder if Harrier is still giving her a hard time of it?  I hope not because she doesn’t deserve to be treated badly.

I even took the time to go to the warehouse and the apartment there.  Of course, Vashlan has already moved all of this stuff back in from Dalaran ant there were books everywhere.  He wasn’t home because he must have been at his studies or over reconnecting with his friends at the Blue Recluse.  I doubt that he even realizes that there is a new kind of danger lurking around in some of the alleys of this fair city – those people that have a grudge against anything remotely close to Horde. I’m sure that Mother made arrangements for some of the employees here to keep an eye on him and make sure that he doesn’t come to harm.

I’ll admit that it was nice to see my old room hadn’t been invaded by anyone yet, everything was left just the way it was when I decided to go off to war.  It also meant that Josie hadn’t felt the need to come in and use the room either.  I did make that offer in all sincerity because no one needs to feel uncomfortable about the place they live and it sounded like Harrier was making her uncomfortable in the worst possible way.  Poor girl really does need to be careful with that fellow, he’s kind of different for an elf.

I would have liked to have stayed in Stormwind a little bit longer but I had to head back to Panderia for the obvious reason.  My time is not my own these days since I enlisted – I just had a few hours that I could slip away.

I wish I had had a chance to talk to Mother but she hadn’t been in the warehouse all day and Romey, our trusted Draeni accountant and attorney,  said that Mother was getting things settled in Shattrath and really didn’t expect her in for a couple more days.  Oh well, maybe I will get to talk to her in the next few days because I do plan to come back to Stormwind for a little while.  Maybe I’ll even go to the shop and act like a customer by purchasing a watch and maybe a couple of those little mechanical figurines that are in the window for the little guys for Winter Veil.  I know that it would shock Josie silly but at least I would be able to see her, even if would only be for a few minutes.

I think that I may have caught a cold while I was in Stormwind.  The differences between the temperature there and where I live in Panderia is totally different.  You could feel the chill in the air and the winter winds were very prevalent and I noticed them because of the fact that I hadn’t warn a warmer cloak and hadn’t brought any scarves or gloves with me.  Here in Panderia, there are times when I just sit around in a loin cloth when no one else is here at the house.  I have that stuffy nose and head feeling that you always get when you feel a cold first coming on.  Damn it, I can’t afford to get sick right now either because there is so much to do.

I think I’ll go brew some tea to see if that will make me feel better.  I do have a couple of hours before I have to get dressed and report back in for my next patrol.  If things go as planned, it will be a quick patrol and I’ll be back at the camp in a few hours and be able to head back to the farm where I can count on being able to get to bed early there.

Kae did act a little bit funny when I got back tonight though.  She knew that I was going to Stormwind for a while and she even asked me when I got back if I had seen Josie.  Of course, I told her that I hadn’t seen Jose and she kind of said two different things.  She told me she was sorry that I hadn’t seen her but was smiling – women are strange creatures.

If Josie does come to visit, I’ll definitely have to ask Kae to make some other arrangements for a few days or maybe we can put up a few screens so that there will be some more privacy, just in case.  I mean, I’m not planning on taking Josie to bed or anything but if the opportunity presents itself, I want to feel like it’s okay.  You know what I mean?  Who knows, they may meet and like each other.




War Changes Families

December 12th

Dear Journal,

I was sitting on the porch at the farm in Halfhill last night, just listening to the crickets chirping in the night air, staring at the moon, you know, just having some quiet peaceful time.  A fellow needs that sort of thing when he’s been busting his backside and just wants to be alone.  Kae is back and acting like she normally does, which is nice.  She seems to smile more at me these days and likes to give me hugs a lot of the time for no reason.  I don’t understand that either because I think that she was angry with me about seeing Josie and knowing that I will see her again.

I wanted some time to think about things because I had gotten a letter from my Mom yesterday that really upset me more than it should have.  It appears that we’re all moving again, out of Dalaran because it’s not safe there anymore for my Dad to even come home. What in the hell is going on?  Dad has lived in Dalaran for years and has always loved the place from what I can gather and now the poor man can’t even go home to run his business and be with his family anymore.  It made me sad, not only for myself but for the rest of the family.

I could tell that Mom was upset with the way that she wrote things because she didn’t sound like herself at all.  It seems that she is going to reopen the house in Shattrath again as well as meet with Dad to discuss the property that he has in Nagrand.  She even told me to be careful when I went to Stormwind because people are not real receptive to the Horde right now and that I have to wear those contacts to cover my eyes so the green won’t show.  I hate those things, they make my eyes feel lumpy and itch. It’s not like I can keep my head down and not meet anyone eye-to-eye even with a hat on these days because I’ve gotten so much taller since I’ve been here in Panderia.

It’s all because of Theramore and I’ve heard that Jaina Proudmore has gone off the deep end a bit since she set foot in Dalaran.  She’s trying to start up trouble even with the Kirin Tor being neutral, she’s really causing a stir – the news has even reached us here in Panderia.  It seems like the Blood Elves are being blamed for everything even if a lot of them didn’t condone what happened, they are all going to be punished for being of that race.  My Dad was more than a little heartsick with the bombing of Theramore and I even heard him make some rather traitorous remarks in regard to the Warchief, yet, he’s up here doing his duty because that’s the kind of man that he is. All of this political crap is just stupid, why can’t we just stop and think about what’s going on before we all go crazy.

I guess I’m not old enough to understand a lot of this political stuff, it just seems so idiotic and people act like what happened was the end of the world.  It wasn’t the end of the world but it sure did open things up even more when we went to Panderia and the Horde followed us in.  Yes, there’s a war going on with the Horde and the Alliance, that’s why I’m here, however, the Panderian are keeping things fairly well tempered with the aggressions between both factions. 

I was sitting on the porch and trying to mull things over in my head to see what I could figure out with it.  I did notice that the crickets stopped singing in the night and I saw a black shadow moving out in the field, which is not a normal thing.  I thought initially that it was some Hozen coming in the pilfer from my crops that were almost ready to harvest and decided that I ought to wander out that way and do some investigating. 

Well, I was a little surprised to see my Dad in the field, dressed like he normally does when he’s out scouting.  He smiled when he saw me and I think we both let out a sigh of relief because we weren’t going to have to battle it out.  He had come to tell me about what my Mom had already written me and he didn’t look too happy about it.  Yes, it must be hard for him to lose his home in Dalaran and have to move the businesses back to their respective capitals – Orgrimmar for the Horde and Stormwind for the Alliance. He was more torn up about having to uproot the family and have them go to Shattrath too, even though it was a home to us for a lot of years before he and Mother decided to get married in the Sindorei fashion. 

I’ll admit that when I first starting reading the letter from Mom, I thought that Dad had gone back to his philandering ways again and had dumped her for another Sindorei woman.  I was angry with him all of those times that he’d come back and then he’d leave us again to go off in search of whatever it was that he thought he needed.  We were like a temporary haven for him until the wanderlust would hit him again.  As I’ve gotten older and they got married, I’ve come to understand some of his reasoning for some of this and have grown to love and respect him for the man that he is.  He did what he thought was the right thing at the time even though it was wrong for his mate and his children.  I honestly don’t know how Mom put up with it, however, I guess she loved him no matter what he did.

Anyway, getting back to my conversation with my Dad.  It was pretty intense because he told me that he felt like there was a real danger coming in Dalaran and that any Blood Elf would be in danger and that included their families and their children, especially those of mixed heritage.  Well, that kind of opened my eyes a little bit too because that would have meant that Mom, my brother, my half-brothers and my grandparents would have all been in harm’s way because of the relationship with my Dad. I know that I’ve never seen him show his emotions but I could see the sadness in his face and he actually had tears in his eyes when we were talking.  He all but apologized to me for having messed up my life. 

I told Dad that it didn’t matter, that I have lived on the edge of society all of life because of my heritage and that it didn’t matter to me.  I still had him and Mom and the rest of the family – it was hard to see this proud man just kind of wilting in front of me. 

We even sat down in the dirt and he pulled a flask out of his tunic and offered me some of his special blend, which is really telling me that he has finally accepted me as a grown-man.  I even had one of those nasty cigarettes that he likes to smoke, which I can’t seem to develop a taste for, they just made my head reel and made my throat hurt.  I guess this was my first real man-to-man discussion with my Father and I have to admit that it made me feel good. I felt like I was on equal footing with him finally.

When we finally finished talking, we gave each other a hug and wished one another well.  I know I almost felt like it might be the last time that I see him for a while which definitely tore at my heart.  I don’t want the relationship to end now, not when it’s just really begun after all of these years.  I’ll keep an eye out for him in the field when I’m on patrol, as he does for me, and we’ll meet again at the market, I’m sure of it.

When I got back to the house, Kae was still sitting at the table working on some armor that she was bound, bent and determined to make and she politely told me that if I am going to Inn, to let her know so that she didn’t have to worry.  Then she told me that I smelled bad because of the cigarette smoke and the alcohol I had had with Dad.  So, there I had to go off and get a bath before we went to bed.

Now, I have to write to Josie and tell her the plans have changed for Winter Veil and that we will have to get together in Stormwind or Shattrath since we will no longer be living in Dalaran.  I hope she will still come to visit me here in Panderia too. This time I won’t be stupid and I’ll mail my own letter instead of asking Kae to do it for me.  I think that’s what pissed her off the last time.


Women Are Just Weird

December 7th

Dear Journal,

I know that it seems almost silly to be sitting here this morning, feeling the sun beating down on my skin as I just stare at my plants growing here in Halfhill but it feels good.  Just feels like it’s something that I want to do for the moment.  I guess a little break from the usual stuff isn’t going to hurt anything or get anyone killed either.

I really enjoyed the time that I spent in Dalaran with the family, however, I am starting to feel more comfortable here in Panderia than any place that I have ever been.  Maybe it’s because I feel like I fit in here and people aren’t as quick to judge me due to my heritage, if they even really notice.  This is a new land, new ideas are abounding and new ideals as to how things should be are becoming greatly influenced by the Panderian, which is a good thing in my mind.

Life is just too short to go around and trying to burn through places as fast as you can to see what is on the other side.  I am just enjoying being able to take my time, follow the orders that are given to me and then, my time is my own.  If I want to go fishing or even just sit in the dirt watching plants grow is something that I want to do, I can do that.

I really enjoyed spending that time with Josie in Dalaran.  I do wish that it could have been a longer span of time, however, I understand that part of that was my fault.  I was too concerned about causing her trouble because of how Harrier acted whenever he ran into me.  I was always afraid that his animosity towards me might influence him as to how he treated Josie.  Now, I don’t give a rap about that, she’s as much said that she is just working there and that he’s just being a jerk.  She can handle that part of it and it wasn’t through anything that I said or did.

I did talk with Kae when I got back and told her that I had seen Josie when I was home and she just flicked her ears and smiled a bit.  She really hasn’t said a whole lot to me since then although she still seems friendly enough, however, she has taken to sleeping in another cot rather than in the big bed that we have here at the farm.  I had already told her about Josie when we first got together and that didn’t seem to make a difference to her at that point, wonder what’s happened to shift that all around and make things awkward.  Kae and I are still friends, I hope, we still have all of our duty assignments together and she still hugs me like she used too, she’s just not sharing the bed. Women are just weird I guess.  I’m not mated to either Josie or Kae, I’m still the same person that I was before, just being friendly with other people, shouldn’t make a difference, should it?

I think that I will have to sit down and talk with Kae tonight when she gets home from wherever she went today at dawn.  Who knows, maybe she’s got a liaison with another fellow, which wouldn’t be all that bad, I suppose.  No, I’ve never slept with her, although I do think that the temptation has been building up more and more when we bed down for the night.  She didn’t even clean up the kitchen when she left this morning, which is kind of odd, she’s always done it before. I checked the stables this morning too and all of her stuff is still there, the mounts, the pets and the few odds and ends of tack that she and I had been working on together.  Maybe she just needed some time alone.

I ought to feel comfortable in talking with her about Josie, wouldn’t you think?  I mean, it’s not like I can go out and talk to the other guys about it because they all think I’m a bit strange anyway, with my heritage, and the fact that Kae and I have been living together all of these weeks. 

Maybe if I get a chance to get my Dad off by himself and away from his usual contingent of Rangers here in Halfhill, I can talk to him about it.  I don’t know why I am so worried about it, we’re just friends, right?

I have a gut feeling that I have gotten myself into a mess that I hadn’t counted on.  I know that Kae seemed a bit uptight last night when I had her try on the vest that I am trying to make for Josie as present. I also asked her to mail a letter for me to Josie because she was going to go to the Inn for a little while to talk to some of the other girls, she said.

Oh well, guess I ought to stop beating myself up and get busy here, seems like the crops are just begging to be harvested and I can’t get my mind off of these women.





Meeting An Old Friend in Dalaran


November 27th

Dear Journal,

I finally got to spend some quality time with Josie last night in Dalaran.  I would have happily met her in Stormwind but she says that with the political unrest there these days that it might not be safe for someone of my heritage.  Anyway, we met at the Inn and sat in the beer garden to talk for a long time.

I know that I wanted to explain to her that Stormwind has never been all that hospitable to someone like me before and it was going to be rather doubtful that things would be any different now anyway.  Sure, some of the people might be a bit more rabid in the likes and dislikes of the other races because they are still being fueled by the things that happened at Theramore.  Oh well, I still have to pass through the area to get back to the portal to Panderia anyway, I’ll slow down and see if I see anything that is going to interfere with my travels through there.

Jose looked absolutely beautiful last night.  The gown she had chosen to wear fit her perfectly and she just looked like she had stepped out of a dress shop to model it for everyone.  It had been so long since I had seen her the last time that I had almost forgotten exactly how pretty she really was.  The way she looked last night just made me feel very proud to be seen with her.  I always feel a bit awkward when I am with her because I know that I am so much larger than she is to start with physically but I’m not sure what she looks like as a worgen, I’ve never seen it. I just know that she has the Curse.

Sure, I’ve seen quite a few worgen in Panderia in their wolf form and a few that have been in their human form but I’ve never actually seen someone go through the transition from human to wolf and back again.  It must be something that they do privately or can they really control that part of it?  I know I should do a little more research on this to find out because it would be rather rude to just to walk up to someone and ask them about it, there has to be something written down somewhere.  At least I know that they can control themselves very well in battle and the aftermath.

We finally got to talk about a few things and I did get to clarify that she and Harrier aren’t an item.  I had deliberately stayed away from her there for a while because I didn’t want to cause her any trouble with the people that she works for.  Seems that Harrier has the hots  for Marjolaine, which wasn’t all that surprising considering that that is how it seemed to me to start with.  He still seemed like he was rather possessive of Josie as well.  From what she said last night, it seems like he isn’t even acting like a friend to her now, which I find equally disturbing.  I know that she depended on him for a lot of things and it appears as though that avenue is no longer available to her. She even kind of intimated to me that he was mean to her.  I hope she doesn’t mean physically mean because I might have to get involved in that because I don’t think that any real man could or would be abusive to a woman. Sure, a fellow can say mean things and hurt someone’s feelings, however, they don’t have to get physical about it.

I guess that the shop is real busy these days with Winter Veil coming up and people are out shopping and buying their gifts.  I guess that everyone needs watches so that they can act like they are paying attention to the time.  I don’t even own a watch, can’t see the need for it because I can usually tell the time by where the sun is located in the sky or at night, the light of the moons and where they are located helps me to tell the time pretty well. I bet they sell a lot of those little clockwork toys they used to have in the windows – the statues and such.

 I know that I have been working on a few things in Panderia, things that I can craft myself.  I wish I knew if Josie liked leather goods, if she does, I could probably make her a few things. I know I could make her some decent boots while she is in her human form that would look nice – the leather in Panderia is phenomenal.

I know that we both just enjoyed being able to talk to one another last night.  It’s been a while since we have been together alone and had that opportunity.  I thought that she was still angry at how Dawnglory acted when we were having dinner with the family the last time.  She was just getting to meet my family and Dawnglory just happened to be drinking more than he should and he was very insulting to her – that’s what I think anyway about his comments about worgen and such.  I still can’t believe that he sent me a can of flea powder in the mail just in case I was going to see Josie again. 

We talked about how things were going with her at the shop and how things were going with Pup, the little homeless waif that she picked up and took under her wing to raise.  I wonder if he is a worgen too?  I would think with the nickname that it’s a high probability that he is.

I did tell her that if Harrier was being such a nasty person that she could always use the apartment at the warehouse in Stormwind to stay in for a while.  I even offered her my room there so that she would be able to go there and actually have enough room for Pup to go with her if she ever decided to do that.

I don’t know exactly why I offered that place to her, it’s not like I was proposing or anything.  I just wanted her to know that she and Pup didn’t have to be unhappy with where they were living and if they wanted to escape for a while, they could.  I know that my Mother wouldn’t mind Jose and Pup using the place.  I don’t think Mom stays there very often these days because she’s always there to check on how things are going with the business, not everyone has taken off for Panderia just yet and we still have plenty of employees from what she said.

I will admit that I do miss working for my parents sometimes but I am learning so much more in Panderia.  I’m even a passable farmer. I’m saving up for a little house now and that is going to be rather nice to have if I am stationed there for a long period of time, which it looks like this war could last for quite a while.   Of course, that might mean that I am planning on staying in Panderia even after the conflict settles down, I haven’t really decided anything permanent yet.  I’m just enjoying being able to have a little place that I can call my own and I do really like farming – that must be from my Grandmother because she is constantly working in her little garden in Dalaran these days and says that it makes her feel closer to Elune and nature.

One thing I will have to admit to disliking in Panderia and that is the Hozen.  Okay, I know that they are grieving the Panderian and it’s our job to go out there and clean the area up by chasing the Hozen down.  The reason I don’t like them is that they steal your pants, yes, just your pants.  You’re standing there in the altogether sans trousers.  I don’t know about any of the other fellows but there’s just something wrong with fighting someone in just your loin cloth from the waist down – you’re kind of exposed.  You fight with the Hozen and get your breeches back, however, there is a certain loss of personal dignity in the process, don’t you think?

Oh, I did tell Josie that I would be taking some more leave during Christmas Veil and I’d like to see her again.  We’ve both promised to write to one another and that way we can at least keep in touch more than we have been.  I’m not worried about Harrier getting upset with her for seeing me either because it’s none of his business, he’s just being a cranky fellow.  I’ve also invited her to come to Panderia to see the farm and by the time she gets here, I should have my little house built.

No, I didn’t mention anything about Kae being at the farm with me either.  I didn’t know how Josie would take that bit of news.  It’s not like Kae and I are sleeping together or anything, although we do.  We just don’t have sex and it’s strictly a friendship at the moment and I’ll admit that the body heat isn’t all that bad on these chilly nights. Kae knows about Josie though and she knows that I am going to be seeing her again, her only reaction was a grin and a wink before she pushed me in the pond where we were fishing.  Damn, that water was cold too!  I suppose that I will have to tell Josie about my living arrangements before she comes up here, it wouldn’t be too great to spring that sort of thing on her.  I mean “Hi honey, this is my roommate, we sleep together in the same bed but we’re just friends.”  Somehow I don’t think that would go over very well.

I did see Josie back to the portal for Stormwind and just followed her shortly thereafter.  There was no reason for me to stay in Dalaran another night, my bags were packed and I could go back to Panderia either last night or come back this morning.  I opted to get back last night so I could check out the farm and see what kind of orders I have waiting for me.  Hope it’s not dealing with more Hozen.


Taking Some Extra Time


November 21st


Dear Journal,


Well, looks like Dad and I both are going to be staying in Dalaran for the holiday rather than reporting back to duty in Panderia.  It’s okay though, I need to find some more time to think about things and actually get to do some things with friends that I haven’t seen for a while. 


I actually got enough nerve up to write to Josie.  I know that I haven’t heard from her in a long time but that doesn’t mean that I don’t still care about her.  Yes, I know that Kae is staying with me quite a bit in Panderia but nothing has happened there yet either.  I have feelings for both of them, however, nothing that seems to light that spark yet that I hear so much about.  I did talk to my Dad about it a little bit and he told me to go talk to my Mom about it because his track record with relationships wasn’t all that stellar and far be it from him to offer that kind of advice. It’s not like I am ready to settle down and start a family or anything of my own, I am still young and there is so much out in the world that I want to see and so many different things to try.


I actually heard back from Josie pretty quickly; guess I should have written before now.  I wasn’t all that sure that she wanted to hear from me anymore or not.  I guess I was wrong there, she sounded anxious to see me again.  I wonder if she is still living at the shop in Stormwind?  I bet that she is and that that Harrier fellow is still sniffing around.  I’m pretty sure that he’s already shagging the boss, so, why does he want to add Josie to the pack?  Oh yeah, Pack…wonder if there is something else that I don’t know about?  I guess I’ll find out what I need to know in due time, if there is any real time to be had.  I’m looking forward to seeing here again, it’s been quite a while since we’ve even talked. 


Yeah, I guess he’s right about that though because his relationship with my Mom hasn’t exactly been the norm, I suppose.  It took him years to finally realize that what he wanted out of life had been there all along and it caused all of us to endure a lot of pain that was unnecessary.   I wonder if all Blood Elves are that way?  Can’t say that Dawnglory is exactly a “stay-at-home-one woman” kind of fellow either.  I guess I’ll just have to learn that all on my own.  I don’t think it would be prudent to ask my Aunts about it either because they seem a bit different too, well, one of them is a Death Knight and that puts a whole different spin on things. 


Oh, Dad really likes one of the new cats that I have tamed.  I keep watching get that gleam in eye whenever he sees him.  Oh well, it was just one of those lucky chances that I took taming a new cat in a new country.  He is a pretty thing, a tiger that goes from white to gray in his marking with the bluest eyes that I have ever seen a cat have.  No, I still have Shine and will always keep him with me but he doesn’t seem to mind sharing space with the new one.  I know there are so many beasts in Panderia that have caught my eye, however, I know that I can’t afford to adopt them all and bring them back to Dalaran either – plus, I’m living on my salary that is considerably less than what I was making working for my parents.


I’m still kind of chuckling at Vashlan. He’s missing some of his free time in Stormwind and says that things are just too expensive here in Dalaran.  I’ll have to agree with him on that too because I think that all of the prices have gone up on things – must be the war.  He is trying to get Mom to let him go back and stay in Stormwind and some of his arguments are kind of valid and yet Mom gets that steely-eyed look and tells him that his instructors are better up here.  Oh well, he’ll probably keep sheeping the little guys until she relents and let’s him go back and see some of his friends in Stormwind for a while.


I will have to admit that I am enjoying my stay here in Dalaran because I can take a nice hot bath, just kind of lay there and soak for as long as I want.  Nothing pressing on my time and no tasks to go out and take care of right this minute either.  It’s just nice.  I’ve actually taken some time to read some books that my Mom had in her sitting room I know I was sitting here blushing and getting a bit uncomfortable with a few things in the books – I didn’t know a guy could do that sort of thing with a woman and she’d like it and the things a woman can do to a man…well, one of these days I’ll try these out with a woman that wants some excitement, I suppose.  Ewww, to think that my parents might be doing this is almost kind of disgusting because they are old people.  Oh, that almost made my brain hurt, I need to think about something else.


I wonder if I should take Josie some flowers when we meet?  It might be a nice touch or she might think it’s silly because I haven’t sent her any for a while.  I hope she lets me know when she wants to meet and it’s before I have to go back to Panderia.  At least she knows how to reach me here in Dalaran and in Panderia as well.  I don’t think it would be too smart for me to tell Kae about Josie though – she knows that I was seeing a girl in Stormwind before we got together, however, I think it would just cause problems if she knew that I was going to see her again.  What is it with women?  A guy can have a ton of guy friends and we all have fun together and it’s not a problem.  However, with girls, if you’re too friendly with more than a couple of them at a time, they get all weird. I asked my Mom about it and she said “It’s the nature of the beast, son.”  Whatever that means.


I guess I ought to go see if I need to do anything else here at the house, I want to take another trip to the tourney and get some practice in.  It wasn’t bad enough that my Dad beat me two out of three times jousting but the way that he looked at me afterwards told me that I was a bit rusty…to let an old guy like him beat me. I think I’ll just go by myself this time and see what I’m doing wrong and talk to some of the trainers to see what needs fixing.





With The Family

November 13th

Dear Journal,

I will have to admit that I am happy to be in Dalaran at the moment.  It’s been weeks since I’ve seen my brothers and my Mother.  I’ve caught glimpses of my Dad in Panderia, now and again.  It’s a bit awkward for me to acknowledge – “Oh Look!! There’s my Dad!” – well, it could be deadly for the both of us considering that he’s a Sindorei  and my heritage is mixed.  The only way that people even notice that I’m nor of “pure” blood” is if they catch the green in my eyes showing.  I do have to laugh a bit to myself because of the fact that everything is so green in Panderia that everyone has a bit of green glinting off their eyes.  No big deal.

I will have to admit that it was kind of hard to come back to Dalaran except for the fact that I was getting homesick for the family.  I’ve got a great farm going in Halfhill that takes up a lot of my free time but I’m finding out that these Panderian people definitely have the right idea.  Can’t say that I’ll turn into a real farmer but I sure am enjoying the fruits of my labor.   I don’t think that I would mind settling down in the area either.  Maybe one of these days I’ll do that when my parents don’t need me to help with the business after this war thing is over.   Naturally, me settling down anywhere would have to depend on my surviving this conflict.  I really had a terrible time tearing myself away from the farm for a few days, however, I also had to see how the family was doing.  Kae has decided to spend some time at the farm while I’m away – I already miss her.

Yes, I have started calling Fnor my Dad because I think I can understand where he is coming from now.  I always thought that he was a bit of a flake and would run off and leave Mom at the drop of a hat to find his fortune and success in life.  Now, I think I understand that mindset of his a bit better than I did.  Yes, I resented the way that he would pop in and out of our lives as if time had stood still while he was off “finding himself” for months at a time.  I know that it caused Mom a lot of emotional pain in the past and there were times when I wondered why she didn’t just kill him when she had the chance.  I think I understand a bit more about their relationship – they love one another and it may not be perfect in a lot of ways, however, they keep coming back together.

Maybe someday I will find a woman that will make me feel the things that I should feel.  I have been with a few women and have fallen for a coupl, however, I don’t have that permanent feeling.  You know that feeling you get when this is the “one” person that you want to spend all of the days of your life with them?    I had feelings for Josie and we know how that turned out, still don’t know if she feels anything for me or not at this point.  Now, Kae is a different situation, we’re partners and work well together and we’re friends.  I guess being friends should be how it starts out if it’s going to last but we’ve both been burned in the past, therefore, we have no desire to go down that pathway again at the moment. 

I know that some of my comrades think that Kae and I have a thing going because we’re always together and we even share a bed when there is one available.  No, I haven’t had sex with her , even though she is extremely attractive and has that female way about her.  I just know that we’re protecting each other and she can accept me for what I am, mixed heritage and all.  I’ll admit that I’m tempted to go to bed with  her but I’m almost afraid that it would change things for us both.  I can’t allow myself to make a commitment until this “war” is over or at least to where I can see where it’s going…I’ve already lost too many friends in Panderia and I don’t know that I’ll ever get over the losses.

It was nice to be able to talk with Dad last night.  Naturally, he had to make a comment at the dinner table about my beard and how it makes me look a lot older, which set the little guys off on a giggle tangent.  Mom just smiled and nodded her head and winked at me. 

No, Dad and I actually went outside and sat in the garden for a while and talked about the war a bit.  He wanted to make sure that I was okay and that I hadn’t gotten too cynical yet.  He did comment on how the Kaldorei seem to be bigger, faster and meaner than when he was in the last war, which made me laugh a little bit.  No, he’s just as mean and as fast as the rest of us if the truth were to be known, there’s something to be said about an experienced Ranger.  I noticed him limping a bit and had to tease him about the fact that he always seems to get shot in the ass for some reason, which he corrected me on that by telling me that he had taken an arrow in the thigh because he was hesitating on taking his own bow shot at a Kaldorei Sentinel.   I guess only Mom can shoot him in the rump, yes?  I know that he gave me that one alert out in the field that probably saved quite a few Kaldorei lives, even while he was risking himself if he were caught by either side.

I feel closer to him now.  I feel like there is a bond there other than the one feels between a Father and Son.  It’s a kinship of comrades in arms.  He commands a large group of Rangers and carries himself with that authority like a mantle, while I am just one of many soldiers, I think he recognized the fact that I am good at what I do.  I know that I have a deeper respect for him as a man now than I did in the past and I will have to say that I even admire him for his tenacity with his duties.   We may be serving different factions but I think we both have a better understanding of this war than what we did when we set off on our adventures.

My grandparents were thrilled when I brought some of the vegetable back from Panderia that I had grown.  Oh, my Grandmother clicked her tongue and sniffed the cabbages before she started grinning from ear to ear.  Of course, she gave the opinion that the veggies were bigger, however, they didn’t have the same flavor as the ones she used to grow in Kalimdor.  Poor thing misses her home and my Grandfather just pats her on the back and tells her that they are better off with their little postage stamp garden here in Dalaran. 

I’m not the only one that has grown a beard either.  Vash has grown one too because he thinks it makes him look more distinguished than some of his fellow classmates here in Dalaran.  I mean a mage has to look all distinguished and stuff while they go flouncing around in their robes and waving their hands.  I think he was glad to see me again though.  Now, if only I could get him to stop sheeping the little guys when they annoy him, it just upsets Mother.   At least he hasn’t’ set the curtains on fire in the great room when he was aiming at the fireplace to light the fire since that last time. 

I’m sitting here in my room and wondering if I should write to Josie or not, just to let her know that I am in Panderia most of the time these days.  Should  I send her flowers or should I slip down to Stormwind and hang outside the shop for a while, you know, just to see if she’s there or not?  Do I want to start that up again?  I still care about her but I’m not sure if she feels the same way, not with the way that Harrier fellow was hanging around her the last time I was in town.  I know I haven’t gotten any letters from her since she visited and met the family.  I wonder what went wrong?  I won’t ever know unless I talk with her, I suppose and I’m almost afraid to do it. 

Well, seems Dad and Mom want to take the little guys to the tourney grounds and they are insisting that I join them. I guess I’ve written enough today, however, it does feel good to be able to sit here and just relax in my home for a while, no one shooting at me and not having to keep myself on-guard all of the time.




So Very Very Young


October 13th


Dear Journal,


It’s been many days since I have been able to find the time to write in my journal, much less find the time to actually sit down and try to gather my thoughts.  It feels like everyone has lost their minds and they are madly searching to find their reasoning powers again.  It makes me sad, it makes me angry and then, again, I’m trying to find my sanity as well.


I know that the day that I left Dalaran to join this venture that I was thrilled with the excitement and with the allure of being a part of something important.  I stood there and solemnly said good-bye to my parents, my Kaldorei Mother and my Sindorei Father, people that have been through war before and already knew that my blinders would be removed from eyes harshly and that reality would either make me into a man or crush my dreams in the dust.


Yes, some of my dreams have been crushed into oblivion and I doubt that I will ever feel quite the same way about things.  My confidence in myself and my comrades in arms has grown but so has the sense of loss that I feel each day as I see fewer of them gathering at our campfires in Panderia.  It’s been a hard fight and will continue to be so for many years to come. 


Let me start back a bit.  My Father knew long before any of the actual War actually befell us that something was going to happen through his own experienced ways, I was totally caught blindsided by the events that happened.   I know that he felt heartbroken and felt that his honor had been put in disgrace by the events that transpired at Theramore.  I was so very young, so very very young; I felt anger at his people and at him because somehow, in my mind, he had allowed this to happen.


I went to Stormwind and signed up.  That was my error in judgment and I will fulfill my obligation in that quarter but my heart is definitely no longer involved, it’s strictly duty now.


I wish I had taken the time to find Josie and to tell her good bye but I guess that wasn’t something that the Fates were going to allow me to have.  I hadn’t heard from her since she visited in Dalaran and met the rest of the family.  Maybe we didn’t meet her requirements or something.  I know now that I cared very deeply for her, however, that time is passed and I doubt that I will ever have those feelings again for anyone in the near future.   I was so very very young.


I reported aboard the ship for transport to Panderia and met quite a few young fellows that I had seen in Stormwind previously.  We all sat on the deck and watched the clouds sail by as we approached the cloudy peninsula known as Panderia.  Little did we know that the majority of us would not survive the initial onslaught?  They weren’t friends, they were acquaintances.  I doubt that I will bother with trying to make any friends again for a while; I don’t want to bury them in this strange land.


The fighting was not what I expected, not in any kind of wild imaginary thoughts that I may have held on from my youth.  I’ve never flown a copter in my life, I’ve trained flying mounts and I’ve ridden them on large hunts, however, never have I flown a mechanical in my life.  Naturally, we were given rather rapid instructions on how to handle the things before we were literally thrown into them to battle the Horde.  Our goal was to sink ships from those flying machines and to shoot some of the peons on the ground, therefore eliminating as many of them as we could before we actually set foot on dry land.  I know that I did what I was supposed to do and my copter didn’t get shot down.  I’m not sure how many of my bombs actually hit the ships, however, I do know that I puked on quite a few people that were flying below me, which, I hope they lived long enough to even get angry about it. 


We sank the ships as we were ordered to do and killed as many people on the ground as we were ordered to do.  Those of us that survived that initial attack headed back to the ship to discover that the damage to our own ship was horrendous.  There would be no landing of this great craft again to touch the ground like it would have done in another time and another place. 


We were ordered to get into parachutes and abandon ship.  I know that hanging onto that parachute and drifting down to the ground, seeing the fighting of my comrades that had landed before me was horrific.  A lot of the people I had talked with just a few hours before aboard the ship, never made it to the ground, they were shot down while they slowly drifted to the ground below.  I will admit that I was scared out of my wits and kept praying that I would at least die with the earth beneath my feet and not die hanging like a sack of meat from this damned parachute.


The fighting was horrific.  My poor kitty did a remarkable job of protecting my back and helping me defend my comrades.  Yes, I had taken a life or two before but nothing in comparison to the killing that I did that day.  It still makes my stomach lurch and I feel my throat catch on the bile as it rises towards my mouth.  No, I will never be the same.  After that day, a sentient being is just something that needs to be killed before it kills me.  I know that I landed in Panderia in the early morning and by the time I made my way to the next available village it was already nightfall.  Of what day, I’m not sure because it seemed as if it lasted a lifetime.


I saw another hunter fall before as we scrambled up the stairs towards what we had hoped was a haven of some kind.  She was wounded and the blood was pouring profusely from a leg wound, she was still struggling as hard as she could to stay on her feet and to fight her way out of danger.  Yes, me being stupid, I helped her and ended up carrying her to the village.  She looked so very familiar and yet not, the blood and the grime of battle covered most of her face, however, her hair was what made her look familiar to me, I think.  As it would happen, she was a neighbor that I had met when I was visiting my grandparents in Dolonaar. She had that same glorious white mane that reminded me so much of my Mother.


These Pandarian are a strange group of people.  They seem to be very peace loving and yet, they can fight with a ferocity that would make anyone stand back and take notice.  They know why they fight, I’m not sure that we do.  I just know that Kae and I go where our orders take us and attend to the duties that we’re assigned.


Since we both were wounded that first day, we were given light duties for a day before we had to trudge onto our next duty assignment.  Yes, I will have to admit that this huntress has never left my side since that day we struggled up those stairs together.  We’re not mated, yet we are in so many ways. A Kaldorei female with her half-breed companion.


No, I will have to say that I don’t think that I am in any danger for a reprisal because of my heritage at this point.  I’m accepted by peers and the commanders don’t seem to question my loyalty.  I think Kae has helped that out quite a bit by being with me all of the time.  She’s a fierce fighter and a fierce companion when the need arises.


We’ve actually had time to explore this mysterious land a little bit and it is glorious.  So pristine, so green and yet it has a danger to it like I have never seen before.  I think I know why I am fighting now to some point.  I’m here to save these people from the horrors that only the Horde can bring to the land along with their greed and cruelty. 


I know now why people look at my parents the way that they do, however, those people don’t know my parents – they truly must love one another to put up with the disparaging remarks and the cruelty that has been reaped on them for years.   I had no choice in whom my parents were, however, I don’t think that I would change them even if I could. 


I think that I have caught a glimpse of my Father when I was out on patrol a couple of days ago, in fact, I know it was him.  I heard the whistle that we always used when we were hunting together that told me to proceed with extreme care.  Yes, it was him, I saw Pan running silently beside him as he disappeared back into the trees.  He saved our lives that day, we were walking into an ambush, and his warning saved us.


We’re staying a few days here in the Jade Forest in a small village called Dawn’s Blossom.  It feels good to finally be able to get out of my armor and give it a proper cleaning and just relax.  The food here is unbelievable and there is an actual Inn here.  What wouldn’t I do for a long soak in my bathtub in Dalaran though?


Kae is out doing some shopping and I hope that she gets back soon.  I would have gone with her but I wanted to sit down and gather my thoughts and get a letter off to my Mother so that she won’t be worrying herself sick or getting angry enough to leave the little guys with the grandparents and come searching for both her mate and her son.  I almost expect her to show up any day because I know her and I know she feels about protecting the things that she loves.  Once a Sentinel, always a Sentinel.


No, I don’t “know” Kae in that way.  We share a bed, we share our duties but we’re both of the mind that we don’t want to become too attached to one another yet, we don’t want the double pain of losing a friend and companion.  No, we’re just taking our time and she knows that I am not ready to put my heart into the care of someone at this point in my life.  I want to live through this “war” and then, I’ll figure out what I want to do with my life.


I know I miss my family more than words could even begin to describe.  I hope that Vashlan still has his nose buried in his books because the poor fellow wouldn’t last an hour here in Panderia, he’d get distracted by something and get killed. I miss my little half brothers; I miss the games and pranks that they used to try to play on their big brother.  I miss my Mother and I will admit that I miss Fnor and I have finally gotten to the point that I can think of him as my Father.  I think I understand some of the things that he did.